Chapter Six
chapter six
J ake pulled a ball cap out of his back pocket and pulled it on before they stepped out of the apartment building. He slipped on sunglasses despite the overcast day. While it was easier to move around Copenhagen than New York, he couldn’t always escape fans or the occasional paparazzi. He was used to it, but it made things a little more difficult.
He was taking extra precautions today, because he understood Kat’s reasons for distancing herself in public. As long as she doesn’t distance herself when we’re alone , he thought, his heart still racing from the kiss at the door. He didn’t know how their relationship would change as they navigated a public existence. In the shelter of the pandemic, they’d been quarantined together and could explore each other unencumbered by public scrutiny. He doubted Kat really understood the unwieldy nature of his life at the moment.
He clenched his jaw when he thought about the incessant public focus on his love life. It was hard enough to be taken seriously as a young actor without being linked to every woman in his presence. Every female under thirty he’d been photographed with in the past year had set off a flurry of dating rumors. He wished he got the same immediate reactions to new projects he signed, instead of the obsession over what he wore, where he dined, and who he dated.
He smiled to himself when he thought about being with Kat: they were a secret, kept from the whole world, including those close to them. In a world where everything he did was out in public, it felt special to have something that was just his. Being with her now, he realized how close he’d been to pushing her out of his life.
He thought about the text Kat had sent when he’d hastily left New York before she could arrive. He didn’t hear from her until the next day when she’d written: It’s fine. Just because we fuck around sometimes doesn’t mean I can have expectations of you. I get it. Enjoy your travels. At first, he’d read the text at face value because that was what they agreed to during a hushed discussion in the twilight hours before he’d left for a short film in Croatia. They’d made a pact:
Stay close.
Nothing serious.
No expectations.
It had worked for both of them. But he’d soon realized she was clearly upset, a reaction they had yet to discuss.
Kat looked at her phone, noting that the taxi had arrived. As they were walking to the car, she said, “This shouldn’t be too hard. Oh, and if anyone asks, I’m just a family friend here on business. I don’t even need a name. A nobody. Which is true. As far as your fans and your industry are concerned, I am nobody.”
He shook his head as he opened the car door. He had very few somebodies left in his life, and she was certainly one of them. He needed her to know, whatever this was between them, it was something to him. “I wish you wouldn’t say things like that. You aren’t a nobody to me. You know that, right?”
She glanced in his direction and got in the car. Her reaction was so unclear, it made him curious.
Once they were settled in, Jake changed the subject. “Hey, how’s Becca? I miss that kiddo.” He ran his hand through his hair and adjusted his hat. “She ever figure out how to do a handstand?”
Jake watched Kat’s face lit up as it always did when she talked about her daughter. “Yes, she figured out the handstand. And only broke one lamp in the process,” Kat said, and both of them laughed. “She turns six in two months and starts kindergarten right after I get home from this trip. Can you believe it?”
Jake shook his head. He thought of Becca as a hilarious four-year-old who loved to play My Little Pony and used the entire living room as a gymnastics playground during the pandemic. He fondly remembered how she’d created stories with her stuffed animals that would rival the dramas of Hollywood.
Kat beamed with every story she relayed to him about Becca. As an almost six-year-old, My Little Pony and friends were no more, replaced by dragons of all kinds. She was a budding athlete, moving from gymnastics to itty-bitty soccer.
Jake promised to kick the ball around with her next time he was in New York. He found himself nostalgic for the endless rounds of hide-and-seek they would play while waiting for Kat to finish a conference call. Becca always hid in the same place: under a blanket on the couch. Jake had relished searching for her until she could no longer contain her giggles. He suppressed a smile as he remembered how their laughter had been so loud that Kat had to step out onto her balcony to finish her calls.
Kat let him know that Jake’s dad had taken up playing cards with Becca and, much to Kat’s chagrin, he had taught her daughter War, the most inane, never-ending card game ever created. And one that Becca was now obsessed with playing. The thought made him let out a loud laugh as he snuck a look at her phone to see where they were headed. She quickly covered it up.
