Chapter 4
Four
Her heart was racing and the look of shock on Ryan’s face told her he was just as freaked out as she was at the turn in conversation. As much as she hated confrontation, this had to happen.
Might as well make an already awkward situation worse…
“What I did was wrong,” he said, his voice pained. “I knew as soon as it happened that it was a mistake, but you wouldn’t talk to me afterwards. I left message after message after message, and you never responded.”
“Because I was hurt, Ryan! I thought we were going to talk about planning a wedding or something and then you…you told me we were through!”
With his hands held up in surrender, he solemnly shook his head.
“I never said we were through, Jess. That would never be the case. I thought I needed to do this whole business thing on my own, but I realized I was just using you as an excuse. You don’t have to believe me, but…
that’s the truth. Everything’s been wrong since we broke up.
I mean…I’m working, but nothing feels right.
” Lowering his arms, he took a step toward her. “Nothing’s felt right without you.”
Some of the fight went out of her because…nothing had felt right without him, either.
He was her person and…she wanted to work this out.
“I don’t know how to trust you again,” she quietly admitted. “I thought I knew you and you completely blindsided me. How am I supposed to just believe that the next time you’re struggling with something that you’re not going to push me away?”
Taking another hesitant step toward her, his expression softened.
“There’s no way I would ever push you away again.
I realized how important you are to me and I don’t want to do this alone.
Everything good in my life is because of you.
But more than anything, I love you. I’ve missed you so much.
I know I screwed up, but I promise to make it up to you—no matter how long it takes. ”
Damn. It was everything she wanted to hear, but was still afraid to believe.
“Ryan, I…”
He boldly cut off what she was going to say as he closed the distance between them, cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her.
Everything in her melted as her arms went around him.
She’d missed the feel of him, the taste of him, the warmth of him…
just…all of him. Their need was palpable and, as if of one mind, they slowly maneuvered their way over to the bed.
They clumsily fell onto it and the next thing Jess knew, there were pillows and blankets falling down on top of them.
What the…?
“I’ve been wanting to do that for days,” he said breathlessly, kicking everything away from them.
Her bark of laughter was out before she could stop it, but she was kicking everything away too.
They rolled around laughing and kissing and it didn’t take long for all traces of humor to fade away and for the desire to take back over. Being with Ryan like this was so comforting and familiar, and suddenly the only thing she wanted in the world was to get naked and make love.
Something he was clearly equally excited about doing.
By the time the last of their clothes were stripped away and it was nothing but warm skin against warm skin, Jess felt like everything in her world was going to be okay.
“Eating soup in bed would be wrong, right?”
Laughing softly, Jess snuggled closer to Ryan. “Yes. It would be incredibly messy. And considering there’s a table only five feet away, I think it’s the safer bet.” They were still naked and tangled up together in bed, and this was the best she’d felt in months.
“But it’s still all the way over there,” he whined before placing a kiss on the top of her head. “And it’s warm and perfect right here.”
“You make a strong case, but…I still have to leave the bed in order to heat the soup, so…”
“Ugh…fine. We’ll get up and eat at the table. But naked in bed is much more fun. Even with the risk of spilling.” Another kiss. “I’ve missed this, Jess. Missed you.”
Smiling against his chest, she nodded. “I’ve missed you too.” As comfortable as she was, her stomach was getting vocal about getting up and getting food.
“That’s our cue.” They reluctantly rolled apart and put some clothes back on before padding to the kitchen. “If you don’t want soup again, I can make us some BLTs or turkey clubs?”
“Ooo…those both sound good, but after all the bacon I put on the potato soup last night, I’m thinking a bacon free lunch might be better.”
“I’m not even sure what you’re saying,” he teased. “Is there such a thing as too much bacon? That doesn’t sound like a real problem.”
“You can have all the bacon you want, but I’m going to finish the last of the tortilla soup.”
“Deal.”
Obviously it didn’t take long for them to sit down with their meals. “How’s your butt?” she asked, trying not to giggle.
“Sure, now you worry about it. A few minutes ago you were digging your nails into it.” With a wink, he took a huge bite of his sandwich. “And really, it’s fine. My ego took the bigger hit.”
