Abraxas's Kismet (Sentinels of Apollo Book 1)

Brax

Walking up to the door of our room, I took a deep breath. Two hours had drastically calmed me. I was ready to talk to Cerys and apologize for how I overreacted. I’d been a bastard to her. Opening the door, I immediately knew she wasn’t there. Anxiety filled me. Automatically, I ran to the closet. Her clothes were gone. I was running for the door when a piece of paper on the bed caught my eye. I detoured to pick it up. It was brief and to the point.

Abraxas,

You needed time to think. Well, I found I do, too. I’ve gone home—no need to follow me. And I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t contact me. I have things to figure out. When I do, I’ll let you know if I want to see you.

Cerys

I dropped to the bed. Jesus Christ, what had I done? My anger and jealousy had led me to lash out at the woman I knew was meant to be mine. I didn’t care if she was a wolf or not. She was my mate, and I loved her. Terror began to fill me. If my outburst cost me Cerys, I’d never forgive myself. Taking out my phone, I sent off a text to my friends. They could stay. I had to go. Despite what her note said, I had no intention of staying away. I’d do whatever I had to do to get her to forgive me and take me back. Cerys Morgan hadn’t seen what I could do, but she would.

I had no idea how long after I left the room that Cerys left. However, when I told the guys what happened, Nico told me he’d only left her an hour before I returned. He called me some choice names, all that I deserved, then told me to ride my ass back to Needles and get my woman back. I assured him that was my plan.

They offered to return with me, but I told them to stay. My stupidity shouldn’t disrupt their enjoyment. They said they’d see me tomorrow, but to call if I needed them to return sooner. I thanked them, got my shit, and checked out. I’d be charged for the night, but I didn’t give a damn. It was hard not to speed like a lunatic. I wanted to catch up to her, even if it was impossible.

You lost her. She’s our mate. Get her back. Claim her. Breed her, Nightstalker snarled.

To non-shifters and other supernatural beings, the fact that I had another entity, if you will, inside of me, who communicated with me yet was still part of me and had a separate name sounded crazy. Maybe it was, but we shared a mind and body and had our individual thoughts and feelings. After Nightstalker’s last round of berating me, he’d gone silent. He was sulking.

When I reached Needles, I went straight to her house. I knew she said she wanted to be alone, but I couldn’t stay away. I had to see her if only to apologize. I refused to believe I’d lost her. I pulled into the driveway. I barely took time to shut off my bike and tear off my helmet before I ran to the front door. I never made it. Twyla came hurtling out of it. She was furious. She pointed a finger at me as she yelled. I’d never seen her like this.

“You promised me you wouldn’t hurt my granddaughter, Abraxas Christou! You promised! And not even a month later, you do exactly that. How could you?”

“Twyla, calm down before you have a heart attack. I’ll explain, but first, I need to see Cerys.” I went to walk past her, but she grabbed my arm. I was surprised at the grip she had for a woman her age. I stopped.

“You stay right here. Cerys isn’t in there. She figured you might ignore her order to stay away, so she went elsewhere.”

“Where?” I asked.

“I don’t know. She wouldn’t tell me. All she said was she was safe and would be home when she was ready. She has to work on Monday, so I figure she’ll be back by then. Or maybe not. I watched her cry, goddamn you! She’s in pain, and it’s all your fault. I trusted you not to hurt her. She’s had enough of that,” Twyla snarled.

Guilt ate at me, but I tried to defend myself. “I know I did. I let seeing her ex throw me. She’s got unresolved feelings for him, Twyla. I can’t have the woman I’m committing to have feelings for another man,” I argued.

She tsked it away. “Cerys doesn’t have unresolved feelings for Manu. She got over him long ago. It was puppy love, even though they thought it was more. She needs closure about how he acted and how he dumped her, that’s all. She needs to know why. I thought, for a while, afterward she’d never get over him. She barely went out with anyone after him. A few dates here and there, and that was it. It wasn’t until she told me how you made her feel that I knew he was in her past. I was so thrilled when you finally got off your ass and asked her out. I’ve never seen her so happy. Then you go and ruin it by being a stupid man. She thinks she’s meant to be alone. Both her lovers kick her to the curb,” she muttered darkly.

