Chapter 6
Chapter Six
ONYX
I couldn’t lie or hide how sick I was behind me and Zinc not being together, but I refused to go to him any longer.
I chased him for as long as I could. After the wedding, he was the first one to get gone and no one had seen him since.
When I contacted him, I went unanswered.
I dropped by his crib several times at odd hours just to try and catch him and still, nothing.
I had no choice but to throw the towel in.
Not caring for him hurt. Putting on a smile like I didn’t give a fuck but crying and throwing up behind closed doors was crazy. I couldn’t keep water down and every time I got comfortable, I was hit with a wave of emotions. My nigga was who brought me peace and now I didn’t even have that.
“Maybe we should go to the emergency room, Chanel. You’ve been throwing up for days.” Dior was nice enough to come over and check up on me when she noticed I wasn’t returning to the club. She’s been here since, making sure I was good.
“I’m cool. As soon as I get over that nigga, I’ll be aight,” I said sitting on the floor in front of the toilet.
“You’re barely eating and for somebody that’s as dark as you are, you look pale as fuck. Go to the doctor and get an IV or something. You’re malnourished.”
“I’m fine, Dior. Can you get me some Aleve and water please?”
“I’m not giving you no meds when you throwing up every damn few hours. I’m ‘bout to take yo’ ass to the hospital and get you some help. Your best friend isn’t here to talk some sense into you, so I guess that’s my job. Get yo’ ass up and let’s go.”
Dior was the only one in this house with some sense.
I pulled myself up from the floor and turned on the shower.
While the water warmed, I washed my face and brushed my teeth.
The taste of the toothpaste caused my stomach to turn.
I couldn’t handle it. I quickly spit it out and hovered over the toilet as the excess saliva built up in my mouth.
“See, you can’t even brush yo’ teeth good. I said I wasn’t gon’ say nothing but fuck it. Congratulations, bitch. You’re pregnant.”
I looked at her like she was crazy while shaking my head from side to side. Realizing she was dead ass, I wiped my mouth and stood waiting for her to say more than that. I was a woman who took her birth control pills faithfully. There wasn’t a day I ski… Oh shit!
My pills were kept in my bathroom drawer.
I yanked it open and grabbed the container they were kept in.
As I peeled it open, a fully stocked tray sat untouched.
I couldn’t do shit but laugh. I’d been so distracted with keeping part of me under wraps that I forgot about the most important thing… not getting pregnant.
I didn’t despise children; I just didn’t want to be a mother. I knew me as a person, and I knew I didn’t want that kind of responsibility. It was different when they were my godchildren. I want a primary care giver. Being a mother changed things, especially for me.
“Take me to the hospital, Dior,” I whispered.
“Get a shower and I will. You don’t stink but them people gon’ be all up in yo’ business and I know you’d like it to be fresh.”
Slow nodding, I took off my pajamas and stepped into the shower.
I washed like I was contaminated with something.
I scrubbed as if that would change the outcome.
I had no doubt in my mind that I was pregnant.
However, all of this was bittersweet knowing I was pregnant for a man that looked at me with so much disgust. He wasn’t fuckin’ with me in no shape or form.
When it all came down to it, a baby wasn’t supposed to be in the picture.
I saw a future of just me and my man going from country to country living life.
A child stopped people from doing the simplest things and that wasn’t how I wanted to live my life.
I always been the girl to get up and go without having so much attached to me.
Packing a diaper bag was not in my plans.
I stepped out the shower wrapping myself in a towel.
There was no need to get dressed up, so I knew to get a simple two piece out my closet.
It took me no longer than twenty minutes to get my shit together.
I had my braids up in a bun and the black fit hugged my body.
There was nothing more to do than nervously take that drive.
Walking to the living room, Dior sat scrolling.
I got her attention by doing a small huff and she stood immediately, grabbing her keys in the process.
We headed out the door in silence and all I could think about was how I would break the news or if I was even going to accept the news.
I wasn’t Kosha and I knew for a fact kids didn’t fit my lifestyle.
Making it to the car, I took the passenger seat and just sat there. My father would’ve been ecstatic about finally becoming a grandfather while my mother would’ve encouraged me to have it just for her. I was an only child, so this baby would’ve made their day. I was sure of it.
It didn’t take long for us to get to the hospital.
