15. Lila
15
LILA
I was awake in my bed—I knew it was my bed because of the scent—but there was no way in hell I was about to open my eyes and face the embarrassment of what I had just done. I remembered everything .
Kage’s scent was all over my body, an instant reminder of every single place he had touched. Not only that, but it was a reminder of everywhere I had touched him, rubbed against him, licked him. I hadn’t been in a daze, nothing had been controlling my body—I’d wanted him.
I was attracted to Kage. He was probably close to three-hundred pounds of pure grumpy sexiness. He was rough and broody, the scruff on his face sent shivers down my back every time he ran his chin against my cheek, and his scent was intoxicating. I was getting a little worked up now as I thought about all the things I was attracted to.
What I wasn’t attracted to was how he manipulated situations, throwing around the possibility of me not being claimed as if it were a weapon, and how he was downright cruel to anyone who crossed his path on a bad day. I thought of Clark. He hadn’t deserved to be exiled. He’d had every right to challenge me and ensure I was right for the pack.
With a shake of my head, I forced myself to focus on my current predicament. I couldn’t live here, in my bed, forever.
I opened my eyes, relieved to see that, although my door was open, I was alone in my room, aside from Max curled over my legs. I tried to take a deep breath in through my nose and see who I could smell, but Kage’s scent really did saturate my senses.
I needed a shower, I could feel how sticky my thighs were, but…I liked his scent. My wolf didn’t want to lose it.
There was a knock at the front door, and Max perked up before slipping off the bed. I sighed. Now was as good a time as any. I pushed off my covers and quickly closed the bedroom door. I didn’t care who was here right now; I wanted to be comfortable.
I wasn’t upset that I had no pants on, since I distinctly remember Kage pulling them off. I wasn’t upset that my blouse was ripped open, though I was disappointed that buttons were missing. It was my favorite badass detective shirt. I was absolutely upset that I had my damn bra on. It was all cockeyed and digging into me.
I pulled the cursed thing off and tossed it to the ground. Then I grabbed a pair of cotton pajama bottoms and a cotton tank top. I went to open the bedroom door but stopped when I saw my reflection in the mirror that hung on the back. Squinting at my chest area, I was in complete disbelief… Had my breasts seriously grown two sizes? And my ass! What the hell? It looked fuller, more plump.
With a shake of my head, I left the safety of my room to brave whatever would be waiting for me.
I was expecting to see all three guys. It was almost a given I’d see Kage, though I had somewhat hoped he had left to go back to his tower. Instead, he stood, while Rainor and Weylin both sat on the couch. What I hadn’t expected was the female standing in my house, wearing thick black glasses and very bold makeup, her blonde hair done up in a bun. She was dressed in professional attire, with a briefcase and all, but the growl that ripped through me was anything but professional.
The scent of honey crisp apples was very minimal in my house, but that small amount was still enough to set off something very primal in me.
Weylin and Rainor jumped up from the couch at the same time; Weylin came to me while Rainor stood between me and this hussy. It was when Kage reached out and touched her that my canine teeth and claws extended faster than they ever had before.
The woman pulled away from Kage. “I ask that you refrain from touching me or getting close to me in any manner.”
Kage yanked his hand away as if she had stung him, rightfully so.
Weylin appeared unsure at first, but the moment his hand touched the skin of my arm, some tension left me. The heat emanating from him was welcome. When I leaned into him, he wrapped both arms around me and pulled me into his chest, his scent mixing with Kage’s on my skin and bringing pure happiness to my wolf.
“Lila, my name is Dr. Thatcher. I have no interest in your mates. I have a mate of my own.” She spoke soothingly to me.
Oh. Oh! “Is that…why I…” I pulled my canines back in, since they were making it difficult to talk. The more I leaned into Weylin and relaxed, the easier it was to recall my claws. “I’m so sorry. I don’t normally care about these guys.”
“Umm, ouch.” Weylin chuckled behind me. “Tell me how you really feel.”
“This is more confusing than I’d ever care to admit.”
“I’m sure it is,” Dr. Thatcher said, her voice warm. “Alpha Cridhe was just telling me this is your first heat, and you’ve never had anyone explain it to you?”