I was still unhappy to hear again Cerys had ever been Heron’s lover, but to find out I was the only man after him made me ecstatic. Now, if I could keep from killing him for touching her, I might stay out of prison and could get her back.

“Listen, I’m gonna make this up to her, but I can’t if I can’t see her and talk it out. Please, you’ve got to know where she is. She’s with one of her girlfriends. Which one?”

“Brax, I don’t know. She didn’t tell me. If I had to guess, Denise.”

“Okay, do you know her address?” I asked hopefully.

“Nope. I guess the big bad deputy will have to do some sleuthing to find out that information. I hope she kicks your ass when you find her and makes you grovel to get her to take your stupid ass back,” she muttered before turning around and marching back into the house. She slammed the door. I knew that avenue was closed. Next stop, the hospital. I’d think of something to get them to tell me where Denise lived.

It was a quick ride there. When I walked into the ER, I got funny looks. They hadn’t seen me in regular clothes. I found the primary nurse on duty. She recognized me. Her name was Cherish.

“Hello, Deputy Christou. May I help you?” she asked cautiously.

“Hi, Cherish. Yes, you may. I need Denise Baxter’s home address. I’m trying to finish a report on a prisoner we brought in a while back. I realized I needed her address for the report, but I forgot to get it.” I lied without remorse.

She bought it, and in no time, I was riding off with the address. My heart galloped as I made my way there. I found Denise lived in an apartment complex over on Cibola Street. I scanned the lot for Cerys’ car but didn’t see it. It might just be because she’d parked it on the other side of the complex or something.

I barely held back my impatience as I knocked on Denise’s door. It took two knocks before it opened. Denise appeared stunned to see me. Surely, if Cerys were here, Twyla would’ve warned her I was looking for her, and Cerys would’ve warned Denise I might come. My heart sank, but I asked anyway.

“I hate to disturb you at home, Denise, but Cerys wouldn’t happen to be here, would she?”

She looked at me bewildered and shook her head. “No, I thought she was in Vegas with you this weekend for a bike rally.”

“She was, but then she came home. I need to talk to her. It’s urgent that I do. Do you happen to know who she might stay with? I thought it would be you.”

“Deputy, if she’s not at home with Twyla, then I have no clue.”

“What about Norah? Or Julie and Millie?”

“She might.”

“Would you give me their addresses, please?” That’s when my charm ran out. She frowned.

“Deputy—”

I cut her off. “Call me Brax.”

“Okay, Brax, I don’t feel right giving those to you. It seems that Cerys is trying to stay away from you. I don’t know why, and I don’t need to. But as her friend, I owe her my loyalty. I’m sorry, but I can’t give you those addresses. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have housecleaning to do.” She shut the door before I could beg.

Dejectedly, I walked toward my bike. I was almost to it when I had a thought. Sam was married to Norah. Not wanting to have him say no, I went through Nico. They were partners and friends.

Me: I need you to text Sam. Find out if Cerys is at his house. If so, I need the address.

Moments later, I got his reply.

Nico: She’s avoiding you. Good. Asshole.

Me: Enough name calling. Find out.

Nico: I shouldn’t.

Me: If you don’t, you’ll never wake up after you get home.

Nico: Try it. OK, shithead. Wait.

I paced the parking lot as I waited. It felt like an eternity, but in actuality, it was only five minutes. His answer made me swear.

Nico: He said Norah hasn’t heard from her. Thought she was still in Vegas with us.

“Fuck!” I shouted. An older lady walking her dog heard me. She rushed off, almost dragging the poor dog.

Me: That leaves Julie and Millie. Any idea where they live?

Nico: No. Before you ask, Sam told me Norah said she wouldn’t tell you shit.

After five minutes of swearing and pacing, I replied.

Me: Thanks anyway. I’ll figure something out. I won’t bother you again.

Nico: I’m sorry. Wish I knew. If I think of something, I’ll let you know. Good luck.

