And They Had a Great Fall

Chapter Nine

chapter nine

K at crept into the kitchen. Jake had finally managed to fall asleep during the early dawn hours, but her own attempts had been futile. Her body desperately wanted a few more hours of sleep, but her mind was racing, and she knew the only thing to quiet it would be to check her email to see if she had received the unit projections that were unaffected by the adhesive issue.

When she opened her inbox, Emily’s email was already waiting. It had arrived yesterday and was still waiting for Kat to add the global unit requirements. Seeing the time stamp of the email gave her a twinge of guilt. She should have checked sooner. Jake was already shaking her focus. Get it together. You’re here for work , she reminded herself. If she sent it off soon, it would be in Emily’s inbox before she woke up.

She was compiling figures from each regional president to calculate the total unit requirements when Jake walked in, wearing only a pair of boxer briefs sitting low on his hips. He stretched his arms up to the ceiling, rolled his shoulder, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. His curls were a wild mess, both standing up and in his face at the same time. How can he be hot and adorable at the same time? She mused before moving her eyes away from Jake and back to her laptop.

He walked behind her and started to make coffee. Kat couldn’t wait to finally get some coffee in her body. On a typical day she would’ve made herself a cup, but his coffee machine was intimidating. “Thank God you’re up,” she said. “I work for one of the top technology companies in the world, but I cannot figure out how to use that monstrosity.”

He chuckled as he adjusted the dials and the machine started to grind the beans. “I’ve got ya,” he said, his voice soft, barely awake.

As she went back to adjusting the spreadsheet, she felt his lips on her neck from behind. She stopped typing, leaned back in her chair, and rolled her head to one side. She let out a soft moan and closed her eyes. His kiss brought her back to last night and her pulse elevated.

“I wish you would come back to bed,” he murmured, planting kisses on her neck with increasing urgency. His voice was low, hoarse, and full of sleep. It was all Kat could do to not follow him back to the bedroom, but she really had to finish this work—at least, that’s what her brain told her. She opened her eyes, leaned forward, and moved away from him.

“I can’t,” she said. “This has to get out in the next hour. I want to get it to Emily before she wakes up.” But he was not so easily brushed off.

“Who’s Emily?” he whispered and continued to kiss her neck. “She’s not invited.” His soft tongue licked her ear.

Kat laughed quietly, reached back, and tousled his messy curls. As much as she was enjoying him, she had work to do. “Jake, I’m serious,” she said.

He let out a playful growl and nipped her ear.

She couldn’t believe she was telling him no. But she needed some space from him, just for a minute. The intensity of last night had been disarming and frankly she didn’t know how to process how Jake put every one of her senses on edge.

“Mkay,” he mumbled as he grabbed her coffee off the machine to set it down next to her. She expected him to sit across from her or go take a shower, but instead, he pulled up a chair and sat down next to her, his legs touching hers. He wasn’t going to give her space. He put his hand under his chin, took a sip of coffee, and peered at her laptop. She watched him read the spreadsheet in front of her. He let out a low whistle.

“That’s a lot of money. Is that your budget for the launch?” he asked, looking intently at the screen. She had a moment of pride at the spending she controlled. It was eight figures with a projection of generating ten figures of sales for the company. Assuming her launch plans stayed on track.

“Yes,” she said, amused at his sudden interest. “I know, it’s boring stuff.”

“Not to you,” he said, leaning back and putting his arm on the back of her chair. “Talk me through what you’re working on. What was the issue yesterday?”

Kat took a beat. He’d never asked her about her work, although he had observed plenty through the pandemic. She pulled up the timeline and total projections for the launch and explained the current issue. She slipped into familiar territory as she detailed why the adhesive could cause a delay or worse, impact the number of units sold. She’d already delivered sales projections to the board and missing those substantially would be unacceptable.

She was going to do everything in her power to keep the launch on track. Her ability to deliver was a key reason she was in the running for COO, and if that came into question, she’d lose to another candidate. She stopped talking when she realized he was staring at her. “What? Am I putting you back to sleep?”

He shook his head. “What does a COO do?” he asked, and Kat could see he was trying to understand her world a little.

“Second to the CEO. The COO does just about everything to make sure the company is profitable. You have to understand and lead just about every department in the company, in any market.” Kat once heard it described as the Swiss Army knife of a corporation. She thought that was a good description. “My biggest issue is that I lack global experience. Will, my boss, spends at least a third of his time in our global markets. That’s why I’m here.”

