Chapter 2
Zeus
There are several things in life that I've always known for certain.
I would pay taxes.
I would live every day of my life trying to contribute to the type of society that everyone deserves.
I would die before that society ever comes into existence.
I would never set eyes on Zayne Harmond before I left this world for whatever afterlife exists.
When I say that my entire world has just been turned upside down in a way I never fathomed would happen, I don't do it in jest or overexaggeration.
He's a phantom from a past life I've spent more time than I'd like to admit trying to forget, despite the fact that there's always the hint of a shadow in the back of my mind where I've tried to keep him trapped for the last fifteen years.
The shift in the room the second he opened the front door was immediate, and my reaction to the sight of him was entirely out of character for the man I've spent a very long time becoming.
In fact, my reaction, more than the bomb he just dropped in the middle of the room, probably turned more heads.
A tremor runs through me as I watch him chat with Hemlock and Zara, and the only thing I can do is sit here with my fists clenched.
It took me a very long time to learn how not to resort to violence, something which was always my first response when I was younger, but those instincts feel as if they're crushing me under their weight.
It's nearly as heavy as the eyes looking in my direction and darting away when I sweep my gaze around the room.
Nyx, the insolent bastard that he is, is the only one who holds my gaze for a second, but I see no change in his eyes from any other time he has looked in my direction.
If I didn't know the asshole, I'd think he hated me after the news he was just told, but the guy always looks the way he does toward everyone he comes into contact with.
So I guess he just doesn't give a fuck. I've never seen the man act any differently.
Denying I knew the man was clearly a mistake, but I never imagined he'd blurt what he did, especially to a group of people he didn't even know.
Zayne was in the closet as a teen, but it was a different time.
Not many kids who came from the backgrounds we did would flaunt their homosexuality.
It just wasn't talked about because being anything other than straight was unacceptable.
It was unlikely that anyone in our circles would resort to violence like some people in the world would face if their sexuality were exposed. The cruelty would be less in-your-face. It would come in the form of no invites to parties and whispers of gossip and disdain behind your back.
"You good?"
My fists clench tighter as I turn to look at Ace, a man I've always respected not only for the work he does to make the world a better place, but also for his fortitude in facing some pretty tragic losses along the way.
That respect may wane a little if he's going to approach me with questions about my sexuality or my history with Zayne fucking Harmond.
"I've been better," I answer honestly.
His smile is soft, the wrinkles around his eyes deepening with what I can only read as either sympathy or concern.
I don't want either from him or anyone else.
There are so many things in this fucked-up world for people to worry about that what I have going on shouldn't even register on anyone's radar.
I've always hated being the center of attention, but the Marine Corps taught me that backing away into the shadows instead of facing shit head-on is too dangerous for everyone involved.
But I'll be damned if I'm going to have any sort of interaction with the man of the fucking hour in front of an audience.
He's already said enough to implode my life as it is.
"Is this going to be a problem?" Ace asks, and I hate that he's standing beside me.
I know he's not towering over me to try to get me in line or as a warning. Cerberus doesn't work that way. They're more of a "let's figure this out together" sort of organization than a "pulling rank" one, but knowing that doesn't negate the fact that I feel talked down to right now.
"Can you like fucking sit, or something?" I growl as I look back up at him.
The change on his face is instant, and I fight the urge to apologize, because being sorry all the time was another thing I had to overcome as an adult.
He pulls in a deep breath, lips forming a flat line as he rounds the edge of the sofa and takes a seat beside me, giving me just enough room that I don't feel smothered.
"His information was in the newcomer dossier you were provided two weeks ago," Ace says.
I don't respond because it's apparent that I didn't read the fucking dossier. It would feel like an admission of guilt, and I'm already dealing with a ton of shit right now to add disappointment on top of the pile.
One, I never expected this man of all men to show up on the doorstep.
When I left our hometown, I never looked back.
I didn't Google his name or mention him the handful of times I went home after leaving.
As far as I was concerned, it didn't matter where he went or what he did in life.
He was a part of my past I had to forget. He was evidence of a man I couldn't be.
And two, it's not like I get an opinion about who Kincaid hires and who he doesn't. I couldn't change anyone in particular from showing up here, so I never waste my time reading over those damn things. There are so many other important things to do. Besides, I would meet them when they got here.
I trusted every decision Kincaid and the other guys in New Mexico made about who would be perfect for this team and the other chapter in Las Vegas. One turn of the fucking doorknob and that faith has been polluted.
"Everyone is vetted," Ace says, his voice tinged with a hint of insinuation.
I chance a glance in Zayne's direction to find the man smiling and laughing with a few of the other guys.
The man never had trouble making friends.
There was always a part of me that both loved that about him and hated that he could so easily fit into any crowd, whereas I always felt like the shadows were never dark enough for me to escape into.
When Zayne's gaze shifts in my direction, I do what everyone else in this room does when they look at me—I turn my attention away from him.
But looking at Ace doesn't feel any better. A hint of betrayal settles inside my chest at the implication.
"So the guys back in New Mexico would've known about our... connection."
"I don't imagine it was hard," Ace says, giving me a slight reprieve when he turns his eyes to the room instead of boring his gaze into mine. "Not many people from Darien, Connecticut."
Another wave of unease shifts through my body, drawing the muscles of my heart tighter, which in turn makes a wave of warmth crawl up my back and settle in my cheeks.
"Not that I know this for a fact, but I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't discover the connection first, and through your vetting process found him as a potential candidate for Cerberus."
Ace pulls in a deep breath as if he's preparing to say something he thinks might get a different reaction than the one he hopes for, but he exhales and falls silent.
"I didn't know they work that way," I say, rather than feeding into the urge to know what he was thinking.
"They found Jersey while vetting my life after I left Cerberus."
This shocks me. "They vetted you a second time?"
He swallows, a certain kind of sadness in his eyes that seems to run right through the marrow of him.
"My best friend made some questionable choices.
Things the department would've encouraged if he were 'pretending' but were ultimately seen as insubordination when he fucked around while undercover and truly fell in love," Ace says, his voice reducing to a whisper.
"They had to make sure that every step I'd taken since leaving Cerberus was on the up and up. "
I knew most of this about him before this conversation. I guess trust is there, but Cerberus would need to verify. It's their level of verification and vetting that makes me start to wonder if joining in the first place was the right thing to do.
"Are you catching my drift?" he asks after a long beat of silence.
I turn to look at him, already lost in my own thoughts and more than a little confused with everything that has already happened this evening.
"I guess," I mutter, needing to shift my weight on the sofa once again and glance right back at Zayne.
"I don't know this for a fact," Ace says, leaning in a little closer for the second half of his statement. "But Zayne could be here simply because they found him while vetting you, and they think he could be a valuable asset to the team or..."
"What is that pause?" I ask, my voice nearly a growl.
"That came out wrong. Cerberus isn't in the business of adding folks to their teams if they aren't fully qualified," he corrects.
"What I mean to say is that if he's here for any additional reason, then it wouldn't be the first time Kincaid decided to meddle in someone else's life because he thinks things should be a certain way. "
"You mean—"
I snap my mouth shut when Ace holds up his hands near his ears, as if he feels like he’s already said too much. I won't be getting another thing out of him.