Back to Willow (Back Series Book 1)

SEVEN

My breath hitches the moment my eyes focus on the face I thought I’d never see again. And the sight of her brings back memories I have been spending too long trying to bury in the deepest, darkest parts of my brain…and heart.

“Liam, I don’t understand this,” Willow whined, looking up at me with begging doe eyes, making me chuckle.

She was sitting on my bed, in between my legs with her back on my chest, while I explained some equations to her. This girl was amazing with our mother language, English, Literature, History, Geography, and even Science or Biology, but when it came to Maths, it was like her brain froze.

Ever since we met, as toddlers, we had been inseparable. Then, just at the start of high school, we began the tradition of studying together. It had been like this for years, where I helped her with numbers and she helped me with the rest.

It was crazy how well we seemed to fit most of the time. In school, our sense of humour, our personalities. Everything, honestly.

Even with how different we were—me being more outgoing and outspoken while she was shy and quiet—we got along so well…

It all felt so right.

After months of having tried to ignore this, trying to brush past all the butterflies and nervousness she created inside me, I couldn’t anymore. It was way past a teenage crush because I knew she felt the same. I saw it in the way she looked at me, the way her touch lingered when we were holding hands or when we hugged. Hell, even just the fact that whenever she was uncomfortable, she would seek my touch to ease her mind.

I was her safe place, just like she was mine.

We were young, and although my brother used to tell me there was a whole ocean of girls out there, no one else made my heart beat this wildly. She was the only one to make me nervous enough to stutter my words when I was, otherwise, the most confident asshole around.

I didn’t know what it meant—its depth or dimension—but I knew there wasn’t anyone else. Not for me.

And at that moment, that day…I needed more. I wanted more. I wanted her to be my girlfriend.

“Come on, Lo. I’ll explain one more time, and then you’ll answer the question on your own, okay? I know you can do it, baby.” I kissed her cheek and pretended not to notice how she blushed right after.

Slowly, I had been leaving hints here and there. Some endearing names that I wouldn’t usually use and being touchier with her. Especially with kissing. I hadn’t had the balls to kiss her on the mouth yet, but…maybe soon. Willow never shut me down or pushed me away and that helped my confidence grow.

Soon.

Barely focusing on the subject, I got through another fifteen minutes of explaining it to her. When she finally got it right, she squealed in happiness, and my heart warmed instantly.

“I did it! I did it. Thank you, Liam. I couldn’t pass this subject if it wasn’t for you!” She turned around and hugged me tightly.

I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist and pulled her up for a proper hug. Part of her shirt rode up, exposing some of her porcelain skin, and I couldn’t help but press the pads of my fingers against the swell of her hip. Soft and warm.

With a tight squeeze, she giggled and tried to lean back a little in an attempt to look better at me. The way the bottom half of our bodies pressed together wasn’t lost on me, and it didn’t let her get much distance since I could still feel her breath hit my face.

“You know I’d do anything for you,” I whispered while tucking a strand of her chocolate-coloured hair behind her ear.

She blushed again, and if I weren’t hypnotised by her beauty and delicateness, I’d tease her.

The moment her shyness dissipated a little and she gained the courage to look me in the eyes, the entire world came to a halt. This happened every single time. It was as if Chronos had a soft spot for us, momentarily stopping his hourglass just so we could get lost in each other.

Her plump lips parted, bringing my attention back to her. Damn, I wanted to kiss her. When our eyes locked a second time, her pupils seemed larger and my fingers rose to her collarbone area, gently grazing her skin.

I leaned in closer, tentatively, giving her the chance to break the moment if she didn’t want this.

My hand splayed, wrapping around the curve between her neck and shoulder, where it was warm and silky. My thumb kept rubbing the soft skin on her neck, feeling her frantic pulse underneath—just like mine.

Always in sync.

Wild brown hair fell in wide waves over her collarbones and chest, framing her delicate face. It matched the colour of her eyes, the only contrast being her reddened lips. With the distance closing in, her scent filled my nostrils. Wildflowers and sun.

I couldn’t get enough of her.

“Liam,” she whispered before her eyes fluttered, and I took that as my cue. As her calling.

We kissed.

Her lips were soft and sweet like candy floss. It was overpowering. She always managed to overwhelm me. There was colour and light. There was warmth and comfort. There were fireworks blowing up all over my body, and I couldn’t stop the shaking that overcame me when I pulled her closer to me by the waist, again.

It was like everything was crumbling around us while she kept building me up from the inside. Making me feel like all I needed was her.

If I was sure I liked this girl before, I surely knew I was crazy about her, then.

It can’t be.

And yet, here she is…in the flesh, right in front of me.

At the worst time possible.

After so many years of trying to fill the void she left—and failing. After so long of succumbing to that self-sabotaging behaviour of fucking around with multiple girls and ignoring the wreckage she had caused, I finally found someone I am willing to give it a go with. A real chance.

