Chapter 12
Stomping through the mud, I headed in no particular direction. I just wanted to put some distance between myself and the nosey, gossiping ladies of the court. I should have been used to it by now, and yet, it still took me by surprise. Lady Gelda didn’t seem like one of those ladies when we first met. If anything she seemed very placid—vanilla even.
Reaching the same lilac field, I huffed as I sat down on the fallen log. Cole’s jacket was still in my arms as I looked up at the daylight sky. The sun’s rays warmed my skin gently while the scent of pine and lilacs covered my senses, calming my nerves.
“Well, you sure showed her didn’t you. I never thought you had a nasty bone in your body, my sweet.”
I jumped at the sound of him in my head. When would I stop getting surprised by his voice? Yet here it was ringing through my mind as I looked around wondering if I could spot him.
“She shouldn’t have been nosey,” I said dryly.
“Even I would ask you questions if I saw another man’s jacket resting against your skin.”
A blush rushed to my cheeks as I held onto Cole’s jacket, his scent still lingering faintly under my nose. Was my shadow man jealous perhaps? That would be interesting and slightly exciting if he was.
“It’s just a jacket to help keep me warm.”
“In this heat? No, princess. That was given to show a mark, a sign to others.”
Was it? I hadn’t thought much on the subject as to why Cole would give me something so obvious that it was owned by his family. Looking at the collar, there was a small gold pin pushed firmly into it. A family crest, with a raven in the middle. If anyone were to look close enough, they would see whose jacket it was.
“Well, I don’t plan on keeping it and will return it to its owner when I happen to see them next.”
“Are you sure you want to return it?”
My soul almost escaped out of my body as I leaped from the log and saw he was sitting next to me. In the same outfit as he was in my dream, or whatever that was. Perhaps he really was something of my imagination. Maybe an imaginary friend. Then again, did imaginary friends try to kiss the other person?
“I don’t want to give the gentleman hope,” I finally said, sitting back down. “And anyhow, why were you spying on me?”
“I don’t mean to. Sometimes I like to check in, and after the news I gave you, I wanted to be sure you were alright. You seemed flustered earlier.”
A flash of the memory flew in my mind, and I quickly shook my head to try and remove it. Making myself a little dizzy in the process. I realised then I still hadn’t eaten, and it was now the late afternoon.
“That is—eh—thank you. I am doing just fine.”
He looked at me with his blue eyes, brushing a strand of hair from my face. I involuntarily leaned in against the palm of his hand. Colder than expected but a part of me craved his touch.
“I know he is within the castle. If you wish, I could send a plague of nightmares to him whenever he sleeps.”
A small chuckle escaped my lips at the seriousness his face seemed to hold. That surely would make a good punishment to Dorian, and one I would enjoy hearing about.
“I will never tire of that sound,” he muttered gently, taking my hand and kissing my open palm.
“What sound?” I asked, suddenly confused.
“Your laugh.”
“Oh, my laugh isn’t very lady like.”
“That’s why I enjoy it. And if anyone were to take it from me, I will burn this world to the ground just to get it back.”
I lowered my eyes as I felt his bore into me, watching my every move, and studying my every breath. Redness appeared against my cheeks once again. I wanted more of these moments. Right here, in a field filled with flowers, with him sitting next to me as we talked, forgetting our stations and just being us. This was where I wanted to be.
“We are returning to our city home the day after next. Will I see you there? Or are you stuck here?”
I knew he was able to visit my bedroom once, but I wasn’t too sure if he was strictly stuck to the grounds of this home or if he could go anywhere he pleased.
“I will be right by your side, in the shadows, waiting for you to say those magic words.”
“What makes you so sure I will say them?”
Taking a hold of both of my hands then, he cupped them in his. No longer feeling cool to the touch, but warm against my skin. His eyes filled with mystery and wonder, begging me to fall into them.
“I have no doubt you will, when the time is right.”
I could feel myself leaning in and before I could stop myself, his hands released mine and both of them cupped my face. One slowly moved to the back of my neck as our faces came closer together.
A single breath away.
“As much as I crave those lips against mine our lips will not meet,” he said as he pulled away a little to my disappointment. “I have great plans for you and me. One in particular I know, if I kissed you now, I would ruin the surprise.”
I could feel my heart thump loudly in my chest and the heat rise within me. What ideas did he have? I couldn’t help myself as I shifted a little closer to him and his nose brushed against mine, closing the distance between us again. The air in my lungs shallow as I thought more on his words and a spark rushed up between my legs. He didn’t move his hand from the back of my neck, or flinch when I placed one of my hands on his knee.
“If you keep looking at me like that, I will break the vow I made,” he growled, biting his bottom lip.
“And what vow would that be?” I asked as his breath caught.
“You are tethering on dangerous ground.”
His fingers teased against the nape of my neck as he tugged a little at my hair. His other hand trailed down towards my bare shoulder, just as he did before.
“Tether it with me then.”
