Back to Willow (Back Series Book 1)

THIRTY-ONE

“Baby, wake up,” I whisper.

“Hmm, no.” His chest vibrates from the groan he lets out.

“I have a surprise for you.” One of his eyes sneakily opens, looking at me expectantly. “We’re visiting the aquarium today.”

And just like that, he jumps out of his bed, running towards the dresser. I follow close behind, chuckling at his enthusiasm.

“Mummy, hurry up. Help me find what to wear.”

“So the sharks can admire how stylish you are?”

Dylan side-eyes me, a slightly confused glint swirling, but doesn’t comment on my sarcasm, digging through the drawers. We take a few minutes but decide on some jean shorts and a dark blue polo that matches his sneakers.

“I look good, Mummy,” he gloats.

“Yes, you do, baby. Let’s go eat now.” Hand in hand, we go down the stairs and find Jake already preparing breakfast with Nana as the supervisor.

“Morning, guys,” I greet them.

We both kiss their cheeks and sit down at the table while they wrap everything up. Honestly, having Jake here for an extra week has been bliss. Today, he heads home, and all I can think about is how much I’ll miss him.

The food’s ready in a couple of minutes, and we eat, with Dylan being unable to stop talking throughout the entire meal. I try to hide the anxiety of knowing that in a few minutes, the doorbell will be ringing, and Liam will be here, waiting for the both of us.

Trying to keep my mind off of it, I pout. “I wish you could stay longer.”

Jake chuckles lightly, but I can see it doesn’t really reach his eyes either. Being apart hurts us all.

“I’ll be back soon,” he tuts as we start to clear our plates.

Dylan keeps on eating, unaware of our little parallel conversation.

“Will you be alright?” my brother asks.

“I think so,” I answer honestly. “I’ve started looking for a therapist to see at least once a week. I need to learn how to cope with this. And I’m sure they’ll advise me on how to deal with this the best. I want to tell Liam everything.” I sigh. “I just don’t know how.”

“I’ve got a client whose wife runs a chain of clinics. If I’m not mistaken there is one here. I can text you the name if you want,” he suggests.

“That would be awesome. Thank you.”

He hugs me, the goodbyes already in motion. “If you ever need anything, you call me. Yeah?” I nod. “And if Liam gives you a hard time, I won’t mind coming back here just to threaten him, or shake some sense into him.”

“Don’t be stupid,” I chastise, chuckling.

“No, but really…I am afraid that once he knows the whole story—”

Fisting my hand tightly around his shirt, I try not to give away my discomfort. “Let me deal with it. I am working on it. Once I figure out a way to tell him, I will.”

“I don’t think you’re giving him enough credit.” My brother shakes his head. “He has always been crazy about you. There is no way he’ll doubt you.”

I’m torn. There is a tiny part of me that keeps whispering to tell him, that he’ll understand. That he’ll believe me. But the other…the part that was bent and broken, made to believe that it was worthless, is very hesitant to do so.

It’s a tricky situation, where my brain keeps me running in circles. If this huge part of myself still blames me for what happened, for being there when I probably shouldn’t have been, for not being strong enough to stop it, for allowing him to do it, then, how could I not?

“I’ll figure it out,” I answer.

Jake’s expression morphs into a disapproving glare. I know he’s trying not to scowl at what I said, but that’s the truth.

“Whatever you decide,” he gives in, kissing my forehead.

It shows he’s taking what I want into consideration. It makes me wish we lived closer because we were always joined at the hip when we were kids. He even used to be jealous of Liam growing up.

“Thank you, Jay, for everything. You’re the best brother I could ever ask for.”

“I know.” He smirks and I feign an offended gasp. So full of himself. “But you are the best sister as well.”

Dylan finishes his food up, jumping straight in the middle of us, killing the sibling-love vibes—like he usually does. While Nana cleans his plate off, the dreaded bell rings, announcing Liam’s arrival.

“I’ll open it,” Dylan exclaims and rushes out of the kitchen before I can stop him.

I can only stumble on myself while trying to follow him.

Liam stands at the front door with a nervous smile on his face and a bouquet in one of his hands. Dylan has his back facing me so, I can’t see his reaction, but he’s standing still.

“Oh, hey, Liam,” I greet him shyly.

“What is he doing here?” Dylan asks me but keeps looking at him.

“Liam is taking us to the aquarium,” I say as I crouch down to his height.

Upon seeing his confused face, I continue, “It was his idea from the beginning because he wants to get to know you better.”

Dylan scoffs and crosses his arms in front of his chest. From the corner of my eyes, I see a proud Jake closing the distance, watching from the front door.

“Are you trying to get to know me or get my mum to like you?” His serious expression with narrowed eyes surprises me.

I splutter, shocked at the words. What the hell is going on with my kid?

“Dylan!” I scold while Jake laughs wholeheartedly. “What are you on about? Liam is my friend, and you are a part of me so, it makes sense that he wants to get to know you. Don’t be rude!”

“That’s my boy,” Jake hollers.

To my big surprise, Liam chuckles and crouches down just as I did.

“Hey, buddy. I am here to see you and get to meet you.” He smiles kindly.

Gosh, his smile is still as perfect.

I had almost forgotten how breathtaking it is.

“Yeah, then why did you bring flowers?” Dylan doesn’t even budge.

“Right?” Jake chimes in, a raised eyebrow and a cocky smirk, showing how much he’s enjoying it. “You hitting on my sister?”

“Jake,” I hiss.