“Come on, Kat. Where are we going?” he pleaded. As much as he was enjoying her taking full control of this day, he was not used to surprises and the suspense was getting to him. He spent so much of his life governed by a written production schedule that there was little spontaneity left in his world.
“It’s just around this corner,” she said, pointing up the street. When they got to the corner, he saw a big sign out the window that said T IVOLI G ARDENS . The taxi pulled over and they got out of the car.
He wrinkled his nose as the disappointment hit him. He didn’t want to spend his little free time in some sort of garden. At least he was outside and not in the bubble of trailers, rental apartments, limos, and planes. It’s been awhile since I have been out in the real world , he mused to himself. “I didn’t take you as a botanical garden type of girl,” he said aloud.
Kat pulled out her phone, scanned the electronic tickets, and stepped just past the ticket booth.
“Jesus, Jake,” she said, “You’ve been here how many weeks and you don’t know what Tivoli Gardens is?”
He took a second to look around, and he realized that it was an amusement park. He flashed her a grin. “Oh, thank God. Roller coasters are much more interesting than rose bushes.” Well, she didn’t seem to worry too much about being out in public. She picked a damn amusement park to be our first outing! The thought made him laugh, and he better understood why she had been so adamant about her rules.
As they walked under the archway and into the grounds, she chided him. “You, my friend, need to have more fun. You’ve been working nonstop for how long? A year? How many days off have you had? Like, real days off?”
He tried to count in his head. There weren’t many, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had a full day off. He spent most of his downtime in a trailer on set, an airline club, or a hotel conference room. The longest stretch of time off he’d had was for his grandmother’s funeral, and that visit had been a disaster. Kat was right. He hadn’t had a break in a very long time.
It wasn’t for the lack of trying. He’d talked to Roger, his agent, six months ago about taking a small hiatus but was cautioned against it. “Strike while the iron is hot,” Roger had said, referring to the number of offers coming Jake’s way. He’d urged him to keep working and stay visible, lest he fall off the radar of top directors and producers. Jake knew it was a real concern, but he still felt a weariness beyond physical exhaustion. He couldn’t answer Kat’s question, so he stayed silent.
“You’ve made my case,” she said. “So, for the next few days, you’re going to just let loose a bit. Have fun, relax, stop overthinking everything, and most importantly, hang out with me ,” she said, smiling, but her tone was adamant. She sounded serious about their fun and the juxtaposition brought a smirk to his lips. He tried keeping a serious face.
“Okay, fun, relaxation … hanging out with you … no thinking. I can do that,” he said. “From what I saw this morning, I’ll ask you the same question: when did you last take any time off and just have fun? Hmm, Kit Kat?” Jake’s tone betrayed his amusement. He could see that she was not pleased he’d turned the tables on the conversation.
“Touché,” she said and put up her hands in surrender. “And never call me Kit Kat.” She shot him a look before continuing. “Okay … back to you. Really. I was thinking about it in the shower today. I think you need to stop thinking so much and go back to body awareness. You once told me the best acting wasn’t what you said in the script, but what you said with your body language. Do you remember? You said body language was true acting. Anyone could read words on a page. I think you need to go back to that. Just be physical again and figure out the physicality of your character.”
He was struck that she remembered. He had forgotten about their conversation, though it came back to him now. They’d been on her balcony, hanging in two lounge chairs, enjoying the cool air that came into the city at night. Jake had brought over some weed and, uncharacteristically, Kat had taken a hit—careful not to get too high in case Becca needed anything, but enough to make her open and relaxed.
She’d wanted to know every element of his creative process and even then, he’d had trouble putting it fully into words. But he did know physicality was key to moving the character off the page and into his mind and body. It was the most in-depth anyone had ever talked to him about his craft, beyond the perceived glitz of show business. She was the first person who tried to understand the work he put into every role. Remembering that night, talking until the sun peeked over the skyscrapers, he believed that she might be the only one who really respected his work.