“Sounds hard. And stressful,” he mused. “You love it? You must. You’ve learned how to do everything.”

Kat didn’t reply right away. She had never put love and her job in the same sentence. “I’ve never asked myself if I love my job. I’m good at it. Great at it. But love? I don’t think I’ve ever connected that emotion to my career.”

Jake’s eyebrows lifted. “Really? I can’t imagine working this hard on something I didn’t absolutely love,” he said, gesturing to her open laptop.

“I’m a single mom, Jake. I don’t have the luxury of just doing things I love,” she said, with an edge to her voice.

“Bullshit, Kat.” He challenged her. “Nowhere does it say you can’t do something you love because you have responsibilities.”

Kat looked up at him, stricken. “What do you know about it? What responsibilities do you have?” How could he begin to know what it felt like to carry any real responsibilities? She resented his challenge and was not going to back down.

Jake bristled. “That’s not fair and you know it. I may not have a child, but I have a lot of people who rely on me. And if I don’t deliver, or if I say one wrong thing in the media, poof, my career could be over. It’s different, but the responsibility is real.” He paused and put his hands up in surrender. “But you’re right, I don’t really know your responsibilities, and I shouldn’t have called bullshit on any decision you make in your life. But, you still haven’t answered me. If you don’t love it. What drives you?”

“Financial stability. For Becca.” Her voice broke, but she wasn’t going to let the tears flow. No. Not in front of him. She wouldn’t admit to him her true fears. The nights spent awake trying to convince herself she wasn’t a failure. If Becca couldn’t have a father, she would at least have the best of everything else. The pressure was suffocating and overwhelming. It was true she couldn’t assign love to her career, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t important to her. Her career was a means to an end, not a passion.

“Money’s not everything.” Jake shrugged.

“Says the person getting paid five million a film,” she fired back. She hated his naivete and was reminded of their different lives. Of course he didn’t think about money. He had more money before he hit his twenties than many people made in a lifetime.

He didn’t reply. She took a deep breath until her voice was even. “It matters, Jake. It matters to me. Schools and apartments in Manhattan are not cheap. And hopefully I will need to think about college. I don’t have a fallback for Becca and me. Every choice I make in life affects her. So, yes money is everything , and no, I can’t just do things I love.” She sighed and locked eyes with him. She wanted this conversation to end. “ You may not think it’s inspiring, but it’s the reality of the life I live.”

Jake put his arm around her chair, pushed her laptop to the center of the table and rested his other arm on the table in front of her. His presence enveloped her without laying a hand on her. He leaned forward, his face close to hers. “Hey … I don’t want to fight with you. I didn’t mean to imply you were wrong for being motivated in that way. I just want to make sure you’re happy,” he kissed her cheek softly. She felt him rub the back of her neck, but she couldn’t look at him. She didn’t know if she was happy. She didn’t believe her happiness was still part of life’s equation.

She moved to the chair across from him. She couldn’t have this conversation. This was unproductive, and she was done talking. She pulled her laptop in front of her and put all her focus on getting her adjusted spreadsheet off to Emily. Once she hit send, she closed her laptop and finally took a sip of the latte Jake had made for her. Just one cup of coffee today , she thought to herself. She was jittery enough inside and blamed her emotions on too much caffeine.

Jake remained silent and she felt him watching her. Determined to change the subject, she swiped open her phone and went to Instagram. “Check it out. Your stans were hard at work.” She slid her phone over to Jake so he could see the volume of posts and stories from their few hours at Tivoli. The comments were sweet and positive. Kat’s rules worked. She only showed up in the background—a glimpse of her hair in one photo, her hand in another. Nothing recognizable. One fan pegged her as his assistant. A successful outing , she thought.

“How do I look?” Jake asked without looking down. He gave her a smile, but she could see a hint of weariness flicker in his eyes.

“Hot. And sweet. At the same time. Not sure how you do that, but you do,” she said, taking a sip. “Really. No bad photos.” It was true. He photographed well, he had just the right head tilt and smile to look good in selfies. She wished she had that skill. She was always looking the wrong way, closing her eyes, or rubbing her nose. If it was an awkward pose, she had it down. He portrayed the perfect mix of cool and approachable.

“Phew,” he said with a smile in his voice. He turned the phone face down. He slid it back across the table without looking down. “I don’t want to see them. I don’t follow my own fans. Fame is destabilizing enough without seeing myself through other people’s eyes.” He paused and cocked his head. “Wait. Do you?”

