15 Summers Later

Chapter 17

The mountains become both our refuge and our battleground. Scaling steep cliffs, navigating dense forests and surviving on meager rations, we cling to each other like a lifeline. The whispers of the wind carry tales of freedom, and with each step, we etch a path away from the Coalition’s suffocating grasp.

—Ghost Lake by Ava Howell Brooks

Ava stared at the ridiculous array of pregnancy tests spread out in the bathroom.

Morning sun filtered through the gauzy curtains, lighting on all those plus signs.

So this was happening. She couldn’t pretend otherwise now, even in her head. Seven—no, eight—positive pregnancy tests couldn’t be wrong.

She was pregnant. The word echoed in her mind like a secret she had been keeping from herself for weeks.

She and Cullen would become parents in roughly thirty-five weeks, according to her quick mental calculations.

She could picture a girl with his brown eyes and compassion or a boy with that same sweet smile and quick sense of humor.

“Hi, little one,” she murmured, pressing a hand to her abdomen. Already she was linked to the tiny life growing inside her, a life that would depend on her for everything.

What a strange dichotomy, that she felt so connected to Cullen in this moment when they were further apart than they had been since they first met, by both distance and circumstances.

She had to tell him.

She huffed out a breath. She didn’t want to. The pregnancy would change everything between them, could become either a lifeline or a wrecking ball.

What would he think when she showed up out of the blue with news like this? Would he be happy? Terrified? Angry?

Maybe she could wait. Couldn’t she keep this news to herself a bit longer, at least until she had time to process what it would all mean herself?

He was busy with his dig. That was important to him, an amazing chance, and she didn’t want to risk distracting him.

Besides, he had been clear that he needed breathing space, time to figure out whether he could forgive her for keeping huge chunks of her life secret from him.

That alone was exactly the reason she had to tell him now about the pregnancy. If she wanted her marriage to survive, Ava knew she had to be open and honest with him. No matter the consequences.

She studied her hand splayed over her abdomen, where no outward sign gave a clue as to the miraculous changes happening inside her.

She had to tell him now, but how? She didn’t want to go up to Ghost Lake by herself. Any mountain terrain would have intimidated her. That one was literally the stuff of her nightmares.

She could ask someone to go with her. Grandma Leona? She quickly discarded that.

What about Madison?

Ava stared at her pale reflection in the bathroom mirror. Why would her sister help her? She was more likely to laugh in her face if Ava asked.

It was a ridiculous idea, wasn’t it?

Maybe, maybe not. Madi had been gracious enough to invite her to be a volunteer at the shelter. Ava knew Madi had a hard time refusing any creature, animal or human, who needed her.

With fresh resolve, she gathered up all the pregnancy tests, threw them in the bathroom trash, then pulled the liner bag out, tying it securely and carrying it out to the bin herself. She didn’t want anyone else discovering she was pregnant until she’d found the chance to tell Cullen. This was his child. He deserved to know first.

Keeping that information from Madi might make it difficult for Ava to persuade her to go with her up to Ghost Lake, but she had to try. She was going over to the shelter later that day to fill out the volunteer paperwork. If the opportunity came up for her to ask her sister, she would.

If not, she would simply have to face her fears and figure out a way to make the trip by herself.

Determination stiffened her spine. She and Cullen may not have planned for this baby, but Ava intended to do everything possible to give their child a loving, stable home, no matter what might be required.

“You want me to what?” Madi stared at her, mouth suddenly agape.

Ava wanted to disappear. She should have known better than to ask her sister anything. Yes, they had engaged in an almost civil conversation the night before. That didn’t mean Madi was ready to move on from her anger.

“It was a dumb idea. Forget I said anything,” she answered quickly.

“Why do you need to go to Ghost Lake?” Her sister’s voice dripped with suspicion. “More research? Don’t tell me. You’re writing a sequel now.”

“No. This has nothing to do with any book. I need...I need to see Cullen. I...have to tell him something and I don’t feel good about waiting until the weekend, when he comes to town for supplies.”

“It must be important, for you to ask my help.”

“It is.”

Madi eyed her with an expectant expression. She clearly wanted Ava to give her an explanation about why she suddenly needed to head twenty miles into the mountains, to a place she had always vowed she would never revisit.

