Chapter 45
Sparing was never my strongest quality and Nora had been wiping the floor with me for the past three days. Covered in new and old bruises, I washed my arms down in the bath. That dull ache around my shoulders and back screamed at me, begging for rest. But there would be no rest for Nicholas had summoned his dear wife to dinner, once again.
I thought it was just an empty threat in the heat of the moment, but he was living up to his words. Dinners were silent and uncomfortable unless his sisters attended, in which case Morgana kept the conversation going. When it came to sleeping next to each other, our backs were always turned, and words left unsaid. The one thing I was thankful for was that he never attempted to touch me in any way.
During training today, I overheard Nicholas and Nora discussing my brother. I wondered if they’d planted that information to see if I would retaliate.
I didn’t.
Or not yet, at least.
“Will you wear the blue dress this evening, your majesty?”
Isla averted her eyes as she stepped into the bathing room, holding up a warm towel ready for me. I regrettably left the comfortable, soothing warm bath, knowing I’d have to put on something figure hugging and uncomfortable.
I may have got used to riding clothes and the training outfits Morgana made me wear to spar. They were incredibly well fitted, easy to move in and it made me think that corsets were surely made to torture woman.
“The blue is fine, Isla, thank you.”
By the time my hair was dried, and I was dressed, Morg was showing up at my door to escort me downstairs. We still hadn’t discussed why Nicholas and I were on difficult terms, and I knew she was desperate to know.
Linking arms with me, she wore a more casual dress this evening with sparkling jewels pinned in her longer hair. The ability to create illusions must be one of the greatest gifts a Fae could gain. The choice to change one”s appearance, hide away from everyone and pretend to be someone else for a day. I envied that.
“Ella. You know you can talk to me, even if it’s about my brother. I know he isn’t treating you as fairly as he should. My sisters and I have all told him he needs to sort it out.”
She sounded deeply concerned and for a moment, I wanted to tell her everything. Every deep and dark dream I”ve had recently. The thoughts about running away, escaping, and the real reason I agreed to marry Nicholas. It wasn’t just because I needed Norok to be healed. I wanted to escape from my uncle.
“Thank you, Morg. I will be alright. I am told, and have read many books where, a newlywed couple argues as they find their feet.”
The half-truth I told myself. Would we really find our feet and become one? My parents always seemed to know what the other was thinking. However as the years went on, I saw how my mother became cold towards my father. Staying in her own wing for days, even weeks, refusing any visitors including her own children. Perhaps they weren’t as in love as I had thought they were.
“What were your parents like? Nicholas hasn’t told me much. I don’t even know your aunt”s name.”
She may have smiled at my question, but I could see behind her blue eyes there was some hurt.
“You don’t have to tell me. I didn’t think, I’m sorry.”
“It’s not often I get to talk about my family. Delphine was my aunt”s name, but I’m afraid I don’t know much about her. She died before I was born.”
We turned the corner towards the main staircase, taking our time to walk down to the dining hall. Perhaps Morgana could sense my unease as my shoulders lifted slightly, my back stiffening. I didn’t know if I could stand another evening of forced conversation. I would have preferred staying in my own rooms to eat.
“Theodore and Helena were my parents. In a lot of ways, Nicholas is like our father, headstrong, stubborn as they come but furiously loyal to his family and people. Our mother, April, says Vanessa is her in another form. Argumentative and always looking like she was sucking on a sour lemon, but incredibly loving and kind.”
Her voice broke as she spoke of Helena, and we slowly stopped at the top of the stairs. Squeezing her hand that rested in the crook of my arm, I looked at my newly made sister and was grateful for her company.
“I miss them both so much, Ornella. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you, to know your parents are fighting to get you back and you are bound here.”
Her eyes raised as she said the last word. Bound. I surely wasn’t unable to leave here? Of course not, that wasn’t part of the deal. I would be allowed my freedom once things were safe. I would be crowned queen. My parents would accept my marriage.
