14. Kage
14
KAGE
F ear was a useless emotion. It was a ruthless killer, and that was saying something, coming from me.
I’d seen fear lead good fighters to turn to mush on the battlefield. I’d heard victims scream through the night, even when completely safe, due to fear. Physical troubles could be fought and conquered, while fear was a snake of the mind, the rotting corpse that leeched its poison-filled weeds into the fields of thought. There was no free thinking when fear was involved.
The last time I had felt fear was when Weylin reached out to me from the orphanage. Since then, I had learned to control it, creating it in others, rather than allowing it to take its hold on me.
Imagine my distaste as I stood in the office, Weylin and Rainor having it out with the council, due to Ophidian Pack’s lack of cooperation in the homicide case, when fear trickled into my heart.
“What is this?” Weylin asked, rubbing his sternum, “It’s not the link, it’s not one of us.”
“No. It’s the bond.” Rainor was fighting with himself, Lila’s fear was awakening the beast.
I grabbed the phone and hung up on the council.
It was ridiculous, the fear was miniscule, small, and yet it had every hair on my body standing on end, each muscle twitching with the need to act.
I turned to Weylin, speaking through clenched teeth. “Where is she?”
“Tablet,” Rainor said before gripping his hair with both hands. Then, to himself, he said, “Get. Back. In.” The words were rough, coming from the back of his throat. The beast wanting to see his mate, while Rainor attempted to tamper the bond.
Weylin grabbed the tablet while I rushed out to the waiting room. Nothing. Empty. I stalked back to my office, ready to tear the door off. “She’s fine. She’s safe,” Weylin said as he handed the tablet to Rainor. “Take a look. She and Emma are at Howlers.”
Rainor touched the tablet screen, and I nearly threw the thing out the window. The glass window that couldn’t open. “This is ridiculous. You”—I jabbed a finger at Weylin—“take him for a run, or a hunt, I don’t fucking care. Let the beast rain blood, as long as it satisfies him.”
“She settles him,” Rainor said.
“Settle yourself!” I snapped. “Where has your mind been these last few days? Not here. Let the beast get whatever he needs out of his system and get back to work.”
I walked over to my desk, pulling my keys from the top drawer.
“Where are you going?” Rainor asked, his voice raw.
“I’m taking her home.”
They argued with me, but it meant nothing. Weylin made me swear not to touch a hair on her head. He had nothing to worry about, though. I wouldn’t be touching the female. Her scent was intoxicating enough; I refused to allow myself to indulge in her heat.
I left them to deal with the mess they found themselves in. The mess they’d created for themselves by allowing themselves to get so close to her. Distance was key, distance would make rejection easier, and the more we let her know she was about to be rejected, the easier it would be for her to get over it.
I skipped taking the stairs, knowing I should get to Lila as quickly as possible, so I could take her home. The sooner she was out of my city, the sooner I could focus on real-world problems. It was difficult enough focusing on sleeping or eating when Rainor put those damn cameras around her house. One click of a button, and I could see her.
No. Having her in the building certainly worse. Scenting her from twenty-four floors above ground, demanding Rainor video her for me during the debriefing, since we didn’t have security cameras in those rooms, having her a breath away…I could do it no longer.
Now that the debriefing was done, I could take Ms. Evans home, drop her off, and remind her of the damage she’d done. The damage she continued to dole out with every interaction she allowed between her and my two betas.
Before I knew it, I was standing outside Howlers, on the sidewalk, looking into the window. I could see her from here, head bent and leaning into whatever Emma was saying. Emma laughed, touching Lila’s hand, and my teeth snapped shut.
My wolf stirred, and I had to fight the posessive urge within me. It had to be because Lila was touching the luna. Surely, that was it. Now she was corrupting Emma.
I walked through the door, a few shifters here and there stopping what they were doing to bow to me. I paid them no attention as I was nearly knocked to my knees by the most delicious scent. Of all the scents in this overcrowded pub, it was hers that filled my lungs. The creamy lemon with an undertone of sugar. She was both parts sweet and sour, and it had me drooling to taste her. My wolf pushed, even his usually composed self shaken.