Me: Thanks

Having no other recourse, I headed toward home. If I couldn’t find her tonight, I’d be on her doorstep tomorrow evening. She had to come home sometime to go to work, and I’d be waiting when she did.

I spent a restless night. I paced and racked my brain, trying to think of a way to find Julie and Millie’s addresses, but the issue was that I didn’t know their last names. I knew Norah, Twyla, and Denise wouldn’t help me, not that I could blame them. I’d been an utter asshole to Cerys. I eventually fell asleep, but I dreamed about her all night. I recalled our conversations, how it felt to be with her, and the feeling of making love to her. I gave up and got out of bed at five on Sunday morning.

I made coffee to help perk me up. I was tired, but sleep was impossible. I incessantly checked my phone, hoping she’d text me and say she was ready to talk—nothing. I decided a long run might help, so I stripped, shifted, and took to the desert. I ran for miles before shifting back.

When Nightstalker took over, I was still aware of what was happening, but it was like seeing it through a haze. I could choose to focus on what he was doing or what was happening around him. This time, his thoughts were screaming at me. He was over the sulking stage.

Stupid human. We’ve waited forever for the one, and you ruin it. If she doesn’t return on her own, we’ll steal her. Once she carries our pup, she’ll stay. Just kill the man and be done with it. Why did you say those things to her? We have to find her today. Find her!

Those were only a few of his grumblings. I gave up defending myself or arguing, especially about why we couldn’t steal her, kill Heron, or get Cerys pregnant. Nightstalker was stubborn and refused to believe there was no way I couldn’t take her or knock her up.

After returning from my run and showering, I headed over to Twyla’s. I took my truck and parked down the street. Going to the door wouldn’t do any good, but I’d watch to see if I spotted Cerys returning home. I’d been at it for an hour when I saw Twyla come outside. She homed in on me like a beacon and came marching toward me. Knowing I was busted, I got out and met her partway.

“Abraxas, what are you doing spying on my house? Cerys isn’t here.”

“I’m waiting for her to get home. Twyla, please tell me where she is and what the address is. I’m dying here. I have to talk to her,” I pleaded.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“It’s been almost a day. Maybe she’s changed her mind,” I stated hopefully.

“She hasn’t. I spoke to her not long ago. I told her you’re looking for her and staking out the house. She said she doesn’t want to see you. And before you ask, she didn’t tell me where she went. But she knew you were trying to find her because Denise and Norah told her.”

My stomach fell. After sleeping on it, I’d secretly hoped Cerys might’ve calmed down enough to talk to me. Wrong. I hung my head. Silence stretched between us as I stared at the sidewalk. Then I heard her sigh.

“Come in the house. We need to talk. You need to know some things about my granddaughter and our family. If she decides to forgive you and give you another chance, I expect you not to fuck up again.”

Willing to do anything, I nodded and followed her back to the house and inside. I was offered a cup of coffee, which I gratefully accepted. Twyla got started once we both had a cup in our hands and were seated in the living room.

“How much has Cerys told you about our family?”

“That she came to stay with you almost every summer as a kid. Her parents didn’t like it, but your son let her come. They didn’t seem to support her coming here to be a nurse. I know they live in Vegas. She doesn’t say much about them. Oh, and they didn’t like what’s his name,” I grudgingly added.

“So not a lot. All those are true, but it’s much deeper than that. Let me give you some backstory on my son and daughter-in-law. My son, James, was always an odd duckling. He was a stickler for rules, and everything had to be done for a reason. There was little to no spontaneity in him. I have no idea why. His father and I were the opposite, although my husband was a bit less free-spirited than I was. Anyway, James grew up to become even more uptight. He met and then married Grace when they were in college. She was like-minded to him. In fact, they’re both so uptight it’s a miracle their assholes don’t squeak when they move. They make a great couple in that way. However, it left them severely lacking as parents, especially when Cerys was more like me than them.

“They recognized it early and did everything possible to stamp it out of her. She was constrained by rules and schedules and taught that the only worth she had was to be a success in life. Only they determined which things and careers exemplified success. In case you wondered, her being a nurse wasn’t one of them.

