Chapter Seventeen – Alison
Alison leaned against the nurses’ station, her pen hovering over a patient chart. The antiseptic tang of the hospital corridor clung to her uniform, and the fluorescent lights overhead buzzed quietly. She’d had rougher shifts before, but today was proving especially draining, perhaps because her mind kept drifting back to last night. She tried to push the thought away and focus on updating the medication dosage.
“You okay?” came Suzie’s voice beside her.
Alison glanced up to see Suzie, studying her with concern. “I’m fine,” Alison replied, forcing a small smile but she knew her attempt at appearing calm wasn’t fooling anyone who cared to look closely.
Suzie tapped her clipboard against the desk. “About last night… I’m sorry if anyone was prying too much. You know what it’s like in small towns when someone new arrives. It’s like Christmas morning for the gossip mill.” Suzie’s expression softened. “But you should know that we all mean well, even when they’re nosy as hell.”
Alison groaned inwardly. She’d hoped no one had picked up on how uncomfortable she’d felt. “Really, it’s okay.”
“You’re sure?” Suzie lowered her voice as a doctor strode past. “You left a little suddenly.”
Her heart gave a sudden jolt. And you thought you could make new friends. Ronald’s voice, sharp and cruel, echoed in her head. Alison willed it away, refusing to let it rule her.
“Look,” Suzie said gently, “I just want you to know I’m here if you ever need to talk. And I mean that. It doesn’t leave this corner of the hallway.”
Alison hesitated. The sincerity in Suzie’s gaze made it hard to doubt her. But the memory of Ronald telling her she was worthless, that no one truly wanted her friendship, clung to her like a stubborn stain. Still, she found herself saying, “I appreciate that. Thank you.”
Suzie’s hand brushed Alison’s arm. “We all have baggage. Some are heavier than others. It helps to share the load sometimes.”
Alison’s throat constricted. Maybe it was time to open up and trust again. “My husband…” She paused, correcting herself. “ Ex -husband. He was…controlling. Emotionally.”
“Oh, Alison.” Suzie looped her arm through Alison’s and steered them both toward the break room, which was thankfully empty. “I’m so sorry.”
Alison stared at the dull linoleum floor. “It’s hard to explain to people who haven’t been through it. He’d twist every little thing, make me doubt myself.”
Suzie set her clipboard aside and faced Alison, her expression full of compassion. “I get it.” She chewed the inside of her cheek before she went on, “I don’t tell many people…but my college boyfriend was the same way. He made me feel like I couldn’t do anything right. And if someone tells you that enough times, then you start to believe it.”
“I’m so sorry, Suzie.” Alison hated that this had happened to Suzie. But there was some relief, too. Relief that she had someone to talk to, who truly understood what it was like. Who wouldn’t make her feel stupid for staying with Ronald for so long. “I still hear his voice in my head, telling me I’m incompetent, telling me no one else sees any value in me.”
“It gets better,” Suzie promised, placing her hand over Alison’s. “And if you ever need a reminder of how great you are, I’m here. Seriously.”
“Thank you,” she managed, her voice a bit shaky. “And if ever you need someone…I’m here for you.” For once, it felt like Ronald’s ghost had fallen silent, no longer able to suffocate her every thought.
“Maybe… If you can, get a babysitter. Maybe we could get a drink. The two of us. Or we could have dinner. I am not dating right now and sometimes I would love to go for dinner, but most everyone else I know has a man in their life…” Suzie cracked a grin. “Not that I’m jealous or anything…”
“I’d like that,” Alison replied. “Maybe we can arrange something for next week.”
“I’ll hold you to it,” Suzie said, then she glanced at her watch. “Okay, I need to get back to work.”
“Thanks for the talk,” Alison called after her.
“Anytime.” Suzie raised a hand and waved as she disappeared through the door, leaving Alison alone.
It had been good to clear the air with Suzie. But it wasn’t the evening with her coworkers that had been troubling her. Or her visit to the Thornberg Ranch to collect Tessa. No, what was really bothering her was the guy who had chatted her up.
She still could not shake the idea that someone was watching her, and she could not shake the notion that the two were linked.
But why?
