Chapter 9
9
Ciaron
I called my brother Ronan on the way to the front gate.
“Hello,” he said, way too chirpy for 6 am, Irish time.
“Did you forget to tell me something?” I said, not bothering with any preamble.
Silence.
“Maybe that Mam was coming to Australia,” I prompted.
“Isn’t it grand?” he asked.
If he was standing next to me, I would have punched him.
“No, it’s not fucking grand. You know Taylor and I have separated. Now, we are moving back together and pretending to love each other to keep Mam off my back.”
He snorted.
“You think this is funny?”
“I didn’t tell you because I was sworn to secrecy by my darling niece and nephew. And before you ring the other three, they were sworn to secrecy too.”
“What happened to having each other’s backs?”
“I’m not exactly sure what the problem is here,” he said, ignoring my comment. “I doubt you will have to pretend much. You’ve loved her since the moment you laid eyes on her.”
“What part of separated don’t you get?”
“The part where it doesn’t fucking make sense.”
I groaned.
“Whose idea was it that you move back in?”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Answer the question.”
“Taylor’s.”
“As I said, it doesn’t make sense.” He paused as if he’d just dropped a grenade into the middle of our conversation and was waiting for me to catch up. “I gotta go. The kids will be up soon.”
He hung up, and all I could do was stare at the phone and shake my head.
The school bus pulled up at the wooden front gate as I waited for Isabelle and Callum. They had a lot to answer for. It was bad enough they had invited my mother without telling us, but the fact that she was coming, and they hadn’t told us, was even worse. People had to prepare for that shit, mentally.
Taylor’s support had surprised me. I didn’t think she cared anymore. But putting herself in that position to help me showed she did. I’d wanted to kiss her in that moment, from sheer joy and relief.
Living with them as a family and pretending that we were in love would be hard. I would have to remind myself that we were pretending. I could so easily believe it was real. But it wouldn’t be. And that’s why I’d need to remind myself it was all make believe. Otherwise, leaving again after two weeks would destroy me.
Isabelle and Callum saw me as soon as they got off the bus and started talking, heads close together as they threw furtive looks my way.
“Hi, Dad,” Isabelle said as she approached their farm car.
“Isabelle. Callum. You’d never guess who arrived today.”
They shrugged.
“Nanna.”
“Really?” Callum asked.
For two conniving little shits, they were good at playing dumb.
“Yeah. And she told some tale about you inviting her to a party that doesn’t exist.”
Isabelle swallowed. “We didn’t say party exactly.”
“And imagine our surprise when Nanna said that Mamo will be here in two days.”
They threw their bags into the back of their car, ignoring that last revelation.
“And that you paid for her airfare.”
Isabelle laughed nervously. “We really wanted to see her.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Callum nodded emphatically. “It’s been so long. And we figured it was cheaper for one person to fly than four.”
“Uh huh.” I was lost for words. “You can follow me back to my place to help me pack.”
“Where are you going?” Isabelle’s voice was high.
I turned on my heel and went to my car. Let them panic for a few minutes on the drive. It wouldn’t be nearly as bad as how I felt when Lorraine said my mother was arriving in two days. My mother, who’d left me to fend for myself for the first time when I was seven.
Mam stood at the front door with a suitcase beside her. A man stood behind her, holding open the door. I didn’t know who he was. She bent down. Her face was so close to me it was all I could see. Her lips, covered in dark pink lipstick, stretched into a smile.
“I’m going to go away for a little while with Jim. There is plenty of food in the cupboard for you.”
I ducked to the side to look at the big man in the doorway, who must have been Jim, and then back at my mother. “I want to come with you.”
“You can’t. It’s for adults. You need to go to school like a good boy.”
I glanced at the man again. He stared right back.
“I can come with you. I’ll be good, I promise.”
Mam shook her head, her smile disappearing. “No Ciaron, I need a rest.”
“Mary,” Jim said. His voice was loud and echoed around the entryway.
I shuffled to the side so he couldn’t see me and reached out my hand to Mam. Maybe if I could pull her back inside, she would change her mind and stay home with me.
Mam stood up, ignoring my hand. She patted my head. “We’ll be home in a few days.”
Jim stepped forward and took her suitcase. They turned and went to his car parked a few feet away. Mam never looked back. As they drove away, I ran onto the street and watched as the car disappeared. Then I turned around and walked back inside.
