40. Not in Your Dreams （Kiss Me）
40
NOT IN YOUR DREAMS (KISS ME)
L uella curled her hands to her chest, breathing slow and even in the quiet of early night. But her mind wouldn’t cease its incessant thinking.
When would Bastian fulfill his end of their bargain and let her see her demon?
She mentally berated herself for not putting a time limit on the bargain. The vampire had looked so smug when he forced her to awaken. What tricks did he have up his sleeve?
Could she actually escape?
Her plan to flee through the tunnels in the library was foolish at best—deadly at worst.
Did King Vale have anything to do with the Umbra and the so-called Tenebrae?
Luella remembered overhearing him in the library the other night. The mentions of the prophecy. So uncanny they would utter the very words she had just learned. Every little piece of the puzzle was laid out in her mind, waiting to be put together; Luella just couldn’t quite fit the pieces the way they should be. Odds and ends, grating against each other as she forced everything into a semblance of a disjointed picture.
Her fingers gripped the sheet and pulled it close to her chin. Groggy with the fleeting promise of dreams, her hand snaked out of the cocoon of the covers and laid, palm up, against the mattress. Her eyes watered from the action. Half-asleep, and she was reaching for someone who couldn’t come.
The evocation of the way Az gripped her fingers through the iron bars made her heart yearn for him.
Perhaps absence did make the heart grow fonder. Coupled with their shared trauma, forced to rely on him in the dungeons, and Luella was helpless to find solace from the thought of him.
With the memory of Az’s intoxicating scent of burnt sugar and cocoa tingling in her nose, Luella fell asleep.
A hand brushed over her forehead.
She mumbled, swiping it away, eyes closed as she snuggled deeper into the firmness she was resting against.
A low laugh reverberated through her.
Hands stroking her waist.
But she had fallen asleep alone…
Luella’s eyes blearily opened.
Flames crackled in the all-too-familiar fireplace, and a strange rush of dread and relief swept through her.
Her chin nudged against the chest she was curled into.
"Bastian?" she croaked.
The vampire hummed under her.
"What am I doing here?" Languid, Luella’s toes curled.
"We made a bargain, did we not?" Bastian replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
Ice water cascaded over her, and so quick that it made black dots spot her vision, she sat up, one hand braced against his shoulder as the other rested against the back of the armchair. Her legs dangled over his thighs, and the tips of her toes hovered over the soft rug decorating the floor.
She distantly wondered where the image of this place had come from. Was it Bastian’s design—his touch gracing the dark shade painting the walls and the exact leather make of the chair they were seated upon?
"What of our bargain, Bastian? You said you would take me to see Az."
Bastian let out a low, treacherous laugh. "Pet, really? I thought you would have learned by now."
He nudged her to stand with a hand pushing against her shoulders. She did so with a slight sway to her step. How could Luella feel tired in a dream?
Standing from the chair, Bastian towered over her, hands coming to rest on her shoulders as he spun her. With her back now to Bastian, Luella saw what he meant.
Az stood silently against the wall, the orange glow of the flames from the crackling fire cast shadows of warmth on his tanned skin. It reminded Luella of their time in the dungeons, the faint candlelight that had cascaded throughout the dank cells from the sconces in the hallways, turning him into a being made from the most forgotten of fires, just like the demon he was.
Luella’s lower lip trembled. She looked back to Bastian, who stood smug and sensual as always, before casting her watery, golden eyes back to the demon haunting the corners of her dream.
In this space of her mind, Az did not wear any chains or iron manacles. His chest was bare, gleaming, and lined with muscles that spoke of his strength.
She took a tiny step forward, fearful somehow that the spell would be broken. Maybe this was not a dream of Bastian’s making but one of her own. Would she wake up and dispel the haze of desire that pulsed within the depths of her soul, find out that it was all a mirage, founded by her wants and hopes?
"Lu," Az uttered in the quiet of the room.
She could not speak. The fire crackled in an answer to his beckoning.
Bastian was a wall of warmth behind her, urging her onward with firm palms against her back. The hem of her silk nightgown tickled against the bare skin of her thighs, the pale expanse pebbled not with chill but heat from the twin flames of their attentions that burned over her flesh.
This time, it was Az that came to her.
The demon’s large hands engulfed the sides of her head as he held her still and scoured every bit of her, looking for anything out of place.
"You’re okay?" Az asked, tone gruff and persistent.
Luella nodded, all too aware of the vampire at her back and his ears that listened. How would she ever follow through with her plan if she couldn’t find a moment alone with Az?