Ugh! She was definitely being paranoid. Most likely due to Ronald’s constant remarks that she couldn’t handle things on her own. When she’d told him she wanted a divorce, he’d laughed at her, insisting that she needed him in her life. He’d kept telling her that without him, Tessa would be exposed to the consequences of her mother’s poor decisions. He’d made it his mission to make her feel like she was incapable of protecting their daughter.
Well, he was wrong. And he needed to get out of her head. One way or another she was going to exorcise that man from her life!
With gritted teeth and steely determination, Alison left the restroom and went back to work.
Armed with a bright smile and an unwavering can-do attitude, she made it through the first half of her shift. With a wave to Suzie, she exited through the hospital’s sliding doors, the bright sunshine making her squint. As she walked across the parking lot, that sensation of being watched prickled up her spine again.
No. Anger bubbled up inside of her. She was going to deal with this once and for all!
Alison spun, scanning the cars but saw no one acting strangely. Just a few patients and staff entering and exiting the building. None of whom seemed to have the slightest interest in her.
Shaking off her paranoia, she strode toward her car, fishing her car keys from her bag as she went. Just as she reached her car, she saw movement to her right. Someone was lurking behind a parked vehicle but the bright sunlight behind him cast his features in shadows.
She slid her key through her fingers ready to strike!
The figure stepped closer, and adrenaline flooded her veins.
But then recognition dawned as he emerged from the shadows. “Jay.”
“Alison,” Jay greeted her, offering a small smile although his expression was a little quizzical. “I was just leaving my follow-up appointment.”
“How’d it go?” she asked, closing her hand around her car keys as she tried to look calm and less like a mad woman who was about to gouge his eyes out with her keys.
“Clean bill of health, apparently,” he said, holding out his arms wide. How she would love to rush into them and let him hold her against his chest. “I, um…wanted to see if you’d like to grab coffee sometime. Maybe when you’re not working?”
Surprise left her opening and closing her mouth like a goldfish. “Yes,” she finally managed to say. “Yes. I’d like that. A lot.”
Jay’s face lit up, his relief almost palpable. “Really? That’s great.” He caught himself, clearing his throat. “Are you free now? I mean… Unless you’re heading home… Or to pick up Tessa…”
Alison glanced at the time on her phone. She’d planned to grab a quick lunch and run some errands, but they could wait. But coffee with Jay? That had suddenly gone straight to the top of her to-do list. “Actually, I was going to pop into the café across the street. If you’re free?”
A hint of color rose in Jay’s cheeks. “I’d like that,” he echoed, looking pleased. “Lead the way.”
They crossed the street side by side, shoulders almost brushing. When their hands brushed momentarily, a spark of awareness jolted through her. What was it about this man? It was like he had some kind of animal magnetism she was incapable of resisting.
A few minutes later, they reached the café. Jay held the door, and as she passed, his hand hovered near the small of her back. Even that near contact made her skin tingle.
They chose a corner table by the window, partly shaded by a trailing houseplant. Alison sank into a chair, and Jay settled across from her, elbows resting on the table. They ordered—her a cappuccino, him a simple black coffee—and for a moment, a shy awkwardness settled over them.
“So,” they both started, then broke into a soft laugh.
“Go ahead,” Jay said, leaning forward slightly.
Alison took a breath. “I was just going to ask how you’re settling in at the ranch.”
A shadow flickered across Jay’s gaze. “I’m…getting there, I guess. Working on the cabin helps. Riding Hero does, too. He’s so sure-footed, I don’t have to think too hard. I just go where he tells me to go.”
“I’m not sure that’s how it’s supposed to work,” she said lightly.
“Neither am I.” He shrugged. “But I’m hoping eventually it might trigger something in here.” He tapped the side of his head.
“I’m sure it will. All those familiar surroundings…” Her voice quieted as the waitress arrived with their drinks. “It may take time, but I do believe it’ll come back.”
Jay stared into his coffee cup. “Part of me wants to remember. Part of me worries there’s a reason I can’t. What if there’s something bad I’m hiding from?”
Alison reached out on impulse, laying her hand lightly over his. He froze, eyes flicking up to hers. “Whatever happened, it doesn’t change who you are now,” she said. “And that’s enough.”
A breath escaped him, and he turned his palm to cover hers. The warmth of his skin, calloused from ranch work, sent a comforting thrill through her. “Thank you,” he murmured. “Sometimes I feel like everyone expects me to be who I was. But you…” He hesitated, looking almost vulnerable. “You just see me as I am.”
