Chapter 16
The weightof the ring in his pocket felt like it was dragging him below the surface. Was she talking about paying for the ring? Paying for the wedding? How had she figured out that he wanted to ask her to marry him?
He’d only gotten past his own reservations thirty minutes before he showed up here. He wasn’t about to let her pay him anything. He might not be as well off as she was, but that didn’t mean she would be able to take this away from him.
Rob’s eyes narrowed as he continued to keep his distance from her. “What are you talking about?” he repeated. “Because I’d stake my life on it you have no idea what I’m here for.”
Pippa let out a nervous laugh. “I’m pretty sure I know what you’re going to say. You’ve been dealing with a lot lately and feeling like you need to find your place. It’s hard when you wonder if your life has been a series of mistakes. But I want you to know I’m here for you. I already looked into it. The college down the street offers four-year degrees and they’ll let you transfer most if not all of your credits.”
The realization was like a punch to his stomach. Mentally, he nearly doubled over. Why did she think he was still obsessing over the college degree? He was finally moving forward because he knew what he wanted.
He wanted her.
But from the sounds of it, she didn’t want him in the same way. Was she only willing to date him if he had a degree? Was she the one who was hung up on his credentials?
Rob’s jaw tightened and he took another step back. “No.”
“No?” Pippa stammered. “What do you mean, no? You were talking about your future earlier today. I thought you had finally decided to fulfill that dream.”
He shook his head vehemently, his whole body on fire. “That’s not what I want.”
“Then… what are you here for?” There was an edge to her voice that hadn’t been there before. Pippa’s defenses were rising. She flushed and crossed her arms as she stared hard at him. “You’ve been getting more distant lately. And I know you weren’t in town doing something for Brent. You lied to me.”
“Well, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?” he shot back. “You promised you’d drop the subject of college. There are so many reasons it wouldn’t work for me. Don’t you get it? I missed out. I have to accept that and move on. I have to look forward to my future with that understanding. So should you.”
His heart hurt as he attempted to make sense of why he felt the need to defend himself. This wasn’t how this conversation was supposed to go.
Her face grew redder. “Why are you even here?” Pippa snapped. “Are you finally realizing that you don’t want to be in Sweet Bloom anymore? This life in this small town isn’t worth it?”
He could hear the pain and bitterness in her voice. Rob didn’t know at what point it had come to this. All day, he’d been bursting with excitement and nerves. He’d counted down the minutes—no, the seconds—until he could see her again.
Now he was questioning everything. Were they less serious than he’d originally thought? Was this her way of saying she wasn’t going to move on to the next step of their relationship without him chasing after a degree he wasn’t sure he wanted anymore?
His heart broke a little bit at that thought. He’d thought she was okay with the man he was. But apparently, he’d been too optimistic. His hand was rough as he dragged it down his face.
“I never said I wanted to leave,” he said. “That isn’t what this was about.”
“Isn’t it? I can’t think of a single thing that would make sense. You went from working for my cousin to working for my brother and you don’t feel good enough. You’re worried about your future.”
Hands tightened at his sides. He wasn’t going to feed into that argument. He shouldn’t have to defend himself and yet he couldn’t seem to contain himself.
“Isn’t everyone? Aren’t you? When you got your restaurant going, didn’t you worry about your future? It’s normal. People worry about where they’re going to end up and I’m no different.”
“Exactly,” she said with exasperation. “You’re worried about your future and the only thing that’s missing is your degree.”
Rob’s head reared backward. His eyes narrowed and his frown deepened. “Is that what you really think?”
She hesitated. The color drained from her face and she glanced away.
“Do you honestly believe that I need more in my life to feel like I’ve made it?”
Pippa opened her mouth then snapped it shut. She looked away, squirming beneath his stare. “I don’t know what you want.”
“You don’t,” he said dryly. “Why do you suppose that is?”
He was genuinely curious. If he could confirm through her own words that she thought he needed more accomplishments under his belt to be worthy of her, then he’d know whether that ring in his pocket was ever going to be revealed. Better for them to deal with this now than to find out later she thought he hadn’t risen to his fullest potential.