She stilled and felt her cheeks flush. She followed about half a dozen fan accounts. She was busted. “Yes,” she said, hiding her face with her hands. “Does that weird you out?”

He let out a loud laugh, deep from his belly. “Seriously? I didn’t know you were a stan, deep down.”

She covered her eyes and hid her face as she started to giggle. “Actually, I’m your biggest stan,” she said. “You know that Insta account about your hair? I started one that’s even better!” she teased. “It’s about your third toe. I call it Jakey Toe. It’s very popular.”

He was shaking with laughter as he lifted his feet into her lap. “They’re all yours,” he said. “Worship away!”

She bent her head down to his feet and threw her head back. “Oh, your feet stink!” she yelped, pushing his feet away. As his feet hit the floor, he lurched forward. They were both laughing as their lips met. The laughter turned into the sound of their breath as their lips moved against each other. She ended the kiss, but Jake put his hand on the back of her neck, pulling her forehead against his and locking his eyes with hers. Kat could feel the emotion building. She pulled away and sat back in her chair. She saw a flicker of frustration on his face, but before he could say anything, Jake’s stomach audibly growled.

J ake suggested they walk down to the café for some breakfast. He wouldn’t let them leave the building separately or do any of the cloak-and-dagger maneuvers from yesterday. It took less than seven minutes to reach the café, situated along the canal. After she’d shown him around the city yesterday, he wanted to show Kat his favorite spot. It was one of the few places he’d visit during his brief time in the city. The café was comfortable and charming with rows of pastries in the window. A bell on the door clanged when they walked in. There was a small wooden counter for ordering and a few rustic tables in the back.

It was early and empty. They ordered at the counter. Jake only wanted coffee, but Kat insisted they split a kanelsnegle , a Danish cinnamon bun. She also ordered a soft-boiled egg with toast. Once they collected their food, they chose a table in the back corner.

Kat leaned forward in her chair and pointed out the window to a bright orange and blue bird sitting on the window box. “Oh, I need to get a picture of that bird,” she said, grabbing her phone. “Your dad will love it.” She tapped her phone to take a picture before it flew away. “Can you believe how much your parents are into bird watching now? Apparently, it’s a sport in Central Park. Who knew?”

He hesitated before answering, instead taking a long sip of coffee. She didn’t seem to notice and kept talking. “Shoot, I won’t text them yet. I told them Becca was upstate while I traveled for work, but I didn’t tell them I was coming to see you. Do you think they’ll mind? Maybe I should have told them. Did you tell them I was coming? Believe me, I have a lot of guilt about the things I’ve been doing with their precious only son.”

He didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to answer. He gazed at the back wall and shook his head. Panic spread across her face. “That was supposed to make you laugh. Oh God, I just mentioned us having sex together and talking to your parents in the same sentence. Are you freaked out?”

“No, no,” he said without hesitation. “I didn’t know about the bird watching.” He cleared his throat. “I didn’t tell them you were coming. We aren’t really talking right now.” Jealousy bubbled up in his throat, straining his reply. He didn’t think they would get into this conversation right now.

“What? I didn’t know,” said Kat. “For how long?”

“Months. Not a word in months,” he admitted, and felt the shame he’d been working hard to bury. He hated saying it out loud. Given her close relationship with his parents, he was surprised she didn’t already know. By now, he assumed Kat knew he was nothing but a disappointment to his family.

Kat had moved next door long after Jake had left to work on a series of projects in Europe and Canada. Over the better part of two years, Jake rarely came home. During that time, his parents developed a fondness for their new neighbors: the husband battling cancer and his pregnant wife.

Once Becca was born, they doted on her unlike anything he’d ever witnessed. They’d bragged to him in nearly every phone call as if she were their actual grandchild. Once Ben died, Jake’s mom spent considerable time helping Kat with Becca, a job she took very seriously. From afar, Jake saw this as something his parents had done out of neighborly obligation.

Being home during the pandemic, he’d seen the full depth of their relationship. This was not a relationship held together by obligation or pity; it was a chosen family. The way they took care of each other was filled with a visible kindness.

Kat brought groceries home for his parents and picked up his grandmother’s medication when the only pharmacy open was fifteen blocks away. She baked snickerdoodle cookies for his dad, which he hoarded, despite insisting he didn’t eat sweets. The love and care between them reminded him of his own failings as a son. In his pursuit of his career, he hadn’t played the role of dutiful son in years … or ever.

