Chapter 33
He didn’t speak to me after my outburst. It cut me deeply, more than I imagined it would. We arrived back at dawn, the three sisters standing outside the main gate to welcome us back. Nicholas refused to look at me or even help me out of the carriage as he stormed back into the castle.
Both April and Vanessa followed their brother inside whereas Morgana waited for me. Without question, she linked my arm into hers and we headed towards my chambers. I broke down as soon as she shut the door behind us.
“What can I do, Ornella?”
She seemed deeply concerned as I continued to cry. I couldn’t stop or switch off my emotions. I didn’t want to feel, but at the same time I did. I wanted to feel the rawness of my heart and the dark pits within my mind as more and more memories flashed between blinks.
Perhaps the reason my parents were willing to give me up to my uncle was because they knew deep down no one wanted me and he would be able to ‘protect me’ when I took my turn at ruling.
Surely if I did head back home, knowing now that Norok was healed, I would no longer be the claimed heir and he would go back to his spot at being the next king. Norok would put a stop the marriage to my uncle, freeing me to marry anyone else.
Yet, even with these thoughts, I sobbed painfully, coughing whenever I tried to take a few sips of water. Morgana just sat beside me, rubbing my back. Finally an hour,or so had passed. I stopped crying, now exhausted and desperate for sleep.
“Please tell me, what happened? Why did you leave?”
She appeared generally concerned and I felt myself questioning why. Why did she care so much about me? I was a stranger.
“I found out about your aunt and the history with my father. Nicholas doesn’t really wish to marry me, Morg. He used me as revenge, and now because of our silly deal, we are stuck together.”
She didn’t say anything, or question my words, just simply nodded, and listened.
“I know how difficult Nicholas can be. As his youngest sister, I possibly vex him the most but trust me, he’s loyal. I heard you found him in the summer house last night. That’s progress!”
“He said some hurtful things while we were there. He knows I only agreed to marry him to save my brother’s life,” I admitted.
“And now? My sisters tell me your memories of each other have returned, surely that’s something,” she assured me.
How did his sisters know about my memories? Were they closer than I originally thought? After seeing how Nicholas spoke to Vanessa in the hall and the cold shoulder he seemed to give Morgana, I assumed he found them to be a burden. Well aside from April. Perhaps they shared a lot more with each other when they were alone.
“I may remember him, but he’s not the same as he once was. Something in him has changed.”
I brought my knees up against my chest and wrapped my arms tightly around them. I shivered,but not from the cold as the fire was roaring in my room. It was more so a shake from the rush of feelings.
“Ornella, you’d change if you saw the things he’s seen and had to do the things a king must. I’ve watched my brother turn into a hard shell of a man, but deep down, I know his softness is still there. I see it sometimes when he’s looking at you. He doesn’t always know I’m watching, but I can tell he feels more for you then he’s letting on. Perhaps more than he wants to admit even to himself.”
Her attempt at comforting me was appreciated, but I still questioned which Nicholas I knew now. Was he King Nicholas all the time? Lord Cole? The stable boy? Or my shadow man? So many faces for one person, it was difficult not to be conflicted and confused.
“Listen, tomorrow you will be married. For now, as it is still very early, try and get some rest. I will come back in a few hours and perhaps we can go for a walk around the gardens. You can see the jewellery Nicholas had commissioned for you. Then you are to do your rites of marriage.”
As she went to get up, I grabbed her by the hand tightly. I had absolutely no idea what she was even talking about. Without a tutor as such and with me avoiding books that featured the words marriage or wedding, I hadn’t a clue what the rites were for the ceremony.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mumbled.
She looked at me bewildered before settling back down beside me. “Please tell me you haven’t been neglecting the reading list April gave you?”
“Ummm, well I have done some of it.”
“Ornella, she will be so angry with you! Right, no sleep for you then,” she says, tutting with disapproval.
She quickly stood back up and pulled me off the bed. Glancing down at my clothes, stained with blood and mud. She rolled her eyes before shoving me back down and began looking for one of my dresses.
“Put this on and we shall head to the library.”
“Don’t you know what the rites are? Surely we can just stay here.”
She looked at me then with eyes that told me to do as I was told and don’t question her as I changed behind my screen. Removing Nicholas’s cloak, I threw on the blue cotton dress she’d handed me. Then I followed her through the doorway, and into the library—my sanctuary.
Littered all across the main table were books. The many, many books April demanded I read through before the wedding. I was pretty sure I only read maybe three of them. I was not as fast of a reader as I originally thought and a month was not enough time to read this much history, or details of a kingdom.
