Alpha Protector (Shadow Sentinels World #3)

Chapter 5

S hannon

As exhausted as I was, I didn’t linger under the hot water. Stone had never scared me, but I knew him well enough to know he never lied or played games. He was here to stay. If I ran, he’d find me, and the thought of fucking up badly enough that Connor would be forced to end my life made my stomach lurch. My self-loathing was real. I rested my forehead on the cold bathroom tiles and closed my eyes. How had I been reduced to this? I was a total wreck. A waste of space. Knowing everything would run just as smoothly as ever, even if I wasn’t around, proved that very thing.

Aware that time for my pity party was ticking down, I dressed and stepped out into the bedroom, doing my best to hide my shaking hands. Waves of nausea hit me, but I gritted my teeth and hid that, too.

Stone stood, pocketing his phone. “Let’s go.”

I followed him out. He knew as well as I did that I wouldn’t run. Not if we were going home. I wanted to see Ava, but more than that, I needed to apologise for what had happened. If I’d been there, she might never have been taken in the first place. My vision tunnelled in on Stone’s broad back, concentrating on the muscles shifting under his tactical clothes.

It wasn’t just Stone’s powerful body or the hypnotic way he moved that stole my attention. I really didn’t want to acknowledge anyone else. Did the Fae warriors that protected B’nar know I was such a mess? That I was a Sentinel, and yet such a fuck up that I’d been removed from my role? Mother Wolf, how my father would laugh his fucking head off. He’d always told me I was worthless, that I’d never make it as an SBI agent. He’d had other plans for me—until I’d messed them up by trying to discover what he’d done to Ava and her first mate, Lance. When dear ole dad had found out what I was doing, he’d thrown me in that prison along with every other shifter he could get his dirty hands on. I shuddered, making a valiant effort to push away memories that would have me reaching for the nearest bottle as soon as Stone’s back was turned.

I shivered even harder when we exited the palace, and icy air enveloped me. I wanted to ask if Ava was safe, but simply walking and not tripping over my feet was exhausting. I wondered if I should remind Stone I hadn’t eaten in…I blinked. I had no idea. Days probably. At least I’d had a few mouthfuls of water in the bathroom. I hadn’t been able to stomach anymore.

My teeth chattered. Christ, did it have to be so cold here? My legs trembled so much I stumbled. Only grabbing Stone’s jacket stopped me from face-planting. Stone looked over his shoulder. I fully expected him to scowl and curse, but he didn’t. He stopped and held onto me as he turned.

“Alright?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone move. A dark shape that I could have sworn was a fucking phantom of my despicable father. I spun, my heart hammering. There was nothing but sparkling frosted gardens and guards. Lots of them, all watching me with impassively cold faces and even colder eyes. I searched the bushes and gardens, sure my dad had been lurking even though the logical side of my brain told me he was dead, that his soul was in Hell, right where he should be, for everything he’d done.

‘You’ll never escape me.’

Blood roared through my ears as the cold promise he’d uttered rattled in my head. I sucked air into my lungs as my heart rate went through the roof.

“Shan? Hey.”

I blinked, startled by the sensation of Stone’s rough hand cupping my cheek. It immediately fell away, and even though it was ridiculous, I missed his warmth. He frowned down at me, and I dropped my gaze, studying his boots while trying to get a handle on my emotions.

He’s dead. He’s dead.

Even the rumble from Stone’s chest as I stared at the scuffs on his boots couldn’t drown out those words. Not when they were all I had to hold onto.

“Come on. Rawson needs me.” Stone’s grip on my wrist was firm enough to guide me after him, and for once, I didn’t throw him off. If anything, it grounded me enough that I could force one foot in front of the other. Only when my wolf whined did I pay attention to where we were.

I bit my bottom lip. Under normal circumstances, the portal didn’t scare me, but my wolf was anxious enough that it infected my thoughts. I had no idea how we’d gotten through that gateway between worlds in one piece when I’d been so wasted. I barely remembered it but knew enough to realise I’d lose my wolf today. There was no way I was strong enough to hold onto her in the pull and swirl of the Faery portal. I planted my feet and yanked my wrist from Stone’s grip. Or at least I thought I did, but he kept walking, not noticing my increasing panic.

“Stop…” I wanted to shout, but my voice was just a whisper.

