All That I Want (The Hesitant Husbands #2)

Chapter 12

Lainey had barely slept all night after her encounter with Gavin, and it was a challenge to stay in the saddle. It was a spectacular day, the sky a deep cerulean blue, the sun shining brightly overhead as the party made its way to the meadow for a picnic. But inside, Lainey was a storm of emotions, all thanks to her drunken request for a kiss.

Lord in heaven, that kiss!

She’d dreamed of it for years, and it did not disappoint. She’d had no idea a kiss could be like that. No wonder women spoke of swooning and toe curls. However, she’d not been prepared for what kissing Gavin would awaken in her. She’d naively believed she’d be content with the one kiss, but now she could think of nothing else. Her skin prickled with the memory. Mercy, the way his arms had felt around her body, so powerful and safe, his lips warm on hers, his tongue tangling with—

“Yow!” Lainey jumped so high she nearly fell off her horse. She glared at Elizabeth. “Why are you poking me in the ribs with a stick?”

“Because you weren’t paying the least bit of attention to me. Where is your head today?”

“On my shoulders, where it always is.” Mmmm…how good it had felt to run her hands over Gavin’s muscular shoulders.

“Pfft.” Elizabeth eyed her friend. “Something has happened. Out with it.”

“I don’t know what you could possibly mean.”

“Do not feign innocence with me, Lainey. You are a terrible liar. What happened last night? Oh! Did someone take liberties with you in a shadowy corner?” She squealed.

“For heaven’s sake, keep your voice down, someone will hear,” Lainey hissed. “No. No one took liberties.” The man in question had been begged, after all. He was merely responding to an invitation.

“Balderdash. You are blushing.”

Lainey groaned. Could it really be that obvious? Was she wearing a sign that said “I kissed Gavin Mayfield”? She would have to be better about hiding her emotions. And anyway, she was still processing the whole thing, she wasn’t ready to share details, even with Eliza. “I’m blushing because you are embarrassing me. If you must know, I may have gotten a little drunk last night.”

“Drunk?” Elizabeth studied her with momentary concern, then her face lit up. “Did you take liberties with someone in a shadowy corner?”

“Oh, for the love of—stop it! I just wanted to ease the stress of this party and the decision looming over me and I got a little carried away, that is all.” That part was true, at least. Perhaps more than a little, she would admit.

The horses plodded along, their hooves rustling in the tall grass as Lainey returned to her wicked thoughts…which she didn’t get to enjoy for long.

“It’s not too late to change your mind, you know,” Elizabeth said, eyeing her shrewdly.

Lainey closed her eyes on a sigh. “We’ve hashed this out to death, Eliza. It is what I want.” She straightened in her saddle. “Oh look, we are here.”

“Lucky for you,” Elizabeth grumbled as she tossed her reins to a waiting groom.

Gavin did his best to studiously avoid Lainey, but his gaze kept wandering over to her. She was fetching in a floral sprigged ensemble and jaunty bonnet with yellow flowers perched upon her head. She was sitting on a blanket with Devereaux the Octopus. Honestly, the man invented more reasons to “accidentally” touch her than Gavin thought possible. Each graze made Gavin’s blood notch another degree toward the boiling point. Each time Lainey avoided the man’s grasp, Gavin wanted to pummel him for trying again. Good God, Gavin was more like his violent brother than he wanted to admit. He tamped down that urge as quickly as he could.

After a torturous hour had passed, he noticed some couples had wandered off to explore, and Lainey was nowhere in sight. Devereaux, at least, was still here and setting his sights on Anne Hastings. He moved over to where Aidan sat with his wife, adoringly playing with the stands of hair that has escaped her coiffure. He coughed to announce his presence when Aidan ignored him.

“Sorry to interrupt…have you seen where Lainey has gone off to?”

“She said she wanted a little time to herself to sort things out,” Elizabeth replied. “She seems very distracted today.” She pinned him with a hard stare. “Do you know anything about that?”

“Er…no. I’ve barely spoken to her all morning.”

“Hm. I’m sure something happened last night but she won’t confess.”

“Is she well?”

“Physically, yes, she’s fine. Perhaps a bit of a headache. She said she imbibed a little too much last night.”

“Lainey?” His eyebrows shot to his hairline. He hoped he wasn’t overdoing the fake surprise. “That’s unlike her.”

“So it is,” Aidan agreed. “Perhaps you should go talk to her. I’d go but I’m very busy at the moment,” he said, bopping his finger on his wife’s nose. Gavin just stared in disbelief at the man his formerly serious best friend had become. A little pang of jealously zinged his heart. “She’ll confess to you, not me,” Aidan continued. “I would hazard a guess she’s at her favorite spot.” He grinned.