“The only time Cerys was allowed to be free and explore was when she came to stay with me those summers for a month. I moved here as soon as James left home at eighteen. He and Grace hated for her to come. They thought I was a horrible influence on her.”

“Why did they allow it if they hated it so much?” I asked.

“Because despite what they might think of me and my husband, we weren’t as foolish as they thought. We invested money young, and my Charles was brilliant about money and how to make more of it. James knew this. If he wanted to get his cut of an inheritance when I die, he needed to do that one thing. He hated it, but they did it. I felt sorry for Cerys because when she’d return home, they’d bitch about how corrupted she was, and they tried to force my bad influence out of her until she returned.

“Those summers with her were the best. We did so many things. I wished there was a way to lessen the negative when she was with them, but I couldn’t. Cerys always tried to satisfy them. Deep down, she’s always been a caregiver at heart. This meant she conformed as much as possible and worked to get suitable grades and make them happy.

“It wasn’t until she graduated high school and entered college that she rebelled. She chose nursing and began dating a boy they hated, Heron. I got to meet him. He was rash and cocky, but I liked him. I thought they might have a chance if he didn’t let those tendencies get out of control. As time passed and they were going strong, I thought he was on the right track. However, suddenly, his dad died, and Cerys told me he changed. She tried to get him to open up and help him cope with his loss, but he refused. Then, one day, she called me sobbing to say he’d told her they were through.”

I didn’t want to hear anything about Heron, but I knew I’d have to listen if I wanted to make things right with Cerys. She’d have things to tell me about him if she ever spoke to me again.

“She barely hung on. Somehow, she kept her grades up and continued her education. Of course, James and Grace were happy they broke up. They took every opportunity they could to remind her they told her he’d hurt her and wasn’t the right guy for her. They kept trying to foist on her the guys they thought appropriate for her to date. She went on a couple of dates to satisfy them, then stopped. Over the past four years, she’s gone on very few dates and never more than a few with the same guy. I was worried that her experience with Heron had damaged something and that she couldn’t trust a man.

“I was about to do something drastic, though I wasn’t sure what when she came home from work and mentioned this deputy who’d been stopping in the ER occasionally. I asked her what she thought of him. The way she blushed and stuttered told me she liked him. I kept pushing her to flirt with you to see if you were interested. She refused. Her excuse was there was no way a man like you would go for a woman like her. I thought of finding a way to throw you together, but then you finally got your thumb out of your ass and told her how you feel. I was doing a happy dance.”

She paused and narrowed her eyes. Her finger came up and pointed at me. “Only you had to go and pull the jealous, insecure man bullshit and jump her about Heron. It was a shock to see him. She’s always wanted to know what went wrong. She needed closure. Instead of letting her get it, you made accusations and walked out. She needed you to lean on, but you weren’t there. I never thought you’d do that, Brax. You hurt her deeply.”

“I know I did, and I’m sorry. I know I fucked up. But I can’t make up for it if Cerys won’t see or talk to me. Plus, I’m worried. What if she still has feelings for him?”

“Pfft, she doesn’t. She got over her puppy love a long time ago. We talked about it. The reality is they would’ve likely not gone the distance. First love rarely does. She’s a different person, and undoubtedly, he is, too. As for you making it up to her, I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“That she’ll go back in that hole she’s stayed in and not come out again. Cerys is tired of being hurt, disappointed, and never being enough.”

“But she is enough, more than enough. I messed up, but when I took that walk in Vegas, I realized that I love her and will do whatever I need to do to have her and her love one day. If she has residual feelings for him, I’ll drive them out and fill the void with more love and attention than she’s ever had. I know we’ve only been seeing each other a few weeks, but she’s the one for me, Twyla. I’ve been holding back for months, but no more. I can’t live without her. I returned to our hotel room to talk to her about this in Vegas, but she was gone.”

She studied me for several minutes before she said anything. “Brax, I love my granddaughter and will always have her back. I hope you can do those things, but only time will tell. Ultimately, if she says no, I’ll back her decision,” she warned.

My heart pounded, and my stomach heaved in terror. What if I couldn’t get Cerys back?