To my surprise, Stone did. Not that I believed he wouldn’t hear, just that he’d be so pissed off at having to slow down that he’d ignore me. He didn’t speak; he just tilted his head and narrowed his eyes as I wiped my sweaty brow with my jacket sleeve before sliding my shaking palms down the front of my trousers. What was I supposed to say? The thought of admitting I was scared enough to throw up the mouthful of water I’d swallowed all over the clothes he’d made me promise to keep clean made me feel worse. His silver-grey eyes narrowed with such intensity that it made me study the glittering gardens and look anywhere but at him.

“Do not fret. I will help.”

Gravel crunched as he turned away, but that didn’t stop my cheeks scorching with sudden heat. I’d never needed anybody's help with anything, especially not managing my wolf. Ever since my first change as a teenager, she’d been with me, shoring up my emotions, my moods, and my strength. The fact that she’d become nothing more than a faint echo in recent months amplified the fear zipping around my veins. I stared at Stone’s big hand gripping my wrist. Realising that he knew what I was worried about, without a word from me, was more humiliating than needing help.

Then it dawned on me. Of course he knew. I’d been in no state to keep my wolf spirit anchored on the way here. He’d done it for me. That’s why I’d felt so warm and safe enough to pass out. I’d never felt more mortified than I did at that moment. Stone had seen me at my worst. He’d seen me after the fight rings in the prison when I’d been naked and bleeding, the morning after I’d fucked other people while so drunk I’d not been able to censor my words and had unleashed enough vitriol on him to drive him away, when I’d been injured and bleeding and utterly exhausted after a mission, but never once had I relied on him to protect or care for me because I couldn’t do it myself. And he’d protected my wolf without shoving it down my throat. He hadn’t even mentioned it. My throat ached, and my eyes burned. He’d looked after me when I’d been too weak to do it myself, and I didn’t know how to process that selflessness from a male shifter, especially not someone I’d always been such a bitch to.

B’nar met us, gliding forward in that elegant and effortless way he had, and nodded once at Stone. I gritted my teeth, wanting to run as musical Fae words fell from his lips and a portal flashed into existence. Wind, laced with magic and power, whipped my damp hair from my face, and I shivered. The highly engineered Fae clothes protected my body from the biting cold, but my head? Yeah, it was fucking freezing. And why couldn’t I stop shivering?

Stone turned back, let go of my wrist and flicked my hood up.

“This will keep you warmer.”

My mouth dropped open, but I had no words, too stunned that he still gave a toss whether I was warm or cold. He held out his hand, his face as impassive as ever, having no clue that he’d just sent me into a spin. Usually, I’d do something to goad him, to put any emotion on his face, even if it was frustration or disdain, but it was too much effort. I closed my eyes and took his hand, a wave of calmness washing through my body at his continued touch. My legs shook, my muscles ached, and fatigue dragged at my eyelids, but I gripped onto him, using that connection to anchor me, yet it didn’t dampen the growing need for a fucking drink. And that right there was the problem. I’d been fooling myself for years that I didn’t need to drink; I only wanted one. Except, it was never just one. Not even one bottle. It was always more and more and more….

I swallowed a sharp whimper as we followed B’nar into the portal, aware that a small army was trailing us. I wasn’t stupid; their presence told me everything Stone hadn’t. Ava wasn’t safe. Rawson and Connor knew where she was, and B’nar, like the saviour and friend he was, had brought more warriors to shore up our ranks against a powerful enemy. I suspected Mades took Ava because of the information she’d found in our communications network. The rogue vampires must want that information destroyed badly to risk kidnapping the mate of one of the most powerful Alpha shifters in the world. That or they wanted to lure Rawson out. He’d hurt people while under the demon enchantments of my father’s associates . And not just shifters.

Any more thoughts about why our enemy had taken my sister were crushed as power pushed and pulled at my insides, and no matter how hard I tried, there was no way to stop my wolf spirit from being dragged from my body. My eyes watered and I stumbled, catching onto Stone’s solid arm like he was my lifeline. Unbidden, a quiet sob burst from my tight throat. I silently thanked the Mother Wolf that Stone was too busy keeping both of our wolves anchored to him to notice my eyes watering. At least, I told myself he didn’t notice, even though his arm tightened, anchoring my hold between his iron bicep and forearm.

A relieved breath exploded from my lungs when we stepped from the vortex. I wiped my cheeks and tried to stand tall. Stone side-eyed me, but I ignored him. Instead, I lifted my face to the sun, keeping my grip on his arm. Hope was relatively warm compared to Winter Kingdom weather, and it was soothing to let that warmth caress my damp face.