I made myself a sandwich for dinner and watched a movie on TV. Loud voices came from the street. Men were fighting. They were so close it sounded like they were at the front door. My heart raced faster than I could run, and I could run fast. I tiptoed to the door—every metre seemed like a mile—and made sure it was locked. Then I ran back to my chair and turned the volume up.
I fell asleep while the TV drowned out the night noises.
The next morning, I took myself to school. I came home and did my homework. I started sleeping in my own bed on the second night. But every night before I went upstairs, I would check all the windows were closed and the doors were locked. I left the curtains open in my room so that the streetlights would chase the darkness away.
I ate whatever I could, that didn’t require a can opener. I couldn’t squeeze it tight enough with my small hands to puncture the can. On day five, I’d run out of food. I took a can of soup to my neighbour and asked them if they could open it for me.
“Where’s your mam?” the lady next door asked.
I shrugged.
“Working late, I suppose,” she said.
I nodded.
Lying was bad, but not saying words wasn’t really lying, was it?
She opened the can for me, and I went back inside and heated the soup in the microwave. I fed myself, washed my clothes, did my homework, cleaned as best as I could for two whole weeks. My best friend at school shared his lunch with me. He told me we couldn’t tell anyone because I might be taken away from my mam.
When I got home from school one day, Mamo was in the kitchen sitting at the table. She was looking at me; her gaze going from head to toe and back. Was I in trouble? I didn’t want to be in trouble. I didn’t want to go to some scary boys' home in the country where they didn’t feed you and hit you all the time.
I dropped my bag, and it thumped on the floor. I got ready to run.
Mamo smiled and held her arms out to me. Tears welled in my eyes. I ran into her arms and she smoothed my hair down.
“Where’s Mam?” she asked.
I shrugged and nestled into her softness.
“How long has she been gone?”
I shrugged.
“One day?”
I shook my head.
“Two days?”
Another shake.
“A week?”
“No.”
“Two weeks.”
“A bit more.”
“You’ve been looking after yourself all this time?”
“Yes.”
She swore and smoothed down my hair. “Let’s pack your suitcase. You can come home with me.”
My legs went weak. Her tight embrace saved me from falling.
“Be a good boy and she will come home soon.”
Soon meant nearly five weeks later. I was a good boy all those five weeks, because Mamo said if I was good Mam would come home. I must have been bad, and that’s why she’d left. I promised myself never to be bad again. I would do whatever I was told. I would help as much as I could. I wouldn’t make Mam tired. I tried so hard. But I must have been bad, a lot, because she left four more times after that.
I sighed. No point fretting on something that happened over thirty years ago.
I pulled up in my carport and walked to the house, not waiting for Callum and Isabelle.
Before I even got to the front door, Callum was beside me. His mouth, usually upturned in a smile, was drawn. “Dad, where are you going? Why do you need to pack?”
“I don’t want to discuss it right now. Your plan backfired.”
Their eyes widened and mouths went slack. As punishment, I think this was working out quite well.
“Dad.” Isabelle’s voice trembled; she was close to tears.
I swung around to face them, my expression as stern as I could muster. I couldn’t keep the charade going though, not when I saw how stricken they were. “I’m moving back in with you while Mamo is here.”
Isabelle closed her eyes and Callum let out a hasty breath. Then they shared a look as they tried to hide their smirks.
“I wouldn’t be so proud of yourselves. Just because I’m moving back, it doesn’t mean your mum and I are getting back together.”
Isabelle nodded in that infuriating way her mother does, where she thinks she knows exactly how it will play out, and it’s nothing like I think.
“And we’d prefer if Mamo doesn’t know about the separation.”
“We won’t say a word,” Isabelle said.
No matter how much you force two people together, you can’t make them reconcile, you know, leading a horse to water and all that. Especially if they have given up already. We set to work packing. It didn’t take long because I hadn’t brought much with me other than clothes. By the time we got home, Taylor and Lorraine were there. The kids hugged their grandmother tightly and Isabelle whispered something in her ear. Lorraine threw a glance my way and nodded.
I shook my head and went to our room. Taylor’s room now, but our room again for the next two weeks. Funny how the kids didn’t follow. I hated to think that they were together setting more plans in motion. I mean to ask their mamo to visit behind our backs, and pay for her airfare, was something I never thought they were capable of. They could have anything else planned.