Finally, the prospect of moving on and maybe—just maybe—finding something more and better with someone else was exciting. Johanna is the kind of girl I instantly felt attracted to. The moment we met at that party a couple of weeks ago, with her presence, unabashedly straightforward and funny. She was not shy at all and so certain of herself.

I felt hopeful.

Johanna is the exact opposite of Willow. Not only personality-wise but also physically. A sign that it could finally be my chance at moving on.

Why couldn’t I forget her after all of these years? I can’t tell you. I mean, I can Love as deep as what we had doesn’t just go away like that, even if we didn’t know it back, then. Especially with it being unresolved—at least, in my mind.

But after all of these years, I had convinced myself she wasn’t going to come back.

And the quest to find a “happy ever after” without her was finally on the cards. Why has she decided to appear now? On my fucking date?

What kind of sick joke is this?

Can life be this cruel?

Can fate be this much of a twisted fuck?

I would pinch myself to wake up from this nightmare, but I can’t move. My body seems to have lost all connection with my brain to the point that I can’t even speak.

We’re both paralyzed, looking at each other.

Time has stopped running. The world has stopped turning, and everything else has faded away. Just like it used to happen all of those years ago when we looked at each other. Just like the first time we kissed. Just like when she told me she loved me, too, and we made love for the first time. And most certainly like when she disappeared off the face of the earth without an explanation or a goodbye.

She was my rock, my haven, and then she left me stranded. It was the final blow to my heart and brain. After all the promises we had made to each other, she broke them all when I needed her the most. Not being there for what came afterwards was the worst, and for years, I hated her for that.

I still do.

“Liam?” A feminine voice breaks me out of my trance, and I finally look at Johanna.

She’s smiling, but it’s visibly a forced one. She’s probably thinking “why the hell would I be looking at the waitress during our first date?”. I steal another glance from the corner of my eye before answering Johanna with an absentminded, “Hmm?”

She hasn’t moved yet, besides her shaking hands plastered to her stomach.

“This is Willow, my friend from uni. She’s in my class.”

Willow.

I haven’t heard her name out loud in such a long time. After everything, I refused to talk to anyone about her. It was a non-subject.

Wait...her friend? Of-fucking-course!

“I know who she is,” I blurt before thinking.

Johanna gasps, and I can feel Willow tense, still frozen in place.

“How? She’s just a freshman like me! Where do you know her from?”

“We grew up together,” I spit the words, looking briefly at Johanna as I settle my glaring eyes back on Willow. Hers are pleading, but I ignore them. “We were best friends, but someone decided to just disappear off the face of the earth.”

Mercy?Sorry, no can do.

“I—” Her voice is barely a whisper but it reaches my ears perfectly. Loud enough to reach my heart, making it skip a beat. Even my stomach flips.

Her voice is still soft, kind, and musical. Even better than I remembered. And it confuses the hell out of me.

How can my body react this way to someone I hate?

Fuck! Even after all this time?

“I can’t do this. S-sorry.” She bolts from our booth, and the last thing I can see is her hands tucking the notebook in her apron pocket, yet failing miserably as it tumbles to the ground.

But that doesn’t keep her from leaving. Running away from me, once again.

I guess some habits are hard to break.

My hands start to shake in rage, and I clench them into fists while my jaw ticks. After all of this time, instead of being happy to see me, she bolts. I can feel my body tensing in that auto-pilot mode, wanting to go after her and find out what’s wrong. It’s so fucking tempting…but I won’t.

She doesn’t deserve it.

That black hole in my chest pours right open, and all of the anger I have been bottling up inside threatens to come out.

It reminds me that she’s the one who owes me the truth and not the other way around. She’s the one that has to come to me or just stay the fuck away once and for all.

Fuck.I can’t stay here.

“Sorry, Jo. I need to leave. Can we do a rain check?” My voice is strained.

I am barely keeping myself together, and I know this amazing girl doesn’t deserve to be discarded, but I seriously can’t handle anything else tonight.

She nods and stands up at the same time as me.

“How did you arrive here? Do you want me to take you home?” I ask, just to save my conscience. Otherwise, the guilt would assault me later. I am just hoping she drove here.

I am one second away from snapping and breaking something.

“That’s okay. I brought my car. Call me when you’re free?” She gives me an apologetic smile while waving her hand, dismissing me.

“Thank you,” I say in a low tone but strong enough for her to hear.

I bolt out of the diner as if the devil’s on my tail, eager to get in my car.

I can’t even control the shakiness in my body any longer. This dark cloud filling my brain is full of rage, grief, and…hurt.

Just when I was about to accept the fact that Willow is no longer part of my life, she barges right in. Once again leaving me in the eye of a hurricane, cornered with no way out. Why?

The fragile seams of my self-control break and one fist hits the driving wheel. From there it’s a non-stop rage-filled assault on my car as I let it all out.

My hands hurt from the hits but not enough to ease the one raging on the inside. It’s dark and consuming, destroying the rest of my decaying heart.

“Fuck!”