Chapter 30
Iavoided Nicholas as best as I could up until two days before our wedding.
Morg laid rather oddly on my bed. Her head hanging off the side as she swished her hair back and forth. I watched her face turn a strawberry colour as the blood rushed to her brain. It did not seem to bother her as I continued to stare from my vanity table, pulling out flowers she’d placed in my curls while we bathed in the sunshine this afternoon.
“What are you doing?” Vanessa’s commanding and questioning voice entered the room. She leaned against the door frame, staring at Morgana.
Both her and Morg were dressed beautifully in silk and cotton dresses that flowed exquisitely as they walked through the gardens earlier. Each with a colour that complimented their skin. I assumed April would be wearing something similar. I had hoped to see her. To ask her questions about Nicholas’s confessions, but she continued to hide away from me while she helped her brother plan.
“You should try it, Nessie, it gives you such a rush!”
Lifting herself up, Morgana twirled herself around on the bed and hopped off with a little bounce, before stumbling as she became dizzy.
“You really are the strangest one.” Vanessa rolled her eyes and strolled into the room before she began to gently pull out the flowers I had not reached yet from the back of my hair.
“Your dress has arrived, Ornella.”
She began to brush my hair slowly then with a comb I was sure was made from bone. Morgana again bounced up and down with excitement, clapping her hands with glee. They both seemed rather pleased with this news. Whereas I sat here feeling a sense of dread.
Since he gave me back my memories, many more have returned. I felt guilty for shouting at him and not trusting him. He had done it to protect me. I had just been overwhelmed at the moment. Then later, I didn”t know what to say to him, and he did as I had asked. He kept away from me.
The memories of many more assaults from my uncle kept me from sleeping. I would wake up screaming and drenched in a cold sweat, begging for help, desperately wanting anyone to come and rescue me. No wonder he heard my calls to be saved. Only the memories of Nicholas and I wandering through the woods, sitting with the horses in the stables, or the day we found a lush green field, have kept me from going a little insane. He’d been my saviour all along, and yet, he felt the need to keep our history a secret and I didn’t fully understand why.
“What colour did April pick?” I asked, trying to seem interested.
“You will have to wait and see. I know she chose a pattern you liked and there are a few other surprises waiting for you.”
“Am I needed to try it on?”
“Oh, oh!! May we please come with you?! Nessie, do her hair in preparation as well, so we can get the full look.”
Just like Talia, I was a dress up doll for these two ladies. My heart stung at the thought of Talia and what she may be enduring right now. I wished I could ask Nicholas to bring her here. That way she would be safe with me, but I knew my family would be even more hell bent on destroying this part of the world if she was taken too.
As the girls began to tug, pull, and do Goddess knows what with my hair, they eventually put it up into an up-do, leaving some strands to fall down at the back and around my face. Then they lightly dusted some rouge to my cheeks. Excitement beamed through Morg’s face while I tried to smile.
We left my room and headed towards the sisters’ wing where my dress was being carefully put on display in the large dressing room.
Once the doors were pushed open, I tried desperately to keep my eyes low, the last wedding dress I wore was the most obnoxious and disgusting dress I’d ever had to put on my body. I’d been grateful when the sisters and I set fire to it.
Morgana gasped from behind me as we entered the dressing room, and then there was silence. They seemed to be waiting for me to look and with a deep breath, I decided I might as well get it over with.
I looked up and my breath stopped.
I couldn’t come up with the correct words as I looked at this dress. My dress.
It was gorgeous.
The bodice was shaped into a delicate sweetheart neckline, with sheer light lilac fabric trailed up towards the shoulders. A darker lilac fabric draped the underskirt and on top was the same sheer fabric. There were layers upon layers of fabric that puffed out the skirt. Decorated over the bodice, and some on the skirt itself, were soft butterflies in golds, pale pinks, and shades of purple, each with small diamonds within their wings.
I stared in awe at the sight of it, I didn’t want to touch it for fear of destroying such a garment.
“Well, try it on!!” Morgana shouted as she pushed me a little towards the dress.
“What do you think, your highness?”
April came from the side lines with a small smile on her face. I was right, she wore a similar dress to her sisters but hers was a dark shade of green.
“It’s…I-I didn’t picture this,” I muttered, my voice trembling as I tried to hold back tears.
“That’s not the best part though. Try it on and I can show you.”
I became desperate to change, doing so as quickly as I could. It took some time before the many petticoats were slipped on and the corset to be done up in the back. Finally, I stepped into the dress. I took a look at myself in the mirror and struggled to keep the tears from falling. I looked more like a princess than I ever felt before.
“Hold out your arms,” April commanded.
As I did what I was told, Vanessa and April slipped the sleeves over my arms. They were in the same fabric as the bodice. I watched as they attached them to a button on either side of the bodice, near the top and then somewhere in the skirt.
“Now, raise up your arms.”
A shock ran through me as I saw my reflection in the mirror. The sleeves joined one of the top layers in the dress, and as I lifted up my arms, the sleeves gave me the illusion of fairy wings. My eyes widened as I continued to look at myself, shocked beyond words.
“It’s beautiful.”
“No, you make it beautiful.”
All three sisters stood beside me in the mirror, each of them smiling back at me. I would never forget this image, seeing three strong women pleased for me.
Surprisingly, I didn’t want to take the dress off and I was pretty sure I’d marry Nicholas every single day for the rest of my life just to wear it. The unexpectedly light weight fabric made it incredible to dance in. My soon to be sisters-in-law all had dresses made of the same fabric, but they were in dresses of pale pinks and shades of gold that matched my dress.