I looked around. Nothing had changed since I’d moved out. My space in the wardrobe was empty. Taylor hadn’t taken over my spot. I put my clothes away. When I went into the bathroom, it was exactly the same. My side of the vanity was empty. Why had she left it all the same? Did she think I was coming home? Did she want me to?
I wouldn’t receive any answers staring at the spaces I’d just filled. I turned to go back out to the living area. I’d probably get no answers out there either. We didn’t talk about anything important anymore. We hadn’t spoken about our future in a very long time.
Lorraine was standing at the kitchen bench with Callum and Isabelle by her side, chopping onions and zucchini. I smiled, thinking back to when I first moved here and called it a courgette, and everyone thought I was weird.
“Nanna is making us lasagne,” Callum said.
“ We are making lasagne,” Lorraine corrected.
I laughed as I sat down at the bench. “Not sure how you roped them in. They usually have the uncanny ability to come out of the woodwork only when the food is ready to be served.”
“That’s not true,” Isabelle said.
Taylor’s eyes widened. “What? It’s more like five minutes before it’s served because you can’t ignore the smell anymore?”
“Yeah. That,” Callum said, grinning.
Lorraine considered them. “It’s about time you two helped out more. I vote you each cook one meal a week.”
“Yes.” I almost cheered.
Taylor handed Lorraine a glass of wine before she sat down beside me. “You’ve just earned that.”
This morning, I was living in a separate house and this evening I was back with my family. In a matter of hours, I’d gone from making a breakfast for one in my empty house to watching a meal being prepared for the five of us. It was weird how quickly things could change. But me being here didn’t mean anything. Taylor helping me didn’t mean anything. It certainly didn’t mean we were getting back together and living happily ever after.
“It was nice of Mum to offer you a lifeline,” Isabelle said.
Taylor and I glanced at each other. My heart beat quickened.
“Bit like how you saved her that first day you met, huh?” Lorraine said.
Taylor smiled, and it lit up her face like that first day. Giddiness spread through my body almost as strong as it had after our first kiss.
“Tell us again, Dad,” Callum said.
“You just want to hear the embarrassing part.”
Callum shook his head. “Not just that.”
“He wants to hear how you stuck it to Grandpa too,” Isabelle said.
Taylor and I glanced at each other again, but this time, I held her gaze as I retold the story. Her chest rose and fell, matching the rhythm of my breath. The air between us was thick, like a fog on a winter morning. “You remember how I first saw her, aye?”
Everyone nodded.
“She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, even when she was sad. Or maybe it was the sadness that made her more beautiful.”
Taylor swung her stool around, so our knees were touching. That small connection anchored me to her. No longer a girl, she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. Her brown eyes were so warm and inviting they entrapped me. I stared into them. My heart raced, sending tingles across my skin and numbing my brain. The room faded as I took in her features like I had that first day.
Slowly, it dawned on me that I was supposed to be saying something. “I thought that I would go for it right out of the gate.”
Taylor shook her head. “I don’t think you thought about it at all.”
I shrugged, not hiding my smile. “Maybe.”
“Probably. If I wasn’t desperate, I would never have been charmed.”
“Lucky for me you were.”
I stood back as people got out of their kayaks onto the small jetty, with the guide helping. The beautiful girl was next. Her woollen hat was pulled snug over her ears and her brown hair tumbled out from beneath.
I strode forward and held out my hand to her. “I’ll help the beautiful cailín .”
The guide stepped aside and went to help the next person. The girl took my hand, and my pulse quickened. Her strong grip impressed me. She wasn’t fragile. Lucky, I was tethered to her or the lightness in my body might have infiltrated my brain.
“Thank you,” she said as her feet hit the wood. Her accent was strange, but one I recognised from my time behind the bar.
“Are you Australian?”
She nodded as she took me in and then stared into my eyes. “Do you work here?”
The tone of her voice implied she knew I didn’t. Shit. She figured that out quick.
“No.” I held her hand, still, not daring to let her go.
“You just help strangers out of kayaks?”
“Only beautiful ones.”
She laughed. “And then what do you do?”
“This.” I grinned and leant forward to whisper in her ear. She didn’t move away. Warmth radiated between us. “Will you spend the day with me? I’ll show you a good time.” I rocked back on my heels. My heart was pounding in my chest. Her eyes narrowed. Maybe I should have taken it slower. I didn’t normally have to put in the work like this.