“Ah yes, The Pond.” The infamous pond. It had been years since he’d been there. “Perhaps I will go find her. She probably shouldn’t be out there alone and all.”

“Mmmm,” was all Aidan managed as he trailed his finger along Elizabeth’s arm. Gavin practically sprinted toward his horse.

He found her on the bank of the pond, her bonnet dangling from her hand as she languidly strolled along the water’s edge. He watched, riveted as she moved through the dappled sunlight, her hair a golden chestnut one minute and warm brown the next. He tied his horse with hers and set out to catch up with her.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“Oh!” She whirled on him. “Gavin, you scared the life out of me! Don’t sneak up on people like that!”

“I wasn’t exactly quiet. You were just woolgathering. Elizabeth said you are out of sorts today. What’s on your mind?”

Her chocolate brown eyes bored into his. He could see the moment she decided not to confide in him. “I just needed some time away from everyone to think.”

“So, it’s nothing to do with that kiss we shared last night?”

A flush stained her cheeks and she turned away. “No,” she lied.

“Come off it, Lainey, it’s me. This is exactly why I didn’t want to kiss you. Now you’ve gone all balmy on me.”

“I haven’t gone—hey!”

He snatched the bonnet out of her hand and dangled it just out of her reach. “I’ll give it back if you admit that kiss rattled you.” God knew it had rattled him.

“Gavin, you nod cock, hand it over.”

“You haven’t called me a nod cock in years. I miss that.”

“You are ridiculous.” The corner of her mouth tried to tick up in a smile but she wouldn’t let it.

“True. But if it makes you laugh, I’d be the village idiot.” He’d taken the light out of her eyes two years ago. He wanted to put it back. He sighed. “Here, take your bonnet.” He held it out for her and she glared at him. “Go on, take it.”

She hesitated, then her hand shot out to make a grab for the hat, but Gavin was too fast for her and he yanked it back. “Gavin Mayfield, stop behaving like a child and give me my bonnet!”

“Oh, come now, Lainey. When was the last time I was able to tease you like this?” He waved the bonnet in front of her and she folded her arms across her chest, trying in vain to keep a straight face, but her mirth got the best of her.

“Quite some time, I should think,” she said wryly. He danced the bonnet a little too close and she snatched at it. She got hold of it and the tug of war began. “Gavin,” she said, using the tone of voice one uses on a child that is precariously close to being sent to bed without supper. Gavin just grinned and tugged a little harder. “Stop it,” Lainey demanded, tugging back. He pretended to give, then just pulled back again. “Gavin!”

She finally laughed, which is what Gavin had been waiting for. “Oh, all right,” he said, releasing the bonnet just as she gave a good yank. The sudden freedom caused Lainey’s arm to fly backwards, and with it, the bonnet…which then flew from her hand, landing with a soft plop in the pond. They both froze, mouths open in a silent gasp. Lainey slowly turned murderous eyes on Gavin. He spread his hands.

“Oops,” was all he could offer.

“That is my very favorite bonnet, Gavin.”

“I’ll buy you another.”

“My. Favorite,” she ground out. She stood looking like an Amazon warrior, arms akimbo, eyes blazing. She didn’t really expect him to go in and get it, did she?

“It’s probably ruined now anyway,” he started.

“Gavin.”

He sighed. “You want me to fetch it, I suppose?”

Her silence spoke volumes. Apparently, he was getting wet. Resigned to his fate, he mumbled, “If you insist, my lady,” and bent to remove his shoes and roll up his pants to his knees. If he was lucky the pond was shallow at the edge. He waded in, careful to disturb the water as little as possible. He couldn’t quite lean forward enough to where the bonnet floated just out of reach without losing his balance. He was already up to his knees and he desperately didn’t want to get his pants soaked. “A little help here, Lainey?”

“And what do you expect me to do?”

“I need a counter weight. Hold my hand, please.”

“This does not sound like a good idea.”

“Would you just hold my hand? I can reach it if I have something to hold on to.” She huffed out a breath and grudgingly moved to the edge of the bank after removing her shoes and stockings so as not to ruin them on the spongy ground. She gathered up her skirts to keep them out of the mud, tucked them up in one hand, and reached the other out to Gavin. He grasped it and leaned forward. “Lean back toward the bank, Lainey. That’s it. Almost got it…” He barely managed to get his fingers around the bonnet, but he seized it triumphantly. “Ha!”