That was the plan, wasn’t it?
“I didn’t mean to say that, apologies. Maybe we should head into dinner, they are most likely waiting to start.”
Morg was already backtracking the conversation, trying to change the subject. But I had heard correctly, there was no denying what she said or covering it up. She started to walk down the stairs but stopped as I spoke. My body was already starting to shake with rage and that same cold feeling of dread as it washed over me.
“What do you mean by bound?”
“I didn’t say that.”
She waved it away but before she could take another step, I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back slightly.
“Please, Morgana. What do you mean?”
She swallowed a lump in her throat and seemed to grow nervous. Her eyes looked from me then down towards the stairs where Nicholas suddenly stood there waiting, April and Vanessa behind him. All eyes on us.
“I can’t,” Morgana whispered, begging me to let go of her.
I tightened my grip. I needed answers. Nicholas wasn’t talking to me and when he was, he would threaten, anger, upset, and confuse me. I needed someone in this with me, to withstand the storm raging in my mind.
“She means you are bound to this land,” Nicholas spoke up. I refused to look at him, keeping my eyes fixed on Morgana. Hoping she would deny his words and give a better explanation. “Let her go, Ornella,” he commanded.
There was this strange sense of warmth that ran up my fingertips and into my shoulder blades as I looked at Morgana. Her eyes were becoming glassy as tears tried to escape. She looked at me, pleaded with me to let her go but I couldn’t release my grip.
“How am I bound to this land, Nicholas?” I demanded, my eyes still locked on Morg.
“By my blood. By marrying me you cannot leave unless I allow it. Now I won’t tell you again. Release her.”
As I released her wrist, she pulled away from me, almost falling backwards down a few steps but Vanessa was there in a flash. Holding her against her chest while Morgana rubbed her wrist, where I could see a hand-shaped bruise appear. Shockwaves of emotions tore through me as I saw what damage I had done.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I—I…”
She tried to smile, but Vanessa turned her away leading her downstairs and into the dining hall. April followed behind while Nic and I continued to stare at each other from either end of the staircase.
“Compose yourself and come down for dinner. I will allow you a few minutes.”
He didn’t spare a single glance as he turned away, his demeanour becoming more cold and distant. For just a minute I wanted to hate him. Longed to scream at him as loud as I could. Because he was the reason for my bottled-up anger. For the rage hungered to be unleashed. He promised to stand beside me, to love me, to grant me my freedom. Instead, he proved once again to be deceitful, malicious and what I’d truly known all along.
A monster.
Vanessa and April sat Morgana in the middle of them both, whereas Nicholas took the head of the table and I to the left. Percy, who’d joined us unexpectedly, sat next to me. Everyone quietly dug into their dinners, but I could barely stomach a single bite.
Percy seemed to be the only one who was willing to try and have a conversation with anyone. After trying a couple of times, he finally got Vanessa to talk, the two of them discussing something about the city. Still the awkwardness and tension hung thick in the air.
“I doubt very much, princess, you’d be able to beat me at a game of cards,” Percy taunted. With a roll of his eyes, he took a sip of his drink. Vanessa scoffed at him, muffling something rather vulgar under her breath.
“Oh, please! The only reason you win at all is half the people you play are either drunk or have no wits about them.”
“I will have you know I have played a champion or two in my day!”
“Ah, yes, I forget, how old are you? Reaching nearly sixty?”
Percy almost coughed up a lung as Vanessa laughed, even managing to get a chuckle out of Nicholas and the other two sisters. I continued to stay silent as I watched Morgana rub at her wrist. The marks were now gone, but the feeling was most likely still there.
“She has you there, Percy. I actually forget how old you are,” Nicholas pipped in as he waved to a footman to bring him another drink.
“Can we not discuss my age in front of the princess, please.” Percy leaned over towards me and I could feel Nicholas’s eyes shift quickly, resting upon me.
