Chapter 43 Grace
Grace
Kit/Kat
In the realm of all things unexpected, that question ranks up there.
I mean, Jasper has mostly been a dick to me from the moment I stepped out of Dank’s car, and much of the time, he’s flaunted whatever he could to piss me off or upset me in some way.
From edging too close to my boundaries and issues to mocking me, he’s even drawn the wrath of my kinkajou because he wouldn’t stop jabbing at me.
But right now, in this room, he looks defeated and weary.
He looks like a guy who has been holding himself up by his claw tips for so long that he isn’t even sure when it started or how to stop doing it all on his own.
And his friends look completely baffled by that and the glimpse of his vulnerability that is peeking out at me.
Zav’s hopeful expression flickers in my mind, and I know that he, above anyone else, probably knew this existed inside the prickly-ass dragon.
His relationship with Jasper has probably been loaded with attempts to bring out the abused kid inside who elected himself the savior of his friends and the entire realm of Hell.
I can’t excuse Jasper being such an asshole to everyone—especially me—because he’s got some super buried, ugly-as-fuck trauma that no one knows about.
But I can make good on my own words and help when he asks for it.
“Yes,” I say simply. “I would help someone like you, despite all the shitty stuff you’ve done and said, because I’ve seen little snippets of the real person hiding behind all that mean armor.
I see it in how you treat Zavida when you don’t think anyone is watching, and how you found me when that… demon was going to… do bad things.”
Jasper grunts, looking uncomfortable.
So I go on, my voice getting a bit stronger in the silence.
“I’ve seen it in your protective behavior in front of the royal parents and the secret room you guys prepped at the Samhain ball in case I got overwhelmed.
I know you were out of control when my powers slipped because those guys attacked in class, and I think it was because you were upset the caliphate was getting hurt.
You care about people, Jasper Eversore, and you try really hard to hide it so no one can use it against you.
Again, yes, I would help that guy if he were asking me. ”
His bleary eyes meet mine, and I see something fearful in them that I haven’t witnessed before. “Maybe I am asking. Maybe it wasn’t hypothetical. What then?”
I see this will be up to me to figure out how to show him I’m not lying—great.
“I’d say that I’m game, as long as Zav can be part of it, too.
” There are snickers behind me as I say that, and I roll my eyes hard enough to injure myself.
Dudes are the worst, even in the most serious of moments.
“Do you agree to let us help you right now? Because… I’m going to admit that if you do and you go back to being a total shit heel tomorrow, we’re gonna have real fucking problems. You need to get that through your sauced brain before you answer. ”
There’s a low whistle of appreciation, and I look over my shoulder to see Oriel flashing me a thumbs-up.
Slash looks equally pleased, and knowing the rest of the guys support me helps my shaking insides a lot.
I know this is a step towards sharing my big truth with Jasper, and his ability to commit to being a better guy to me and all of us is very important to me in that regard.
I can’t trust him with that if he doesn’t stop ping-ponging between decent and a fuckhead.
Before I go back to the prince, I look at Zav to make sure he’s okay with my inclusion of him in this effort.
His smile is huge, and his tails are swishing happily like a damn puppy, so I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Looks like Zav agrees with me, so the ball is in your court now, Prince Pricklypants.” I smile a little, trying to mitigate my own issues zooming around inside of me as I wait for him.
The teasing is gentle because I want him to know that I’m not asking him to change who he is entirely—just to behave like someone with a lick of emotional intelligence and a heart.
A ghost of a smirk passes over his face, and he shifts in his pile of cushions and pillows.
His tail uncurls, moving around me to open up the space in front of him more.
“I will do my best to temper the bad habits. I have been trying more recently because… I did not miss that you have been working on your own reactions with no one requesting it. It occurred to me that if you can work through bad shit… I should be able to as well.”
I take that as a cue to move just fractionally into the cleared space, nodding. “I believe everyone can do the work, and I don’t ask for things I’m not willing to give—even grace.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see a reddish flash of movement, and within a blink, Zav is kneeling beside me.
He’s giving me the distance I need, but also showing Jasper that he’s going to be there with me if this works.
I smile at him, then bite my lip before I hold my hand out.
Zavida’s expression is a little surprised, but he takes the offer and looks at his lover.
“I think you deserve more than you ask for, Jas. Not the spoiled rich kid act, but like… things you really need and want.”
There we go, fiery fox man. Help me get him there.
“Being close to me puts an even bigger target on your back,” Jasper rasps. “Especially if I am not being derisive in public after this.”
I chuckle softly. “I’m sure you can find things to snark at me about that aren’t truly mean or hurtful to keep your cover, Jasper. But letting people in? That takes a lot more strength than enduring dumbasses calling me the ‘Caliphate Concubine’ when they think I can’t hear it.”
His eyes narrow as he growls, “Those motherfuckers… I thought Slash shut that shit down.”
This time, I’m shocked, and I turn to give the guys behind me a dirty look. “Damn it, you guys knew about that one? Even the T-shirts?”