“Right. I remember. I was very smart once.” He wondered to himself what had happened along the way to make him forget. He’d started questioning himself so much he couldn’t remember how to harness his own creativity.
“Shut up,” she said, breaking him out of his thoughts. “Don’t be down on yourself. Have fun. Take care of your body. Keep your space in order. Declutter your world, and your mind will come along. How can you play a character on a page until you understand how they move through the world?”
He knew she was right, and it gave him a clarity he hadn’t experienced for a long time. Except … he tried to stifle a smile. “ This is what you thought about in the shower? I’m a little disappointed.”
Kat gave him a look he interpreted as amusement mixed with annoyance. “Hey. Now it’s your turn to get your mind out of the gutter.”
“Oh, so you’re admitting that your mind was in the gutter last night?” he teased. As much as he appreciated her ideas and thoughts, he enjoyed teasing her even more.
She rolled her eyes, “You are ridiculous.” She paused. “Stop deflecting, I’m serious. Stay off the weed too, for just a little while.”
Everything else made sense, but not that request. He put his hands up and started to protest when Kat quickly interrupted him. “Please. Just try. You can’t be present and physically aware if you’re clouded and running from yourself.” She spoke as if she could see right into his brain.
Running from yourself played over in his mind for a minute. He was unsettled at how well she could read him and was aware that he was running from something. Not just something. Himself.
Before he could answer, he was approached by a nervous fan. He glanced at his watch. It’d only taken ten and a half minutes for him to be spotted. He obliged with a selfie and made the obligatory chitchat with a stranger. As usual, once a fan spotted him, a group gathered, each person wanting to immortalize the meeting. He still found it curious that people really cared who he was, much less went out of their way to get a picture with him. He heard over and over from fellow actors that he would one day resent the interruption and he hoped that would never be true. As they grouped around him with excited chatter, he lost sight of Kat.
K at stepped aside and watched Jake with his fans from afar. She admired his ability to give every one of them their moment. His patience was unwavering, and he took his time to make sure they were happy. That’s why his fans love him so much , she thought. He was very real and accessible, letting them each have a piece of him. Does he give too much away to other people , she wondered, and she felt anxious as she thought about what that would mean as his career accelerated.
It was clear Jake would be a while, so she stepped away and strolled through part of Tivoli by herself. Even though it had been nearly seven years, being back in Copenhagen and now seeing Tivoli again made her melancholy. She felt a heaviness in her entire being and she found herself taking deep breaths to calm her mind. In her everyday life, she was good at keeping thoughts of Ben out of her mind. It was easier to compartmentalize him to the past. A bad dream. But here? He was everywhere. They’d only spent two days here, enough time to do the key tourist sites and for Kat to take a picture at the entrance of the building where PathMobile was founded.
Tivoli was one of the places both Kat and Ben had loved the most. It’d been early summer, and the grounds had been a mosaic of beautifully colored petals. Today, with the fall leaves floating gently down the man-made canal that ran through the grounds, it was a more subdued landscape. Kat stood by the two-person dragon boats as they floated through the leaves. Watching the boats, she could almost see Ben sitting across from her as they weaved their way through the waterway—two lovers talking about the seemingly infinite ideas for their future.
The naivete of those young newlyweds was a gut punch. All the plans they made that day, giddy with anticipation for the future—neither of them knew the cancer had already taken hold of Ben’s body. They believed they had unlimited time to build their life together, but less than two years later, he was gone. She let a tear fall as she indulged in her disappointment. She would only allow this brief interlude, for fear she might never find her way out of the black hole of sadness, which always felt just beneath the surface. She never allowed herself more than a moment to step into her grief, lest it take full control. She didn’t have time for grief, and Kat deemed it a useless emotion. After wiping her eyes and taking a few breaths, she turned back toward the entrance where she’d left Jake.
