Cerys Chapter 5
I felt half numb inside. I never expected to run into Manu Hale Williams, I mean Heron. However, seeing him in his biker gear, it seemed to fit. He’d always been a bad boy with a cockiness that either got him into trouble or got him what he wanted. In my case, it had been part of what attracted me to him in the first place. He’d been so different from me or anyone I knew. Wanting to rebel against my overly strict and suffocating parents’ constant expectations, I gladly accepted Heron’s request for a date.
For a while, we’d been living a happy life. We were together all the time, much to my parents’ displeasure. They tried to separate us, but I was eighteen, and they couldn’t order me to stop. They threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn’t dump him. I told them to go for it, and I’d drop out of college and find a job. They hated that idea more, so they quit making that threat.
We had our bumps. Heron often attracted the wrong attention. Sometimes, it ended with him in a brawl in a parking lot or a bar. Although technically, we shouldn’t have been in those. We’d been living a dream until, one day, it abruptly ended. Heron changed into an angry and rebellious guy. I tried to talk to him and understand, but he froze me out before he walked away. I never saw it coming, and when it hit me, I was devastated. I don’t know how I held it together to keep up my studies—pure determination not to let him ruin that for me, I guess.
The door closing loudly behind us made me jump and got me out of my head. We were in our room. Brax was facing me with his arms crossed and a determined look. Oh shit, I didn’t want to deal with this right now. I hadn’t had a chance to wrap my head around it. I held up my hand.
“I know you have questions. And you want answers, but I can’t talk about this now. Can we please just let it go?”
“No, I can’t. I want to know about you and Heron,” was his answer.
Wearily, I dropped on the small couch in the room. It was nicer than your average room, more like a small suite. “What do you want me to say? That he and I were together when we were eighteen. He was my first boyfriend. We were good for a while, and then it ended. I haven’t seen him since it did. It was a shock to see him today. I had no idea he’d joined a biker club. There, I think that covers it,” I said snappishly.
“I got that. I want to know why it ended. You could hardly hold it together when you saw him. Why?” he growled back.
“I’m not having this conversation right now, Brax!”
“Yes, we are!” he shouted back.
I came to my feet. I was pissed, and if he wanted to be the focus of my anger, so be it. He kept pushing, so here it went.
“Fine! He was the first guy I ever had sex with. We were in love, or at least I was. I thought we’d be together forever, get married, and have kids. We talked about it. Heron was always cocky and sure of himself, but it was part of what attracted me. Sometimes, it got him into trouble, but it was nothing too bad. My parents hated him and loved it when we broke up. They rubbed it in.
“Then, one day, his dad died. He was devastated. He’d already lost his mom. He took it hard. I tried to be there for him, but his death made him change overnight. He wouldn’t talk to me. He was angry all the time and would do things he shouldn’t. He pulled away and began staying away from me. I tried to give him space and understanding. Then he came to see me one day and told me it was over. He said he no longer wanted to be with me. We’d been a mistake. That was the last time I saw him.”
By this time, I’d moved from anger to tears. They were streaming down my face. Some were for the boy I knew and lost. The fairytale I’d believed in. The rest was from being pushed by Brax to relive it when I was raw. I’d gotten over Heron long ago, but not over the hurt of how he ended us. His betrayal had led me not to have a boyfriend or lover until Brax.
A crashing sound made me jump. Brax had swept a glass decorative bowl off the table. It shattered. He stalked toward me. I fought not to shrink from him. I refused to be intimidated. Plus, I didn’t understand why he was so upset.
“You still have unresolved feelings for him!” he accused.
“Not really, I—.”
“Like hell, you don’t. I felt it, Cerys. You could barely look at him and were tense the whole time. It shouldn’t have mattered if you ran into him and his new girl if you were over him.”
I stormed closer to him and jabbed my finger into his chest. “Tell me it wouldn’t bother you even a little if you ran into an ex and she was with her new lover. It wouldn’t make you feel funny?”
“No, it wouldn’t! If we’re done, then we’re done. Christ, I can’t believe this,” he muttered as he ran his hand through his hair.
“Can’t believe what? You’re getting all pissed over nothing. Heron and I have been over for years. Yes, I’d like to understand why he ended it. Not knowing has been a sore point for me. If no one had been there, I would’ve asked him to explain.”
He was pacing and shaking his head. What the hell was this? Finally, he stopped and faced me.
“I can’t be with someone who still has feelings for her ex, Cerys. I can’t. You don’t know what I’m risking by being with you. I have to be absolutely positive that you’re in this one hundred percent. I thought you were, but I don’t know if you are anymore. I think we should take a step back and think about it. I’m going out. I need some air. I’ll be back later.”
“Brax, don’t leave like this! Talk to me!” I pleaded.
I followed him to the door. I was having flashbacks to when Heron left me. Panic was filling me. Heron’s walking out on me hurt, but I got over the heartbreak. However, if I lost Brax, it would tear out my heart, and I wouldn’t ever recover. At that moment, I knew that I loved him. I grabbed his arm to stop him, but he shook it free and opened the door.
Before he shut it, he glanced back at me. I saw sadness as he said, “I’ve gotta go, Cerys,” and the door shut.
I dropped to the floor and began to bawl. It was great, big, ugly sobs. I wailed and rocked. My insides felt like they were being shredded. I had no idea how long I sat there before the door opening got me out of the curled ball I was in. I perked up. He came back! Only it wasn’t Brax who walked through the door. It was Nico. When he saw me, he swore and came to me. He crouched down.
“Hey, there’s no need to cry like this. The big, dumb bastard will come to his senses. Let’s get you off the floor,” he said softly.
He put his hands under my arms and lifted me like I was a feather. He half-carried me to the couch. When he put me down, I curled back into a ball of misery. I felt sick. He found tissues and handed several to me. I wiped my face and blew my nose. Nico sat next to me.
“Cerys, I know you’re hurting, and Brax fucked up with how he handled this, but you’ve got to know. He cares for you deeply. He’s just needing to work through this. Give him time.”
“So he ran to you and told you what happened? Did he tell the others, too?”
His silence told me Brax had. Anger started to push my misery aside. “What about my need to work through this? He basically told me he’s risking so much being with me, whatever the fuck that means, and that he can’t be with someone who has feelings for their ex and then walked out to get air. How is that fair to me?”
He sighed. “It’s not. However, let him cool down and think this through. He’ll see it. I know you love him.”
I had no idea how he knew, but I didn’t ask. I needed him to leave. Now. “Nico, thank you for trying to make it better. I appreciate it, but I need to be alone to think. Brax is doing his. I need to do mine. I’d like to be alone. Please tell the others not to disturb me.”
He hesitated, then nodded. “Okay, but Cerys, don’t let this fester. When he comes back, make him talk this through with you.”
“I won’t let it fester, Nico. Thank you.”
He gave me a gentle hug. I walked him to the door. After saying goodbye, I put my plan into motion. I had no idea how long I had, but I knew one thing. I had to be out of here before Brax returned if he did. He wanted time to think and be angry. He could do it without me. Fifteen minutes later, I was outside, climbing into a taxi. It would take me to a nearby car rental place. I’d get a car there and then head home. Maybe I wasn’t cut out to have someone in my life. Perhaps I was better off alone.