“No, well, Emma was going to give me a book, but we left before she could do that, and then it happened so quickly.” Glancing up at Kage, I could feel my cheeks burn, but I refused to be embarrassed about what had happened. I knew he’d enjoyed himself just as much as I had. “Was that what it was, then? The heat has officially started?” I looked back to the doctor. “To be honest, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”
She gave me a sad look. “Would you like to talk in private? Or would you like your mates to remain in the room?”
Weylin was holding me up at this point, though I knew he didn’t mind, because behind my head, I could feel his chest vibrating in contentment. Still… “I would prefer if they left. I’m not normally the jealous type, but…”
Kage crossed his arms over his chest and gave me a look, as if to say I was being ridiculous, Rainor raised an eyebrow, and Weylin bent down, pressing a kiss to my neck. I could feel the smile on his lips.
“That’s quite understandable and very normal. I do carry a taser with me. After feeling what you felt, I doubt you’d be surprised to hear I have been attacked on more than one occasion. It does help when the males keep their distance from me.” She turned to Kage. “If you three would leave…” Her voice left no room for argument, and I instantly liked her.
Kage still attempted to open his mouth and give his two cents, however Rainor shook his head at him and pointed to the back door. Weylin pressed another kiss to my neck, and though I wanted to draw a line and stop him, it felt nice.
“Would you like me to make you a coffee before I leave?” he asked.
“I can make it myself,” I said, stepping out from his arms.
“No coffee,” Kage grumbled as Rainor ushered him out of the house.
Weylin said nothing as he got to work making me a cup of coffee and placing it in my hands before following the other two. Before the door closed behind him, he called for Max to get the ball.
Dr. Thatcher smiled at me and waved to the couch. “Would you like to have a seat?”
“No,” I gasped, staring at the couch. Oh, dear lord. “How about the kitchenette?” I tried to make my voice sound even and normal, but the high-pitch tone didn’t seem right.
I pulled a chair out from the kitchenette table—there were only two chairs—and sat down. Dr. Thatcher did the same, then placed her briefcase on the table. She pulled out a small tablet with a keyboard and began typing and tapping at the screen.
“Okay, Lila. First of all, I want to start off by saying that, although I am employed by Kage Cridhe and I’m a pack member, all information you give me is completely confidential. Even if you say something that may not align with pack views, I am bound by a higher moral power to keep that information between you and me. The only time that would be broken is if I believe you are at risk to hurt others or yourself, is that understood?”
It sounded like a confidentiality agreement signed at any doctor’s or therapist’s office. “Yes, that’s fine.”
“This is your first cycle?”
“Yes.”
She began typing on the keyboard. “What is your age?”
“Thirty-one.”
She frowned but still typed away. “All three are your fated mates?”
“I guess?” I explained to her what I felt the first time I had touched each of the others and then what I was told we were.
“But you don’t feel the need to constantly be at their side?” she asked, almost confused.
“No. If anything, I have to be forced to be in Kage’s presence.” I laughed awkwardly.
She raised an eyebrow at me. I guess no one was forcing me last night. I gave her a sheepish grin.
It went on like that for a while, the list of questions, health questions, diet questions. She asked about what happened last night, and I explained the events of last evening with minimal details. She came to the conclusion that the prolonged time in the presence of my mates could’ve been the catalyst for the beginning of my heat.
I got up and made myself another coffee while Dr. Thatcher continued talking, and suddenly, I felt like I was getting a biology lesson. She explained that, while shifters were very similar to humans, we were also completely different. We were a separate species entirely, and it made me realize how much being raised as a human child was detrimental.
I wasn’t saying I wasn’t grateful for my parents and all they had done to raise me, but it was abundantly clear I was behind, compared to other females in the wolf world. The delay in my own heat cycle was a clue in itself.
Thatcher stared at my fresh cup of coffee as she talked about female nutrition. According to her, females should be consuming four to five meals a day, with portions enough to satisfy the appetite.
While I only ate three meals a day, if that, because I was usually busy at the office, I wasn’t starving, by any means. Though, perhaps, I didn’t pay much attention to when I was hungry.
Then she started talking about how coffee or caffeine was not good for the body at all. Um, ma’am…ma’am, coffee is an entire food group, thank you very much.
I hugged my coffee mug closer and took a sip to reassure the sweet nectar of life that I wouldn’t let the bad lady take it away.
The issue of not having proper nutrition? Thatcher was quick to highlight problems, like slow transition times and dulling of the senses. I kept my mouth shut about my transition time during shifting and promised myself I’d go grocery shopping once she left.