By the time she walked over, only a few moms were left, telling Jake how much their daughters loved him. Kat walked over and handed him a box of popcorn and a bottle of water. She had purchased her own as well.
“Yes!” he exclaimed. “I’m starving.” He opened the box and shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth.
One of the moms blurted, “See, he does eat!” Jake gave her a questioning look, so she loudly declared, “You’re just so skinny in person. Tiny body, big head. Like a lollipop!” She reached over and pinched his hip. Kat couldn’t believe she touched him, and she opened her mouth to protest. He didn’t say anything but took a sidestep out of the woman’s reach and flashed her his signature smile. With a mouthful, he mumbled, “Lucky genetics.” They laughed, took one more group photo and walked away.
“That was rude,” Kat said. “People just say or do anything to you, don’t they?”
Jake shrugged. “I guess I’m used to it,” he said, looking around the grounds. “Ready? I want to get on some rides.”
“Yes!” she said. “I want to hit the Demon, the Star Flyer, Vertigo and, if we can, I love bumper cars.”
Tivoli was truly a historic treasure, dating back to the 1800s. It was an amusement park with beautiful gardens and shimmering ponds. She had never experienced a place like it anywhere else in the world.
“It’s beautiful here,” he mused, taking it all in. “I’m in your hands.” He tilted his popcorn toward her. She held up her own box.
“Rule number four: no sharing food. Puts us too close. Easy photo op,” she said. She would create as many rules as it took to keep her off social media, horrified at the idea of one of Jake’s stans lamenting about a new woman in his life. She’d seen it happen with every girl he’d had dinner with, dated, or dared to drunkenly kiss at a party. They were ruthless toward every woman who came near “their darling Jake.”
It disturbed her to think about how attached complete strangers were to even the tiniest aspect of his life. Becca came to mind and worry seeped into her mind. At a minimum, she pictured complete strangers coming up to Becca on the streets to say hi, as if they knew her. That on its own was dangerous. When her brain went to worst-case scenarios, her heart raced.
Jake’s voice brought her out of her hypotheticals. “Rule number five,” he said, “rule number four only applies to food that comes from vintage amusement parks.” He smirked at her.
“You laugh, but you’ll be happy that I think about these things. I’m so hungry. I was going to bring you a r?d p?lse . They’re the best here. I can already see the memes of you eating a giant, red hot dog,” she said, gesturing toward a stand displaying foot-long hot dogs—a Copenhagen staple, they were delicious and, indeed, dyed a bright red.
Jake threw his head back, laughed, and took a step behind her. “Lead the way.” He touched the small of her back as they navigated through a narrow sidewalk. She stiffened and glanced over at him. “I know, I know,” he said. “Rule number one: no touching. Sorry. It’s tough not to touch you,” he said with a wink. She shook her head and gave him an exaggerated glare. “Hey, Kat. You’re the one who decided our first public outing should be an amusement park.”
“Well. It’s the end of the season, and they’re closing in just a few hours, so I figured this would be the best time to go,” she reasoned. “But you’re right, I’m really testing my rules with this decision. I just wanted you to have fun. I feel like an idiot.” She said, heat creeping up her neck. He was right—she’d thrown them right into the thick of things. Navigating the public with him was new for her and even though she wanted to control it with her rules, she didn’t really understand how he navigated such a public life.
Jake pulled out his phone and was preoccupied for a minute, so Kat looked up a map of the park to navigate them to the rides. They walked in silence and at a slight distance. Her text message alert buzzed in her back pocket, and she pulled out her phone.
J: Hi. I have something to tell you, but I’m trying to do what you asked.
J: So I thought you would appreciate it if I texted you instead of what I want to do.
J: I want to whisper it in your ear.
J: I’m happy you brought me here.
J: I’m even happier to be here with you.
Kat didn’t know how to react. She admired Jake’s ability to just blurt out what he was thinking. She felt like he was almost compelled to do it, as if keeping it in would make him explode. His earnestness and honesty were so much a part of him and were so in contrast to her instinct to gain control by holding back. The sweetness of the moment disarmed her. She couldn’t make herself look at him and instead just stared at her phone.