"Speak to me. Please," Az urged. "The sound of your voice has haunted me. Help me know everything was real."
"What do you want me to say?" Luella quietly asked.
His eyes searched hers, and for a singular moment, she forgot all about the worries and prophecies and darkness that plagued her mind. She imagined she was the runaway daughter of a farmer or merchant, stealing away in the night to visit a starry-eyed admirer.
The demon brushed a thumb over the soft curve of her cheek like he heard her thoughts.
The spell was disrupted as Az pulled away. His eyes shot amber-colored daggers at the vampire at her back.
"Are you happy now?" Az growled. "This is torture. Worse than the dungeons."
Bastian settled a possessive hand on Luella’s nape. "Would you really deny her of what she asked for?"
Casting his eyes downward, Az’s shoulders sunk forward. He seemed defeated as he replied, "No."
The solemn resignation on Az’s usually warm features—sometimes Luella could even call his appearance soft when he looked at her—made anger bubble up within her. She whirled on Bastian, pressing a finger against his chest. His hands raised, palms held outward, as he looked down his nose at her, sultry passion mingling with irritation.
"You tricked me," Luella hissed.
"Tricked you?" Bastian laughed. "I only gave what I got. If you cannot handle the burn of the flames, don’t play with fire."
Her jaw clenched in consternation, an unfamiliar call resonating deep within her chest; she nearly staggered back under the weight of it. It felt like… No, it couldn’t be. She was nothing. She had no magic. And never would.
It was simply the fizzling end of their duplicitous bargain.
She held eye contact with Bastian as she reached for the top button of his shirt. The silk was cool under her hands as she slowly unbuttoned it. Az growled behind her but made no move to stop her. She was grateful for that tiny show of trust. Such a rarity in her life.
As she undid the top few buttons, Luella pushed back the neckline of Bastian’s shirt, only to reveal smooth pale skin. No bargain marks, no remainder of their deal.
It was done.
Luella’s hands curled into fists against the material of Bastian’s shirt. Somehow, she had hoped the vampire would be different, but she guessed not. Hope was such a fickle thing. Even if she tried to abstain, somehow, little threads had a way of weaving into her life and disrupting everything when it proved fruitless.
"I will always win, pet," Bastian said softly. The words were a mockery of an assurance. It only made her hatred burn hotter, just like the very flames Bastian had accused her of playing with.
If he felt slighted by her not-kiss, she would just have to give him what he wanted.
"Kiss me," Luella demanded.
Bastian’s brows rose. "I thought we had already been down this road before. Don’t tell me your fickle fae memory is that short-lived. Or perhaps you want to taste me as much as I do you."
Her cheeks burned, even as she forced herself to reply, "Another deal, Bastian. This time, I’ll give you what you want. A kiss on the lips."
Az let out a rumbling growl. "Fuck no," he seethed.
She turned to find the demon with hands curled into fists as he tried to stop himself from lunging forward.
Golden hair covered the side of her cheek, obscuring her lips from Bastian as she mouthed, Trust me.
The jealous fury marring Az’s expression did not dim, but he refrained from further comment. It would have to be enough for now. Soon, they would be out of here, and Luella could explain.
"What do you get out of this deal, pet? And don’t say it’s the pleasure of my touch. I’ll give that freely if you only ask," Bastian crooned.
"A moment alone with Az." Luella’s words were carefully uttered. She didn’t dare say more.
Bastian scoffed. "No."
She tried not to let his refusal fill her with dismay. "Why not?" she persisted, hands smoothing over the wrinkles she had made by fisting the delicate silk of his shirt. Her touch was curious and light, but searching as she begged him to grant her this.
"I will not fall for this again. I don’t know what you could possibly want with Azograth alone, but forget it. It’s not happening." Bastian removed her hands from his chest, only a moment of hesitancy relaying that he felt the simmering heat that burned between them, just as she did—Luella preyed on it like a starved animal.
"Please," she breathed, mouth parting as she implored him to listen.
Bastian gave a pained groan, throaty and sinful. "Fuck me for falling for this," he muttered low under his breath. He brought his hand up to his mouth, a fang quickly slicing the tip of his pointer finger. "And fuck you for being so damn enticing." She didn’t think she had ever heard him curse so much; usually, Tharen was the one with a foul mouth. Bastian’s finger hovered over his chest, sternness overtaking his features as he said, "If you do not agree to the conditions, that’s on you. I will not concede further."
