15. Ranen
Chapter 15
Ranen
E motions swirl through me like a vortex, highs and lows fighting for dominance in equal measure.
North was so gentle with me, treating my first time the way I’d expected. Though I did turn greedy when I felt how fucking phenomenal his cock was inside me. And his demands. God, those demands. His command for me to tell him who I belonged to—that I was his . My whole body vibrates just from the memory.
But as soon as the warm thoughts about being North’s crop up, that fearful feeling takes its place. Who sent that message? What do they want? There’s no question that the person sending them is the same one who attacked me. North and I discussed it and it’s the only thing that makes sense. But why? What have I done to them? I don’t even know who they are. Why are they targeting me?
I hate to say it, but that message marred the high of my first time. I enjoyed myself and would gladly give North my virginity again and again, but I’d rather not have someone threaten me with bodily harm because of it.
On another high, I got so many tips and requests to have North in another session. It was by far my top selling stream. After North cleared the message and I was able to get my bearings, I thanked everyone for watching and promised that when I wasn’t so sore, I’d have another show with North, though I didn’t say his name.
North and I are lying in bed a few days later, his fingers trailing through my tresses. Since the day of my live show, when I broached the subject of him sleeping in the room with me, North has been here every night. He’s so solid and warm, making me feel safe when thoughts of the attack and those messages come back. He’s woken me from more than a few nightmares, gently coaxing me to awareness and talking to me until I feel safe enough to go back to sleep, where he can’t fight my demons.
I throw my leg over North’s waist, snuggling closer to him. A long sigh leaves my lips as I breathe him in. He’s mine. North is mine . Logically, it doesn’t make sense. He inserted himself into my life, like some weird reverse kidnapping if I have to give it a name. I came home and he took up residence in my space. But I never minded. He brought a sense of safety the minute I saw his blue-green eyes.
Any sane person would question why he’s here and why I feel so attached to him, but maybe I’m not exactly sane. Either way, I want him here, and I want to belong to him like he belongs to me.
Rolling my finger around his dusky nipple, I smile when he breathes in sharply. “Don’t you have to work?” I ask. “You’ve been here for weeks and you only left that one time for a few hours.”
North grabs my hand and kisses it. “You’re probably still sore after I fucked you the other day, but if you keep doing that, I’ll bend you over and take you hard.” A shiver runs through me, but when he releases my hand, I place it on his hard abdomen.
He’s right about me being sore. I expected it, but the twinge I feel when I move still takes my breath away.
“To answer your question,” he says. “Dad owns the construction company I work for. It’s small, but it pays the bills. Right now, he’s on a smaller project and doesn’t need me.”
“That’s nice, working with your dad. Do you like it?”
North pauses, as if choosing his words with care. “Yeah, I do. I’d probably have trouble in the regular workforce. Working with him is… different, but it’s good. We’re both happy with the arrangement.”
I hum. “Sounds like a dream, really.”
He pauses for a moment, his big hand trailing up and down my back. “What happened to your parents?”
My breath comes out in a rush. Talking about my parents, both my mom and dad, as well as my grandfather, is always a sore spot. I’m mostly over my parents’ deaths, as they died when I was much younger. But my grandfather? I don’t think I’ll ever get over that. Especially when I tried so damned hard to give him a longer life by putting him into care. I don’t think I’ll ever stop blaming myself for that.
“Uh. My mom and dad died when I was eight. My dad was an amateur pilot and he and my mom went on a flight one day. No one knows what happened, since the plane was sound before they took off, but it crashed and they died.”
“Shit, I’m sorry,” North says, and he sounds like he actually means it.
I shrug. “It’s okay, I guess. My grandfather took me in after. It was me and him for a long time.”
“And he died too?” His voice takes on that careful quality again, and I love how he’s being delicate with me. With how I feel about him taking my virginity, the messages after, thinking about my attack and talking about death, I need that.
“Yeah. Heart attack.” I blow out a long breath, deciding to tell North what happened. I’ve only told Olly, and I think North has earned the right to know. “He had dementia. I started camming to earn quick money after I put him in a care facility. They were supposed to provide him around the clock care. The doctor said she believed he was having a heart attack for a few days, but with his memory issues, he may have forgotten to tell someone. If he had been with me, I would have known he wasn’t feeling well and gotten him help. I thought I was doing the right thing, you know? Placing him somewhere with medical professionals. But…”
North wraps both arms around me and pulls me onto him until I’m lying on his chest. “You can’t blame yourself, Ranen. You did what you thought was right. You were looking out for him.”
I lift my head so I can meet his gaze. I want to believe him. For so long, I’ve been going over how I could have been there for my grandfather. I visited him once every two days, but he didn’t tell me he was in pain. So maybe North is right; I shouldn’t blame myself.
It’s easier said than done, though.
“Thank you,” I whisper, then kiss him lightly.
I lie back against his chest, soaking up the feeling of being held so tightly and with so much care. I’ll never get enough of how North touches me.
“What about your mom? You and Atlas are close. Is your mom still in the picture?”
“No,” he says, his voice tinged with an emotion I can’t pin down. “She died in a car accident when I was five. I don’t remember much about her other than she was nice and liked to sing to me. Wylder, my brother, remembers more. And Dad still talks about her. They were in love. Really in love. Which is… odd for my dad.”