J: You don’t have to respond.
J: I just wanted you to know.
A s they wound through Tivoli, Jake realized Kat was right. He had not had fun in a long time. He’d blown off steam occasionally over the past eighteen months, but that usually meant losing himself in his work, doing a whole lot of drugs, or finding someone to share his bed. He hadn’t had this kind of pure, silly fun for as long as he could remember. They jumped from roller coaster to roller coaster, even riding the Rutschebanen, a wooden rollercoaster from the early 1900s. They skipped the drop rides, but Kat insisted they ride the weird Danish kiddie rides.
Following Kat’s rules, they did not sit together, which made Jake roll his eyes every single time she took the seat behind him. Instead, Jake had fun with his fans, who were delighted to share a roller coaster ride with their favorite celebrity. He enjoyed the game of sliding in next to a single rider and waiting to see the look on their face when they realized who was next to them. Or bumping someone in a bumper car and seeing the initial reaction: “Who just hit me?” He would smile at them and wait for the scream of delight. He knew there would be shared videos and photos over the next few days on his fan accounts. His PR team would be delighted. He really did owe them something positive after the last few months.
Kat seemed very happy to let the fans be front and center while she assumed the role of photographer, making sure the angles were good for both Jake and his young fans. She also pointed out a few shy girls holding back, clearly wanting to meet him. He took extra care to engage them in conversation. He overheard a group of young girls ask Kat who she was, and she always read from the same script: “Oh, I’m a friend of Jake’s parents. Visiting here on business and checking in on their favorite son.”
After they had ridden everything he could stomach and the evening was winding down, they stood across from the Pantomime Theatre. It was a gorgeous open-air stage facing a lush, grassy courtyard. On the stage was a glimmering blue, aqua, and green backdrop, reminiscent of a peacock. With its distinctly Chinese design, it should have looked out of place against the vintage aesthetic, but the eclectic design fit in perfectly. Tivoli Gardens was full of wonder, fantasy, and beauty. It was as if you could step through the gates and be immersed in a different time, a different world—one that was free of anything not built with the express purpose of enchantment. It was a world Jake wanted to live in. One without worry or ugliness.
He studied the outdoor theater, overwhelmed by its stunning design and the way his soul connected to the empty stage. The plaque nearby gave a construction date of 1874. He was humbled by the decades of productions, actors, and performers who had stood on that stage and given all of themselves to their audience. He felt a kinship to those ghosts and could feel their presence.
He didn’t know how to be anything other than an actor. He only knew how to perform with all his emotions on the surface, allowing the audience to feel him through the screen. He was beginning to understand how he could lose a bit of himself each time he embodied the spirit of someone else. He wanted to use his performance to push people out of the numbness of life. It was his reason for being, but he didn’t know how to do it without fracturing his own psyche in the process.
“This place is pure magic,” he whispered, almost to himself.
“I love it here,” Kat said, spinning around slowly. An easy smile came to his lips as he watched her take in all of Tivoli. As the lights started to flicker on, it became a beguiling place. He took a minute to take in the playful ambience of the twinkling lights and vintage buildings. The entire vibe was inviting, and he felt a comfort in the growing quiet. The park was nearly closed, and crowds were dissipating. Only a few screams of laughter remained in the distance.
He watched her, the shimmering lights dancing in her eyes. They weren’t standing too close (rule number two), but he could feel her wonderment as he watched her spin with open arms, looking as if she was trying to embrace the magic and history all around them. She stopped spinning and looked over at him. Her face was full of awe, and he thought he saw a hint of sadness. This place overwhelms her, too , he thought. Her sparkling eyes and her cheeks, red from the cool September air, made him want to kiss her right there, but he was forced to practice a restraint unfamiliar to him.