Emma was talking, telling Lila what it was like to be rejected, but I couldn’t hear most of it because there was that feeling again in my heart. The icy pain that came through the incomplete bond with Lila. Fear gripped me because Lila was emotionally hurt.
It broke me, it turned my wolf savage, and at this point, if I didn’t tread carefully, I would be no different than Rainor.
I couldn’t allow that.
Lila had to be dealt with now.
“Because I’m his—”
“She’s my luna,” I said.
Lila looked up at me, the shock in her blue eyes, mixed with the intensifying pain in my heart, letting me know I had delivered a blow directly to her wolf. The wolf in me wasn’t too pleased, but he knew the end game. The pack always comes first. If I could harm her wolf enough, perhaps the bond would be broken.
“Alpha.” Emma hesitated before bowing her head, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Lila. She notched her chin up, steeled herself behind an invisible wall, and turned to my luna.
“Emma,” she said, “I’m the one who’s sorry.” The pain within me dissipated, along with any warmth that the thought of my mate brought.
“What?” Emma said. “You’re not mad?”
“God, no! You’re amazing for putting up with him. If ever you need an escape, you can always come to my place.”
A cold emptiness settled in my heart. I welcomed it like an old friend. This was who I was. No one could ever break the control I had over myself. Not even Lila Evans.
The drive out of the city was a silent one. Lila hadn’t argued with me, even when I refused to allow her to order a taxi. If I saw her home, then I could report to Weylin and Rainor that she was home safely, and they wouldn’t be compelled to check on her or go to her. At least, that was what I told myself.
“What needs to be done to be rejected?” Lila asked, breaking the silence. “And once I am, will this”—she waved a hand between us—“be done? I’m ready for it to be done.”
My wolf took a deep breath, though I could sense his anger bubbling. “I’m unsure,” I admitted, reaching over and adjusting the temperature in the car. It was getting a bit stuffy. “I’ve never done this before.”
She scoffed.
I held my tongue for as long as I could, however when she shook her head to herself, I couldn’t help gritting out, “What?”
“All I have ever known—up until a week ago—was that, since I was a toddler, I had the ability to shift into a wolf. That my sense of smell, my eyesight, and my strength rival that of adults. That’s it. Everything else, I had to learn on my own, through no fault of my own. And you know what? I got by. I made it work.
“But since I have met you, you act like I should know all of this, everything. From the etiquette to-to-to the customs.”
I reached for the temperature control again, turning up the cool air.
“In two days, Rainor and Weylin have taught me pack territory and pack ranks, in a way. Challenges and what they mean. Weylin talked to me about mates and the stories involving them. And you? You criticize my every move and constantly tell me I will never be good enough. It’s not like I forced my way in and refused to learn. I want to know about being a shifter.”
As sweet creamy lemon filled the car, I licked my lips.
“No, you know what? Go ahead and keep telling me everything you want to. Your words mean nothing to me, because I know I’m good enough. I know my value and worth. I’ve worked from the bottom to get to where I am.”
“Lila.”
“For the record, too, Kage, I never wanted to be claimed. I never asked for mates. I was happy working at my job. Don’t act like all of this is my fault.”
I rolled down the window just enough to get some fresh air. “That is exactly why I can’t accept you as a luna. You know absolutely nothing, or maybe you know everything.”
“Excuse me?”
“How is it a shifter of your age, not only survived but thrived, undetected, by a pack such as mine?”
She scoffed. “Sorry if I hurt your ego because I was right beside you all along, living in, I might point out, one of the very few conservation forests in this area. How did you not think a shifter would be there? A rogue? Anything. Don’t get pissy at me because your skills were lacking.”
I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white, the leather creaking in my grip. I was ready to pull over and show her exactly how my skills were anything but lacking. My palm itched to spank the brattiness out of her. My wolf, on the other hand, was proud.
My wolf puffed out his chest and held his head high, wanting to show off the strength and determination of his mate. This was not the direction I wanted to go at all with the bond. Our wolves needed to hate one another.
I pulled the car into her driveway, got out, and opened the back door, letting her mutt out. Lila exited, standing at the front with her arms crossed.
I took a breath and prayed to the fates to forgive me. “Because of you, I now have to set up a job opening for a gamma agent. In case you still don’t understand your own customs, that’s our task force. Because of you, we lost a good agent, we lost a dedicated member, and he lost his entire pack. You threw out a perfectly good soldier because you didn’t keep your mouth shut.”