Her heart thudded. “I like who you are,” she admitted, feeling color heat her cheeks. “I…like being around you, too.”
Jay’s lips curled into a near-smile. “Likewise.” He cleared his throat, giving her hand a gentle squeeze before letting go, the moment charged with a mutual awareness. “Anyway, how’s Tessa?”
Alison brightened, relieved to be on safer ground. “She’s good. She talked nonstop about Hero and the goats after visiting the ranch. She’s, uh, quite taken with the idea of ranch life.”
Jay chuckled. “She’s welcome anytime. You know that. I like having her around. I get to see the ranch through her eyes.”
Alison sipped her cappuccino to hide the sudden smile tugging at her lips. “Be careful what you wish for. She’ll want to move in.”
Jay’s eyes flicked to the passing waitress, then back to her. “I wouldn’t mind,” he said, voice quiet enough that she wasn’t sure if he meant her to hear.
She cleared her throat, setting her mug down. “Speaking of, are we still on for Saturday, if you’re free? Tessa was pestering me about it this morning before school.”
A flicker of relief crossed his features. “Definitely,” he assured her. “I’d like you to see the cabin. And if Tessa wants something to do, there’s plenty, believe me.”
Alison found herself chuckling. Jay did not know what he was letting himself in for. “You’re building a whole new life, in more ways than one.”
Jay’s gaze grew distant for a second. “Yeah,” he murmured, turning his focus to the dark brew in his cup. “I guess that’s exactly what I’m doing. Just…piece by piece, you know?”
She nodded, understanding. Same here , she thought. Leaving Ronald, starting over in Bear Creek, forging a new path for Tessa—she was rebuilding, too. “It takes time, but you don’t have to do it alone.”
“Neither do you, Alison,” he said with a loaded stare that made her stomach flutter. Like butterflies. Beautiful butterflies.
They continued sipping coffee, conversation ebbing and flowing in a way that felt more superficial. As if they were both trying to mask the deeper feelings beneath the surface. Alison found herself watching Jay’s hands as he spoke—strong, capable hands that seemed to be constantly in motion when he was animated about a topic. How she would love to feel those hands on her skin.
Another bad choice, Ronald’s voice said in her head. But as Ronald’s shadow threatened to loom, she pushed it back, determined not to let it spoil this moment.
Soon, the lunchtime crowd began to trickle in from the hospital. Alison checked the time, realizing she needed to return to work soon. Reluctantly she finished the last of her cappuccino, and as she set down her cup she said, “I should head back. I’ve got an afternoon shift.”
Jay nodded, a hint of disappointment flickering in his eyes. “Right. Me, too—I mean, ranch chores.”
She slid from her chair, gathering her tote bag, and Jay stood as well, following her to the door. She could feel him close behind her, as if they were connected by an invisible thread.
As they stepped outside, she turned to face him and the desire to kiss him was almost too much.
His gaze dropped briefly to her lips, and she caught herself leaning forward slightly before pulling back. It would not be a good idea. Not good at all.
“Thank you for this,” Alison said, looking up at him. “For…the coffee. And the conversation.”
Jay smiled, a touch unsure. “I should be thanking you. For…everything. Letting me talk, letting me figure things out.”
He stepped a fraction closer, and for one breathless moment, Alison wondered if he truly was going to kiss her.
And boy she wished he would! Good idea or not.
But instead, he murmured, “I’ll see you soon?”
Warmth thrummed through her. “Yes,” she promised, eyes lingering on his face. “Saturday. Tomorrow. It’s Saturday tomorrow.”
If she could wait that long!
A smile played across his lips. “It is indeed.” He nodded, looking reluctant to leave. “Take care.” Then he slowly walked off, hands in his pockets, offering a brief backward glance before turning the corner.
Alison lingered on the sidewalk for a moment, inhaling the sweet summer air. And did it smell sweet!
She felt lighter than she had in a long time as hope bloomed in her chest. Wrenching herself back to reality, she hurried back to the hospital.
All the while, she couldn’t wipe away the smile that curved her lips. Because for once, the cruel voice in her head—the one that had worn Ronald’s sneer—was completely, blissfully silent.