“Here,” Dr. Thatcher said, pulling a couple of pamphlets from her briefcase. “I have some information on shifter health and nutrition, and this one here is on the natural heat cycles. Beta Rainor asked me to go over this with you. Is that something you would want to hear?”
My head was starting to hurt—it was the middle of the night—and I just wanted to crawl into my bed. How many shifter girls went through these exact talks with their mothers? And here I was, getting a lecture from the doctor. Not that I didn’t appreciate her; it was just…for the first time since I was a little girl, I wished my biological mother was here.
“The female heat cycle is an integral part of keeping our species alive. It is the natural way the female body not only entices males for the mating ritual, but also preserves and nurtures the eggs within the body until they can be fertilized. Going through a heat cycle for a shifter is not painful, but because we were also human, in human form, it was quite the opposite. Humans weren’t made to handle these cycles. Humans weren’t built for the agony involved.”
“Well, I mean, it was uncomfortable, but I wouldn’t say I was in agony,” I said, recounting the need I’d had for Kage to touch me. The pull and itch to be on top of him wasn’t exactly painful.
Dr. Thatcher gave me a pitying smile. “That was only the first wave. As your heat progresses, it will feel like a build up until what we call the final wave . After the final wave hits, then there is the cooldown period. The agony is only brought on when relief is denied. Relief being, the male penis and the sperm it provides.”
I choked on my coffee at her words. With how casually she spoke, the doctor was a real-life Amy Farrah Fowler. She didn’t miss a beat and said everything with a straight face.
“Our wombs were designed for humans, our eggs made for shifters, and our hormones demanding shifter sperm. The only way to bring relief to the enraged hormonal parts is to coat it in shifter sperm. Even masturbation, while it can ease the edges in the early stages of a heat—the arousal lubricates tissue enough to bring relief—it does nothing for later stages.”
“All this is to have a baby,” I said.
“Yes, for breeding. Shifters take carrying on the bloodlines very seriously.”
“So, I will get pregnant,” I said, my stomach churning at the idea. “Can I take a contraceptive? Use protection?”
“Well, you can use protection, though I doubt any male going through your heat with you will stop to do so. Nor would any female allow him. Remember, it’s his sperm that brings relief.”
I narrowed my eyes on her. “I’m not getting pregnant.”
“Chances of conceiving on your first heat, while taking into account your age, is very minimal.” When I didn’t budge from my stance, she sighed. “There is another option some females choose.”
“To be knocked out,” I said.
“Well, to be in an induced sleep, yes. I have the supplies here.”
“Okay, say I choose to be put into a coma for a few days, who will watch over my unresponsive body?”
She turned her head to the side slightly. I found this movement common with shifters, almost like they forget they are in human form and start responding as if they were in wolf form. The way she cocked her head was the same way my wolf did when I was trying to listen to something I didn’t quite understand.
“I will be in and out to check on you two to three times a day. However, your mates, of course, will be protecting you.” She said it as if it was so obvious.
I chuckled. “I can’t trust them as far as I can throw them.”
“Yes, well, mates are bound to one another by choice, but fated mates are bound to one another by natural selection. Though having one mate is common, having multiple mates in this day and age is almost unheard of. There isn’t even one of them you could trust? You could pick any one.”
“I volunteer as tribute!” Weylin’s voice called through the open window. There was some wrestling around at the window followed by a “what the fuck?”
Waving my hand towards the window, I gave an exacerbated sigh. “My mates.”
“You’re just jealous you didn’t get to taste her first,” Weylin said, followed by an “oh, shit.” The snapping of bones quickly sounded, followed by wolves fighting.
Rainor walked into the house then, giving a bored look as he quickly walked over to the window and closed it. “Apologies,” he said. “Dr. Thatcher, we brought you here to ensure Lila would be healthy enough to go through her heat. I believe you had mentioned some bloodwork would be beneficial?”
“Yes.” Dr. Thatcher nodded. “Really, it’s the only way.” She turned to me. “Would you consent to that? The test involves the usual blood counts, iron level, sugars. It’s nothing too invasive. It can be helpful because, if you are low on something, your mates can provide it for you.”
I held back my laugh, provide it for me? “And this is all confidential?” I asked.
“Yes, everything we do will be confidential, unless you sign a release form stating we can speak to your mates or anyone else.”
