And They Had a Great Fall

Chapter Eight

chapter eight

A s Kat rested on top of the bed, she thanked the universe for the gift of Jake. She worked to catch her breath from the many times they had brought their bodies together. Earlier, they had found each other again, right there on the couch. It had been slow, deliberate, as if nothing else mattered other than bringing each other to the brink and then watching each other come apart.

It didn’t take them long to realize their desire had not been satisfied, and they kissed their way to the bedroom, not bothering to pull back the covers or even get on top of the bed. Instead, Jake had bent her over the side and taken her from behind. The feeling of his hot breath on her neck and his arm around her waist as he pushed into her had made her come almost immediately. It had been rough, needy sex, trying to quiet a desire that felt endless. Afterward, they’d sprawled on the bed, sticky with each other’s sweat, only their breathing could be heard in the room.

“You’re trying to break me,” she said, resting her hand on his chest. “I’m going to need a minute,” she panted and lifted her head to look at him lying there, curls tangled, eyes cloudy, and face flushed. God, he was so fucking beautiful. It overwhelmed her for a moment until she processed the number of endorphins running through her body.

She propped herself up on her elbow and lazily ran her fingers across his chest. She kissed a small tangle of hair. “Hey, I have a question,” she started. “Can we talk about something?” His eyes widened, and she realized what he might be thinking. She was not going to talk about them . They never did, and she wasn’t going to start tonight. “Don’t worry, it’s about your film. Can I ask you a few things?”

He chuckled. “I didn’t think that was where you were going,” he said, rolling to his side to face her. He ran his fingers along her arm and kissed her shoulder. She loved how he made her feel in that moment, cherished and desired. She forced her brain to come back into focus.

“What’s the film about? Can you tell me?” She twirled a finger around a curl by his ear. What she really wanted to do was kiss the curl, his ear, and every inch of his body in front of her, but she forced herself to retreat from the feeling of desire that overwhelmed her. Discussing his film pushed the desire out of her mind.

Jake smiled as he moved away from her. “Of course.” He pulled back the covers and crawled into bed. Lying back on his pillows, he stretched out his arm, and motioned for her to join him. She snuggled up to him and her eyes were heavy as she nestled in his arms, her head on his bare chest.

“Have you heard of the multiverse?” he asked, and when she nodded, he continued, talking her through his character (Tom), the scientific plot points (complicated), the love story (good), the dreaded scene where killers chase his character (bad), and the heroic acts Tom must perform across the multiverse (weird). She found herself drifting off to sleep, hearing his voice and his heartbeat as a kind of lullaby.

Kat felt like her eyes had just closed when a bright light flooded her face. In her dream, Jake’s hands had been on her, rubbing her shoulder, eventually moving to more of a shake. Her brain came to the conscious realization that Jake was indeed nudging her awake.

“Kat … Kat … Wake up.” His voice had a calm, but insistent tone.

“What?” she asked, looking around with a start. “What’s wrong?” Her eyes adjusted to the bright light as she looked at Jake.

“Nothing,” he said with a goofy smile on his face. “I figured him out. I couldn’t wait to tell you.”

“Who? What time is it?” She sat up and rubbed her eyes. He wasn’t making any sense and even if he was, her brain wasn’t comprehending words.

“Three-thirty a.m. Tom. My character in Zero Code ,” he said, his eyes bright. “I’m starting to figure out what makes him tick.” He looked so expectant and so happy that Kat almost forgot that he’d woken her from a dead sleep. On the bed was his laptop, script, and about twenty Post-it notes full of scribbles.

She plucked one off the blanket in front of her and read it out loud, “The world made him fragile, but he turned fear into power.” She put it back on the bed and turned to Jake. “Tell me,” she said simply.

“I’ve been thinking about him a lot,” he started. “Tom is a guy who’s been so bullied, so underestimated his whole life, that he doesn’t even know what he’s capable of. I think he was strong once and believed in himself, you know, like we all do as kids. But so many people didn’t believe in him that he stopped believing in himself. But it’s more than just having no confidence. After being beaten down repeatedly, he’s turned fragile, close to breaking as a human being. Garren, the director, pictured him as a stoner or a deadbeat, but that’s not it. He’s not a screwup. He’s a broken human, holding on by the thinnest thread.”

Jake went on, speaking quickly, barely taking a breath.

“I think that’s why I was having trouble with him. I’m too in my own head and not in Tom’s head. I had a great childhood and, frankly, adulthood. If anything, I had too many people believing I was awesome.” He laughed. “So, I think I’m going to try a few things.

“You were right about the physicality of the character. I don’t think he moves normally; he exudes a sense of wanting to disappear into himself. He wants to hide from life. Because of that, I think he would hunch when he’s around other people, make himself seem smaller, less noticeable. I think he doesn’t look people directly in the eyes—he just wants to get through life unscathed. I want to try physically shrinking into myself and trying a bit of a stutter. I think that physical change will bring Tom out, especially in the beginning of the movie before he morphs into the hero. Seeing him stand tall and face the horrors that everyone is running from, that’s the story. That’s the story arc. That physical metamorphosis is the key to the merger of Tom and me.”

Kat nestled into the pillow and observed Jake’s dissection of a person that only existed on a page. He’d found ways to relate to Tom in order to become him, even for a short while. Watching him mentally climb into another human was both awe-inspiring and frightening. She’d never seen him in action before, but now she could see it, quite literally, all over the bed. She couldn’t imagine opening her mind far enough to become another person.

“Jake,” she started, “I could never do what you do. Every role is so different. You start over every single time. Even that concept stresses me out. I like everything to be defined and fit in a logical process. I could never just figure it out like you do.”

It isn’t just about acting , Kat thought. It is how we see life . Jake saw the unknown and undefined as a blank canvas, an opportunity. For her, the unknown was something to be feared, managed, or controlled. She wanted to be more like him than she cared to admit.

He looked at her for a beat and then leaned over and kissed her shoulder. “I think you’d be surprised at your ability to drop into the undefined and be okay. Better than okay.” He lifted her chin. She closed her eyes and their lips met. She wanted him to linger, but he pulled away and said, “I mean, you came here, didn’t you?”

She didn’t respond and he didn’t elaborate. She wondered if he was right. If she just let go a little bit, would everything really fall apart? He went back to his work—so focused he was nearly in a trance—and she watched him taking notes, making marks in the script, and gathering additional ideas. She lay back down, taking it all in, just watching him until the earliest peek of morning came through the skylight.