Chapter Eighteen – Jay
You know what we need? his bear asked.
No, but I don’t need shifter senses to know you are going to tell me, Jay replied.
We need to run, his bear replied.
You mean you need to run, Jay chuckled, the thought of letting his bear take over sparking a thrill deep in his bones.
Same thing, his bear replied with a mental shrug.
Jay shook his head, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. Fine.
He needed to let go of some of the tension that had been building inside him since his coffee date with Alison earlier today. It had taken all his strength, all his resolve not to kiss her. Not to take her in his arms and hold her like he would never let her go.
But as he made his way around the side of the house, he sensed something. Someone.
Someones. Henry and Klein, his bear said. He was getting used to recognizing his brothers by his shifter senses alone.
Jay glanced toward the tree line. Should he just shift and make a run for it?
That would be rude, his bear said. And anyway, maybe they could come along. Might loosen some of those memories we have all stored up inside us somewhere.
You might be right. Yet Jay would rather they ran alone. Being around members of his family was getting easier, but he still felt like there was a constant pressure to remember them and their shared past. But apart from the occasional sense of familiarity, for him, there was no shared past.
Then we should make a shared future, his bear replied. Now, go ask them if they want to run .
Jay sighed, turned and walked toward Henry and Klein. The two men were deep in conversation but looked up as Jay approached.
“Hey,” Klein greeted Jay with an easy grin. “How are you doing?”
Jay shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Was about to head out for a run, actually. Clear my head.” He paused, but his bear nudged him to say, “Thought I’d see if you two wanted to join.”
Henry’s eyebrows rose in surprise, but a smile spread across his face. “A run sounds like the perfect end to the day. My bear could use the exercise.” He glanced at Klein. “What do you say, little brother? Up for stretching our legs?”
Klein chuckled, clapping Henry on the shoulder. “I’m always ready for a good run. Let’s do it!” He turned to Jay, his expression softening. “It’ll be nice, the three of us out there together. Like old times.”
Jay’s throat tightened at the mention of ‘old times’ he couldn’t remember but he managed a nod and a tight smile. “Great. Let’s go then.”
At least once we shift, we don’t have to talk, Jay said to his bear.
Maybe talking with them is what you need , his bear replied.
Instead of running? Jay asked.
His bear chuckled. No, the time for talking is later. The time for running is now.
The three men went around the side of the house and headed for the tree line. As they walked, the air around them seemed charged with an electric energy, a subtle vibration that only shifters could feel when others of their kind were preparing to change.
“Our usual spot,” Henry said, gesturing to a small clearing just within the trees.
Our usual spot, Jay repeated. But it was one more thing he had no memory of. But he could see it was well used with various bear paw prints on the ground.
It’ll do, his bear said.
Let’s do it. The air around Jay crackled and popped with static electricity as he shifted. A second later, his bear stood in his place, alone.
But then, another bear appeared on either side of him. His brothers. At least two of them.
I wish they were all here, Jay’s bear said. But two are better than none.
The two bears flanking him glanced at each other before they bounded forward, heading for the trees. Jay’s bear leaped after them, powerful muscles propelling him through the underbrush as he raced to catch up with his brothers. The cool evening air rushed through his thick fur, carrying with it the rich scents of the forest, damp earth, pine needles, and wildflowers.
Ahead, Henry and Klein’s bears wove swiftly between the trees, on strong legs. Jay pushed himself to match their pace, reveling in the stretch and pull of his body, the thrum of energy in his limbs. Out here, bounding through the wilderness with his brothers, everything else fell away.
The worries and uncertainties that plagued Jay’s human mind faded into the background as his bear fully embraced the simple joy of the run. His powerful legs ate up the distance, carrying him effortlessly over fallen logs and through swaying grasses. Henry’s bear led the way, his stride confident and sure, while Klein followed close behind, his slightly smaller form darting nimbly between the trees.
It didn’t matter if Jay had no concrete memories of their past together. In this moment, racing through the forest side by side, they were connected by something deeper and more primal. The thrill of the hunt, the exhilaration of the wild, the unbreakable bonds of brotherhood. Out here, they weren’t just shifters, but extensions of the untamed landscape itself.
As they ran, flashes of familiarity sparked in Jay’s mind. The way Henry’s bear charged ahead boldly, always the leader. The playful way Klein would veer off suddenly as if challenging the others to follow. These weren’t quite memories, but patterns and instincts that resonated deep within his bear’s consciousness.
The three bears crested a small hill, and Henry’s bear let out a playful roar, charging down the other side with abandon. Klein followed suit, surprisingly agile as he bounded after his brother.
Jay’s bear hesitated for only a moment before plunging down the slope after his brothers, a rumbling growl of delight escaping his throat. The exhilaration was intoxicating, and for the first time since waking up without his memories, he felt truly free.
They ran on and on, weaving through the dense forest, splashing through a shallow creek, and climbing up rocky outcroppings. Jay’s bear followed his brothers’ lead, trusting their knowledge of the territory. Occasionally, Henry’s bear would glance back, as if checking that Jay was still with them.