They locked eyes for a moment before she snapped them both out of their Tivoli-induced trance. “I’m so hungry!” she blurted. “Popcorn is not a meal. I found a sushi place near here. Please let’s have a proper dinner!”
His stomach was growling, and he was beginning to get a headache. As much as he loved it here, he loved the idea of sushi even more. He nodded his head and gestured toward the exit before following behind her. Once again, she decided their next move. Another choice he didn’t have to make. Spending time in her presence, where he didn’t need to think of anything, made his mind feel clear and open for the first time in weeks.
K at enjoyed leading Jake around Copenhagen, and she could see he was finally relaxing. She was giving him the gift of relinquishing control so he could get out of his head. If he could just enjoy, just be, she thought he might snap out of the dark space he inhabited inside his mind. She was acutely aware that everyone in his life needed something from him. She wanted to be the one person that didn’t take from him and just let him be. To her, he wasn’t a star or an object. He was just a human, and she wanted him to be him.
When they arrived at the sushi place, Kat was relieved to see it wasn’t crowded. The hostess did a double take when they walked in. Kat stood off to the side while the hostess took photos and a short video with Jake. She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to stop the pounding in her head. She just wanted to sit down, but he was determined to let his fan have her moment.
The hostess leaned over and whispered, “Mr. Laurent, I don’t want you to get interrupted constantly during your dinner. We have a table in the corner, partially blocked by that pillar. It’s not the best table, but you can be hidden. Do you want that?”
Jake did an exaggerated nod. “Thank you, that would be wonderful.”
She winked at him and led them to their seats. Kat saw the hostess slip Jake her card with her name and number “in case you need someone to show you around town.”
Kat felt anger bubble up in the back of her throat. Even though she declared that she needed to be a nobody, it still stung to actually be one. It’s best if people don’t notice me , she reminded herself. Still, she would at least prefer women not flirt with him right in front of her. The hostess probably thought she worked for Jake. As she followed behind the two of them, she felt her irritability come to the surface.
Once they sat, she blurted, “You think she’s cute?” Kat tried to sound light, but her tone betrayed her jealousy.
Jake looked at her, pausing for a moment. “No, Kat,” he said shaking his head and holding her in his gaze. A slow smile came to his lips. “But I think you’re cute.”
His answer hung in the air and momentarily silenced her.
She knew part of her jealousy was her stomach talking, and the other, her ego. “Sorry. I’m hangry. Forgive me for anything else I say in the next ten minutes.”
He laughed and replied, “Me too. If I don’t get food soon, I might have one of those tantrums that show up on Twitter.”
At that moment, the waiter arrived, and they placed a very large order, without even looking at a menu. Jake looked at him with a serious face and said, “We’re so hungry, we might disappear. Like just dry up right here. Wither away.”
He was being dramatic, and the waiter was clearly charmed—so much so, he walked straight to the kitchen and returned with edamame and shrimp shumai. He winked as he set down the food. “This is on me. I can’t have you dying on my shift,” he said.
Jake replied, “You’re my hero.” The waiter beamed as he walked away.
Kat took a few bites of food and sipped on some sake that Jake had ordered. She felt warmth flush her cheeks. It was the perfect drink after an evening outside in the fall air. She leaned back in her seat and returned his smile. “Did you have a good day?” she asked. At Tivoli she was reminded of his language of physicality, and she could see his relaxation. She adored seeing him at ease, with her and with himself.
“The best day,” he said, returning her smile. “Thank you again. That was amazing. You were right. I did need to let loose for a sec. I hope you had a little fun too.” He raised his sake cup for a silent toast, and they clinked their small cups together. They both took a sip, and Jake asked, “So, what’s next on the itinerary of the best day ever?”
She loved that he put it all in her hands. She was emboldened by their day together, the warmth of the sake, and the look he had in his eyes. Kat held his gaze and gave him a sly smile. They were going to finish what they started. She lowered her voice and said, “Next activity? We go back to your apartment and fuck until dawn.”