Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Emma
H ow many emotions is too many for a human to feel all at once?
I’m asking for myself because standing in the tent on the edge of the dance floor, watching Jeremy spin Maddy around, I’m feeling so many my brain is boiling over and I’m at risk of losing all my common sense. I usually hide against a wall during big parties, but tonight, my need to watch Jeremy dance with Maddy outweighs every single introverted instinct in my body.
“Well, I sure didn’t have Daddy Jeremy is hot as fuck on my bingo card for this year.”
Molly slides up next to me, handing me a margarita. I take a grateful gulp, because she took the words right out of my head.
“I know,” I mumble, taking another deep sip of my drink because, so many feelings. “Me either.”
“Fucking hell, Em. Between the three of you standing together during the ceremony and this, I truly don’t know what to say, and I always know what to say.”
I drain my margarita, setting the empty glass on a passing waiter’s tray before turning to face Molly.
“What am I supposed to do, Mol? I mean, look at them.” I gesture to Jeremy and Maddy on the dance floor.
“He obviously loves her, and she loves him right back. And I think I’m flat on my ass in love with both of them. But I’m just a temporary home for Maddy, and I’m pretty sure giving Jeremy even a fraction of my feelings will have him running for the hills because he doesn’t believe he’s anyone’s forever even though I’m almost positive he’s always been mine.”
I pause and suck in a breath because I didn’t mean to say any of that, but it turns out when you shove all your feelings down for too long then cover them in a layer of wedding emotions, eventually they explode.
“I want them both, Molly. And I’m afraid I won’t get to keep either of them.”
Molly takes one of my hands, giving it a squeeze, her face uncharacteristically serious.
“I can’t tell you what’s going to happen, Em, but what I do know is that when you find the kind of love I think you and Jeremy might have, you fight for it. You grab on and hold it tight and don’t let it go, no matter what.”
Molly’s voice breaks a little on the last word, and the sadness coming from her has concern flooding me. But before I can ask her what’s wrong, she keeps talking.
“Sometimes you still don’t get to keep it, but if that happens, you at least want to know you did everything you could. Living with regret is the worst kind of torture.”
Somehow, I don’t think Molly is talking about me anymore, but I know better than to press her on it. Because as cheerful and outgoing as she is, there is a part of Molly that is closed off even from us. A part of her that she never unlocks, ever. But as quickly as her sadness cloaks her, she shakes it off.
“Incoming, Em,” she murmurs. “And for the love of god, please sleep with that man tonight because holy hell.”
I turn to see Jeremy and Maddy making their way across the dance floor. When Maddy spots me, she trots over, face flushed and happy.
“Did you see me and Jeremy dancing? He said I was really good even though I stepped on his toes like five times. Want to come dance with us?”
I glance up at Jeremy. The look he’s pinning me with and the intensity in his gold rimmed eyes has electricity prickling under my skin.
“Hey Maddy, did you know there’s a Pittsburgh cookie table over there? Asher put it together for Hallie and Ben and there are like twenty different kinds of cookies. Want to go check it out? I think there’s a chocolate chip calling our name.”
Molly tosses me a look that says, as clearly as if she said the words out loud, fuck him tonight . And holy god, do I want to.
“I like peanut butter cookies.”
“Well, you’re in luck because I happen to know that Asher is the peanut butter cookie master.”
They walk away just as the music switches to something slower, and Jeremy holds out a hand to me.
“Want to dance, Ems?”
I nod and put my hand in his, not trusting my voice to make words.
Jeremy leads me to a corner of the dance floor and spins me around, sliding an arm around my waist and bringing our joined hands up to rest on his chest. I wind my arm around his neck and press a little closer to him. He responds immediately, tightening his arm around my back. He pulls my body flush with his and rests his cheek against my temple, swaying us gently to the music.
“I like holding you like this, Ems. It feels exactly right. Like your body was made to fit against mine.”
Jeremy presses a kiss to my temple then dips his head to kiss the spot behind my ear in a move that has shivers running down my spine. I know he feels how this is affecting me because he smiles against my neck, giving me one more kiss there before pulling back so he can look me in the eyes.