Stone’s arm straightened, forcing me to release my hold, and I immediately missed the solid feel of him. My fingers cooled quickly, and I flexed them before shaking my hand, trying to dispel that feeling of loss. It was a feeling I’d shaken off for years every time he left. I’d never admitted that to anyone, not even Ava. I’d deliberately pushed him away so many times I was always surprised that he was still willing to talk to me. That ache in my heart was always worse when he left because he was angry, and even though I deserved it, just the small amount of space between us now hurt more than ever. Maybe because, for once in my existence, my emotions weren’t dulled with rose water.

Lucas met us, his face grim, his big arms folded over his equally big chest, and his hip leaning against one of the pack’s black SUVs. His eyes rested on my face and hardened, accusation briefly crossing his handsome face before it became neutral as he greeted his superior. He was Rawson’s Beta, but Stone was a powerful Alpha, one of the Shifter King’s council, a Shadow Sentinel, and the King’s third in command.

“Rawson and Connor are waiting at the office.”

Lucas slid his attention to me again, and even though it took everything I had to hold his cold gaze, I did. Being an Alpha female in a male-dominated society was hard, especially when shifter society was built on Alpha male power and dominance. But I’d spent years gaining my reputation as a Shadow Sentinel, and I'd be damned if I was going to lower my gaze for him. Lucas’s eyes narrowed, a slight snarl on his lips. I got it. I did. I’d put his Alpha’s mate in danger, and he was doing what any good Beta would do: warning me not to cause any more trouble. It was more difficult than it should have been to swallow the urge to lower my gaze, particularly when my already trembling limbs shook harder with the effort.

A low warning rumble filled the air.

Stone.

“Lucas, back off. She’s my problem, not yours.”

And there went my cheeks again. Shame was a bitch. A problem. Yep, that’s what I was. Still, I waited until Lucas fixed his attention back on Stone before I let my shoulders slump and my gaze lower.

“Fine. But keep her away from Rawson. Any sniff of her, and he’s likely to lose his shit.”

I didn’t need to look at Stone to know he gave a curt nod. “You can take me to him. But first, we drop Shannon with Becca or Lorna.”

“Sorry, man, Becca’s working and Lorna’s supervising a new staff member at the Eazi.”

I opened my mouth to say I didn’t need a babysitter, that I’d go and wait at the house Stone and I shared, even though it was a lie. I had no intention of sitting alone in an empty house, twiddling my thumbs while everyone else cleaned up my mess. Hating myself for it didn’t change the fact that I needed a drink, and I didn’t mean a fucking coffee. Much as I liked Lorna, the owner of the Eazibean coffee shop, or even Becca, the pack’s counsellor, I couldn’t get to where I wanted to go if they watched my every move…

“Not happening, Shan.”

“What?” My head snapped up, and I met Stone’s steady mercury stare.

“Going to Eli’s place alone.”

“I wasn’t going to.” I winced at the petulance in my denial.

Stone raised his brows in a don’t bullshit me expression I’d seen too many times to count over the years.

I crossed my arms over my chest. “So what do you want me to do then? I’m not letting you lock me in the fucking pack prison until you get back from wherever you’re going. Which by the way, I should be going with you. Ava is my sister. Not some random woman I don't know….”

“Get in.” He opened the back door of the SUV, ignoring my outburst. Only the muscle popping on his jaw told me he was biting back words. My belly tightened and I huffed, but it was evident by their faces that both these males believed I was at fault for not being there with Ava when our enemies came for her. The sad thing was they were right. I couldn’t demand a space on her rescue squad when I was the reason she needed rescuing in the first place. Plus, as I shimmied onto the back seat, my body shook so hard I knew I’d be a liability in any fight.

“If I can’t go to the Orchid, at least take me somewhere I can get food.”

Stone’s side-eye was enough for me to check my words and the sulky demand in my tone. I’d always demanded, never asked for what I needed, and even though I knew it made me sound like a bitch, I still did it. I’d learnt the hard way that asking nicely got me nothing except humiliation. Still, Stone’s penetrating stare and frowning disapproval made my skin itch and my heart sink. Shit. I had no idea why, but at that moment, I hated the thought of disappointing him even more than I already had. “Please,” I quickly tagged on, though my voice had dropped to a whisper. I rubbed my arms, then folded my hands in my lap, squeezing my fingers together hard enough that the pain distracted me from the need to score my nails into my skin.

Stone continued to study me, his attention burning a hole in the side of my face. I hated that I had to ask for anything, but the way my stomach clenched, and my heart beat faster as I waited for an answer took me back to a time in my life I’d sworn never to return to, not even in my head.