Sharp pain spread through my heart.
“Because of you, I no longer have a guard. Weylin can barely keep up with pack duties during the day because he’s gone all hours of the night, chasing a bitch in heat.”
The muscles in my chest clenched, making it difficult to breathe, but I managed. I had to.
“Because of you, my beta is deemed useless, because every fucking time you get emotional about us rejecting you, he loses control. When Rainor is out of control, there is nothing on this planet that will stop him, and the blood he spills stains his hands, something he lives with every fucking day.”
Lila dropped her hands, her eyes filling with sorrow. The iciness in my chest released through my veins.
“So, don’t you dare tell me I am lacking. I keep them together. I hold them strong, and the three of us carry our pack. I don’t have time to fuck around. I don’t have time for drooling after your scent. I don’t have time to stay awake at night, wondering if you're safe, because I have an entire pack to care for. Being with you is a luxury I cannot afford. Do us all a favor—before you get anyone else exiled or killed, leave us. Allow your wolf to be rejected.”
The silence was deafening however, instead of pain spreading across her features, Lila appeared thoughtful. I recognized the expression from the evening spent watching her pour over case files, from the video Rainor had shown me of her conversing with the task force, and it had been in the eyes of her wolf as she took in the pack that surrounded her before her fight.
Then her expression flickered, like a lightbulb going off.
“That’s it, then. I mean, it’s not really about me. Because if it were, well, I calm Rainor down. I don’t know how or why, but I can talk to the beast. I’m not saying he listens, but he has stopped fighting. And with Weylin, I can set boundaries. I didn’t know him working on the case with me was causing you or the pack distress. Now that we have teams set up, I can take on his workload, so he can resume his duties with you. With regards to Clark, I didn’t know. The repercussions were not explained to me, even though I asked what I should look out for or not do before we got to the facility. That’s on you guys. I worked to the best of my abilities with what little information I had.
“I don’t know your world. I don’t know how your pack runs. But I don’t want to hurt your pack, Kage, and I think you understand that. I think, deep down, you know that I could even be good, if not for the pack, then for this case.
“But It’s not about me, it's not about the pack, or Weylin, or Rainor. It never was. You feel the same heat as the rest of us. You feel the same pull, the same enjoyment in my presence. The euphoria of my scent. This is about you and your need to control. This is about your inability to let go and allow yourself any sliver of happiness. Heaven fucking forbid, Kage Cridhe enjoys anything in life.”
“You know nothing of me.”
“Yeah, but am I wrong?” She shook her head and let out a breath, as if she was giving up. “Kage, my intentions were never to take away from the pack. It has always been this case. Finding the killer, helping the alphas, and protecting you. I feel like we are racing against the clock while remaining at a standstill and looking at the pattern of things your name is coming up. This bond has been messing with my head as well, and I get it—you will never claim me and I can’t claim you guys. I won’t force that. But part of me, a small bit didn’t want to admit, felt like maybe, I was becoming part of the pack. That this could be my chance to be with people like me. Shifters like me.”
Protect…me?
Lila turned around, walking towards her house.
“What do you mean, protect me?” I called out.
She turned around and stared at me, confused. “What?”
I stalked towards her. “ I am the alpha. What did you mean when you said…protecting me?”
She sighed, as if it was so obvious. “I became an officer to protect and serve. Because, as someone with the ability, I felt a duty to care for those in trouble, those who are made targets. I will protect you, alpha or not. Asshole or not.”
She really was an alpha. Inside, my wolf was panting after her with need. Everything about Lila screamed born leader . It wasn’t just the words she spoke; it was how she handled situations. It was the goodness in her heart. This female, this shifter, my mate. Of course, the fates paired us up with her, because I could guarantee, no other female could ever scratch the surface when it came to how deeply she belonged to me.
Lila took a step away from me, and a silent growl vibrated in my chest. It was my wolf telling me enough was enough.
“So,” Lila said. “This is where we part ways. I will work on the case from a distance, but to prevent any more distress, I will stay away from you three.”
I nodded, standing my ground, in spite of instinct in me, screaming at me to go to her. Lila took another step away. Follow her. But I couldn’t.
