Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jeremy
“ R elax, dude, and stop fidgeting. It won’t look good in the pictures,” I say to Ben, as we stand under a floral canopy in the outdoor garden at Phipps Conservatory with Jordan and Asher, waiting for the wedding to start.
If looks could kill, I would be extremely dead right now.
“Just wait until the love of your fucking life—the reason your heart beats and air fills your damn lungs—is about to walk towards you in a wedding dress and promise to spend the rest of her life with you and then tell me if you can relax,” Ben shoots back, his fingers tapping absently against his thigh.
“Haven’t you already promised to spend your lives together?”
Ben tugs at the collar of his tux like it’s strangling him.
“This is different. I don’t know why it is; it just is. We should have spent last night together. Why did we decide to spend last night apart?”
“Because you told Hallie you wanted to be traditional,” I say, amused at the way my extremely even tempered, rarely gets anxious about anything best friend is completely unraveling as he waits for the wedding to start.
“Tradition sucks. Why the fuck is this taking so long?”
Asher leans past Jordan, who is standing on my other side. “See now this is why Julie and I got married in the backyard. No aisle to stare down and no waiting. Just my girl and me standing next to each other.”
Jordan elbows Asher in the ribs. “We know, we know, yours was the best wedding of all time and no wedding could top it, and Julie is the best girl in the world and no one is better than she is.”
Asher nods, a satisfied look on his face. “See, now you’re getting it.”
“Probably should have gotten married in the backyard. It would have been better than all this fucking waiting,” Ben mutters.
“Just wait until Allie and I get married next year. It’ll put all your weddings to shame.” Jordan smirks at the three of us and glances towards where Allie is sitting, eyes filled with both love and heat when he looks at her.
I follow his gaze and tune out the conversation my friends continue to have as my eyes fix on Maddy, sitting next to Allie. Allie is trying her best to engage Maddy in conversation, but Maddy’s eyes keep darting to the back of the garden, and her little hands are twisted in her lap. Something isn’t right.
“Does she look anxious to you?” I ask Ben.
“Who?”
“Maddy. She was supposed to sit with the Caseys, but their flight was delayed so they’ll be late. She’s sitting with Allie, but she doesn’t look happy.”
Now I’m the one fidgeting as I watch Maddy turn and glance back again. Now my own hands are curling into fists as I hold myself back from walking over there and rescuing her.
“Asher was right.” Ben turns to me, his face full of understanding. “You love that little girl.”
“Yes,” I say without even thinking, startling myself but not, it seems, startling Ben at all. He just nods at me with a look of…pride maybe? I can’t quite parse the look because my eyes keep drifting back to Maddy.
“Go get her,” Ben says, laying a hand on my shoulder.
I whip around to look at him. “Go get her to do what?”
“To stand with you. She’s obviously uncomfortable and you can help. Go get her.”
“But your wedding is about to start. The wedding where I’m your best man and there will be a million pictures taken of us up here.”
Ben gives me an unimpressed look. “I don’t know what’s going on between you and Emma and trust me, we will be having a conversation about that when I’m not five minutes away from getting married. But you’re my brother, Jeremy, and Maddy is important to you, so she’s important to me. Weddings are about family. You’re mine and I think she’s yours. Go get her.”
Ben has barely finished talking before I step down and stride over to Maddy, crouching in front of her. I lay one of my hands over hers and wait until her eyes meet mine.
“Hey, Little Red.”
“Jeremy.” Maddy’s voice is a whisper, such a stark difference from the bubbly, vibrant girl she has been for the past week or two.
“What’s going on, honey? You’re looking sad.”
“Emma said she would be walking down the aisle soon and she would wave to me when she passed me. Rachel too. But it’s taking so long.”
“I know, and I know you were looking forward to sitting with Maya and her family. I’m sorry they’re running late.”
Maddy shrugs. “It’s okay. Allie is really nice but…” She trails off, looking over at Allie with a worried expression on her face.
Allie puts an arm around Maddy’s shoulders, giving her a little squeeze. “I’ve loved hanging out with you, Maddy, but it’s okay if you miss Emma a little or are feeling sad because Maya isn’t here yet. All your feelings are important. The people who care about you care about your feelings too.”
