A Virgin for the Ruthless Duke (In War and Love #2)

Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

T he heart, Selina realized, is the most stubborn organ in the body because it does not listen to logic. It chose someone it wanted, not considering things other than the feelings this special person evoked.

Falling in love was a novel experience for her. Growing up, she could have easily been elected as the most logical young woman of the ton just based on her pragmatic approach to various matters. She had lost a lot of suitors simply because of her chaotic, unapologetic love for logic.

All that disappeared when Richard was involved. He stripped her of her walls as easily as he removed his shirt. He was a fever in her blood, a fever that flared hotter every day, taking away her common sense and inhibitions whenever she was with him.

It seemed like another lifetime when she had judged young couples who were being suspected of anticipating their vows. But falling in love with Richard had made her a little empathic towards them.

She understood now, with the wisdom of a woman, the power of a lover’s touch. How easily it could send inhibitions and common sense flying out the window, leaving one a happy puddle at their lover’s feet.

This love made her willing to do anything, be anything, to make him happy. Somewhere in the distance, the carcass of her long-abandoned pragmatism whispered that she was letting him play games with her emotions. Pulling her forward one minute, then withdrawing the next.

She knew she should be angry about this, but for the life of her, she could not. He was addictive, like laudanum. She wanted him for herself, and her only consolation was the fact that she was not the only one who was affected by the desire that coursed through her veins. She lived for the moments when he lost control and kissed her deeply.

She had never thought of playing the role of a sensual minx for him, but she contemplated it simply to watch the ultimate battle of his self-control against his desires. She loved it when his desires overpowered that legendary self-control.

She had come to realize quite painfully that the fact that he desired her—and was helpless against his desire for her—did not mean that he loved her or wanted to build a life with her.

The signs were there. Them meeting under the cover of the night while he trained her to attract a suitor, and him apologizing after each delicious interlude while referring to her need to attract a suitor.

The signs were quite glaring, but she was too blinded by her love and lust to see it. She had thought that, eventually, he would give in to his desires and marry her, but whatever stopped him from making an honest woman out of her was more powerful than his feelings for her.

While the idea of waiting for him was tempting, she could not. Time was against her. She was growing a little longer in the tooth, and her chances of finding a suitor decreased with every day that passed. She needed to secure a proposal soon, for Diana’s sake, and it seemed there would be none coming her way from the Duke.

She had to secure a marriage proposal soon, even if it was not the one she desired. She would simply have to settle for what was available, since the one she wanted was out of her reach.

When she came in from the balcony, where she had been sitting for the better part of thirty minutes, she saw Peter standing near the staircase with her aunt, their heads bowed together, their faces wreathed with smiles.

Martha kept shifting her weight from one foot to the other, and her body, Selina could see from a distance, was vibrating subtly. Her aunt was excited and was making a serious effort not to break into dance the way she wanted to. The fact that few things on this earth could excite the elderly woman caused Selina to walk a little faster to reach them.

When Selina was a few feet from them, Martha noticed her and flashed her a blinding smile. “Come, my dear,” she said, taking both of her hands.

“Good evening, My Lord,” Selina greeted Peter with an awkward curtsey, since her aunt was still holding her hands.

“Good evening, My Lady,” Peter replied with that charming half-smile that had half the ladies of the ton swooning.

The man was lethally handsome. So why couldn’t he inspire even a third of the desire that Richard did with just a smirk? Why couldn’t she desire him? All her problems would be solved if she did.

“I just received the most fantastic news, dearest,” Martha said, drawing her attention back to her.

“What might that be, Auntie?” Selina asked.

She already has an idea of what could inspire such happiness and contentment in her aunt, but she held back from assuming things and waited for her to break the news.

“Selina, my dear, it seems that you will soon be a countess,” Martha said, bouncing on her feet.

That announcement took some time to sink in.

“The Earl has just asked for your hand in marriage. He would have asked Stephen, but he is away. So he asked me,” Martha said, her voice brimming with such excitement and enthusiasm that she reminded Selina of a child standing before her unopened Christmas presents.

Martha looked her best when she was happy. Too bad that Selina could barely summon a smile. Surely this is what she had longed for and attended lessons for, so why did she feel so empty now?

Turning to Peter, she plastered on her brightest smile. Bobbing a curtsey, she gave him the sultry look that Richard had taught her—the one from beneath her lashes.

“I would be honored, My Lord, to be your wife, but perhaps this is a little fast. We have only just met, after all,” she said, ignoring the painful pinch Martha gave her.

She understood the reason for the pinch. She was committing the ultimate faux pas of looking a gift horse in the mouth.

“Yes, My Lady,” Peter said, lifting her hand and placing a kiss on it. “I am sure it is a little discomfiting that I am proposing this quickly. But I am fascinated by you, Lady Selina,” he admitted, smiling a little shyly at her. “I admire your wit—your intelligence is quite refreshing. You are the embodiment of everything I have been looking for in a wife. I am convinced of it. I want to marry you and bind you to me before any other man discovers what a rare gem you are and snatches you away.”

“Surely you do not mean that?” she tried to argue, uncomfortable under the affection in his eyes.

“Oh, but I do,” he said, holding her hands. “My words are rational, and you cannot say you do not know my heart by now. I love our conversations. They make me question the norms and put a lightness in me I have not felt with anyone else. You truly are a rare gem. It would hurt me if I were to miss eternity with you.”