“Oh, my God…we’ve been over this…”
“You know how I am,” he told her. “I want you to look at me like I’m your knight in shining armor, not a guy who can’t walk without falling down.”
Rolling her eyes, she stirred her soup. “You slid on the snow and ice. It’s not like you couldn’t walk across the room, for crying out loud. And you probably should rest today and not go back over to the house until tomorrow.”
“Jess, I have to go back over there. I only have two weeks here—well, less now—and I’ve already lost a few days because the electricity was still off. This is an important job. It doesn’t matter if my ass or my back or anything else hurts…”
“Your back hurts? From the fall?” she cried in dismay. “You just said it was only your butt!”
“Okay, can we please stop talking about my butt?” he asked wearily. “And my back is fine. I was just saying that it doesn’t matter how I feel, this has to get done.”
“When will the power be on?”
“I was told some time this afternoon. My plan had been to just pack up some sandwiches and drinks, work through dinner, and maybe even crash over there. The upstairs didn’t sustain any water damage, so there’s a room up there I can sleep in.
This way I can work until I’m exhausted, nap, and then get up and start working again.
” He took another bite of his sandwich. “I know it’s not ideal—especially after everything we just did—but…
now you’ll be able to write without me bothering you. ”
“You weren’t bothering me…”
“You know what I’m saying. I need to dive into this and get a few solid days in.
” Reaching across the table, he took her hand in his.
“And you can always walk over and visit.” His smile was sweet and sincere and even though she knew everything he was saying was true and made sense, it still made her feel a little unreasonably… annoyed.
But she wasn’t going to say anything because they both had their own reasons for being up here in the mountains. Making up wasn’t part of the plan.
At least…not any plan they were aware of.
So everything was going to be fine with him going and doing his thing while she had this cabin all to herself.
Yup. Everything was just freaking fine.
“Ouch! Son of a bitch!”
It was the fourth time he’d banged his thumb with the hammer and that was his cue that he was done for the day. Tossing the tool down, Ryan walked across the room and looked at his phone and saw it was two a.m. It was definitely too late to call Jess, but damn, did he want to.
Walking over to the window, he looked down at the tiny cabin and saw it was completely dark. It would be incredibly stupid of him to walk in the pitch black when the temperature was below freezing and the ground was essentially a sheet of ice, but he really wished he could.
Staring out into the darkness, he called himself every kind of fool. They’d made up, made love, and could have easily had a wonderful rest of the day and night together, and he’d gone and put his job first again.
“What the hell is wrong with me?”
The list was apparently endless. With nothing else to do, Ryan grabbed himself a bottle of water and trudged up the stairs to where he’d dropped his duffel bag earlier. After changing into sweats and a t-shirt, he crawled into the nearest bed and promptly fell asleep.
The next morning, he was up early and felt completely refreshed and ready to tackle more of the framing.
If everything went as planned, he’d be installing insulation by lunchtime, and drywall not long after.
At that pace, he could reasonably be able to take a night off and go spend it with Jess at the guest cabin.
“And there’s my motivation!” Clapping his hands together, he got to work.
Everything went as planned—the framing, the insulation, and when it was time to hang the drywall, he forced himself to stop and take a quick break. He’d eaten breakfast and lunch, but his entire body ached and no matter how hard he wanted to keep pushing, he also needed to be smart.
Plus, he hadn’t spoken to Jess all day, and he really wanted to hear her voice. She could be writing, but…
“Hey!” she said, answering on the second ring. “How’s it going over there?”
“I am on track with everything. All the framing’s done and I just finished the insulation. Luckily, this is all one big open space on the main floor, so it makes things a little easier. But there’s still a lot to be done.”
“I hope you’re remembering to eat and sleep. I know you took enough food to last you a few days, so I hope it’s not all still sitting there.”
Smiling, he loved how she worried about him. “I’m definitely taking care of myself. What about you? How’s the writing going?”
“Um…okay. I have a bit of writer’s block, so now I’m doing a puzzle. I found it in the closet and so far, it’s the perfect distraction.”