According to April, Nicholas was the one who suggested the butterflies. They were to symbolise my ‘rebirth’. I got choked up when she mentioned it. My conflicting feelings were all I could think about.
The feelings I had once as a young girl. The simple stable boy who gave her the attention she so desperately craved and then the man he became. The king who was frightening but gentle behind closed doors. Then there was the other man he’d pretended to be—Lord Cole.
He had many faces, and I had no idea which one of them was his true face. I hadn’t expected to find one of his many faces as I pushed open the door to the summer house. Especially considering Morgana mentioned he never came here once his mother passed.
He didn’t seem to notice me as I walked in. My hair was now in loose waves and I was back in my dress from earlier today. I pulled my shawl around my shoulders tighter. It was still going to take some getting used to with the style of dresses this land hand.
“Shall I go?” I asked as I stepped forward, making my presence known.
“It’s quite alright, Ornella. I will leave you be.”
He stood from the bench and began to walk the other direction and a lump formed in my throat. I didn’t like this distance between us, even if I was the one who’d put it there.
He’d told me the truth, and gave me back my memories. Although he appeared to be a different person outside of the small circle we’d created, he didn’t deserve my judgement or my coldness.
“Please don’t,” I murmured as he walked towards the door.
“I do not wish to cause you heartache,” he replied gently.
He gave me a sad sort of smile and tried his best not to brush past me as he walked by. Reaching out, I took his wrist.
“Don’t make me beg again,” I whispered, turning towards him. “I think we should talk.”
“What is there left to discuss? You asked for me to leave you be, and I am. Even if you do go ahead with this wedding, I will still keep my distance.”
I could see by the sorrow behind his eyes that wasn’t what he wanted, and I wasn’t sure if it was what I wanted either. I didn’t want this much space. I wanted to at least be friends and build on a relationship. I still felt that intense urge to go towards him. That pull that called to me even when I felt lost in the darkest pits of my mind.
“I don’t want that,” I said.
He snapped his wrist free of my hand and turned towards me in a flash, quicker than I thought possible. He placed both his hands on my shoulders, his look becoming intense.
“What do you want then?!” he raised his voice, but he didn”t sound angry. Nic sounded confused, and a little hurt. I could feel him shaking slightly as he held onto me. “I promised to give you everything, the world if I can. All I asked in return was for you to let me rule you, devour you in every way possible, and I would be your ever devoted servant.”
“But that makes me sound as if I am your slave! Someone who will do only as she’s told. Someone you can command at your beck and call. You should know by now, Nicholas, that is not me and never will be me,” I told him desperately.
His eyes lowered to my lips as he licked his own. The heat between us was there, the sparks embedded deep within us. I couldn’t explain it and I didn’t fully understand it. It frustrated me how one moment I was angry at him, I wanted to shove him away or slap him. Then the next I wanted to feel his arms around me, and press my lips to his.
Was this what falling for someone was like? Is this what all those characters in my books talked about? The intense feelings of lust, happiness, anger, and joy all rolled into one big mess. Was this it? Or was I so lost in my own mind that I didn’t understand anything anymore?
“You are trying my patience, Ornella,” he spoke in a low growl.
If I could break free of his grip, I would have stepped away. I needed to sever the contact between us so I could think straight.
“I don’t want you to rule me.”
“Then what do you want from me? I will heal your brother right now if it will prove whatever it is you want proven. You want my loyalty? Here, have it!”
He pulled his black ring from his middle finger and placed it in my hand. Studying it, I saw that it bore the crest of the Obsidian royal line—a raven in flight and crescent moons.
“You want me to beg you to stay? Fine!”
Getting down on his knees, he knelt in front of me. My breath caught in my throat. No king should bow to anyone. I would have pulled him up if it wasn’t for the fact deep down, I liked how quickly he got on his knees for me.
“Ornella. I realise my mistakes in getting you here. It wasn’t my best decision. I should have told you the truth right from the start. When I heard you screaming when those creatures were after you, I wasn’t even in your lands.”
“Where were you?” I asked, shocked. I’d always assumed he was wandering the woods.
“I was here, talking with my mother. Well, her spirit, when it was here.”
“Please get up. I wouldn’t want you to be seen begging in front of me.”
Pulling him up as best as I could, I tried to hand him his ring. He shook his head, closing my fingers around it before kissing my knuckles and sending shivers down my spine.
“Keep it. If you still wish to marry me, that crest will soon become yours.”
“I…”
Did I still want to marry him? That was the burning question. I knew if I begged him, he would still heal Norok. If I didn’t marry him, I would likely have to leave and return home. Plus, his sisters would be after me for upsetting their brother, even if he did say it was fine.
“If I said no, would you still heal Norok?”
He took a step back from me and dropped my hand, his eyes darkening. I immediately realised my mistake. He wasn’t expecting that and if I could take back my words, I would have.
He turned away from me and I watched him crack and roll his neck. His fists tightened at his sides, only to loosen them seconds later. As if he were telling himself to calm down. In response, I took a step back, waiting for his anger to boil out and destroy everything in its path.
“Ornella, the truth is…I healed him the day after we left.”
“What? But you just said?—”
He abruptly cut in, “I wanted to test a theory and I was right. Our wedding shall go ahead as per our deal. I will stay as your loyal, devoted husband on the outside and in front of the court but that is all we shall be. Husband and wife in name alone. You do not think of me the way I think about you. Maybe in time that may change, but this is how things will be from now on.”
My heart felt as if it stopped completely, and the blood drained from my entire body. I’d come here to wander around looking at the flowers and think about the choice I was due to make. This wasn’t what I wanted, and it took him saying those words for me to realise that.
He was what I wanted. I wanted to be near him at all times, to become friends and more.