“I was dumb, I know. It was my fault.” He hesitated. “My mom was upset at how little time I’d been home. She’d asked me to come back a few times, and I couldn’t get a break in my schedule—” he stopped yet again. “And then I didn’t make it home before Grandma died.” He lived with the guilt of not making it in time but was frustrated at the depth of his mom’s anger.

He believed his mother wanted him to stick around the Upper West Side for his entire life. She didn’t understand the crushing pressure he felt to establish himself in the entertainment industry. If he wasn’t overseas, he would need to be in Los Angeles. No matter what, he would spend a considerable amount of time away from New York. Actors had short shelf lives, and he was acutely aware that part of his appeal was his youth. He was consumed with anxiety about missing his window, a fear supported by all those he trusted in the industry. Roger had counseled him to sacrifice now.

“She told me she was embarrassed to have raised such a selfish human being. She was disappointed … in me. In who I’d become.” His voice shook as they talked. He had been overwhelmed with self-loathing and that did him in. He didn’t know how to balance his life with much else and the result came across as, and maybe truly was, selfish. Kat was right this morning. He’d never lived with responsibilities that didn’t center around himself.

“And I walked out. Just like that. And then she called, more than once, and I ignored her.” He rubbed his face with his hand. He wouldn’t let his brain return to the vitriol-fueled comments he had made until his mother had been reduced to a pile of tears. He could still remember her face, shocked and crumbling. He hated himself for that day.

“Kat, I said some terrible things.” It felt cathartic to acknowledge the rift between him and his family. He looked at Kat sitting across from him and realized she was the only person he trusted to let in so completely. Being in her presence was like a form of truth serum. He didn’t need to play a part with her. He showed her everything, including those parts of him that were ugly and difficult. He drew in his breath and paused for her to comment on the mess he’d made of his entire family.

“I’m really sorry you’re going through all this,” Kat said, spreading butter on her Rugbrod and taking a bite. She looked at him but did not elaborate.

Jake waited, and when she remained silent, he asked, “Is that it? You have nothing else to say?” His tone bordered on exasperation. “I was expecting a speech, or a lecture, or something.” His brain raced as he wondered what she was thinking. She was rarely silent.

“Oh, you want a speech?” she asked, pushing the cinnamon bun toward him. “Take a bite. You need to eat something.”

He couldn’t believe she was being elusive at a time like this. “You always have an opinion. Let’s hear it,” he said.

She wiped her mouth and took a drink. He could tell she was weighing her words carefully. She leaned back in her chair. “First off,” she started, “I’m not going to get involved. I’ll share a few thoughts, but I need you to know, I love all of you too much to pick sides.”

Jake nodded, pulled off a piece of the cinnamon bun, and urged her to go on. He noticed her use of “love,” and his stomach fluttered. He took a bite of the flaky pastry, his shoulders relaxing as the cinnamon hit his tongue.

“As for your fight, please keep in mind, you were both grieving. You were grieving your grandmother, but she was grieving her own mother. Jake, that’s a loss that makes you question your own mortality in a sudden and frightening way.”

He saw her tighten her jaw, and she shook her head as if to shake off a thought.

She continued. “Grief does weird things to people. One minute you’re pulling people closer, the next minute you’re pushing them away. Anything said in a haze of grief needs to have a short shelf life.”

She paused for a minute, and Jake realized she was hesitating. He stayed quiet, giving her space to collect her thoughts.

“Also, I will say this just once, and I don’t want you to obsess about it. I believe your mom has been grieving the loss of you for a long time. She wanted you to go out in the world and live your own life, but you did it so young and fast. You left and never looked back. I think she’s wanted you to include her at least a little bit.”

Jake interrupted her. He was gutted. “She told you that?”

“She didn’t have to. When she talks about you, Jake, she’s so proud. You work so hard, and you are great, like really great. But also—she never admits this—I see the hurt in her eyes when she has to search the internet to know what country you’re in. She learns more from your fans’ tweets than from you. She wants to be in your life, in a real way. I know for a fact she understands the commitment you need to have to your career, but that doesn’t change the fact that she profoundly misses you.”

Jake was silent as he took in Kat’s words. He knew it was all true. After the fight with his mother, he’d stopped communicating and made her watch him from afar. “I really don’t know how to make it right. God, the stuff we said to each other … And then I punished her with silence.” he winced.