Then, he pressed it against his chest, blood crossing over the pale skin of his heart.
"A kiss on the lips from you at any time of my choosing," Bastian amended with a sly grin. "In exchange, I will grant you exactly one minute alone with Azgorath."
Her heart stalled. Would it be enough?
Before Bastian could take her hand and prick her finger, Az was there. His mouth was downturned in displeasure as he gently took her hand in his grasp. His large hand almost completely swallowed up hers as he lowered his head, curls of dark hair brushing against her skin as he carefully pricked the tip of her pinky against the sharp point of a curved horn. She didn’t even feel the pain.
Blood beaded at the tip, and Az brushed down the corner of Luella’s neckline, warm fingers skimming over the swell of her chest as he pressed her finger against her chest. He was quick to pull away. Blood oaths and bargains could not be forced. It had to be her own decision.
"Go ahead," Az said with a tiny smile, giving her a brief glimpse into the soft beast she had come to know.
And she did. Luella quickly uttered the confines of their deal, a mirror to what Bastian had said.
All the while, she tried to ignore the fluttering of a thousand butterfly wings in her stomach at the undeniable prospect of kissing the vampire. Luella’s earlier trickery had been futile, and a small part of her barely cared. A larger part of her was intrigued by the idea…
Her chest warmed as the deal was put into place. She did not look down to see the mark this time. From how Bastian spoke, she feared he would take time to call on her end of the deal, make her wait, and keep the claim burned into her skin as a reminder that fighting was pointless.
He won in the end.
"Well, pet." With a flick of Bastian’s hand, a pocketwatch materialized out of thin air. Luella wasn’t shocked. It was a dream, after all. He flipped open the lid, revealing a ticking clock face. "One minute," he reminded. Form growing faint, ripples shimmering around the air before Bastian was gone altogether.
Then, it was Luella and Az.
She met his warm amber eyes, and it took everything in her not to spend the little time they had alone weeping in memory of hands curling around hers through iron bars and fingers carding through the tangles in her dirtied hair.
But Luella had to use this time well. She had sold her lips for it, after all.
Twin footfalls against the floor, and they met each other in a crash of her shaking hands against his firm foundation, catching her when she nearly fell against him. His chest gleamed in the light of the fire, and Luella felt her mouth grow dry.
"We don’t have much time," Luella breathed, hands resting against Az’s forearms as he held her tightly against his bare chest. "We have to get out of here." Her voice was low and quiet, fearful that Bastian could somehow hear.
Az shook his head. "It is not safe for you. If they catch us…" His fingers flexed against her waist. "I don’t care what they do to me, but they’ll throw you back into the dungeons. You’re not made for that. It will kill you," he said emphatically.
"I know a way."
"How?" Az lowered his head, eyes beseeching.
Her whole front pressed to his as she rose on her tiptoes and tugged on a curl of his hair, urging the demon to bend down further. She whispered into his ear, "The tunnels that run throughout the kingdom. I found an opening deep in the library."
Az grew rigid and pulled back. Their faces were a mere breath apart. Hands rose to cup her cheeks, and she nuzzled into him, eyes drifting closed from his proximity.
"Lu." Az urged her to look at him with a finger under her chin. As she met his eyes, she was bombarded with a litany of unsaid questions weighing heavily in the air between them. But there was no time… "Those tunnels are not safe."
"Please, Az, trust me," Luella pleaded. "It’s either take a chance in the tunnels or wither away here."
Resigned, Az let out a sigh. "You’ve been waiting for me?" he asked.
"Always," she replied. "I wouldn’t leave you here."
Nodding, Az said, "Okay. Okay ." He brushed a finger over her cheek as he spoke. "We’ll do this, Lu. But you have to follow my lead. I will come for you. Wait for me."
Her mouth parted as she drew a shaky breath, eyes shifting to look about the room. Was their time up?
"Angel, eyes on me," Az commanded. "Say it. Promise me you will wait for me. Don’t make rash decisions."
"I promise," she vowed.
And before Az could reply, the air grew heavy around them. Bastian’s form took shape in the armchair, lounging with an expectant expression.
"Damn," he cursed, brushing an invisible wrinkle out of his impeccable silk shirt as he rested a crooked leg atop his knee. "I thought I would have caught you both in a compromising position."
Az growled in reply, pulling away from Luella with a careful reminder of what they had just agreed upon simmering in the depth of his eyes.
Luella gave an imperceptible nod.
She would wait for him.