“I don’t know the rites, Ornella, as that isn’t something I wish to know. My brother knows I will never marry and thus I will never need to learn them, however, you do. So, sit your ass down and we are going to get to work.”
“If I’m going to be studying, can we at least have some breakfast and a pot of tea brought up?” I asked desperately.
She nodded in agreement. I watched as Morg closed her eyes and entwined her fingers together, whirling them in front of herself. Seconds later, she reopened them and sat down in the seat next to me, flipping open a book as if nothing happened.
“Eh…what did you just do?”
“Told the cook to send someone up with a breakfast tray.”
“Oh, sounds so simple,” I spoke sarcastically and turned my nose into my book.
“It is simple actually. It was one of the first things I learnt when my magic manifested. It’s similar to Nic’s power of mind control or whatever he wants to call it.”
I wondered what else Nicholas and his sisters were able to do. Magic wasn’t something we discussed or did back home. Only healers and seers openly practiced. It just wasn’t a thing my people did.
Not long after, a maid came up through the main door along with a footman who carried two trays of food. She pushed a trolley in with a pot of tea, two large bowls of porridge, with a selection of fresh fruit and some cakes. Asking if we needed anything else, when we said ‘no’, they were dismissed. I happily began to enjoy the taste of strawberries with warm porridge and honey.
“Right, now you’re done cramming that into your mouth—here,” she said, shoving the book across the table at me.
I gave her a dirty look before looking down at the page. Written at the top was a title in rather obnoxious bold lettering.
‘The Rites Of Marriage.’
I didn’t know if I wanted to read the first line. What if I were to become shocked and disgusted? Or would I find it interesting? Maybe they were simple rites. My own people had their own way of marriage ceremonies. I hoped it was the same.
As I flicked my eyes to the first few lines, I realised then how different the two were and how way over my head I now was. I shouldn’t have ignored these. I should have prepared.
“Well, what does it say?” Morgana asked after almost an hour of me reading through and taking some notes.
By the time I looked up at her, she’d already drank most of the tea while my cup had grown cold. She’d even eaten the rest of the cakes. She now sat in one of the more comfortable chairs, with her legs draped over the side and had her eyes closed as she rested her head on the arm rest.
“It says we need to get completely naked and roll around in the mud,” I jested, watching as her eyes flung open.
She moved almost like lightning towards me. “Are you serious? Maybe I should rethink this marriage thing!”
“I’m just jesting! It doesn’t say anything like that!” I exclaimed with a laugh.
She smacked me lightly on the side of my arm. Giving a little huff, Morg moved back to her seat and tried to get comfortable again.
“It says the night before our wedding ceremony, we are to bathe with one another. Clothing is optional. We are then meant to take turns to wash each other’s hair and bare skin, while sharing personal details about ourselves. Then we are to write promises to one another on a piece of parchment, and burn it using the flame of a red candle. Finally, we must say a prayer to the Goddess.”
“Is that all? Doesn’t seem too hard. Don’t know why they make such a fuss about it all then.”
It was going to be harder than Morgana thought. I didn’t know how much I was willing to bare to Nicholas, in clothes or without. What personal details were we supposed to share? Secrets? I was pretty sure he already knew my secrets as he often heard my thoughts, even without meaning to.
And would I really want him to see me naked? I still didn’t know how I’d react to anyone seeing me down to my bare skin. The thoughts of my uncle doing what he did rolled in and I shook my head, trying to remove those images.
If Nicholas was to see everything, I knew, deep down, he wouldn’t attempt anything. He’d made that perfectly clear whenever we’d got too close.
My mind raced with more unanswered questions and a blush engulfed my cheeks. Any man that has seen me, it wasn’t with my consent. Now I was sure Nicholas didn’t want me, and would likely offer not to do the rites.
“It also says, during the ceremony we are to share a drop of blood with each other. We can mix it into a glass of wine, but this will complete the bonding ritual. I’m not sure how I feel about drinking your brother”s blood.”
“Ah, that’s just a formality I believe, it’s just for show.”
Morg waved her hand again as if it were nothing, as if this were just any other normal day and I wasn’t committing myself to her brother or her land. My head spun with all the possible answers Nic would give me when I would ask him what he wished to do, as I would now need to speak with him.
To ask his thoughts on this subject and possibly see what else he was thinking.
“I’m going to find your brother. I will meet you in the dressing room shortly.”
“No problem, Ella I’m sure I heard that he was heading to his study after having a meeting with Percy.” She sipped the last of her tea as she swung her legs over the arm of her chair. “Try not to get naked before the rites,” she sang, winking at me as she laughed. I rolled my eyes and left the room. I pushed through the main door, on my way to hunt down Nicholas.