“I can’t tell you how to fix it,” she said. “I will say, you are a wonderful, passionate, driven human being. You feel everything so deeply … it’s your superpower. When that’s channeled in the right direction, it becomes absolute brilliance. It’s what makes you a great actor. When all that feeling is allowed to live in a state of chaos, it becomes combative, even destructive. You got that from somewhere.”

She reached over and pulled the cinnamon bun back to her side of the table and took a bite. She swallowed and continued. “You and you mom are so alike it shocks me that neither of you can see it. I’m not surprised at this situation, given both of your electric personalities. I compare it to lightning striking a power line and creating a dramatic but brief explosion. Except, in this case, you’re letting the sparks burn down the entire house.”

A s they exited the café, Jake asked if they could walk around the city instead of heading back to the apartment. It was early morning, and the streets were quiet. Even though it was sunny, the air was cool and crisp, and the city glistened. The cobblestone streets were damp with dew that still clung to the cracks, outlining each brick in the patchwork of stone. She was worried she’d pushed him too far. Reflecting on the fracture within his family, she was reminded of the explosive cocktail that was his personality.

They walked along the Nyhavn canal, enjoying some fresh air and silence. Kat mapped Rosenborg Castle on her phone and when she showed Jake, he nodded. She motioned for them to turn down a tiny side street. When they were in the seclusion of the deserted street, Jake moved a bit closer and nudged her shoulder. She furrowed her brow and looked at him. He did it again and grinned. Having spent so little time with him in the past year, she forgot that he often communicated through physical touch, not words. His physicality was a language that was foreign to her, and she wished she was more fluent. She was seeing it here again and tried to decipher his mood.

“What are you thinking?” she finally asked, unable to translate his physical language.

“Thank you for back there … at the café. I don’t think I realized how much that was eating away at me. I’m a mess,” he mused. “I still don’t know what I’m going to do, but even being honest with you—no, being honest with myself … makes me feel, I don’t know … less of a mess?”

She felt relieved that their conversation hadn’t thrown him into an obsessive tailspin. She’d glimpsed his darkness during quarantine, when he’d felt trapped. “Yeah, you’re feeling blocked. I wonder how much this fight has to do with it?” she asked. She knew the answer, but this was his to figure out.

He shrugged his shoulders. “You’re probably right. It certainly has been taking up more space than I want to admit. Why are you so smart?” he laughed.

“Meh, it comes with age,” she said, winking at him. She knew he hated it when she reminded him that she was older. There were times when there didn’t seem to be any age separating them. Jake had indeed had more life experiences than many people at twenty-five, but times like this reminded her how young he really was.

She was acutely aware he’d grown up in a business that required him to act like an adult as a teen, but it had stunted his emotional growth. Living in a bubble, wholly focused on himself as a product, gave him a skewed sense of the world. He lived in his own echo chamber, which made it easy to eschew reality. She had a visceral feeling of being simultaneously drawn to him while wanting to protect him. She wouldn’t allow herself to process the full complication of her feelings toward Jake. Pushing her thoughts to the back of her mind, she navigated them through the city.

They turned onto the grounds of Rosenborg Castle and the surrounding park. Similar to Tivoli, the castle was a unique, breathtaking piece of architecture nestled inside the city. She was in love with this place that was home to castles and amusement parks, art installations on the street, and beautiful surprises around every corner. Maybe that’s why she loved Copenhagen—the separate elements of the city didn’t make sense, but they worked as an entire package. Leave it to the Danish to create a city that was the perfect blend of form and function.

They walked the grounds taking in the old, towering trees dotted with fall colors, the royal gardens, and just beyond, a seventeenth-century castle. She looked up at the brick and sandstone architecture and high towers. They looked like they touched the sky, and she blinked her eyes to take a mental picture. Becca would love to see this someday , she thought.

It was barely 7:30 a.m. and the city was just starting to wake up. Kat blew on her hands; they were cold in the fall air. Walking in the sun had warmed her, but in the shadow of the castle, she felt the dampness of the atmosphere. The cold radiated off the stone structure and onto the walkway below.

She wanted to go inside until she read the sign saying tours of the castle wouldn’t start for another two-and-a-half hours. She sighed and fought back tears, momentarily remembering her trip with Ben. She’d wanted to go into the castle on that visit too, but Ben, tired of sightseeing, wanted to eat lunch instead. She’d tried to convince him to go in, even for a minute, but he’d rolled his eyes and told her he had no interest in a dusty old castle. He’d dug his heels in, and her response had been irrational anger. It’d been their first fight. And he’d won. They hadn’t seen the castle that day. And it looked like she wouldn’t see it now.