I wasn’t sure what came over me. I had this sudden confidence. I wanted him, every part of him. The way he smelt of pine, firewood and sea salt, filled the very depths of my soul.
“This dress, it”s perfect, but it most certainly would look better on my bedroom floor.”
A devilish smile ran across his lips as he licked his bottom lip and leaned in, closing the gap almost by a pin of hair. I desperately wanted his lips to touch mine.
“You, however, are not ready. And when you are, I will be here waiting for you,” he whispered, his lips ghosting over mine with each word.
He broke his hold on me and stood up suddenly, to my shock and displeasure. The cold air now separated us completely. I turned away to leave, but he tugged on my wrist, turning me back to face him.
I watched as he turned it around and left a small kiss in the middle of my wrist before leaving me in an aura of wanting and longing for his touch once more. I was losing my mind, that’s what this all was. I was locked in that memory with Dorian, and this was my way of coping. I was still a child begging for help, that had to be it.
“Head home now, I will visit you soon. For now, enjoy the festival and your family”s celebrations. We will see each other shortly.”
As he went to walk away, I could feel my body ache with each step he took.
“Aren’t you going to walk me back?” I asked, hoping he would say yes.
“Not today, my sweet. I have some business that needs taking care of.”
By the time his words had registered, he was gone in a puff of black smoke. Leaving me with a flustered look and a body that was desperate for him.
I stormed back towards the castle, hoping I wouldn’t bump into Lady Gelda, or Mother for that matter. I walked through the side door and headed up the back staircase, aiming towards the small library that lived in one of the towers. I was still unsure of my own thoughts and what was real and not.
Lord Cole was obviously real and perhaps there was something there, maybe sparks were flying, and damn my Mother if they were. I was going to seek out his companionship and more. I no longer had a future husband, and I would be able to win Father over and be allowed to pick my own. I was, after all, of age. Damn the responsibilities and requirements as a princess, and if I were denied, I’d run away.
“Norok heard what you said to Gelda,”
Pushing open the library door and heading inside, I found Talia sitting at one of the oak tables with a book in her hand. She lowered it down as she saw me enter, a teasing smirk dancing at the corners of her lips.
“He’s not upset, don”t worry. I think he actually agrees with you. She did, however, tell Mother about your carriage ride home.”
“No surprise there,” I replied dryly before heading towards the stacks.
I stopped at a spot in the back towards the more dustier books. I knew no one would choose to ever look here for their preferred reading material. Reaching back, I pulled out a box and put Lord Cole”s jacket inside. Inside the box was the same book of fairy tales and romance I”d found a while ago, along with the ribbon I had worn in my hair the first time my shadow man appeared in my room, and a dried wisteria flower.
I couldn”t remember where it came from, I had it as long as I could remember, but it always made me happy when I saw it. “How come you decided to cut your trip short?” I asked Talia, walking back to join her in the front of the library.
At the same time, one of her lady’s maids came in with a tray of biscuits and a pot of peppermint tea. Placing it down on the table in between us, I smiled kindly whereas Talia ignored her completely.
“Thank you, Emily,” I spoke warmly to the maid as she curtsied and left us.
“Grandmother Lyla wanted to arrive before the wedding. That way she could help Mother and see what progress was being made about your marriage,” Talia said, making a sour face.
Rolling my eyes, I sat down in one of the comfortable but dusty armed chairs across from Talia with a huff. Talia always knew where I would end up hiding if I was in trouble or Mother was out looking for me. Mother never ventured to this part of the castle. Father sometimes did, but for the most part, it was mine and Talia’s hideout.
“I don’t know why they are pushing so much. Norok will have an heir now and I won’t be needed,” I groaned, throwing an arm over my eyes dramatically.
“Don’t be daft. You will be the next in line if that baby doesn’t come out looking like Norok,” Talia remarked casually.
“Talia! That’s a horrible thing to say!” I hissed, dropping my arm and giving her a stern look.
“I know, which is why I’m hoping I’m wrong,” she amended with a roll of her eyes.
The conversation was already taking a turn I was not interested in. Norok’s child would be beautiful no matter what happened. If it was Norok’s baby, that is. There was already talk within the court that Gelda wasn’t a committed woman.
Sighing, Talia handed me a freshly poured cup of tea. I noticed Talia deliberately placed her book face down. Almost as if she was trying to hide the cover from me. She likely found one of the more ”suggestive” books hidden away in the stacks. I should see if she did, that way I could take it away from her. As her older sister, I”d clearly have to read it first before maybe giving it back.
“How is our sweet, lovely grandmother?” I asked mockingly, breathing in the freshness of my drink.
“She’s doing okay, much better actually. One of Father’s mages gave her an elixir to aid with her pains.”
“That’s good to hear, how old is she now?”
“Pushing at least two hundred, I think. Dare I ask her age? She would destroy me.”
We both laughed a little at the thought of Grandmother reprimanding Talia. After our laughter died down, we sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying our drinks and each other’s company.
“Are you going to tell me why you were in Lord Cole’s carriage then?” Talia finally asked.