I give Allie a grateful look and turn back to Maddy. “How would you feel about standing up there with me during the wedding?” I point behind me to where Ben is standing.
Maddy gives me a hopeful look. “Really?”
“Really. My best friend is getting married and I’m having a lot of big feelings about it. I could use my other best friend up there, if you’re up for it. And you’ll be able to see Emma and Rachel as soon as they start walking down the aisle.”
Maddy’s face explodes in a grin. “I think I would really like that.”
“Well then let’s go, Little Red. We’ve got a wedding to watch.”
I stand and pick her up from her chair, carrying her up to the front and taking my place next to Ben. When I start to put her down, she wraps her arms around my neck.
“Can you hold me?” she whispers.
“Of course I can,” I manage, emotion swarming me and my eyes blurring. I know Ben heard the whole exchange and can tell I’m struggling to keep it together because he lays a hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. I want to feel bad that it’s his wedding day and he’s the one supporting me right now, but I’m too damn grateful for it.
It’s just a couple minutes later that the music rises, and Hallie’s mom makes her way down the aisle, followed by Rachel and Steven. Rachel gives Maddy a wave and Maddy grins back at her. Then Rachel looks from Maddy to me and gives me a look so full of love that it almost brings me to my knees. In this moment, with a little girl I’ve fallen in love with on my hip and the only mom I’ve ever known looking on, I’m not the lost boy, afraid of being left alone again. I’m not the grown man who spends his life worried that no one will stay.
Instead, I’m happy and secure and it’s such a foreign feeling I almost don’t recognize it, even as I know that I would do almost anything to keep it.
Maddy’s quiet gasp breaks me from my thoughts.
And then Emma is all I see.
She looks surprised for just a second, her gaze drifting from me to Maddy in my arms, before understanding floods her features and she starts her walk down the aisle.
Her gold dress dips low in the front and falls in soft folds down to the floor, sparkling in the late fall afternoon sunlight. Freckles I want to trace with my tongue dot her bare shoulders, and her hair tumbles in waves down her back. Gorgeous seems like too common a word for such an uncommon woman, but as my eyes meet hers and my breath clogs in my lungs, it’s all I’ve got.
My surroundings blur until it’s just Emma and me, gazes locked as she walks towards me. The calm lines of her face contrasting with the look in her eyes—a penetrating gaze with an intense emotion there I can’t quite name that has butterflies swirling in my stomach and need whipping through me in a wave.
My expression must give away my thoughts because for a split second the soft smile on Emma’s face falters, replaced by a knowing look that tells me she feels what I feel. We might be standing at our best friends’ wedding, but our thoughts are better suited to dark rooms and whispers in the night and hands and mouths and the joining of bodies and the reason I have a hotel room waiting for us, if she agrees to my post-wedding plans.
Dear god, please let her agree to those plans because I need her like air.
When Emma reaches the altar, she breaks eye contact with me to look at Maddy, giving her a grin and a wink before she turns to take her place on the other side.
“Stand with your girl, Em,” Ben whispers. He leans down and kisses Emma’s cheek, taking her arm and guiding her next to me. Understanding, Jordan and Asher both take a step over, making room so Emma can slide in beside me.
“I’m so happy to see you up here, Maddy,” Emma whispers, running a hand over Maddy’s red curls.
Maddy leans into Emma’s touch. “It was taking so long for the wedding to start, and I didn’t know when you would come. Jeremy said I could be with him.”
Maddy tips her head to rest against mine and Emma lets out a shaky breath that tells me she is just as affected by this moment as I am. A single heart is not built to withstand this much emotion. But I test its capacity just a little more when I shift Maddy to my right arm and slide my left around Emma’s waist. I wonder for a split second if maybe it’s too much, if standing up here like this announces to the world that we are…whatever we are before we even have a chance to define it for ourselves. But then Emma presses her body closer to mine and I feel her arm wrap around my back, her hand coming to rest on Maddy’s back, and I know it’s not too much.
As Hallie walks down the aisle beaming and Ben absolutely loses it at the sight of her, and they speak vows to each other and promise things like forever and always and no matter what and only you , I stand with both my girls in my arms, and never has there ever been a more perfect moment than this.