I lift my head and rest my chin on my hand. “Odd why?”
North looks at me intensely—a look I’m getting used to—almost like he’s trying to look through me, down to my soul. “He hasn’t shown that type of love to anyone else.”
I’m not sure that’s what he wanted to say, but I leave it. The conversation is already really heavy for such an early hour.
Switching to something a bit more lighthearted, I say, “Well, I still think Atlas had a thing for the nurse who treated me when I was in the hospital.”
North chuckles, though surprise flashes through his eyes. “You really think so, huh?”
“Yeah. Who wouldn’t? Calvin was really good looking. If I were into slimmer men—”
The growl that leaves North’s throat should scare me, but it does the opposite. It lights me up and makes my dick hard. North feels it and grinds against me, holding on tight to my ass. “You’re not into slimmer men, right?”
“No,” I whimper, rolling my hips against him.
“Good. Dad can have this Calvin. You belong to me.”
“Yes.”
It takes only another minute of North letting me use his body for friction before I’m coming in my pants, my body shuddering against him. The whole while, North gazes into my eyes, watching as I come apart above him.
North kisses me hard, then follows me over the cliff into his release.
My body is still shuddering from my orgasm when North pulls his mouth away and slaps my ass. I yelp, the twinge of pain making my cock twitch. “Let’s get cleaned up, then I’ll cook breakfast.”
“You spoil me,” I murmur, kissing the underside of his chin.
He looks down at me with a look of surprise. “I like taking care of you. It’s… easy.”
I grin and wrap my arms around him. “I’ll learn how to take care of you too.”
“You do more than you know, Ranen. Come on. We’re both a mess.”
We climb out of bed and shower together. I take my time washing him, chronicling all his tattoos and muscles, taking stock of his large body. He’s fucking perfection.
My phone is ringing off the hook when we get out of the shower. I jog over to my nightstand and scoop it up. It’s Olly.
I hold the phone up and turn to North. “Olly’s calling.”
“Take it. Come join me in the kitchen when you’re done.” He gives me a quick kiss and heads out to get breakfast started.
I answer the phone before it can tumble into voicemail. “Hey, Olly.”
“Hey. How are you?”
“Good. Tired.” I lie back on the bed. “What are you up to?”
“Not much.” He pauses, then blows out a long breath. “Are you okay? I saw your show yesterday, even though you aired it days ago. Whoever that guy was, he looked like he was really rough with you.”
I grin, thinking about exactly how rough North wasn’t. He treated me well. I’m sure it would have been different if we weren’t on cam, and maybe more different still if I told him I was a virgin beforehand, but it was great.
Turning to my side, I say, “No, he wasn’t. It was exactly what I wanted my first time to be. Well, maybe it should have been off cam.” I chuckle.
“You know I always offered to help you through your first time. I wouldn’t have treated you that way… making you do all the work to show off for your viewers.”
I sigh. “He didn’t. Olly, I enjoyed myself. I know you offered, but I wanted my first time on my terms. That’s what happened. I chose this for me, not just to stop being a virgin. Please don’t make me feel bad about it.”
What Olly thinks means a lot to me—he’s my best friend. He was there for me right after shit went down with my grandpa, and he’s been a rock ever since. I don’t want to second-guess whether I should have let him take my virginity just to get it out of the way. There was no real reason why I waited, but having sex with North as my first felt right.
“Okay,” he says with a hollow tone. “You’re right, and I’m sorry.” He pauses, then I hear a smile in his tone. “It looked hot, though. I could tell you enjoyed yourself. Do you plan to do it again, or was that just to make it up to your subs for missing a few shows?”
“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “It was one of my most profitable shows. Even more than ours, and that’s saying something. And it was really hot. I liked people watching me be that intimate with someone else. I’ll have to think about it, though.”
“Well, be careful.”
“Always.”
We talk for a little while longer, then the smell of something baking drifts through my nose. I tell Olly I have to go, and hustle to the kitchen.
It always smells so good when North cooks.
He looks over his shoulder at me before going back to taking the muffins from the pan. “Have a good conversation?”
“Yeah,” I say, moving around him to snag a muffin. “He was just worried about me after watching our session. He said it looked like you were rough with me.”
North stops removing the muffins to peer down at me. His face holds a look of apprehension that looks out of place. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, not at all. You felt good. Really good. I’m sore, yeah, but that’s to be expected.” He doesn’t look mollified, so I put my muffin down and walk over to him. I turn him so we’re facing each other. Reaching up, I place a hand on his face, holding his cheek gently. “You did not hurt me. I would have told you if you had.” My cheeks heat as I say, “I can’t wait to do it again.”
A grin spreads across his face that I mirror. “As soon as you can take me again, we can fuck as often as you’d like.”
“I look forward to it.”
With a slap of my ass, he finishes putting the muffins in the bowl and sets the table. I take my bitten muffin and put it on a plate, and place one on North’s as well.
“See,” he says, eyes twinkling. “You take care of me too.”
Smiling, I bend down and kiss him soundly, enjoying our little bubble.