Perhaps if he had made a declaration of love and had tried to flatter her by extolling her beauty the way some of her suitors did, she might have found it easy to refuse him.

But, on paper, Peter was a perfect match. He was handsome, titled, intelligent, and an excellent conversationalist who was interested in most of the topics she liked. Marrying him would be like marrying her best friend.

Their marriage was guaranteed to be filled with laughter and happiness, with many good-looking children running around their feet. She could see it now. Peter was going to be a great father, nothing like Society’s perception of parenting. She suspected that he would be content to play with his children.

He was perfect. Why, then, was she not happy? Why was she reluctant to accept his proposal when it was evidently the answer to all her prayers?

“Your proposal is highly welcomed, My Lord,” she said at last, noting the relieved smile on his face. “However, I will need time to think about it.”

“Take all the time you need, Lady Selina,” he said with a smile. “But please do not take too long. I might grow a bit impatient.”

That was another reason why the man was a perfect gentleman. He was unlike the ones that made up most of the ton, who believed that they were nature’s gift to women and, as such, should be prostrated to.

In contrast, Peter was a unique blend of humility and confidence, and his offer would have been attractive if she were not so romantically entangled with a certain stubborn duke.

“Please keep in touch,” he said with a bow. “I look forward to a positive response.”

With that, he walked away, leaving her to the privacy of her thoughts.

At some point, Martha had retreated while they were speaking. But just as quietly as she had disappeared, she reappeared.

“Why did you do that?” she asked, a thoughtful look on her face.

“Do what?” Selina asked innocently.

“You tried to scare off the Earl!”

“Why would I want to do that?” she retorted.

“Because you are afraid,” Martha said quietly, a shrew look on her face.

Suddenly, Selina felt naked in front of her aunt, as if the woman could see into her soul just by looking at her. The sensation was not comfortable, and Selina squirmed in embarrassment.

“You are afraid to give him the chance to love you because you won’t be available to wait on your lover.”

“That is not—” Selina started defensively.

“Please do not lie to me. I have seen the looks the two of you exchange when you think no one is looking.”

Selina deflated at that comment. So much for being discreet.

“Oh, you thought I would not know? Dear girl, your room is just across from mine, and I am a light sleeper. I always knew when you snuck off to see him. I did not comment on it because I wanted you to be happy, and I trusted that you had a good head on your shoulders. I support love—young love, especially—but I must be frank with you, dear Selina,” Martha said, raising her hand to tuck an unruly lock of dark hair behind her niece’s ear.

“Your Duke might be a little too damaged to ask for your hand. I do not blame him, what with the parents he had. I know he might be scared and overwhelmed by the intensity of his feelings for you. Unfortunately, there is little you can do about it. It is a path he must walk alone, but you cannot allow him to waste your productive years, both for your sake and Diana’s. Peter is a nice enough man with a good moral compass. You will be happy with him. But in the end, it is your choice to make. I can only offer guidance. Good night, sweet girl,” she said, patting Selina’s shoulder before leaving her to her thoughts.

No one had told Selina that navigating the marriage mart might be so treacherous. This was harder than learning to conjugate verbs in Latin. Her father had given her the best education, but even that could not save her from her dilemma.

She was caught between two men—one that she loved and one that wanted to marry her. And while it pained her, there seemed to be only one way to settle the matter. It might be best to marry Peter and hope that her interest in him might turn into love and affection. But what would happen to her heart?

To do what she wanted to do, she had to, first of all, stop thinking about Richard. Stop imagining and dreaming of his hands on her body and how exquisite they had felt.

She had to cure her addiction to the man if she had any hope of marrying Peter. Because while she was willing to be pragmatic, she did not think it was fair to marry one man while imagining another man as her husband. It would be cruel to a good man like Peter, and frankly, she would feel terrible for it.

Even now, she could still remember what it felt like to stand in Richard’s arms and flirt with him. To watch the gleam in his eyes as they bantered on the dance floor, all the while dreaming of his kisses and wishing they were alone. She was even going to suggest it before the music ended and Richard bade her farewell, wishing her the best in her endeavors.

It had felt like a bucket of cold water thrown over her, bringing her to her senses with stinging clarity. While Richard embodied the qualities of a good gentleman, he was also ruthless in his ability to torment her.

It was cruel of him to devastate her body and senses so frequently that she was positive he had tied her to himself in ways that were not easy to see. She had fallen irrevocably in love with him, but he had found it quite easy to walk away from her. She had wanted to scream at him for the emotional turmoil he was forcing her through, even though he had never made her any promises.

She had made the unfortunate mistake of assuming that their feelings were enough to make him marry her. But Richard seemed even more wary of matrimony than he was of losing her love and attention. She had assumed that their feelings would be enough, and no matter how it pained her to admit it, she had set herself up for heartbreak by doing that.

Perhaps if Richard saw that Peter was interested in marrying her, he might be motivated to toss his excuses out the window and marry her. But the selfishness in that thought stopped her short.

Was she truly willing to take advantage of an innocent man’s sincerity to make an insincere man jealous?

The fact that she considered it told her what she knew. She had to meet with Richard and try again, this time being brutally honest and direct. The outcome would decide to whom she would walk down the aisle.

Was it going to be Peter or Richard, the love of her life?