He’s dead. He’s dead.

I’d promised myself I’d never let anyone have the power to control me ever again, yet here we were. Me, asking for something as basic as the chance to eat, and fully expecting to be refused. No, Stone wouldn’t do it. He’d never been cruel like my father. I’d messed up with Ava, but he wouldn’t let me starve. I shook my head. I wasn’t even sure why I’d asked for food. I wasn’t hungry, not when my stomach felt as unsettled as if I’d been on a boat on rough seas for hours. The thought of eating made saliva rush into my mouth, but I swallowed it down. Beads of sweat tickled my neck under my hair as we started moving. I blinked, watching the neat houses of the town pass by. I didn’t see anything, though, mostly concentrating on not throwing up. I zoned out, my head resting on the cool glass for a while before I sat back, tapping my right heel on the floor, my leg shaking in a regular rhythm. That rapid movement was a distraction from thinking about the craving in my soul for a drink. I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes, unable to concentrate on anything but moving my leg and the sound of my racing heart in my ears.

I jumped when a hand landed on my jerking leg.

“Time to get out.”

I blinked, disoriented. How long had we been driving? Seconds? Minutes? I had no idea. I moved my hands from my lap and hugged my body, suddenly cold. I blinked, my mind fuzzy. “What?” Were we on a mission? Jeez, my head hurt. Had I been on an all-night bender again? Why were we outside a coffee shop? I peered out the window, frowning and trying to clear my foggy thoughts. “The Eazibean? What are we doing here?”

Stone blinked, his silver brows dropping into a frown that would terrify most people. “You asked for food.”

“I-I did?” I rubbed a hand over my face, trying to pull myself together as an evil wave of nausea hit. Shit. My muscles tensed, my throat clenching as I swallowed. I would not throw up in front of Stone.

“Yes.” Stone’s tone was clipped. Silence descended, his laser focus on my face making me want to hide, so I looked at my shaking leg.

“I’ll, er, wait inside.”

I jumped at the sound of Lucas’s voice. When did he get in the car? How did I get in the car? Shit. Shit. Shit. I couldn’t remember… There was something… Ava. A memory stick. She was missing. It was my fault.

I was paralysed as everything rushed back into my head, but under it all, I was terrified. I’d totally forgotten where I was or why. I’d lost memories and thoughts before, but not like this. My chest tightened to the point it was hard to drag air in.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Stone’s words were as gentle as his touch as I gasped and panted, sweat running down my spine. Once again, I didn’t slap his touch away or jerk backwards; I leaned against the rough skin of his palm as he cupped my face. He urged me to face him, and I didn’t have the strength to resist. I didn’t have to look at him, though. At least not directly. My gaze landed on his mouth. I’d always loved the curve of his full lips. Stone was both beautiful and deadly, but nothing was more destroying to me than his smile. It made me weak and yearn for things I had no business yearning for. It was one of the reasons I created distance between us. The attraction I felt for him was useless. He was way too good for me.

“Take some deep breaths.”

I tried. I really did. I’d never heard his voice so soft or reassuring, yet I still couldn’t. My chest was being crushed by the weight of my panic. My wolf whined, the sound tipping me into a spiral of terror. She was so weak I could barely connect to her, and all I could feel was fear, so much fear. I flexed my tingling fingers, digging my nails into my palms. What was happening to me? The weight of Stone’s hand on my shoulder registered just before the air changed in the car, power electrifying it.

“Look at me.”

The quiet demand wasn’t something I could resist. His wolf looked out from his eyes, his irises a stunning mix of vivid purple and silver.

“Let him help.”

Stone was powerful, and no matter how I’d fought to be seen as an Alpha wolf, I was no match for him. I fell into his gaze, allowing his strength and focus to bring me back from that storm of panic. My wolf calmed under the reassurance of his, and I was left shaking and exhausted as she settled. Stone’s hand moved around the back of my head, and I sagged forward, my forehead resting on his chest. I took a deep, shaky breath and felt my heart calm further as his scent filled me. It reminded me of a winter forest: fresh, cold air and pine. It had always done something to me, and I’d fought my reaction to it for years, believing the way it comforted me was a weakness. Especially when my wolf yearned for him….

Silence settled around us as though the car were our own bubble of reality, the outside world distant. It was tempting to stay where I was and hide, surrounded by his scent and the comfort of his solid body next to mine.

A shrill ring shattered the peace.