Slash looks sheepish until I say ‘t-shirts’ and that’s when I’m afraid he’s going to stomp out the door right now, in the middle of our big breakthrough with his bestie.
I wave my hand at them, hoping they realize I don’t want to deal with that right now.
What is happening here is so much more relevant to our surviving the Games and whatever happens afterward—at least, I think it is.
We all have to be on the same page, and Jasper has been the big holdout.
“No, we did not know about… merchandise,” Slash grumbles angrily as he settles back on his pillows. “However, deaths will be swift and consequences will be felt.”
“And I’ll steal all that shit and burn it,” Oriel adds gleefully. “No charge, KK.”
The crow’s got jokes.
“Okay, okay. You can… avenge things later.” I blow out a brain-clearing breath and turn back to the prince.
“Look, those idiots aren’t the first ones to do things like that, and I’m sure they won’t be the last. I can handle that stuff—really.
But can you handle being thought of as attached to me when they’ll all be…
like that? Will you be able to build trust and share things as we get comfortable?
The others will tell you that we’ve shared some stuff, and you’d have to do that, too. ”
Zavida frowns. “Some of us have. But… I’m willing to do it when you’re ready.”
I squeeze his hand lightly, hoping to reassure him. “We will, Zav. You’re doing great.”
Jasper finally groans, looking at the two of us with a helpless expression. “I can’t resist the two of you looking at me like lost puppies. Fuck! Okay. I will… do whatever I have to do. Just help me figure out how to handle this before everything gets so much worse when the Games start.”
Looking over at Zavida, I dart my eyes from him to Jasper and back.
He dips his chin, turning red as he nods and lets go of my hand.
Slowly, so I don’t spook myself or the cranky dragon, I inch forward on my knees until I’m within centimeters of the prince.
When he doesn’t move, but also doesn’t flinch, I drop down and scoot in, leaning my chest against him.
It scares the fuck out of me because he’s so volatile, but both of us need to give for this to work.
“Oh.” His voice is shocked for a second, but his tail curls back in, wrapping around my feet as I settle in. For a moment, neither of us move and the tension where we’re touching is making it hard to breathe. But then he murmurs, “Zavvie?”
The Kitsune moves in a flash to mirror me on the other side of him, somehow getting inside the circle of Jasper’s scaly tail while draping his fluffy ones over us. “Always, Sir.”
I feel a rumble against my back, and I turn, squinting up at the dragon. “Don’t get any ideas. Zavvie is yours, but I’m comforting you via touch and proximity, buddy. I’m not some office bunny you can coerce.”
Jasper blinks, then actually laughs. “I forgot about that shit.”
My expression sours, but I stay close, lending my support despite the bad taste in my mouth.
“What ‘office bunny’ are you referring to?” Slash asks curiously, and Salem leans forward with an angry look. “The Prince hates students in his office. That cannot be correct.”
“Yeah, what the fuck, Jas?” Oriel says with a frown. “What were you thinking?”
Xerxes sniffs, and Anton looks perturbed, but they say nothing.
“I—” Jasper sighs and tilts his head back to look at the ceiling. “It was staged, okay? I was hoping to annoy the piss out of the shrimp, and it worked. I was being a petulant, suspicious ass. Are you all happy now?”
I blink. “What?”
The Prince shifts a little, and it almost feels like he’s trying to make sure I won’t rabbit away when he replies.
“I’m a rich asshole, like you love to remind me.
I’m also paranoid and spiteful sometimes when I feel threatened in some way.
You showed up, got stuck with us, and no one would believe me about you being a spy.
I did a lot of petty stuff to piss you off, hoping you’d reveal yourself. ”
Zavida wrinkles his nose as he murmurs, “I helped with some of it, but not that. We did a lot of searching in the human archives trying to find out your family heritage. In Jasper’s defense, we have had quite a few spies sent to infiltrate the caliphate over the years.
His dad really hates that none of the parents can break through our bond to figure out what we might be doing. ”
I think about that for a minute. Of course, I knew he helped the prince with stuff by now, and I also suspected Jasper spent much of his time fucking with me because he had deep trauma.
Admitting it is a good first step, as is admitting his actual intentions with no need for us to prod him.
If I don’t accept that he wasn’t actually boning someone in the office, then I’m not giving him the grace I was preaching about.
And Slash did say that the prince was staying with Zavida mostly since they arrived, so…
Damn it.
“Fine. You didn’t do that, and I’m going to trust you.”
The dragon demon looks shocked as he pulls back a little. “That easily? You’re just… taking my word for it?”
My lips quirk up as I nod. “Yes. I am. That’s how trust works.”
“He did not question me when we spoke during training.” Slash gives me a toothy grin again, and I duck my chin to keep Jasper from seeing the look in my eyes. “I told him things, and he simply believed me.”
“Me too,” Salem says. “At the Faerie place.”
I turn back to Jasper as the others add their sentiments, shrugging a bit. “Not to sort of steal your line, but the question is ‘can you do that for me’, right?”
Take that, Prince Pricklypants—it’s your turn for an enormous leap of faith.