“I like it too. I know we’ve danced before, but…”
My voice trails off, not sure what I was going to say next. But Jeremy knows and finishes my sentence for me.
“Not like this.”
“No. Not like this.”
“Everything about the past couple of months has meant a lot to me, Ems. Running with you, talking to you, learning everything about you, spending time with you and Maddy, getting to touch you.”
He slides his hand up my back and then down again so it’s resting right on the curve of my ass, his fingers teasing lower, burning through the thin silk of my dress.
“Getting to kiss you.”
Letting my hand go, Jeremy cups my jaw, bringing his lips to mine in a long, slow kiss that has my brain fuzzing and my fingers twisting into his shirt as I lean in for more. If anyone in this room didn’t know before that there was something going on between Jeremy and me, they sure do now. I can’t find it in myself to care.
I want everyone to know.
Jeremy is mine.
When he pulls back, his eyes have the tiniest bit of uncertainty I often see when he reveals pieces of himself to me and every part of me wants to tell him it’s okay. That I’ll keep those pieces safe. That he can be himself with me. But this isn’t the time, and this definitely isn’t the place, so instead, I lean up and kiss him this time. He sinks into it immediately, letting out a small sigh of what sounds like relief, and this time when he pulls back, the uncertainty is gone, replaced with determination. And when he speaks, his voice is earnest.
“I kind of did a thing, and I hope it’s okay.”
“What thing?”
“I booked a room at the Fairmont. For us. I talked to Rachel about watching Maddy, and she’s practically rubbing her hands together with glee at the idea of a sleepover with her best girl.”
Jeremy makes air-quotes around best girl . It sounds exactly like what Rachel would say, and I laugh, despite the nerves and anticipation swirling in my stomach.
“I love spending time with both of you, and I love being with you after Maddy goes to bed and running with you in the mornings after she goes to school. But I also want my hands on every inch of your body and your hands on mine. I want to remind myself what it feels like to fuck you. What sounds you make when you come while I’m deep inside of you. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up with you in the morning and take you all over again because I can’t imagine ever not wanting you. Spend the night with me, Ems. The whole night. Tonight.”
I’m touched that he took the time to plan a night for us and make arrangements for Maddy, and at the same time my body is burning up from the inside out at his words. I want the picture he painted for me with a desperation I don’t completely recognize. It’s an intoxicating combination and my answer is wildly simple, even with the knowledge that tonight changes everything. Maybe because of that.
“Yes.”
I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, willing myself to calm down.
Get your shit together Emma . You are a grown woman and he’s just a guy .
“Just the hottest guy on the planet,” I mumble, hands on my flaming cheeks, trying to cool down the inferno in my veins.
Jeremy’s words while we were dancing play on a loop in my head. The combination of dirty and sweet had heat racing up my spine and my clit throbbing with unbridled need. My heart thrashes against my ribs at the memory of his deep, raspy voice in my ear and his arms tight around me while we danced.
The second the song was over, I stepped back from him, needing some space to get myself under control. A room full of our best friends was not the right place to spontaneously combust. Jeremy never took his eyes off of me, one side of his mouth quirking up in a knowing smirk that told me he knew exactly where my thoughts had gone.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to slow my racing heart.
It’s fine. I’m fine. This is so completely fine.
Knowing I can’t hide in here forever without one of my friends bursting in to check on me, and with semblance of control back in place, I push the bathroom door open to go back to the party.
And the thin thread of control I managed to summon immediately snaps. The bathroom door all but hits me in the ass as I freeze in my tracks.
Jeremy leans against the wall opposite the bathroom, mouth turned up in a cheeky grin. His legs are crossed at the ankles, hands tucked into the pockets of his tux pants. He abandoned his jacket an hour ago and unbuttoned his top collar button, bowtie hanging loose around his neck. His rolled-up shirt cuffs expose tanned, corded forearms.
The image is so much like the Jeremy of eight years ago outside the gala asking if I needed a ride home that I almost pinch myself to make sure this is real and not some fever dream memory.
But I’m not twenty-two anymore, and nothing about the way he’s looking at me screams one night only .
I want to tear this dress off and feel those arms wrapped around me with nothing between us.
I want to lick every single inch of him.
I want to climb him like a tree.