“Hey,” Jake said, touching her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said curtly, sucking in a breath to fight back tears. “I’m tired … and cold … and … I just really wanted to go in. It’s too early. I’m being stupid.”

“Hmm … you want to go in? Let me see if I can make that happen.” Jake gave her a mischievous look, went around her, and pulled on the door. When it didn’t open, he searched until he saw another door and started toward it. Kat followed him, confused. “Jake, what are you doing? It doesn’t open until ten. I can come back.”

The next door didn’t open, and Jake kept walking around the stone building. Finally, he found a door that opened and turned to her, laughing. “Or … is it open right now?” He held open the door and gestured for her to go inside.

“No, Jake,” she said, stepping back. “It isn’t open yet. We aren’t allowed to go in there.” Her heart raced as she pictured security alarms flashing, guards hunting them down, and a discussion with the police about trespassing. She was certain PathMobile would frown upon one of their key executives getting arrested.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of the metal door closing behind Jake. It let out a jarring bang that carried through the air. Kat stared at the closed door. She kicked a rock in front of her. She didn’t know what to do with herself. Jake seemed to be gone forever.

The door flew open, and she jumped backward. Jake flashed her a devilish grin. “Kat! Come in! It’ll be fine. It’s amazing here. You’ll want to see it, come inside.” He held out his hand.

She stood back, shook her head no, and crossed her arms over her chest. He let out a laugh and, before she could register what he was doing, he picked her up, threw her over his shoulder, and carried her through the door.

She let out a yelp and smacked him on the shoulder. “What are you doing?” She couldn’t even process what had just happened.

He didn’t say anything. He set her down, gave her a smile, and opened his arms before him, bringing her focus to the grand throne room they were standing in. Her eyes widened. It was a grand space with a gleaming throne at the end of the room. Kat walked across the checkerboard floor and gazed at the rich tapestries that lined the walls. She was struck by the size and the nearly overwhelming mix of colors in front of her.

“This is stunning,” Kat said, turning from the tapestry she was studying. “We should go. We can’t be in here.”

“Kat, it’s a public building with the door unlocked. I don’t see or hear any alarms. Worst case, security tells us to leave, that’s it.” Jake reassured her. Kat just wrinkled her nose at him in annoyance.

Jake shot her a smug grin, turned on his heel, and walked into the next room. She followed after him, shaking her head. I guess we’re going to see the castle after all .

They walked from room to room, taking in the history of the four-hundred-year-old castle. They were all alone, which allowed her to abandon her rules when Jake took her hand, pulled her over, and gave her a small kiss. Their footsteps echoed in the silent castle, and she absorbed the stillness and peacefulness. She couldn’t remember the last time her mind felt so quiet and open.

They made their way past a group of lavish portraits. “I’m tired of talking about me, believe it or not. How come I know nothing about your family?” he asked as they climbed up a spiral staircase to the second floor. “Please tell me you’re a mess sometimes too. It isn’t just me.”

She pretended to focus on her footing, so she didn’t have to answer right away. In all their time together, her family had never come up. She was not a native New Yorker and because of the quarantine, there hadn’t been a circumstance where her family would have entered his mind. In fact, they hadn’t talked about her much at all. She liked it that way.

“There’s not much to tell,” she started. “My mom was very young when she had me. She was only eighteen. I didn’t know my dad—I don’t think he wanted to be involved. They weren’t in love or anything.” She hoped he would be satisfied with the abbreviated version of her life. It was the most she ever told people. Once people learn you’re a widow, they stop asking about your life, past or present.

“Are you two close? You never talk about her,” he said.

Kat didn’t want to talk about her. She wanted to deflect and go back to discussing the castle, him, or anything not to continue this conversation. As if he could read her mind, he stopped her.

“Hey, what is it? You can tell me.”

She wanted him to know. She was ready for him to know. Without knowing it, he was challenging her with questions she hadn’t answered in a long time.

“I don’t talk about this much. My mom passed away when I was six. A freak aneurysm, I guess.” She shrugged. “The end of this story is that I was raised by my grandparents, who passed while I was in college.” It was hard for her not to have moments of bitterness when she thought about how many people in her life had left her.

Jake stopped and put his hand on her arm. “God, Kat, that’s horrible,” he said, looking over at her with sadness in his eyes. “How did I not know any of that?”