“I am sorry, your highness. I don’t know why they think it’s okay to discuss one’s age. You’d think after all these years, they’d treat me with more respect. I am only five years older than his majesty. I am not an old fae as they’d have you believe.”
“It’s quite alright, Lord Percy, perhaps it is just their way of saying they enjoy the wisdom you process.”
I leaned in closer to him, a smile dusting across my face. Still sensing Nic looking at me, I glanced over to him for only a second. Looking back at Percy, I gently touched his forearm laughing.
“Tell me, Lord Percy, have you ever been to the Crystal Isles?”
“Twice, your highness, once with my late father and eh…another time for business.”
He glanced at Nicholas and quickly lowered his eyes, the room becoming awfully quiet as it seemed everyone listened to our conversation more closely now.
“I am sorry to hear of your fathers passing.”
He kept his eyes low but smiled as he took a drink.
“Did you like my homeland, though?”
I knew I was poking the monster now. The three glasses of wine I’d already drank were starting to warm my body, making me feel a bit brave.
“It’s very beautiful from what I remember. The sun seems to set differently there than it does here.”
“Yes, the valley does seem to be filled with shadows at every corner.”
The tension in the room could have been cut with a knife by the time the desert came out. Silent again, but we’d all left the table as courtiers arrived to attend the rest of the evening. Nicholas invited them to join us for drinks and to celebrate something. I wasn’t sure what, so I didn”t take the time to ask. I just continued to drink more wine as I took a seat out in the gardens, leaving everyone behind.
It surprisingly reminded me of home.
“Are you trying to test my patience this evening?”
Nicholas’s voice thundered in my mind, and I ignored him. If he wished to talk to me, he could have an actual conversation with me. I felt brave, baiting the monster. I wanted to see what he would do while half of his court and sisters watched. I dared him to.
“Do not ignore me. My patience is running thin with you.”
“I will ignore anyone who speaks to me with the disrespect you have given me.”
I knew he was standing next to me even before he spoke. His presence was an overwhelming force. No matter how much I longed for his touch. I would not allow myself to be fooled again. I’d already done that once, and to do it again would make a mockery out of myself.
“What is the matter with you?” he asked me and I laughed, taking another sip of my drink.
“What’s the matter with you?” I replied, sarcastically.
“Ornella. You are walking on very thin ice.”
“Let it break and leave me to drown. I don’t care anymore.”
His anger rolled off of him, hitting me over my shoulders and as much as I tried not to show it, I knew he saw me flinch as my body shifted. Leaning back on the bench, that small voice inside of me begged me to run away. I was in danger, but I was frozen to the spot.
“Why do you cause me so much grief, Ornella?”
I wanted to roll back my head and laugh at him. At how stupidly daft he was. Why would he expect me to still fall in love with him, or even do his bidding when he treated me no better than dirt on his shoe?
“You are the cause of your own grief, Nicholas. For every step I take to be closer to you, you take two steps back. And telling Percy you would rather see me dead than back with my family? That was the last thing I could deal with.”
He stayed silent, standing close behind me as I continued to stare forward. Keeping my eyes on the gardens, I watched how the moon shone brightly down towards the water features and silently begged it to swallow me up.
Standing up straight, I finished my drink then turned to face him, swallowing my nerves as I looked at him. His beautifully carved face stared at me, the greys in his eyes sparkling in the moonlight. There was such a lull between us, I tried desperately not to move forward, to close the gap between us.
“I would have been your loyal, devoted, loving wife and companion. You are what has ruined this marriage before it even began.”
I straightened my shoulders as I spoke. Not giving him a chance to say a word before I walked away and headed further into the gardens and towards the summer house. Nausea rolled through my stomach and my heart raced. He didn’t chase after me. I didn’t expect him to, but I wished he did.
Oh, how I wished he’d follow me where we could be by ourselves. Away from the castle and the eyes that followed us. Even when we were in our room, I knew the guards outside were listening.