I turned around, so I wouldn’t have to look at her as I forced my wolf away against his will.
“Fuck it,” I heard her say behind me.
I turned back around, and suddenly, she was there. Her heavenly lemon scent surrounded me, her stare sure. In one fluid movement, she lifted onto her tiptoes and grabbed the short hair at the back of my neck, fisting it while pulling me to her.
I let my little alpha capture my lips with hers, heat bursting to life inside my heart, inside my soul. It was like the first moment I had touched her all over again. Explosions of color and warmth.
I tried to pull away, knowing I had to stop now before I lost control, but the little devil tightened her grip. She nipped my lip in punishment, the sensation awakening my cock. I obeyed her command, my wolf ready to give her anything she wanted.
Our kiss became more urgent, the iron mix of blood exciting me. Reaching up, I threaded my fingers through her hair, feeling the heat pulsing across her skin. As I tugged on her hair, Lila moaned.
I shoved my other hand down the back of her pants, feeling how perfectly her ass cheek fit my palm. Lila took the movement as an invitation and jumped up, wrapping her legs around my waist. She began kissing, nipping, and licking her way along my jawline. I dipped down, sucking along her neck, tasting and savoring her sweat-peppered skin.
Lila began moving over my hard length, rubbing herself while whimpering. I wanted her. I needed her. All of her.
Kage, what the fuck?! Weylin’s voice was a bucket full of cold water, washing over me.
“Shit.” I pulled away, holding Lila by the neck, so I could hold her back and see her face.
Her pupils were blown wide, her face sweat soaked, releasing more of her intoxicating scent in the air. She resisted my hold, whimpering. What do I do? She’s in heat , I said through the link.
Leave , Weylin growled.
She’s currently wrapped around me. I doubt that’s going to happen.
Get her off , Rainor said. Once she rides out this wave, she’ll be able to think clearer.
I glanced around the yard. Lila had no neighbors, her property backing onto the edge of the conservation. That’s when I met Max’s eyes in the front window. The dog was just staring at me as I held his owner by the neck, her legs wrapped around me as she tried desperately to rub against me.
Focus , Rainor snapped.
I walked her over to the front steps, letting go of her neck so she could resume tasting me. Her lips sent shivers down my spine. I don’t fuck, I breed , I reminded Rainor.
We’re right here with you , he informed me. Let’s just get her through this wave. It’s still early in the heat, which means we may have time for the doctor to knock her out before the next.
And the beast? I asked.
Rainor was silent for a moment before he said, He’s enjoying this.
Well, fuck.
I walked up the front steps and opened the door, displeased to find she didn’t have it locked. The mutt was sitting, waiting in the entryway, so I headed to the couch. Pushing Lila’s legs off me took a lot of strength—not because she was strong, but because her legs felt fucking fantastic wrapped around me.
I took both of her wrists in my hand, moving quickly, so she couldn’t grab me again in her fevered frenzy. Disposing of her on the couch, I made it to the back door in a few steps. This home was smaller than most apartments.
“Out.” I opened the door and waited for the mutt to follow my order. Nothing. “Leave.” This time, I used persuasion.
Throw the ball and tell him to fetch , Weylin said.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, all my dignity flying out the window. I didn’t have to search to find a ball; there was a bucket of them by the back door. I threw it, and the mutt just stood there, tilting his head to the side as he stared at me.
Now say “fetch .”
“Fetch,” I commanded. The dog left, and I closed the door behind him, locking the dog door as well.
Lila was squirming as she stretched out on the couch, her shirt riding up from all the twisting she was doing, the top button of her pants ripped off. “Please.” The begging coming from Lila’s lips made my dick weep. “It hurts…”
Rainor? I asked, getting down on my knees before my mate.
Touch her, be gentle, give easy strokes and watch her reaction. Reward her with more when she shows you what she likes.
Instincts told me to bury my face in her flesh, but I held back. While I enjoyed females and pleasure, years of denying myself satisfaction, unless a worthy female was in heat, had proven to be troublesome. Sex was a job.
Explore her . Weylin’s voice was a breathless whisper. I could hear exactly what he was doing through his thoughts. I glanced up to where I knew the camera would be, where I knew they both would be watching.