Eastlake Medical Center wasn’t quite downtown, but it might as well have been.
If I was being truthful, the city was so damn small compared to the shit I was used to in Atlanta.
However, I fucked with the lil’ itty bit shit.
Me and bestie both scored niggas who didn’t play about us.
You ain’t got no man no more, Onyx. Snap the fuck out of it.
Dior behaved like I would and parked directly in front of the emergency room. When I walked in, I saw so many bikers it was crazy. Someone had a race and something went left. I shook my head and approached the receptionist.
“Name and reason for care.”
“Onyx Marcel and I have excessive vomiting.”
“Is there any chance it can be because of pregnancy?” Once again, that pregnancy shit was being thrown around.
“I’m not sure,” I answered truthfully. I was more than eighty percent certain I was, but that twenty percent was still unclaimed.
“Okay. Let me get your license as well as insurance card.” I handed over what she requested, she pecked a few keys then returned my cards. “Someone will be out shortly from Fast Track to get you. Here, wrap this around your wrist, please.”
My bracelet was on, and I was sent ‘bout my way. I took a seat on the opposite end of the lobby away from the crowd. I noticed that there were mostly Hispanic people filling the room and I was curious as to why. I couldn’t even sit and catch what tea I could before my name was being called.
Kissing the back of my teeth, I stood and gave a light jog to where the nurse was standing.
“Can you tell me your first and last name, as well as your date of birth?” he asked.
“Onyx Marcel. Two, eight, eighty-nine.”
“Thank you. So, I see you’re having constant nausea. What’s the scale right now? Do you feel the need to vomit?”
“No. It’s mostly like when I eat or drink something. A smell could throw me off as well,” I answered.
“A smell? Are you pregnant? Most women experience excessive nausea during their first trimester.”
“To be honest, I don’t know what I am. I have been careless with my pills lately so there’s a good possibility.”
“Would you mind giving us a sample? We can run a simple pregnancy test from your urine or draw blood and get a for sure answer.”
“Sure.” I grabbed the cup he extended and headed for the bathroom he pointed to.
“Hand the sample over to the nurse that will be outside the bathroom waiting,” he instructed.
I was in and out with no emotions. It was like nothing mattered until I heard the results.
The fact was, I wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place.
If my behind was still in Georgia, this pregnancy wouldn’t even be on the table.
I would blame food poisoning or a virus. This shit was for the fuckin’ birds.
He asked me to sit tight, and Dior and I just shared a look that said I knew better. I really did, but I lost all common sense when I was with Nahmari. He contributed to a lot of my wild nights here. I didn’t think any of that would lead to sharing a child with him.
“Are you going to tell him?” Dior asked.
“Can’t tell a nigga shit if he ain’t trying to hear it.”
“What makes you think he don’t want to hear that? From the way you talk about him, I don’t think he’ll dismiss you like that.”
“You don’t know my nigga. He is everything nontolerant. Girl the way he spoke to me at the wedding hurt my feelings. I don’t know if I even want to see him again so soon.”
“Okay, switch gears then. Are you ready to be a mom? I see how you live, Chanel, and it doesn’t give mom at all.”
“Right! Wild and free and if I am pregnant, I’m gon’ have to sit my fine ass down and act like I got some sense. This shit is really stupid as fuck!”
Knock, knock! The door opened and in walked the same nurse as before. He wore a smile on his face telling me one thing. That dumbass test was positive and Ms. Marcel you’re pregnant was about to leave his mouth.
“Good news. You are a hundred percent pregnant, Ms. Marcel. Congratulations. Now, to tackle your excessive nausea, the doctor prescribed you Zofran. Take it thirty minutes before you eat and you’ll be good to go.” He handed over my prescription along with discharge papers and sent me on my way.
“Wait, that’s it? She’s done?” Dior questioned.
“Yes. Unless there’s something else I should know.”
“Nah, that’s it. Thank you,” I said grabbing my phone and heading for the door.
Once it was open, the chaos from earlier grew.
The bikers were taking over the lobby and I was slowly but surely putting two and two together.
A race happened and something went all the way left.
My heart sped up when I noticed members of BMG filing in.
I scanned the crowd for my man. He was the only one I had focus for.
I ran over to someone I knew would have an answer for me. “Litty, where is he?” I inquired still looking around for him.
“Onyx? What the fuck you doing here? What the hell happened?” He gave me a once over checking for injuries.