She leant forward and whispered in my ear. “You’ll need to talk slower, Irish Boy.”
I squared my shoulders. OK. Good. I had a chance to fix this. My strong accent had saved me. “Would you like to spend the day with me?”
She smirked. “And you’ll show me a good time?”
“Aye.” I laughed. “You were playing me?”
“Playing the player? Never.” She cocked her head. “How often does preying on innocent tourists work for you?”
“You’re my first.”
She rolled her brown eyes. “I doubt that.”
Callum laughed. “You still call Dad, Irish Boy.”
She hadn’t for a while. Not since the magic had gone out of our relationship. I loved the way she’d said it, like it encompassed everything we were. I longed to hear it again.
“Shush, let Dad finish the story.”
I nodded and continued the tale.
The tour guide approached. She gave me a once over before saying, “Thank you for joining us, Taylor.”
Taylor. Nice name, bold. I saved it to memory.
She let go of my hand to take the bag the guide was handing to her. “Thank you. No more water activities for me.” She glanced at me. “My boyfriend is scared of the water.” She grimaced and then lowered her voice as if sharing a dark secret. “Shark bite…right between his legs. Nasty.”
The guide’s eyes widened while my cheeks went red hot. The guide glanced at my crotch. I closed my stance. Without saying a word, I grabbed Taylor’s hand and guided her to the stairs. She threw a wave over her shoulder.
“Shark bite in Dublin?” I asked.
“I’d be more worried about your ability to show me a good time.”
She giggled. Her full lips were purple from the cold. She was probably freezing.
I stopped at the top of the stairs, still holding her hand, and turned to face her. Her cheeks were rosy, highlighting her warm brown eyes as she studied me. My eyes drifted to her plump lips. My tongue darted out, licking mine.
“Let me warm you up.” I yanked her towards me and covered her lips with mine. She wrapped her arms around my neck as her lips opened. At the first stroke of her tongue, I was a goner. Heat pulsated through me. I held her close, cursing the puffer jacket she was wearing.
What the fuck was wrong with me? Kissing was just kissing.
She pulled away. One side of her lips lifted in a smile. “Thanks. I’m sufficiently warm now.”
“I can keep you warm all day.”
“No can do, sorry. I’ve got to head back to my father’s farm and the family from hell.”
Her sadness was back.
No fucking way was I letting her go that easily. “I’ll go with you. I’m good at dealing with hell.”
Taylor’s eyes were still locked on mine and when her lips lifted in a smile that mirrored hers after our first kiss, heat rushed through me. My breathing faltered. Her cheeks were flushed. Was she reliving the kiss with me? Feeling the connection we had?
The kids laughed about the shark story more than they had when they were younger and made jokes that they were evidence my dick still worked. I’d toned down the kiss. There were some things your children didn’t need to hear. They didn’t need to hear how I held onto their mum’s arse and pulled her close within minutes of meeting her. They didn’t need to know the lust that had soared through my body. That I’d thought love at first kiss was absurd, until it wasn’t.
“Keep going, Dad,” Callum said.
“Not until I have an agreement that you each cook a meal every week.” Blackmailing them would work in my favour.
“Fine.” Isabelle huffed.
Taylor nudged my knee, and heat radiated from the spot where we touched and landed in my stomach. When I glanced at her, she nodded, encouraging me to add more onto the chores list. I smiled. Good idea to milk this. I’d always wanted them to have a carefree childhood, the total opposite of mine. It had taken a toll as I did more and more around the house. And I wasn’t setting them up for life while doing everything for them.
“And you can do the laundry on weekdays,” I said, my attention focused on them.
Isabelle and Callum whispered to each other while glancing at Taylor and me. There was a lot of nodding and sly smiles.
Callum stood straight. “We will do the laundry each weekday for this household only.”
Taylor nodded. “Agreed.”
What the hell? I was getting shafted. After my mother left, I wouldn’t be in this household.
Lorraine grinned as she turned to put the lasagne in the oven.
“I think you can tell the rest of the story,” I said to Taylor.
She smiled. “It’s one of my favourite parts.”
It was one of mine too. Because if my kiss hadn’t won her over, then this next part certainly won me my wife.