Hope had her wishing it would be soon that he would follow through on his promise to come for her.
"I’m not like you, vampire. I don’t give into my basal impulses," Az spat.
Bastian gave a bitter laugh. "Really?" he taunted. "You expect me to believe if you had her willing, you wouldn’t act upon it?" He steepled his fingers as he regarded them, and even though she wasn’t the object of his scrutiny—this time—apprehension stilled her tongue.
The words Bastian had said with such conviction made Luella’s skin flush in a strange awareness.
And found herself waiting for what Az’s response would be.
He didn’t disappoint.
"I don’t take from the unwilling."
That was all the demon said. Somehow, it was more than enough. She felt safe with him. Luella knew he would never take what she wasn’t freely offering. The same couldn’t be said for the others; even Bastian had preyed upon her desperation and used it to steal a kiss.
Standing, Bastian called, "Come, pet." He crooked his finger, and she went to him begrudgingly, wishing she could remain in Az’s arms.
Even in a dream, the demon pulled her to him.
Bastian looked her over. "He truly didn’t touch you?" His tone was astonished.
"No," she replied.
He hummed in response, muttering something low under his breath about self-control.
Lifting a hand, Bastian shifted his head to where Az was standing alone in the center of the room. The firelight flickered behind him, casting deep shadows against his torso and making his horns look all the more frightening against the amber gleam of his eyes. The vampire’s fingers sparked with dust-like tendrils of wispy smoke.
"Maybe I will take that kiss now." Bastian’s other hand brushed the thick curtain of Luella’s curls back off her shoulders.
The vampire smirked, and with a wave of his shadow-tipped hand, Az disappeared, a growl echoing throughout the room like a harkening of violent promises.
"Az," Luella whispered. But it was no use, the words disappeared into nothing, following the demon back to his wakening body in a cold, damp dungeon where her voice would haunt him, just as he had shared with her.
She jolted, suddenly feeling too vulnerable without Az there to guard her. The bargain mark on her chest seemed to pulse. Bastian could do whatever he wanted, and Luella didn’t stand a chance.
Luella waited for Bastian to move, just as he waited for her.
"I will not kiss you now," Bastian revealed. "Not in your dreams."
"Why?" Luella realized after the small question fell from her lips that it might sound like she had wanted him to kiss her. If the red lacing throughout his half-lidded eyes was anything to go by, Bastian thought the same.
"It was fun to mess with Azgorath. It reminded me of…" He shook his head. "Never mind." Bastian pressed a finger against the space between her brows.
Luella didn’t want to leave yet. Didn’t want to be forced back into a body that didn’t feel welcoming. Into a reality that made her wish she could reside in her mind forever.
"Wait!" she exclaimed. "Not yet."
Something in his expression made her think that perhaps he knew all too well the war of thoughts that waged within her mind. Nodding, Bastian relented and removed his touch from between her brows but did not release his hands from her entirely; he guided her by the arm to sit in the leather chair, kneeling between her thighs on the rug.
Bastian smoothed his hands over the hem of her nightgown. "What plagues you?"
Everything , she wanted to say.
A scoff tore from her lips. Did he truly not get it? She had been stolen from her bed, taken from her home, and forced into a life she did not want, with those who did not seem to want her. Just as always.
"I feel…" Luella shook her head to dispel the thoughts swirling in her mind. Bastian’s grip on her grew fierce as he silently urged her on.
It was as Luella met his eyes she said, "I feel like an unanchored vessel here. Drifting in endless waters." She curled her fingers against his shoulders. "I need something to help me from sinking and drowning."
His eyes flicked to hers, and a much-needed breath caught in her lungs, leaving her dizzy.
Those eyes. She was arrested by his gaze.
Maybe having your mind broken into like a locked door wasn’t so bad if he was the one doing the breaking.
"If only you knew," Bastian murmured.
"Knew what?" Luella begged.
He pulled away from her and stood, Luella slow to follow. They were back to the way she knew Bastian liked it, with him towering over her, holding all the power.
Luella stepped back, calves bumping into the chair behind her.
Bastian tsked under his breath and carefully placed his thumb between her brows.
She knew what came next.
But she couldn’t decide if she was relieved to awaken or not.
Bastian’s face lowered to hers. "I’ll see you soon," he breathed over her flushed skin. The words were a warm puff of air from sensual, red lips.
The last thing she saw before the very ground grew unsteady under her feet, was the vampire’s lips mouthing a word.
A word that felt more hazy and surreal than the dream itself.
Precious.