“You okay, Ems?” Jeremy’s voice is low and laced with humor. “You look a little…hot.”
“Totally fine.” I try for casual and miss the mark entirely, my voice breathy and a little too high.
Eyes locked on mine, his filled with an intoxicating mixture of amusement and arousal, Jeremy pushes off the wall and takes a single step forward, bringing us almost chest to chest. With one hand on the doorframe above my head, he leans into my space, trailing a finger down my neck, over the spot where my pulse is fluttering wildly, and then along my collarbone, goosebumps rising in its wake. Dropping his eyes to my mouth, he runs his thumb over my bottom lip, his hand grasping my chin, tilting it up while he dips his head, so his lips just barely graze mine.
“Then we better get back to the party,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my cheek. Then he stands straight and winks at me, grabbing my hand and leading me back out to the tent. I follow on unsteady legs, counting the minutes until we’re behind a locked hotel room door.
Time moves slowly when you’re being tortured, it turns out.
I’m sitting at our table, making what I hope is a good show of listening to whatever Molly and Julie are talking about. In actuality, I haven’t heard a single word. My attention is focused entirely on Jeremy. As soon as we sat back down, he slid his chair closer to me so now one side of his body presses firmly against mine, his spicy scent invading my senses.
He shifts in his chair, and then his hand is on my leg, gathering up the hem of my dress until he’s touching the bare skin of my knee. I turn my head just enough to see him, and he’s already looking at me, eyes full of mischief. He nods to my friends on my other side, and I hear the words as if he spoke them out loud.
Pay attention, Ems .
As if.
Jeremy slides his hand around my leg, caressing the sensitive skin beneath my knee. His fingertips dance up the inside of my thigh and I let out a strangled gasp I try mightily to cover with a cough, clamping my legs together to keep him from going any farther. But playing hockey all those years must have given him freakish hand strength because he lets out a low chuckle only I can hear and pushes my legs right back apart. His hand continues its torturous northward journey, and I have had actual sex that didn’t feel as erotic as this does. I am wetter and needier from his hand on my thigh than I have ever been from anything else in my life.
It's entirely possible I won't survive this night.
I reach for my water glass, throat suddenly dry as the desert. As I lift the glass to my lips, Jeremy drifts a single finger over my lace covered pussy, touching me where I’m wet and wanting. Heat sears through me. I slam the glass back onto the table.
“Drink,” I gasp out, standing so abruptly my chair almost crashes to the floor behind me.
“What’s going on, Ems?” Jeremy asks innocently, face filled with amusement.
I want to punch him.
I want to fuck him right here on this table.
“I need a drink. Anyone else? No one? Great. Be right back.”
I spin around and make a beeline for the bar.
I’m accepting a beer I don’t want from the bartender when a familiar heat covers my back. My skin prickles with awareness seconds before Jeremy puts his hands on my waist, leading me a couple steps away from the bar.
“Kind of jumpy back there at the table, Ems,” he says into my ear.
I turn my head slowly, lifting my chin to meet Jeremy’s eyes, but keeping my back to his front. I need to take back some control or I am going to burst into flames.
“You know, two can play at this game.”
Jeremy’s eyes flash. “You think?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “I know.”
Pushing my hips back slightly, I rub my ass over his cock. It’s long and already hard, and I feel a burst of triumph at the muscle ticking in his jaw. His cock jerking in his pants. His answering growl.
Jeremy’s hands tighten on my hips, spinning me around and wrapping an arm around my waist, yanking me against his erection. Taking the beer from my hand, he tips it up and takes a long sip. My eyes are glued to him, transfixed by the way his throat works as he swallows. His tongue darts out to lick a drop of beer from his lip, and my vision actually blurs with the force of my desire.
Control? Don’t know her.
He doesn’t miss my reaction. His eyes darken, pupils blown wide, gaze heating me from the inside out.
“Two more hours, Ems, and you are mine. You better be good and ready for me, Pretty Girl, because it feels like I’ve been ready for you forever. We’re about to find out how many times I can make you scream my name before morning.”
Jeremy’s gaze sweeps over me, and then he hands my beer back and walks away, trailing a hand over my hip as he goes.