But in his excitement, he moved a little too fast, tugging Lainey off balance, and he tipped backwards. He pivoted and threw the bonnet toward the shore before he plunged into the water. The last thing he heard before he went under was a feminine shriek. He got his feet under him and surfaced to find Lainey on her hands and knees, feet still on the bank, chest deep in water, her face splattered with mud. She was coughing, and Gavin lunged to get her out of the water. Her sodden skirts and the fact that her hands were stuck in the mud made the rescue a struggle, but he finally got her out and they both collapsed on the bank, gasping for breath. He didn’t dare look at her. Feeling the anger rolling of off her was enough. They lay on their backs in silence for a minute or two, catching their breath. Lainey finally spoke, low and ominous.

“Give me one reason I shouldn’t drown you in that pond right now.”

Truly, Gavin didn’t have one, but he spied her bonnet laying safely on dry land. “I saved your favorite bonnet?” he said hopefully.

She closed her eyes, as if gathering the strength to continue. Or perhaps she was plotting the various ways in which to murder him. He rolled up on his elbow and looked down into her face. It was covered in freckles of mud. “Ah, you have a little…” Gavin made an ineffectual gesture that encompassed her face, and she glared at him. She reached up to swipe at her face, but only succeeded in smearing more mud. Gavin stared at her, caught between remorse at her current state, and laughter at…well, her current state. The bubble of laughter won.

“Gavin Mayfield, you horse’s ass, are you laughing at me?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that…oh God, Lainey, I’m so sorry. Really, I am. But you are rather a mess. Here, let me,” he said, reaching into his pocket for his wet handkerchief. A tendril of hair was plastered to the side of her face, and he tenderly removed it. His fingertips tingled where they brushed her skin, and he thought he saw her suck in a breath. He slowly began to wipe the mud from her face, and she watched him as he dabbed the cloth over her skin, her gaze unwavering.

Gavin’s heart was ready to pound out of his chest, and his skin felt too tight for his body. The gentle swipes became more and more sensual with each pass. Was he mad? He should never have kissed her last night. Then maybe he wouldn’t be wanting to feel her soft lips on his again, or be so desperate to run his hands up her bare legs. Both were things he couldn’t want.

“There,” he said softly, smiling at her. “Perfection.” He noticed one small speck left by the corner of her mouth, and without even thinking, ran his thumb over the spot to brush it away. She did gasp then, and Gavin froze. He could see the pulse jumping at the base of her throat, her pupils dilating with desire. He stared down at her, his honor at war with his need to kiss her again. His fingers traced her jaw, dancing over her rose petal skin. He leaned toward her, then stopped, knowing he was playing a dangerous game.

“Gavin,” she whispered. Her fingers curled into his lapel.

He shook his head. “There are a hundred reasons we shouldn’t do this,” he said softly.

“Name one.”

He was silent, studying her face, his hand still hovering at the corner of her mouth. And he realized that he wanted to kiss her more than he wanted to breathe. “I can’t.” And he leaned down and sealed his mouth over hers.

Bliss.

He palmed her jaw, sending his fingers sliding across the skin under her ear. She made a little noise in her throat that melted any resolve he had left, and he kissed her deeply, tasting her offered mouth, delighting in her tongue caressing his. He groaned, savoring the way she responded to him, passionate and sweet, as though she were made only for him. He caressed her neck, tangling his fingers in her damp hair, and just kept on kissing her like it was what he was born to do.

Lainey brought her hands up and pressed them against his chest, exploring the muscles there, sliding her hands under his sodden coat. She slipped them around his back and pulled him closer, and he let some of his weight fall against her, pinning her to the ground.

“Mmmmm,” was all she said. Gavin knew exactly how she felt. Having Lainey in his arms just seemed so…right.

The cut of her gown left an enticing triangle of bare skin at her throat, and he couldn’t help himself. He trailed kisses down her neck, following the line of her bodice until his lips reached the hollow of her breasts. She gave a languid sigh and threaded her fingers through his dripping hair. Gavin dipped his tongue into that little valley and she gasped, arching toward him. Good God, she was going to be his undoing.

He tore himself away from her creamy skin and rested his head against her chest, knowing in his heart that he must put a stop to this, but wanting to find a way forward anyhow. Impossible.

“Gavin?”

The soft question in her voice tore at his heart. Shame on him. He knew better than to treat her like this. He needed to be in better control of his urges…but Lord help him, his control just evaporated around her. He dropped one last kiss at the base of her throat and sat up. “Lainey, we can’t do this. You know we can’t.”

“But why? What is wrong with enjoying a kiss or two?”

“Because it leads to other things.”

“It doesn’t have to.”

“Lainey.” Gavin chuckled. “I’m afraid that with you, I lack the power to remain a gentleman. Kissing you like this will most definitely lead to other things.” He helped her to a sitting position. “Come. We should get out of these wet clothes.” Which was precisely what he wanted to do at this very moment, but alas. He retrieved her stockings and shoes for her and deposited them in the grass beside her before settling down to don his own. He froze when she raised her skirts to her knee.