One thing I could say was BMG adjusted to me and Kosha’s placement next to Zinc and Chrome without a hiccup. Even this loose screw ass nigga apologized to my bestie and been under her since. You couldn’t tell him shit ‘bout her or them kids. He was Uncle Litty.
“I’m good, bro’. Just a few things I have to… accept. You still haven’t told me where he is, Litty. Why are y’all here?” Worry and concern coursed through my veins at a rapid pace. No matter how he felt about me right now, I was still in love with that young ass nigga.
“That nigga coming. He out there getting his ass handed to him by Chrome. Copper called him snitching on bro’ and shit. She acts like she that nigga mama?—”
“Or his bitch. Tuh! Should’ve known he would run back to sniffing her ass. What happened in the race? Why everybody crowding here?”
“Azul and bro’ had a fuckin’ shoot out during that muthafucka and they both got hit.” He spoke so nonchalantly as if this was something that happened on the regular.
“What?” I screeched. I pushed passed him and ran outside looking for Zinc. Yeah, he let his mouth make matters worse between us, but I’d be damned if any of that mattered in this moment. “Nahmari. Nahmari!” I was yelling his name hoping he’d calm my worries and at least allow me to lay eyes on him.
“The fuck is you calling my fuckin’ name like that for? Didn’t I tell yo’ ass to stay from ‘round me?” I spun around and sure enough he was clutching his wound.
Tears weld up and I tried not to freak out. My lil’ heart was breaking seeing my baby all shot up. “W-Why would you do that? Why would you race knowing?—”
“You ain’t got the right to question me ‘bout a bitch ass thing,” he said stepping away. He was being so cold, and my emotionally imbalanced ass couldn’t take it.
I was in pain from how he was doing me, so I figured why not bestow some on him as well. I grabbed the same arm he was clutching and yanked him back. He yelled out in agony and that satisfied my soul a lil’. Don’t treat me like shit, especially when I’m the one here showing concern.
“ Ahhhh! What the fuck is yo’ problem, Onyx?” he asked through gritted teeth. I had a feeling if I wasn’t who I was to him, he would’ve put his hands on me.
“Stop fuckin’ talking to me like that, Zinc. I mean that shit.”
“Then stay the fuck out my face and you won’t have to hear the shit. Why the fuck you sweating a nigga, huh? What? Them muthafuckas at the club ain’t hitting like you thought they would or something?”
I reared back and smacked fire from that nigga. The disrespect was getting worse and although he was pissed as fuck, he was taking this shit overboard. Be mad and in them bullshit ass feelings but don’t play like I’m not the bitch who could really break yo’ heart.
“Fuck you and fuck this baby. You want a bitch out yo’ face so fuckin’ bad, so be it. Don’t come crawling back when you miss big mama ‘cause I can promise you a bitch won’t be there.”
“What fuckin’ baby? You pregnant?” His question was asked with dipped brows and confusion etched across his face.
“Not for long, baby boy. Like I said, fuck ya!” I threw back making sure my middle fingers followed for theatrics. Dior wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me back. For a minute, I forgot she was still here.
“Calm down, Chanel. You can’t be doing all that rowdy shit now. It ain’t good for the baby or you, to be honest.”
“Chanel? That’s what they call you? Ha! Look, go pin that baby on another nigga. Ain’t no telling whose it is anyway.”
“Oh, you really on that.” I nodded and gave a small clap. “Stand on it. Let’s go, Dior. I’m not ‘bout to argue with a nigga who I got more than.” He was the only one taking low blows but now it was my turn. If it was fuck me, then he better believe the feelings were mutual.
“Y’all stop. Don’t go below the belt.”
“Fuck her and you, too. Fuck on.” That was the last thing spoken and it tore me in two.
He really was done, and this baby was about to be another fuckin’ statistic.
My heart was racing from embarrassment and hurt all at the same time.
I damn near sprinted to the car to make sure my tears weren’t seen.
He was giving me his ass to kiss but mine was bigger.
This shit wasn’t ‘bout to end the way he thought it would.
“Take me home, Dior, and then you can go. I just need a minute alone.”
She nodded and we filed in her shit. I blocked him from my phone and tossed it to the cupholder. I could be just as cold. The only difference is, no matter how much I miss you, I can adjust and get the fuck over you.