“The honest reality is that I don’t remember much about my mom and obviously nothing about my dad. My grandparents were wonderful people. I really did have a very happy childhood, so this story is not as tragic as it sounds,” she said. “Why we never talked about it? Because I don’t ever talk about it unless asked, and you never asked.”

Kat watched Jake as he shook his head without saying a word. He moved closer to her and brushed her hand with his, eventually hooking two of their fingers together. It was such a subtle, sweet gesture. This was his physical language, and she appreciated his light connection.

“It just doesn’t seem fair,” he said. “First your mom and then …” his voice trailed off.

She laughed without a hint of humor. “That’s the cruelest part of life I’ve learned: experiencing one tragedy doesn’t protect you from another. Nothing about life is fair.” She decided to confess her true take on life. “Jake, I think life is just a series of people leaving you until it’s your turn to die.”

Jake let out a low whistle. “Wow. Kat, that’s a hard way to view life,” he said.

She took a second to reflect on his statement. Death had shaped every part of her approach to life. And even if he thought it was dark, it was true. Nothing in life was fair and no matter who you were, death was always around the corner.

She finally spoke. “You know when you were a kid, you had no concept of time? I’ve never felt that way. I’ve always had a sense of mortality. My grandmother used to remark that I freaked people out because I was obsessed with death. I was always trying to figure out when everyone else would die. I wanted to prepare, to plan, to come up with ways to control … I guess … death . I know it’s one of the reasons I’m so risk averse. I crave safety. It’s pretty cliché.”

She had no idea why she was telling him all of this, only that she hadn’t trusted anyone for a long time, not enough to fully reveal the darkness inside of her. She was trying to control and plan the one thing in life that was unpredictable and inevitable.

She thought for a moment. “It’s why I’m obsessive about Becca and keeping her in my perfect little controlled kingdom. I don’t feel like anything is safe, and I want to make sure nothing happens to her. Honestly, I know I’m too tightly wound about what she watches, her school, what she eats, who she plays with.… It’s like … if I manage her life perfectly, nothing bad will happen to her.” Admitting it out loud made Kat’s heart race.

“Oh, I remember,” he said with a knowing tone. “You’d never let her have extra dessert and no sweets. Which is practically child abuse,” he teased. “I used to slip her Tootsie Pops when she would come over. She loves them, especially orange, which I always thought was weird, because no one likes orange.”

“Wait, what?” she said incredulously. “That was you? I found a stash of them a few months ago in a drawer. I was so confused as to where she got them. I can’t believe they came from you!”

Jake covered his face with both his hands and pretended to hide. His laugh echoed through the hall. “I can’t believe she didn’t eat them. Don’t let her eat them now, they’re like two years old!”

She punched him in the arm to try to make him stop laughing, which made him laugh even harder. Of course! She should have known it was Jake, who believed in, above all, enjoying life. Sometimes Kat just felt like she sucked the fun out of life. If he was the human equivalent to Friday, she felt like Monday. She convinced herself it was for good reason, but she didn’t even know Becca loved Tootsie Pops.

Jake reached over and intertwined one of his hands in hers and gently pulled her close. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. “I want to know more about you, Kat. I won’t always think to ask you everything, okay?”

Nodding, Kat understood he was asking for her to be more open and forthcoming about her life, and although she trusted him, she didn’t know if she trusted herself enough to let down much more of her protective armor. Not even for him.

They both heard the footsteps at the same time. Kat looked at Jake with alarm. Jake took her hand as they quickened their steps back down the stairs, retracing their path through the rooms and breaking into a run out the side door. She could hear the footsteps getting louder and a voice call out, “Hey!” right as they pushed the door open to the outside. As they ran out the door, Kat’s heart was pounding in her ears, but Jake couldn’t seem to control his laughter. He pulled her toward the garden, behind some tall bushes, and doubled over.

“Kat,” he said, standing up, breathless. “The look on your face.…”

“You could have gotten us in trouble,” she said, her voice in a yelling whisper. “What if we had gotten arrested?”

“Kat …” he started, “I’m smart enough to keep us from getting arrested … especially in a foreign country. I talked to the security guard before I came and got you. He’s a fan and said we could have thirty minutes. There are a few benefits of hanging out with a celebrity. You’re welcome.”

She looked at him with wide eyes as her laughter erupted. She whacked him on the shoulder. Repeatedly.