Stone muttered a curse but kept me anchored against his chest while his hand moved from my leg and pulled a phone from his pocket. “Yeah?”

I stiffened as Rawson’s impatient tone filtered through the phone.

“I know. I’m on my way.”

Heat filled my face as he gently put me from him.

“Let’s get you inside. I have to go.”

I nodded.

A slight smirk curled his mouth. “You have to let go of me first.”

“I…what?”

The hand from around the back of my head dropped away, and he tapped my fingers—which were grasping his jacket.

“Oh.” I let go and shot out of the car quick enough to make me dizzy. By the time he was by my side again, the smirk had gone, replaced with his usual neutral expression. He opened the Eazibean’s door for me, and we entered the cosy warmth.

Inside, it was quiet. I realised I had no idea what time or even day it was. I’d lost track, and being in Faery always messed with my internal clock. When it wasn’t messed up with booze. I glanced around, trying not to shrink under the attention of the few customers who were shooting me disgusted glances. It looked like my reputation had preceded me. It was hard not to run right back out. But in the words of Daddy dearest, I’d made my bed; now I had to lie in it.

The clock on the wall above the counter said seven-thirty. I worried the soft skin of my bottom lip between my teeth. Morning then. It would be dark if it was evening. My attention dropped to the two women making coffee from an industrial barista machine. Lorna glanced up and gave me a genuine smile. My eyes burned. She was so nice. No judgement darkened her gaze.

“Shannon. It’s so lovely to see you. Why don’t you sit down, and I’ll be with you in a minute. I’ll just finish helping Emily do this Macchiato.”

I nodded, trying not to let tears tip from my eyes. Clearly, I was an utter mess if the friend I’d made whilst being in Hope guarding my sister could make me cry just by saying hello.

I let Stone guide me to a comfy tub chair and obediently sank into its soft leather.

“I’ll order you a latte…”

“Erm, no…no don’t.” My stomach rebelled at the thought of all that milk.

His brows rose. It was what I always had, and he knew it.

“I, er, feel a bit queasy. From the portal.” I didn’t want him to think I was just being difficult and hoped he couldn’t smell the lie in my words. It wasn’t the portal. I just needed a drink so bad I felt like I’d crawl out of my skin if I didn’t get one soon. But to get one, I needed him gone…

Self-disgust was a feeling all its own. I hated lying, especially to him. Mother Wolf, how could I let myself get so badly addicted? My life was a shit show of my own making. I blinked, realising Stone was still waiting for an answer, his jaw doing that ticking thing again.

“A black coffee would be great. Not decaf …Thank you.”

He blinked, his eyes widening ever so slightly.

I looked at the sterile table top to hide the shame that the man I spent more time with than anyone else was taken aback by my thanks. Was I really such a horrible person? Yes. I was.

He didn’t walk away. “You need to eat something, too.”

My stomach clenched unhappily at the thought, but I knew he wouldn’t leave until I agreed. “Okay, I, um…” I couldn’t decide what to say. Not when the thought of a pastry or sandwich made me heave. “I’m not sure what I want.”

“Okay, don’t worry. I’ll choose something for you.”

I nodded and sank back in the chair, letting my body sag. For once, I was grateful to Stoney-boy for making the decision. I was so tired, yet my body was wound up and shaking so hard I couldn’t relax. I sat forward again and wound my hands in my lap, hiding them as he returned with a cup of black coffee and a small tub of fresh fruit and yoghurt with honey. My attention fixed on his hands as he placed the food in front of me.

“Eat at least half of it.”

I nodded, knowing I wouldn’t eat any of it. Just the thought of anything in my belly made me want to heave.

A tense silence fell.

“I have to go.”

I nodded, still not looking at him.

“I’ve told Lorna to keep an eye on you. Don’t leave here until she does. You’re to go home with her, and I’ll find you at her place.”

I nodded again. Mother, I was such a fucking liar. Everything in me knew I’d escape at the earliest opportunity.

He squatted down near my knee. My attention flew to his face. It was a mistake. His silver eyes ensnared me, and I was sure he could see every lie I’d just told him. I tried to look away, but he was having none of it. He gripped my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Make sure you’re there, Shan, or there'll be consequences.”

The silent promise in his words sent goosebumps over my skin. If he noticed, he didn’t say anything. It was a pity I wouldn’t be able to stick to his demands, although the darker, more depraved part of my soul wanted to know what those consequences would be. Because we both knew I’d not follow his orders. That I couldn’t even if I wanted to.