As they climbed higher into the mountains, Jay’s bear felt something stir deep within him. A recognition. This path, these rocks, the way the moonlight filtered through the trees, they all tugged at something buried in his consciousness.
Henry’s bear suddenly stopped at a small clearing, his massive head turning back to watch Jay approach. Klein’s bear circled around, coming to stand beside his older brother. They waited, their eyes gleaming in the darkness.
But waiting for what?
When Jay’s bear reached them, a flood of sensations washed over him. We’ve been here before.
We should go back, Jay warned as his bear took a couple of steps forward, under the watchful gaze of Henry and Klein.
No, his bear said. This is where it all began.
You remember? Jay asked.
Not exactly, his bear replied. But I do remember we came here before.
Of course, we have, Jay said. We’ve lived here our whole lives, we are bound to have been here before.
No, it’s more than that, his bear said.
Jay tried to focus on their surroundings. Trying to feel what his bear felt. See what his bear saw. The trail.
Up ahead a game trail wound its way upward, and Jay was compelled to follow it. His bear pushed out his senses, searching for something, but he had no clue what that something was.
There’s nothing there, his bear said.
But a memory stirred in the back of Jay’s mind. Hero.
He’d been riding out here, searching for something… But what? The more he chased the thought, the more elusive it became.
Don’t force it, his bear warned him.
But we need to know, Jay replied.
His bear ran forward, heading up the trail, but as he ran it was as if the memory was always two steps ahead of him, always out of reach.
We cannot catch it like this, his bear growled in frustration. We need to let it come to us.
Jay’s bear slowed to a halt, standing on the narrow trail that wound its way up the hillside. He looked back to see Henry and Klein still waiting in the clearing below, their forms dark silhouettes against the moonlit forest.
Come on, Jay urged his bear. If we just get to the top of this ridge, maybe we’ll remember.
With a reluctant huff, his bear started up the trail again, each step slow and deliberate. The forest grew quieter as they ascended, the sounds of night creatures fading into a soft, ambient hum.
Anticipation and dread filled him. What would he find at the top? An answer? Another question?
But when he reached the top there was nothing but a view over a deep valley. Its sides were sheer rock and at the very bottom, shrouded in darkness flowed a river. He didn’t need to see the river to know it was there.
And more. Deep in his soul, he knew that this was where his life had changed forever.
He turned away from the view and faced his brothers. They know, he told his bear.
Then he shifted, needing answers.
“Why did you bring me here?” he asked.
Henry shifted first, flickering out of existence for a moment before returning in his human form.
“We thought it might help you remember,” Henry said, his voice steady but carrying an undertone of concern. He crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes never leaving Jay’s. “This place...it’s important.”
Klein shifted next, but he stayed silent, the usual playfulness in his eyes was absent, replaced by something more serious, more guarded.
“Important how?” Jay pressed. The cold night air bit at his skin, but he didn’t flinch. The physical discomfort was nothing compared to the gnawing uncertainty that had taken hold of him since waking up without his past.
Henry sighed and looked out across the valley. “This is where it all began.”
“All what?” Jay asked.
“You rode out here on Hero to round up a couple of stray cattle. But instead, you saw something.” Henry glanced at Jay. “Do you remember anything at all?”
“Fragments,” Jay admitted. “But nothing concrete. It’s like the pieces are there but I don’t know how to put them together.”
“You will,” Klein assured him, but he sounded more hopeful than certain.
“But you are not going to tell me,” Jay said.
“We could, but the memories still won’t be yours,” Henry replied.
He’s right , Jay’s bear agreed. They can tell us what they know but that won’t help us remember what happened.
“Damn it!” Jay swung around and stared out over the valley, the forest stretching endlessly into the horizon like a vast, living sea. A cool breeze rustled the leaves, and for a fleeting moment, he felt as if the wind carried whispers of the past—fragments of images, snippets of conversations—but they were no more than ghostly echoes.
“We just thought coming up here might help,” Henry took a step closer to Jay. “You’re our brother, Jay. We can’t lose you again.”
Again. That word struck Jay like a physical blow.
“And I don’t want to lose you.” Jay turned back to face his brothers.
“You won’t,” Klein said. “Because this time you have something to anchor you here.”
“Alison,” Jay murmured.
“Maybe she is the key,” Henry said.
“But how can I be what she needs when I don’t know who I am?” Jay asked, his voice tight with emotion.
“Do you need to know who you are to be who she needs you to be?” Klein asked cryptically.
Jay raked a hand through his hair. “No. I guess not.”
“Then let her in,” Henry said. “Don’t hold her at arm’s length and fool yourself you are doing it for her sake.”
“You’re scared, we get it,” Klein said. “There is no way we can understand how hard this is for you. How confusing it is. But we do know you.”
“The old me,” Jay reminded them.
“Whether it’s the old new or the new you,” Henry began. “It is you that she needs. And it’s her that you need. That’s why fate brought you two together right now.”
They’re right, his bear said. All we are doing is fighting the inevitable. And maybe if we give into it, if we open ourselves up to her, to our destiny, it all might make sense.
“Thank you,” Jay said to his brothers, and then he shifted and ran back down the trail with only one destination in mind.
Before he could talk himself out of it, before he could change his mind, he was going to Alison.