Cerys
This week has been exhausting in more ways than just my work. I was reeling from all the things Brax had been doing and his periodic dropping in at work to bring me food. If he wasn’t doing that, he was sending me texts. I didn’t want to admit it, but I looked forward to them. After the first two days, I found myself waiting to get that early morning message and one before I went to sleep.
I felt guilty when I didn’t answer back. I was trying to limit our interactions until I’d purged all my anger and resentment toward him. I knew we had a conversation coming, and I needed to be in the right frame of mind to have it.
I’d come back to the house Monday night. I asked Twyla to thank LeeLee again for letting me use her place. I made sure to clean up after myself before I left there on Monday morning. I was glad it was the weekend. I was tired of so many people at work asking what was up with Brax and if we’d had a fight. It wasn’t any of their business. Denise and Norah knew the details but were loyal friends who kept their mouths shut. I’d had dinner with them, Millie, and Julia Thursday night and filled them in on everything. They agreed I had a right to be mad at Brax, but they did caution me that they believed he was genuinely remorseful and cared for me.
It was Saturday, and I had no actual plans. Twyla had asked me to hang out at the house today and relax with her. I didn’t mind. We’d gotten up and done our weekly cleaning, which we always did on Saturday, and then the rest of the day was ours to have fun. I decided to make a couple of varieties of cookies. I’d take some over to Millie for Faith. She loved them.
I was putting the last batch in the oven when I heard the sound of more than one motorcycle coming. My pulse sped up. I had to stop myself from running to the window to see if it was him. I scolded myself. Brax wasn’t the only one in town to ride a bike. Hell, there were a couple of guys in the neighborhood who rode. It had to be them.
I swore they came to a stop right outside the house. I was about to break and look when Twyla came breezing into the kitchen with her purse. “Honey, I have to run out for a bit. I’ll be back later. If you need anything, text me. Why don’t you walk me to the door?”
She wore an expectant expression. Why did she want me to walk her to the door? I’d learned not to ask her certain things long ago, so I smiled and nodded. We reached the door, and I’d just pressed the lever on the handle when there was a brisk knock. I jumped and let out a squeak.
Twyla gave me an encouraging smile and a mysterious, “Just listen,” then she took over, opening the door.
I gaped at the two large men standing there. Twyla said hello and then swept by them with a wave. I stood there stunned. I had no clue why Brax and Heron would be on my doorstep, but it was clear that Twyla did. I was going to kill her when she got back.
“Cerys, may we come in?” Brax asked. The sound of his deep voice made me melt inside. Not knowing what else to do, I stepped aside to allow them to enter.
“Hi, Cerys. I hope we’re not interrupting anything,” Heron said softly. He sounded hesitant.
“I-well, not exactly. I’m making cookies. What are the two of you doing here? Together?”
“I’m not staying. I just came to explain. I went to see Heron and asked him to come see you. I think the two of you have unfinished business,” Brax said.
“Brax, I told you. There’s nothing between Heron and me anymore! For God’s sake, he has a woman,” I said in exasperation. He needed to let this go.
He held up a hand. “I’m not saying there’s anything romantic between the two of you. I believe you. This is about bringing closure to you both about what happened between you. Heron said he had some things to tell you. It’s between you. I’m going to have coffee in town with Rebel and a few of the other Devil’s Murder guys. Take your time. Let me know when you’re done.”
He was so calm. I stood there, blinking up at him. He further stunned me by lowering his head and kissing me. He made it a thorough one. As Brax lifted away, I saw the emotion on his face. Without another word, he walked out. Slowly, I closed the door. Facing Heron, I did the only thing I could think of—I pointed toward the kitchen.
“Would you like something to drink and some cookies?”
He grinned. “You know I never say no to a cookie. I’d love both.”
As I led him there, I wondered what he’d say and if I’d finally have closure like Brax said. I hoped so. After getting us both a cup of coffee and him a plate of cookies and taking the last batch out of the oven, I sat down to listen.
“First, I’ve got to tell you. I was shocked when Brax showed up at our compound in Henderson yesterday evening. He came to tell me that he wanted me to speak to you and clear up what happened four years ago. I wasn’t opposed. I’ve wanted to do it for a while. After seeing you last weekend, I thought we’d get a chance while you were in Vegas, but then we didn’t see you again. He told me you left due to a misunderstanding between the two of you. I’m sorry for that.”
“Why are you sorry? It’s not your fault.”