“I’m glad you found something to do.” He was about to ask her to come over, but he knew he’d lose all the momentum he had going on. So he didn’t. “I’m going to stay here again tonight. I’d like to get all the drywall hung before I take a break. Are you going to be okay?”
Her first response was a snort.
“Ry, I am perfectly capable of being here by myself. If you remember correctly, it’s why I came up here. Go and do what you need to do and call me later if you have time.”
It shouldn’t have bothered him, but…it did.
“What kind of soup are you making tonight?”
“Ooo…a really good one! It’s a Tuscan cauliflower soup and it smells amazing!”
Of course it did. And it made the thought of another sandwich sound beyond unappealing.
“You know, we didn’t talk about it but…Thanksgiving is the day after tomorrow and I bought a turkey breast to make along with some of the traditional sides. If you can take the day off, we could have our own little holiday dinner.”
“That sounds perfect and gives me that extra push I need to get things done. Go back to your puzzle and I’ll talk to you later.”
“Don’t work too hard!”
“Jess?”
“Hmm?”
“I love you.” He’d said it to her hundreds if not thousands of times before, but it was the first time since the breakup, and he found himself holding his breath.
“Love you too, Ry. Now get back to work!”
Laughing, he hung up and did just that.
The next time he stopped, it was pitch black out again and Jess’s cabin was dark. When he looked at his phone, he saw it was only a little after ten, but figured she was just tired and needed a good night’s sleep.
“So do I,” he said with a yawn and decided to call it a day. If he put in a full day tomorrow, he could easily relax and spend Thanksgiving with Jess. It was crazy how much he was looking forward to it.
And as he trudged up the stairs, he swore this time tomorrow he’d be curling up in bed next to the woman he loved.
Wednesday morning, Ryan was up early and dove right into work.
Today he needed to tape and mud all the drywall seams. His shoulders were killing him from all the lifting and drilling yesterday, and this task was going to be using similar muscles. “Hot tub tonight. Definitely going to use the hot tub tonight.”
And between that and the thought of getting Jess naked in the hot tub with him, he powered through the first wall.
His phone dinged with an incoming text, and he put the trowel down to see who it was.
Jess: Weather Alert! More snow coming in today!
Jess: I know you have a lot to do, but please keep an eye on the snow.
Jess: Whiteout conditions!
Chuckling softly, he wondered why she was freaking out. It might be treacherous to drive in those conditions, but he should be able to walk down the hill without any problems.
Then he remembered his fall the other day.
“Okay, but I was rushing and not paying attention. I should have put on the damn snowshoes. I won’t make that mistake again.”
Ryan: No worries! No amount of snow is going to keep me from getting over there to you tonight.
Ryan: I promise!
Putting the phone down he got back to work.
Once the entire room had been taped and mudded once, he stopped to eat a quick sandwich.
Snow was already starting to fall outside, but he knew if he worked fast, he could get a second coat on the walls and start packing up by four.
It would be getting dark at that point, and he didn’t want to leave later than that.
With a plan in place, he started on the first wall again. Unfortunately, he lost track of the time and wasn’t paying attention to what was happening outside. When he finally got to a stopping point and walked to look out a window, he cursed.
He couldn’t even see Jess’s cabin. It was a total whiteout.
Scrambling around, he ran up and grabbed his duffel bag and dressed in an extra layer of clothes.
Then he ran down the stairs and put his coat, boots, hat, and gloves on before securing the snowshoes and grabbing the poles.
As soon as he stepped out the front door onto the porch, he felt his first wave of doubt.
“It’s going to be fine. You got this,” he murmured, taking one cautious step down the stairs and then another.
Fortunately, there were only four steps until he was on the driveway, but after that, it was pretty much all downhill and uneven terrain.
He didn’t have a choice, he promised Jess he’d be there and he didn’t want to spend another night alone without her.
Here we go…
Unable to truly see where he was going, he just knew to keep going straight, and all of that worked well for a few minutes until his snowshoe snagged on something under the snow and he fell. Hard. Rolling several feet, he came to a stop and completely lost his bearings.
And that’s when panic completely set in.