Chapter 31
Ifelt it. Her pain as soon as I said those words. But how could she be with me in more than name itself? She obviously despised me and was only here due to the bargain we’d struck. Perhaps if I’d been truthful right from the start, she may have run away with me when I originally asked her.
I should have never came up with a plan to hurt Norok. I should not have made her agree to marry me in exchange for saving his life either. I had already healed him during the many preparations of the wedding. I just wasn’t sure if I wanted her to know the truth.
My sisters were already scolding my ass for keeping Ornella’s memories from her. During those two days away from her, April had practically begged me to tell Ornella the entire truth and see what her reaction was, believing it was just my mind messing with me and she did in fact want to be with me. However, my mind was right all along.
She didn’t want to marry me.
She was being forced to, and as much as I knew I should send her home, I wasn’t going to.
She was going to be mine for penance for what her father did to my aunt.
And if it meant staying in a loveless marriage and only procreating for the need of an heir, I would do it. She would eventually submit to her role as my wife.
“Nicholas, please.”
Her tears choked up her voice and a part of me broke at the sound of it. It wasn’t just her the memories of our youth returned to. Many I’d forgotten about or hidden away in the back of my mind had resurfaced. After they returned, that feeling of being drawn to her resumed. The waves of emotions I felt towards her confused and angered me.
I would do anything for her if she asked me to, but as she said no king should be seen begging in front of another. I would never do such a thing for her or anyone else.
As her fingers reached mine, I tried to pull away even if it pained me to do so. Those sparks were there, rooting me to the spot, digging deep into my heart as I tried to turn away. All the teasing, all the longing and wanting to be near her—to touch her—it was there screaming at me to take it all back.
I wanted to pull her into my arms. To tear her clothes off and have my way with her. I wanted her mouth, her breasts, her body. I wanted it all. I wanted her. Body, mind and soul.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” she muttered.
We kept saying things that upset the other and I didn’t understand why. We’d created such a beautiful friendship growing up. Even after I was caught by my mother and father for disappearing all hours of the day. I made it worse when they found out who I was sneaking off to meet.
Although, my mother never stopped me. Simply warned me to stay hidden and to never get caught while father tried many times to keep me home. Perhaps they always knew Ornella and I would end up on this path.
“You didn’t upset me.” My voice was cold, but I didn’t mean it. My ego was bruised.
She clung to my hand, her fingers entwined with mine. For a moment we stood there in silence. The warmth of her body broke through the fabric of my shirt. I tried not to look down at her. I tried to avoid making eye contact with her, but when I glanced down, her eyes were on the floor. She didn’t want to look at me either.
Was this how it would always be?
Near touches, glances from afar, longing for a person who may never want you? I’d always craved a relationship like my parents had. One filled with passion and heat. One where the other fought beside you and always stayed by your side.
Closing my eyes, I homed in on Ornella and hoped I could hear some of her thoughts. She’d still not mastered blocking me out. I could only hear a faint little word here and there. Her mind was racing with a million emotions and questions. How was it possible to want someone that vexed you so much? I wanted to tear the world apart for her but also tear her apart at the same time. I wanted to destroy everything she held dear and to hold her close at the same time. I wanted to protect her at all costs. But most of all, I wanted to love her deeply and freely.
“Nicholas, please don’t push me away. You’ve done that once before and it was the worst pain I’d ever felt.”
The day she tried to kiss me, I fled. I ran home and no matter how much I wanted to go back to her, I couldn’t. She was the daughter of our enemy, and as far as I was aware, she had no idea who I was. If anything, to her I was a simple stableboy and she deserved better.
She only became a part of my plan when I found out the whole story of my aunt”s death and made it my mission to take her. I didn’t intend for feelings to get in the way. She was still that young girl in the woods I found crying, and I was still the boy who befriended her and showed her magic for the first time.
“Ornella, I think we need to forget about who we were in the past.”
Turning to face her, I met her glassy eyes. She kept her fingers in mine, no matter how many times I tried to shake them off.
“We were children. We were free spirited and didn’t know any better. Now, I am king, and I have a duty to my people. Please don’t mistake this as anything but a business transaction. I meant what I said. I will be a devoted husband to you on the outside, but when we are alone, you will find no comfort from me.”
Shaking my hand out of hers, I willed my shadows to wrap around me and take me away from her. And as I disappeared, I heard the sob that escaped her body. The sound of it felt like a knife to my heart. Her pain hit my chest and I wanted to die.