He feigned pain and pulled her over to him. He put his arms around her, and Kat suddenly got the distinct feeling he was about to kiss her. They were fairly hidden, but they were still in a public park. He lived with such abandon, an in-the-moment mentality. Realizing she would need to be the one to protect them, she stepped away from him and looked around. Her eyes landed on them immediately.

“I think those girls over there are taking photos of us.”

“S hit,” he said under his breath as his shoulders tensed up. “Keep your head down. I’ll be right back.” He spotted the two girls trying to be discreet but clearly taking a picture of him. He knew all the tricks by now. They were using the most common—the selfie over the shoulder. He jogged over to them. “Hi!” he called out, waving and putting on his biggest smile.

They looked stunned, and he thought for a second they might dash away. “I’m Jake, but you probably know that. What are your names?” he asked. They stuttered and giggled. Once he learned their names, he said, “Hey, want a photo? Like, a good one? Ones taken over your shoulder are never very good. Your friends will say ‘oh, is that really him?’ and you’ll say yes, but when you zoom in, it’ll just be a blur of a weird-looking skinny guy with sunglasses and messy hair. Believe me.”

The girls laughed. Of course they would rather have a real close-up picture.

“Here’s the deal,” he said, leaning in and whispering as if they were friends and confidants. “That girl over there. She’s a friend of my parents, and she gets annoyed when she accidentally shows up in the photos people take of me. Like, she won’t hang out with me much because of it. Something about privacy.” He rolled his eyes to signal that he would never feel this way. “I played a little trick on her so she’s in a bad mood, so can you just not post those? We can do a full-on photo shoot right here, and you can post any of the pictures we take together. Deal?”

They shook his hand to seal the deal. In their world, they had pretty much won the social lottery. They made an elaborate show of deleting the earlier photos and even permanently deleting them from the digital trash. He spent over ten minutes posing with the girls and generally having fun. At least they thought so. He was a good actor, after all. He glanced over and saw Kat looking at them. He made the girls wave to her, which made her shake her head, but he did see a small smile.

Once they had their shots, he kissed both girls on the cheek and said his goodbyes. The young girls were beaming as they walked away, chattering excitedly. He couldn’t help but smile, feeding off their energy. As weird as it was for him, he understood his power to make people happy.

He jogged back to Kat, and she asked him if they had indeed taken photos.

“Yes, but they deleted ’em. I gave them some better content,” he said as his eyes scanned the perimeter of the park and landed on the black car parked on the corner. “I have a car waiting. We should go. It’s getting crowded out here.”

He pointed to the car across the street and started to walk at a brisk pace. He had an easy time being out in the early mornings, before nine or ten, but it was a beautiful Sunday. He should have been more careful, and he kicked himself for putting them in that position. He had carried her into Rosenborg partially because Kat seemed disappointed it was closed, but also to get them into a private space. The park was getting busy, and Jake knew it was moments before he was spotted. When they ran out of the castle, he got caught up in the moment and was careless.

He didn’t want to hide with her, but this wasn’t smart. You know how to protect her , he thought, get your head together . He vowed to be more careful, starting now—which is why he had texted his assistant to send the private car. They needed to stop using taxis and start using the drivers he trusted. He had protections available to him, and he was going to use every single one of them if it meant protecting Kat.

He finally took a breath when they got back to the apartment. “Kat, I think we should stay here the rest of the day, if that’s okay. It’s Sunday and the weather is beautiful, but I didn’t expect it to be that crowded. I’m worried about keeping you anonymous if we continue to be so visible,” he said, taking off his shoes and putting his phone on the charger.

“Okay by me,” she said, looking out the window at the canal below. “This view is gorgeous. Look at all those people down there,” she said, pointing to a busy walkway a few floors below. It was full of people enjoying the clear, fall day. The sun made the canal shimmer like a thousand diamonds floating in the middle of the city.

Jake slid his arms around her waist, rested his chin on her shoulder, and looked out the window. “I like this more,” he whispered in her ear, happy to put his arms around her without making sure no one was watching, photographing, or filming. He brought his lips to her neck, covering her with small sensual kisses, resuming what he started earlier this morning.

He felt Kat lean back, resting fully in his arms. She rolled her head back on his shoulder, giving him more access to her soft skin. She let out a small gasp as he lightly sucked the base of her collarbone. He turned her around, brought his lips to hers and kissed her with a hunger that felt insatiable. He took her hand and pulled her toward the bedroom. If they were going to stay in all day, this would do just fine.