“I can’t tell you why I need to talk to Cullen. Not yet. I will, though. I promise. After I’ve seen my husband.”

“You want me to go with you back to a place we have both tried to avoid for the past fifteen years, but you can’t tell me why.”

She twisted her hands together in her lap. “Yes. I’m sorry.”

“You seem to be sorry about a lot of things these days.”

Oh, her sister didn’t know the half of it.

“Will you help me?”

When Madi remained silent, Ava mourned afresh the erosion of their relationship. “You don’t have to. It’s fine,” she said quickly. “But can I borrow Grandpa’s pickup truck? And do you know where I could find an all-terrain vehicle?”

“An ATV?” If Madi looked surprised at her request to go with her into the mountains without explanation, now she looked completely thunderstruck. “Why do you need an ATV?”

Ava chewed her bottom lip. “Cullen said the dig site is only accessible by an all-terrain vehicle.”

After a long, uncomfortable pause, her sister spoke again. “When did you want to go?”

Was she actually considering it? Ava was afraid to hope. “As soon as possible. Today, if we can do it. This afternoon.”

“Today?”

“If we leave before four, we should be able to make it there and back before dark.”

“You’ve thought this out.”

She had done very little but think since taking all those tests earlier that day.

“Yes. This is very important to me.”

“So important you would really be willing to go up there by yourself? Even though I doubt you’ve driven an ATV since we lived in Oregon?”

“It’s not that tough. I’m sure I’ll remember how. And yes. It’s that important.”

After another long pause, Madi sighed. “We have an older utility vehicle side-by-side that was donated to us for getting around the acreage here. I can load it onto the trailer and pull it with Grandpa’s truck to the trailhead. I need to finish a few things here but might be able to leave in a couple of hours.”

Madi looked at her watch. “Should we say three? You owe me, though.”

Ava was fully aware of how much she owed her sister. This was only one more thing to add to the pile.

She forced a smile. “Thanks. Perfect. Three works. I should be done with orientation by then.”

With a vast relief, Ava returned to the tablet Madi had given her for filling out her volunteer information.

She was nearly done completing the forms when an older man she didn’t know approached her.

“Are you Ava?”

“Yes.”

“I’m Hal Smith. I’m the ECAR official tour guide, here to show you around.”

Ava was aware of Madi inside the office, trying to appear as if she wasn’t paying attention to them. She suspected her sister was aware of everything that went on here.

“Thank you. I would appreciate that,” she said.

He smiled. “Great. While you finish up, I’ll grab one of the dogs. We always try to exercise somebody while we’re showing around the new recruits.”

“Perfect.”

She filled in the final line on the form as Hal returned with a huge German shepherd wearing a harness and leash.

“Okay. We’re all set. This here is Helga.”

Ava stood frozen, unable to breathe or think, thrust instantly back to that summer, to the time when she had been attacked by guard dogs who looked exactly like her.

She still had nightmares about feeling their hot breath on her as they bit her legs, her back.

When Cullen had asked her once how she obtained the scars, she had told him she had been bitten by a dog while they were at the camp. She hadn’t told him it had been three dogs, two German shepherds and a bull terrier who had been stirred up into a frenzy.

Her stomach lurched and she felt dizzy enough that she sank back into the chair. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or mortified when Madi spoke from the doorway.

“Actually, Hal, I’m at a good place for a break right now. Why don’t you take Helga for her walk and I can show Ava around?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Thanks, though.”

With a wave to both women, he and the dog made their way outside into the June afternoon.

“I’m sorry,” Ava whispered, despising herself for the weakness. She had no problem with some dogs. She could even pet the smaller ones without breaking out into a cold sweat. But anything bigger than a beagle and she freaked out. It had been a point of contention between her and Cullen, who had always had big dogs and would have liked to adopt another one. Fortunately, their current apartment did not allow pets larger than twenty-five pounds. To her great shame, she could admit in her heart of hearts that rule was one of the reasons she had favored their current living space over others when they were apartment hunting.

What would she do when they bought a house together and she could find no more excuses not to accede to his wishes?

Ifthey bought a house together.

She fought the urge to press a hand to her abdomen again, to the tiny, vulnerable, infinitely precious life growing there.

A few more hours and she would tell Cullen and this would no longer be her secret alone.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Madi said, her tone brisk. “I understand.”