“It is in a way. If I hadn’t left shit the way I did, he wouldn’t have questioned if there was still something romantic between us, and you wouldn’t have gotten hurt and left. He told me he was an asshole to you. The guy loves you, and I know you love him. Don’t ask me how I know. I just do. Will you please let me explain why I acted the way I did? It’s not an excuse. It’s an explanation.”
This discussion was one I’d waited four years to hear. I nodded. He cleared his throat. “You know that my dad died not long before you and I broke up. I know that I changed after he did, and that was something you kept begging me to explain and to let you help me with. I did appreciate you trying to help me, Cerys. I know I didn’t act like I did.”
“I knew you were hurting, Manu. I mean Heron.”
“I was, but it wasn’t an excuse to hurt you. I want you to know I did love you, and walking away hurt like hell. But I knew I was making you miserable, and I’d continue to do it and probably make it worse. I didn’t want to destroy you, Cerys. Do you remember when I told you I’d never felt like I fit?”
“I do. You said you’d always felt different from your parents, even though they loved you very much.”
“Yeah, I did, and they did. Even after Pops told me right after my fifteenth birthday that I was adopted, I wasn’t shocked. It made sense to me. Most kids would’ve been pissed off. I wasn’t. That came later after I lost him. What I didn’t tell you was Pops spent years after they adopted me trying to find my birth parents. He couldn’t find them, and every single lead he found ended in a dead end—disappointment after disappointment happened first for them, then for him and me. Having him there with me helped me cope with those disappointments and my frustration. But when he died, I lost everything, or it felt like I had.”
When he paused, I reached over and gripped his hand. “Heron, I’m sorry. I tried to help. I swear. I never meant to make you feel more stressed.” Emotions clogged my throat. I felt his pain.
“No, don’t do that. It wasn’t your fault, Cerys. You did support me. It was me. I felt that I didn’t have choices after they were both gone. I rebelled at the loss and was filled with this unrelenting anger. I just floated along without an anchor, even though I had you. I had no home or family. The loneliness was killing me. I had this hole that couldn’t be filled. I spiraled further than you know after we broke up. I initiated our breakup, but it made things worse. I lived in darkness. I doubted I’d ever climb free. It’s safe to say I was almost suicidal at times.”
Tears filled my eyes and spilled over. He wiped them away with his thumb. “Don’t cry, pretty girl. It’s gotten far better than I ever hoped.”
“How? Did you find your birth parents?”
“No, but I hope I will one day. Pops was in the military when he was younger. He made friends when he was in. Through those friends, my name got passed along until it ended up with a biker named Patriot. He’s part of a club called the Royal Bastards in Tonopah, Nevada. Through him, I found Crow, the president of the Devil’s Murder MC in Henderson. When Patriot called me, he gave me hope.
“I went to Henderson and took my shot at becoming one of them, the Crows, as they call themselves. I joined as a prospect, and Crow promised he’d do everything in his power to help find my parents. To get answers for me about why they gave me up. Why haven’t we been able to find them? After a year, they voted me in as a member. Every one of my club brothers is like me. I feel fully accepted and even understood for the first time in my life.”
“Accepted and understood? How? Are they all adopted, too?” I asked in puzzlement. What would be the odds of that?
He smirked. “No, not for that reason. Okay, this next part is kinda wild. I think before I explain it, we need to make sure you know that you did nothing wrong. It wasn’t your fault that we broke up. And as painful as it was, looking at us now, you have to agree it was for the best. It allowed us to grow and find the people we were ultimately supposed to be with all along, our mates.”
I let what he said sink in. While I ached for the boy I knew and loved and wished I’d been there for him, he was right. The people we were then were vastly different from who we are now. We wouldn’t have survived as a couple. As for us being with our intended mates, I presumed he meant our soulmates.
A big part of me felt that Brax and I were connected on a rare level. I felt so much for him. Love was only part of it. The thought of losing him tore a hole in me, like the one Heron described. If the unthinkable happened and Brax couldn’t get over his insecurity about Heron and he and I remained broken up, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to cope.
A wave of grief swept through me at the thought. I clutched my chest and sobbed. Heron was up out of his chair and around the table. He hugged me. As I cried, I vaguely heard him talking on the phone, but I didn’t pay attention. I was consumed by the closing of a door on a big part of my life, my pain for Heron and what he suffered, and then the fear of losing Brax.
I was beginning to regain control when I heard a motorcycle’s roar. I straightened. Heron let go of me and went to the door. I went to the sink to splash water on my face. I had to look like a hot mess. Brax couldn’t see me like this.