“I am sure your little birdies already told you why,” I said with a sigh.
“Well, they told me something. Though, I’d rather hear it from you to see how truthful it all is,” she remarked.
I contemplated if I should tell her the reason as to why I fainted. I wasn’t convinced it would be wise. Should this be kept as a secret? Or do I confine myself to my sister? Fear kept me from opening my mouth for a few seconds. Not only did I want to share this burden, but I desperately wanted to warn her. I wanted to protect her in case Dorian was looking at her as his next target.
“It’s quite simple and a little boring actually. I felt dizzy and fainted. Lord Cole just happened to be the one I fainted on.”
I lied.
I didn’t know if I was fully ready to discuss these things. My heart pounded in my chest as I tried to block out the images and keep my cup from slipping in my now sweaty hands. Would I ever learn to block them out? Or would I forever live my life, reliving those horrendous, ugly moments?
“Oh,” she paused, looking disappointed, “I thought it would be more exciting.”
“I’m fine by the way, thanks for asking,” I grumbled, trying to laugh the whole thing off as best as I could. “I am sorry to disappoint you, nothing exciting happened.”
“Well, either way, Mother was looking for you before I came up here to find you. Where did you run off to anyways?”
Now I knew there was no way I could tell her about my shadow man. I would come across as a crazy person who needed locking up. Placing my cup down, I wiped my hands against my dress and tucked some hair behind my ear.
“I just went for a walk in the woods, like I normally do. I know what I said to Gelda was a bit harsh, but I don’t want her thinking she can be so informal with me or you.”
“Ornella, she may become queen one day so it would be good for us if she thinks of us as friends. But we both know Norok may tire of her, especially if she doesn’t have this child. I love our brother,” she murmured, pausing to sip from her cup before placing it down again. “But you and I both know what kind of Fae he is. He has wandering eyes and hands. If Gelda does give him an heir, that still won’t stop him from taking a mistress. I expect it to happen, as does our mother.”
Would Norok do that to his wife, though? Even if he found out the child wasn’t his? I didn’t think he would cast her aside. He’d already mentioned they were friends and if it meant keeping her safe, he would do that until his last breath.
“Mother has already started picking out future mistresses for him. Those that are the best at being discreet.”
Of course she was. That fact didn’t surprise me in the slightest. Norok was the golden child and could do no wrong in her eyes.
“Dinner will be getting served soon. We should head downstairs and prepare,” I said, desperate to change the subject.
I finished my drink before standing, then headed towards the door. Talia grabbed hold of my wrist as I walked past her and pulled me back.
“What’s that?” she asked, her eyes narrowed on my wrist.
Looking at my wrist then, she pointed to a mark on my skin. There, on the inside of my wrist was the shape of a crescent moon directly in the middle. It was a fleshy colour, but raw, as if newly branded on my skin.
“I have no idea. Perhaps I hurt myself in the woods,” I said, attempting to keep my voice steady.
Or perhaps my shadow man had placed a mark on me? As a way to claim me for himself? He kissed that same space earlier and did seem rather jealous at the mention of another man’s jacket. Talia let go of my wrist, giving me a questioning, but curious look. As I stepped away, a smile pulled at the corners of my mouth.
“Come on, you can borrow one of my dresses if you wish,” I mentioned, using my wardrobe as a way to distract her.
Her face changed instantly as she stood up and linked her arm with mine. “As long as it”s like what you”re wearing now.”
“Yes, I think I have a blue one you’d look lovely in.”
“Wonderful. Oh, I forgot to mention,” leaning closer to my ear, she giggled before whispering, “Mother saw Lord Cole and demanded he join us for dinner.”
The blood drained from my face as her words registered. Mother was setting her pieces up on our chess board and clearly Lord Cole was one of them.
“And you are only mentioning this now?!” I snarled under my breath as we stopped in the corridor.
“I didn’t think you’d mind too much. Seeing as you thoroughly enjoy his company,” she teased.
“Talia, Mother banned me from seeing him and now she’s invited him to dinner. This can’t be good!” I hissed in a hushed tone.
My mind raced with all the possible questions. The look my mother would give me if she knew. I couldn’t really scold Talia for not telling me sooner. She was still a young girl. Always looking forward to the gossip of the court and seeing what her big sister could tell her.
“Ornella, he seems very taken by you. Father has noticed. I heard him talking to Grandmother about him earlier.”
We continued the walk back to our rooms. The mention of Grandmother did make my heart slow a beat. She had great sway over Father. Seeing as she was his only living relative now—aside from us—he turned to her for most of his life advice.
Perhaps she would be the one to hush Mother up about such rumours and believe Lord Cole to be a good man. At least, that was the impression I got of him.
At first, he may have seemed a bit flirtatious and possibly egocentric. Though with each meeting, my impression and opinion of him grew.
“Maybe she can talk some sense into Mother and stop her from forbidding you. I’m sure everything will be fine,” she said, squeezing my arm a little as we entered my bedroom to prepare for dinner.