I reached out a hand, trailing it along the sweat-coated skin of Lila’s stomach. She rolled into me, moaning. She enjoyed my touch, so I rewarded her with more. Her blue eyes locked onto mine as I kneaded the soft, fevered skin, moving along to her hips.
“Please.” Her voice was a whisper, her eyes begged, her tongue darted out, licking her lips. I bent down, capturing that tongue with my lips, sucking on it. I got up, briefly breaking our contact, so I could pull her pants away and take off my suit jacket, tossing it onto the back of the couch. Then I was right back to her.
Resting one knee on the couch between her legs, I held myself up with one hand while my other continued to map her, feel her, memorize her. I was overcome with the need to find each tantalizing section of skin that made her moan and writhe under my touch.
I kneaded her skin as I moved my hand lower and lower still, my fingers and palm massaging her inner thigh while my thumb pressed against her nub. She quivered, trying to move down the couch, searching for more pressure. I gave it to her.
Lila slipped her hands up and around my neck, pulling me down to her lips once more. I kept moving my thumb, teasing, circulating, slipping in and out, all the while my fingers pressing and releasing, moving their way to her ass.
She threw her head back with a gasp. “More.”
In a swift movement, I had her up in my arms before setting her on my lap, facing outward. I released the button and zipper of my pants, so they wouldn’t dig into her, but left my briefs on. This was about getting her through the wave, not breeding her…for now.
I pulled her close to me, my cock stiff as it fit perfectly between her ass cheeks. I glanced up at the camera briefly, knowing we had an audience. Then I turned my attention back to the mate writhing on top of me.
With a smile, I grasped the edges of her button-up shirt and pulled. Buttons went flying, but she didn’t seem to mind, especially when I reached in and pulled the top of her bra down, releasing her tits, the bra beneath now pushing them up.
I pinched and teased a nipple with one hand while the other shifted back down to where she wanted me most. Her pussy was dripping onto the soft skin of her thighs as I spread her arousal around, rubbing her clit to make her breath hitch as I showed the camera her beautiful, pink pussy.
Through our link, I heard Weylin bite out a hiss. Rainor’s growl was low.
I slipped two fingers into her, and her head fell back against my shoulder. “I want you to come for us, mate.” I moved my fingers and found the magical spot that had her jumping. Using my arms to hold her in place, I pressed my palm firmly against her while she circled her hips, grinding onto me.
As she arched her back, her ass pressing into me, I couldn’t stop myself. I thrust up against her, continuing the rhythm with my hand. I became lost in her smell and her taste. I licked the soft skin behind her ear before nipping at her shoulder.
Lila screamed out as she came hard on my fingers, my cock pulsing my own release. Her skin beaded with a cold sweat, the temperature of her body slowly returning to normal as she relaxed into me. I grazed my teeth back and forth on the skin of her shoulder, tempted and wanting.
Kage. Lay her down , Rainor said.
I’m not objecting to claiming her, but she wouldn’t want it this way , Weylin whispered, as though he worried his thoughts in my head would wake her.
I slipped my arms under Lila and stood, my pants falling to the ground. I kicked them off before walking to her bedroom. I laid her on top of the covers, then folded them up around her. She was shivering.
Stepping out of the room, I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up. I was disappointed in myself for allowing my release. It was supposed to be about her getting through the first wave, and only her. I would be under better control next time.
The mutt was standing outside the back door, so I let him. He went straight back to Lila’s room, and I hoped he would keep her warm.
The coldness of the night air had never bothered me in the past. Shifter blood ran hot, so it took a lot for us to physically feel cold. However, after holding Lila’s heated body in my arms, I got a chill when stepping out into the evening air.
Familiar howls echoed in the distance, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before the other two arrived. I shifted with one leap off the porch, the movement fluid and natural, and then I got to work. We had a long week ahead of us, and I was determined to saturate these grounds with my scent to prevent any male from coming close to my mate.
I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. I ran into the forest, four paws itching up ground, when my two betas joined me. We would patrol the area, put the woods on lockdown, and be ready to fight anyone stupid enough to walk in during our mate’s most vulnerable time.
Tonight, as she slept, she was the most protected female in the land.