Chapter 42
CHAPTER
FORTY-TWO
KENNEDY
Other than my times with Ziggy, I stick to myself. Normally, I’m the one running to fix things with my brothers, but if they’re okay with this stiff relationship crusting over between us, then I will be too.
It’s not on me to burst out of it.
As desperately as I want to.
The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that our parents destroyed something precious in all of us. Hudson’s self-worth. Hart’s hope. And my ability to let go. I thought my past relationships were a prime example of that, but my brothers might take the cake.
The air between us is stale as we work. The conversation is dry. It’s not as bad when other people are around, but just the three of us?
Painful.
I’m constantly biting my tongue.
“Hey, pass me that level,” Hudson says.
It’s basically between us, but there’s no point in arguing. I pick it up, and his hand closes over it, but he doesn’t take it.
“Kenny …”
My gaze lifts to his.
“I don’t like this.”
“Don’t like what?”
Irritation crosses his features, but he stamps it down. “You’re not happy.”
“Can you blame me?”
“Guess not.” He finally takes the tool, but we go on watching each other.
“Is there something you wanted to say?” I’m not going to get hopeful because my brothers have let me down too many times.
“I’m sorry I’m a shit brother.”
I frown at the sudden rush of words. “You’re not a shit brother.”
“Considering last time we properly spoke, you told me to go and fuck myself, I think I’ll disagree.”
I was mad, and I had every right to be mad, but that’s not what it was about at all.
I turn and set my back against the wall.
“I never said you were a shit brother. I said that I feel lonely and that we’re supposed to be there for each other, but instead of that happening, we’re always butting heads. I hate it.”
“Me too.” He runs his free hand roughly over his face. “I don’t know how to fix it though. I’m so sick of feeling angry and like the smallest thing is one step away from disaster.”
“Have you seen where we are?” Hart snarks.
I ignore him. If he wants to cling to whatever demons he has, that’s on him. But if I have a chance to repair things, at least with one of them, I’m going to take it. “Do you feel like that around Wilde?”
Hudson doesn’t answer at first, just taps the level in a steady beat against the timber floors. “He … keeps me in check. He knows my moods, and he knows when to ignore it and when to step in. Everything feels calmer around him. Which is huge, considering how everything started.”
I’ll never understand their relationship, but that’s a whole lot more than Hudson’s ever got out of his previous ones.
So I’ll give a little and hope he meets me halfway.
“Okay. Then I will be civil.”
“Toward Wilde?” The doubt in his voice comes through clearly.
“Yes.” I huff, because I’m not the unreasonable one.
“All I ever asked of him was to treat you right, and now that I know he’s not using you as a punching bag and that it sounds like you might actually be communicating and maybe even good for each other …
” I throw up my hands. “I can’t complain about that. ”
“Right. Well, good.”
“Good.”
“And I’ll apologize to Ziggy.”
“What?”
Hudson screws up his face. “Don’t make me say it again. But I’ll do it, and I’ll make sure he knows I’m serious.”
Talking feelings in any capacity is something the both of them struggle with, and knowing Hudson will do that for me feels like the olive branch I’ve been waiting on.
“Thank you.”
He smiles but can’t meet my eyes. “Next time you feel alone, come to me. I might be an asshole sometimes, but I’ll always be your big brother.”
“Does that mean you’ll tuck me in and give me forehead kisses too?” Hart asks, completely disinterested.
Hudson ignores him. “I’m serious.”
“Thanks, but with Ziggy, I don’t think I’ll feel alone again.”
“Yeah, but … you need someone outside of your relationship. That can’t be everything. You know that, right?”
“I know. I’ve made friends with Rooney, and I’ve dropped in on that guy Sasha a few times.”
“How is he?”
“No clue. I have a feeling something happened in Wayward, but he won’t talk about it.”
“Yeah, I got that impression.”
Whatever it was, if I’ve learned anything, it’s that running from a problem doesn’t make it go away. Now that he’s not scared for his life, he’s a sweet guy, and he’s actually serious about helping to pay off what he stole.
“Someone’s here,” Hartwell says, standing and dusting himself off.
I didn’t hear anything, but the sound of a car door slamming comes a moment later. My brothers lead the way out, and while I don’t think everything is magically fixed now, it’s good to know that at least Hudson is committed to trying.
We step outside right as Wilde, Ziggy, and Rooney are tugging a hot water system off the back of the truck.
“What’s this?” I ask as Hudson goes to help them.
“Ziggy’s idea,” Wilde grunts. “Apparently, he’s not okay with you continuing to take cold showers.”
Hudson lets go of the system suddenly. “Sounds like I picked the wrong wild man.” He whacks Wilde on the shoulder. “Why don’t you care about me?”
“Believe me, I’ve tried not to.”
Rooney looks around at us all. “Isn’t this nice? So much love in the air. Who would have thought we’d have so many blossoming romances to swoon over?”
I swear Wilde growls at him.
“After that reaction,” I say, “I think it means Ziggy and I win. First, my songbird, and now hot water? My man spoils me.”
“To be fair,” Rooney jumps in, “this was a team effort. Ziggy’s idea and execution, Wilde gave the okay for the money, and I went and sourced. The three of us are spoiling you.”
“Why are you bothering though? You don’t owe us anything.”
“It’s technically my job.”
“Hey, maybe you could hook up with Hartwell and—”
“Say another word and die.” Hart crosses his arms tightly, and it draws Rooney’s attention.
“What’s wrong, handsome? Not into men?”
Hart doesn’t answer.
“Pity, because there’s nothing I love more than a negative wet blanket who wouldn’t know a scrap of happiness if it bit him in that delicious ass.”
Hart glares harder, and I stare at Rooney, who keeps on smiling.
“Sorry that I’m not pretending to love this shithole,” Hart grumbles.
“No, no, don’t apologize. You continue on with this …” They set down the system, and Rooney waves a hand toward my twin. “Too-cool-to-care, growly, grumpy black cat attitude. The rest of us will enjoy our day.”
My brother doesn’t bother answering, just turns on his heel and heads back inside.
The others start talking about where to start, while I approach Ziggy.
“You did this for us?”
He turns an eye-shining smile on me.
Because of course he did this. Ziggy is the most considerate guy I know. He’s never made me anxious or like I have to try to get his attention. He’s never made me feel like I’m doing something wrong.
If I start fussing or getting too much, he gives me a calming look, and all the writhing anxiety of losing him fades away.
Ziggy knows exactly what my demons are, and I know his.
Things might not have started with a bang like I’ve always assumed romances do, but that was half of my problem. Trying to force something that didn’t fit.
With him, I fit.
And he never lets me doubt it.
The way he squeezes my hand and looks at me gives me my answer.
Anything for you.
For the first time in my life, I believe it.
I trust Ziggy will never hurt me, and he trusts me to do the same.