The color returned to her face and her eyes darted toward him once more before landing on the ground in front of her. Pippa’s voice was quiet, but not meek in the slightest. The edge remained, and if her scowl said anything it was that she refused to be blamed for the argument currently taking place.
“What did you expect, Rob? You used to share everything with me. There wasn’t a single event in your life that you kept from me. You’d even tell me about all the girls you dated.”
That last sentence was filled with more venom than the others. And Rob knew better than to argue with her. She would only find a way to make him eat his words.
“You moved here without telling me. We started dating without making it clear if we were together for the long haul or if this was one of your many temporary relationships. The only thing you felt the need to share with me was your disappointment in yourself about not finishing school.” Her eyes drilled into his as she continued pushing back.
He kept his mouth shut. She’d made another good point. He’d been really private as he tried to get a better understanding of his feelings for her.
“So, I’ll ask you again. What did you expect? What else was I supposed to think when you showed up in town after claiming you had to work? What conclusion should I have drawn from your statement when you told me you had plans for the future? It didn’t sound like you meant you had plans with me. It sounded like your plans had nothing to do with me or this town. If that’s the path you want to take, then so be it. I was only trying to help.”
“Don’t you get it? I don’t want your help.”
Rob blurted the words before he had a chance to rein them in. He hadn’t meant it to sound so harsh, but based on the way she reared her head back and stared at him like he’d taken a swing at her, he knew it had come across as just as bad as it had sounded in his head.
“Well, then. I guess we’ve finally figured everything out. The only time we’ve ever been good together was when we knew nothing would come from it. You’ve been very clear what you want, and obviously, it isn’t me.”
Pippa spun around and hurried away, leaving him staring after her.
His fingers wrapped around the ring in his pocket. The cold metal was a stark contrast to the warmth of his hand. He could have pulled the ring out at any moment during that conversation and tell her how wrong she was.
But he hadn’t.
Why hadn’t he told her what he was feeling? Was he that much of a coward? Once upon a time, he’d told her everything. And it wasn’t that he didn’t feel close to her anymore. Something else held him back. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he had a feeling it couldn’t be as simple as his feelings for her developing.
He’d changed. She’d changed. They were two very different people now. It was possible they were no longer compatible—if they had even been compatible to begin with.
Pippa had long since disappeared into her building and he was now alone out in the street. He didn’t want to leave and yet he knew he couldn’t stay here. The last thing he needed was for Pippa to look out her window and see him moping on the edge of her property.
That would only make things worse.
Rob glowered at the building, then slunk off to his truck and climbed inside. It wasn’t fair that a day that had started off so great had ended up being so terrible. And he only had himself to blame.
Facts had to be faced. He wasn’t ready to be involved in anything serious. He had to figure out his life before he could do that. As much as he cared for Pippa, she wasn’t meant for him. He got the distinct feeling that she wasn’t interested in something long-term with how easily she’d shut things down.
That was where the line had been drawn.
Pippa had never officially told him she wanted anything serious. She had a busy, full life. What would she want with a guy like him?
All trains of thought came right back to that realization. Pippa would only ever be a friend. That was all she’d ever wanted and he could choose to accept it, or he could walk away from the friendship they’d shared since they were teens.
Rob jammed the key into the ignition and started his truck. There was nowhere to go but up. While he wanted to find someone who could make him feel as cared for as Pippa had, he wasn’t sure he was ready to put his heart on the line. He needed to focus on one thing at a time. Right now, he could work on being the best employee Brent had.
In a few months, he could venture out into the dating pool again. Maybe by Valentine’s Day, he’d be ready.
No. Not Valentine’s Day. The holiday of love would be a bad idea. He’d wait until March or maybe June. There was no rush—especially if he had to watch Pippa dating other guys. His chest tightened and his heart thumped with agony.
Maybe October. Yeah, October would be a better month to get himself back out there.