I relaxed a bit. I was curious now about the results of my bloodwork, what with the comments about me looking sickly, then the doctor explaining nutrition, which I had obviously neglected.
“Okay,” I relented. “As long as it remains confidential.”
“Of course.” She began taking a needle and various blood collection tubes from her briefcase.
I could feel Rainor watching me, so I turned my head and met his stare. “Yes?”
His eyes kept up their slow, steady perusal of me. “I haven’t seen you since yesterday. You left the building, and then we felt some sort of pain in our hearts. What had happened? I know you were safe, but what upset you?”
I looked down to where Dr. Thatcher had taken my arm, tying a rubber band around it and searching for a vein. “I was talking to Emma, nothing upset me,” I lied. Nothing of importance to him upset me was what I should’ve said. It was neither here nor there, though.
“It’s because she’s luna?” he asked.
Dr. Thatcher looked up at me over the top of her glasses. “No,” I said to her. “I wasn’t bothered by that.”
“It doesn’t make sense, then, does it, doctor? She’s fine being away from us, she doesn’t get jealous of another female—” Had he really missed the whole debacle of me almost attacking the doctor?
“Jealous? You want me to be jealous of Emma?” I scoffed. “I wanted to protect her more than I was jealous of her. I felt pity that she has to deal with Kage. That poor woman. Right away, I could tell what a nice person she is.” The doctor poked me with the needle and began taking my blood.
“He’s serviced her,” Rainor continued. “He’s bred with Emma through her last two heat cycles.”
“Trying to force jealousy isn’t going to work, either. I’m not jealous, and I’m sure you’ve had your fair share of women.” It wasn’t like I was a virgin.
“Why isn’t she jealous?” Rainor asked the doctor.
“Well, it could be a number of reasons. Lila wasn’t brought up as we are, so she just may not understand the dynamics. On a deeper level, the bond could be damaged.” She began packing up her belongings. “My advice? The fates brought you four together”—she spoke more to me than to Rainor—“but that doesn’t mean an automatic bond is created. That’s why we have the option to claim or reject. What happened during your first touch?”
I smiled sweetly. “They chased me down with the threat of murdering me.”
“The beast saved you,” Rainor retorted.
“And then chased me down!”
“Yes, my prognosis is a damaged bond. Her wolf won’t care for you if she believes life would be easier without you.” Dr. Thatcher began packing up her things, putting the vials of blood into a little baggie and then into her briefcase. “I’ll get these to the lab right away. Should you need anything, Lila, please don’t hesitate to contact me.” She handed me her business card.
“When should I expect the next wave?” I asked. “I feel completely normal right now.”
“After the first wave, it can take up to twelve hours for the next. Though, each time in between will get closer and closer.” I nodded. “And your decision?”
I sighed, glancing at Rainor. His black hair and red-rimmed eyes did something to my heart, but I had to protect myself. “For now, I’m going to try to take care of myself. What happened with Kage was a mistake. I didn’t know what was going on, but now that I’m informed, I think I can control myself better.”
A sympathetic smile spread across her face. “Should you need intervention, whether through the anaesthetic or anything else, please reach out to me. I will remain on call for you during this time.”
“Thank you, doctor. I appreciate you coming out.”
She grabbed her belongings and started walking to the door when Rainor stopped her. “Those two are likely still having it out. I will walk you to your car. Here”—he reached for her briefcase—“let me take that for you.”
“Thank you.” She gave him her briefcase, and he held the door open so she could leave.
Rainor glanced back at me. “I know I don’t owe you an explanation, but I likely won’t be back.”
“That’s fine.” I pretended his words didn’t hurt, pretended my heart didn’t miss a beat at the notion that he couldn’t be around me. I ignored the pull to stop him from leaving, and I forced a smile as he closed the door behind him. If he believed I wasn’t feeling any of the emotions he expected from me, maybe hiding them was for the best.
I went to the back door and let Max inside, immediately locking all the doors before taking Max with me to my bedroom. I crawled under the covers, not really tired, just done.
I was a wolf shifter, going into her first heat, with mates who wanted nothing to do with me emotionally, everything to do with me physically, and one that refused to be around me. I stroked Max’s head. It was a them problem, though. It wasn’t my problem, and that’s how I had to get through this next week—by taking care of my own problems.