“Would you help me put them on?” She indicated the stockings that lay next to her.

Panic gripped his lungs like a vise. “Er…what?”

“It’s one thing to remove them, but I can’t bend over far enough in this corset to get anything on my feet. Plus, my hands are dirty and I would like to spare at least one piece of my outfit from total destruction. I’m afraid I rather made a mess of your shirt.”

He glanced down to see that she had, indeed, smeared mud all over his shirt. He hastily rubbed at anything that resembled a handprint. That wouldn’t do at all.

“Gavin?” She held a gossamer stocking in between her thumb and forefinger, eyebrows raised.

Bloody hell.

He could do this. He’d survived a bullet wound inflicted by his own brother. He could put stockings on Lainey’s legs. Her shapely, alabaster—

Damn it, man, get a hold of yourself.

“Ah…”

“Gavin, you have seen my legs before.”

“Yes, but you were a child then.”

“They are just legs, Gavin.”

How could he explain to her that the mere sight of her calves was causing an uncomfortable tightening in his trousers without sounding like a lecher? Better to just be methodical and quick in his assistance. He shrugged his paralyzation off and reached for the stocking, picturing every unattractive thing he could think of before he slipped it on her foot.

Gangrene.

Hairy warts.

Kicking puppies.

It didn’t help. Putting a silk stocking on Lainey had to be the most erotic thing he’d ever done. His fingers brushed her leg as he slid the stocking up to her knee, and goosebumps broke out across her skin, proof that his touch affected her. He knew he shouldn’t, but he curled his fingers around the back of her knee, just to revel in the softness for a moment. What would it be like to press a kiss there? He ached to find out. His thumb brushed the inside of her thigh as he settled the stocking over her knee, and she closed her eyes and let her head fall back. He traced small circles with his thumb, mimicking the motion he desperately wanted to employ somewhere else. He’d never been so glad that women wore so many layers, because if her heavy petticoats and drawers weren’t halting his progress up her thighs, who knows where his hands would have landed.

As it was, Gavin reluctantly withdrew his hand and helped her with her other stocking. When she’d replaced the garters, he slipped on her shoes, put his own on, and helped her to stand. He stepped back, eyeing her from head to toe. Mud stained her dress up to her knees, and up to her elbows, the front of her dress was soaked through, and her hair was in disarray.

“Lainey, you are a right disaster.” He sheepishly plunked her bonnet on her ruined coiffure, and she rolled her eyes. “Sorry about all this.” He tied the bow beneath her chin.

“Someday, Gavin Mayfield, I will get you back. Mark my words.”

“I have no doubt.” They walked back to the horses, his wet clothes chafing him the entire way. The ride back was not going to be pleasant. He put his hands on her waist, intending to lift her onto the horse, but they stood immobile instead, her hands on his shoulders, gazing into each other’s eyes. Her mouth parted slightly, and Gavin’s gaze dropped to her lips. He cleared his throat. “Just…just a minute.”

He crushed her to him in a searing embrace, wrapping his arms around her like a drowning man. She melted against him, matching his tongue thrust for thrust, and white-hot sparks exploded behind his eyelids. He’d kissed plenty of women before, but this…she…was extraordinary. He didn’t know how he was going to live without ever kissing her again.

He set her away from him, both of them panting. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I’m not.”

“Lainey, don’t say that.”

“Why not? I like kissing you. And I rather think you like kissing me.”

There was an understatement if he ever heard one. “That is not the point. You are here to find a husband, and since I am not a potential one, I shouldn’t be pawing at you.”

“Pawing?” Her eyes danced.

“You know what I mean. We have to go back to being just friends, Lainey.”

“And why is that? Why are you so against marriage?”

“I’m not against marriage. Not for other people,” he grinned, tipping his head toward the horse. She jumped, and he lifted her easily into the saddle.

“This conversation is not over, Gavin,” she said from atop the horse. “If you and I are such good friends, you should be able to tell me the truth.”

He nodded. “I should. But I can’t.”

“No, you just won’t.” She spurred her horse into action and took off at a canter, leaving him to scramble in her wake. She was angry, and rightly so. But telling her would serve no purpose other than to embarrass him and his family. It wouldn’t change things between them, and he preferred to just let it be.

They reluctantly returned to the picnic, where there would be hell to pay because honestly, it really did appear as though they had been indulging in completely inappropriate behavior. Which they had been, but no one need know that. Gavin did not want to destroy Lainey’s chances of finding a decent husband.

Sure enough, when they entered the clearing, several ladies gasped, and all eyes turned to them as the party fell silent.

Until Aidan thundered, “What in blazes have you done to my sister?”