She gestured around the space with its comfortable furniture and three desks. “This is the office and reception area, as you can see. All the volunteers check in here first, when they arrive, to receive their assignments for the day.”

“How many volunteers do you have?”

“Around twenty-five. We use anywhere from six to seven volunteers a day. They help with feeding the animals, walking them, playing with them. For now, I coordinate all the volunteer hours while my assistant, Elana, and Hal usually handle all the HR and training. I’m currently part-time as I’m still working with Luke at the clinic, but I will be transitioning to full time at the end of the month.”

For the next half hour, Madi walked her through the animal rescue facilities, showing her the pastures where farm animals had room to ramble, the large play yard where the dogs were allowed to run at least twice a day and the cat room that featured an assortment of climbing structures and tunnels.

Ava immediately sneezed and Madi closed the door quickly. “Right now we are limited to about twenty cats. As you can imagine, there are far more than that in the area who need shelter. We do try to adopt them out as soon as we can, but for various reasons, that’s not possible for about four of them. They will probably live out their lives here. Same for about five of the dogs and most of the farm animals.”

“It’s fantastic,” Ava said, moved almost to tears by her sister’s obvious pride in what she had created here.

Madi looked surprised. “Th-thank you,” she said.

“How wonderful, that you have been able to create a safe, comfortable, happy home where they can live out their days.”

Madi shifted, clearly uncomfortable with the praise. “We try to do our best with our limited funds. It’s not always easy, but through a combination of grants and fundraising, we have a healthy bank balance. We were especially fortunate about six months ago to receive a huge gift from an anonymous donor. We should have enough between all our funding sources to keep us going for at least a few years.”

“That’s great.” Ava gave a polite smile and quickly changed the subject. “You showed me the dog play yard. What about their kennel facilities?”

“Right. Our dogs are split into three groups. Large breeds, small breeds and puppies. We can skip the large-dog area, if you’re more comfortable.”

“No. I’ll be okay.” She hoped.

Why wasn’t Madi afraid of dogs as well? Ava wondered that as her sister led her into a section of the building that had a row of kennels. Maybe because she had never been attacked by the dogs. Her sister had even tried to befriend the most vicious of the guard dogs.

Each of the kennels was filled with one or two animals, who jumped up to greet Madi with enthusiastic barks.

She opened every door and scratched each dog, no matter how vicious-looking.

“In our small-dog room, most of these rotate out pretty quickly. People are more willing to adopt the smaller dogs and puppies than the big ones, unfortunately.”

Everything was clean, comfortable and homey.

“Okay. That’s it,” Madi said as she led the way back to the office. “In addition to the play areas, we have various trails going through the ranch for our volunteers to walk the dogs. We plan to continue grooming the trails in winter so they can get plenty of safe exercise. Is there anything else you want to see?”

Ava shook her head. “It’s wonderful,” she said again. “You really love this, don’t you?”

Madi shrugged. “What’s not to love? We’re making a difference. Each of these animals was either abandoned, has come from a home where they were abused or neglected or was given up after the owners either were unwilling or unable to care for them. We’re giving them a second chance for a better future.”

Madi looked at her watch. “I’ve got to make a few phone calls before we leave and you probably want to go to Grandma’s and grab a jacket. It gets cool up in the mountains in the evenings.”

“I remember,” Ava said, her voice low.

Madi gave her an unreadable look but said nothing.

“Thanks for the tour. You really have created something amazing here. I’m happy for you.”

It was too easy sometimes to think of Madi as fragile, wounded, but she knew that wasn’t the full story. Her sister was a survivor, something she had tried hard to portray in Ghost Lake.

Madi gave her a wary look, as if not quite sure whether to believe her. “Thanks,” she said, as her phone buzzed with a text.

She checked it, then an odd look twisted her features, one Ava couldn’t quite interpret. Yet another reason to grieve her relationship with her sister. Once, she could guess everything her sister was thinking.

“I’ve got to go,” Madi said. “That’s Luke. I need to call him back.”

That was odd. What would cause Madi’s face suddenly to turn pink and her eyes to take on that faraway expression?

“I’ll heed your advice, then, and head home for a jacket. I’ll be back shortly.”

“Don’t forget a water bottle. I’ll bring some extra water if we need it, but you’ll want your own bottle.”

She nodded and left, already dreading the evening ahead of them.