Liam chuckles but ignores my brother, keeping his focus on the young boy in front of him. “Because she is your mother. And it would be rude to be here empty-handed. Don’t you think?” Dylan weakly nods, but Liam doesn’t give up.

He motions for him to get closer to him, to which my kid begrudgingly obeys, allowing him to cup his hand around his ear and fake a whisper, “I wanted it to be a boys’ day only, but she wouldn’t let me. This is my way of winning her over so we can spend some quality time in the future. What do you think?” Dylan’s eyebrows raise, and he glances at me before looking back at Liam with curiosity exuding from him. “You know how much better it is to play a football match with just boys…right?” He nods eagerly. “Then shhh, don’t tell her our plan.”

My boy’s face softens. He nods and takes the flowers himself and takes them inside, probably to give them to Nana.

“That kid is such a turncoat,” Jake grumbles, and we both chuckle. He’s jealous. “I’m out of here, guys.” And he up and leaves, heading for his car and driving off.

“He is so clever,” Liam remarks, talking about the six-year-old currently walking down the driveway, to meet us by his car.

“Yeah, I think Jake’s been a bad influence the last week. He was never that protective of me; I don’t know what’s gotten into him. Sorry about that.” My cheeks are aflame, but Liam doesn”t comment on it.

“I like it. He’s cheeky and has no shame, and he’s also protective of you, which I appreciate.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t like it. He’s six years old, not twenty. I hope it doesn’t get worse as he ages; being possessive is not healthy,” I mumble.

“You’re right.”

“Let me just get his seat from inside,” I warn him. Since Jake stayed for way longer than predicted, I’ve been leaving Dylan’s car seat at home instead. It proved useful since my brother has been his nephew’s private chauffeur for almost two weeks now.

When I come back outside, both boys are waiting, with my sassy kid narrowing his eyes at my childhood best friend—and first love—every once in a while. I guess he still isn’t fully convinced.

Once I have it placed in the back seat of the car, I call Dylan. “Come on! Let’s go see the sharks, shall we?”

With an eager jump, he sits down on the kid’s chair, and I secure him before closing the door. Liam owns a nice—and probably expensive—dark blue Mercedes-Benz that I couldn’t even dream of affording.

Throughout the drive, my son finds ways to continue being a brat, constantly testing my limits. Still, Liam takes it like a champ, never being bummed about his bad attitude or snarky remarks. Part of me is worried that things won’t get better, and the other is simmering just above the surface, excited about the meaning of this day.

We look like a regular family, about to spend the Sunday out for some quality time. The kind I’ve only ever dreamed about having but haven’t dared to even think about in the last few years…

“That’s a giant manta ray,” I inform them.

Both of them know as much about animals as I know about maths, and it’s been fun to teach them a bit about sea creatures for the last hour.

“Why won’t the shark eat it? They eat everything on TV,” Dylan mutters, visibly bummed by the lack of violence.

“Baby, what kind of movies have you been watching? They are not out in the wild hunting for food, not to mention those movies are fake. In here, they are all fed, so they don’t need to fight other animals.”

Liam is sitting on the floor with his ankles crossed in front of him and Dylan on his lap. Both of them are close to the big glass window that separates us from all of the sea creatures. It sends conflicting feelings through me.

Warmth spreads over my chest at the sight of how well they are getting along, but deep inside, it stings with regret as the realisation of what I have been robbing them both of sinks in.

They’ve been intently listening to my explanations like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. It gives me that teacher-moment vibe, and I’ll admit I’m enjoying it way too much. I am a little animal geek; biology used to be my college choice. But after having Dylan, I found another passion in teaching.

And who knows? Maybe I can teach a bit about animals and nature to kids as well.

“What’s that ugly fish over there, Lo?” Before looking at me, Dylan looks at Liam with an odd expression, but Liam ignores it and keeps waiting for me to answer, and when I do, I catch both of their attention.

“That’s the ocean sunfish. They can get bigger than us and weigh more than a car. The name is because of their odd round shape, and funny enough, their behaviour matches their name because they love sunbathing.”

“You still amaze me with all of that knowledge about animals. Did you end up choosing that course?” Liam asks, and my face falls.

“No. I’m studying to be a teacher.” His face contorts into a frown before asking me why. “Because life got in the way. I’m a freshman, not a senior like you are. And with Dylan, I found a new passion. To teach.”

“Oh, of course. It’s just that I’ve always imagined you as this marine biologist going around and saving the oceans. I’d never thought you’d change your mind,” he mumbles while playing with Dylan’s brown hair.

He’s oblivious to our side conversation now, with his eyes glued to the glass wall, looking in awe at all the fish and sharks that roam around in the water.

“I’m happy with my choice. Dylan made me realise that there’s still good and purity in this world. And I’ll do what I can to be surrounded by that.”

After what I went through, I need that beauty in my life. Dylan showed me that it is worth it to go through pain and hurt. Just seeing his smile—every kid’s smile—and happiness is enough. And it is a little step towards my healing.

“Of course. Yeah, you’re right,” he mumbles, deep in thought and probably not knowing what to say.

I get that reminding him of what I went through is still weird. He used to see me as this innocent and happy little girl, and now, I’m a damaged woman with a kid that might not even be his.

“But what about you? Have you finally decided which speciality you’re choosing?” Changing subjects will only help us now.

“I have just started practising. I’m still a newbie and do as I’m told, so I haven’t fully decided yet.”

“Well, that’s still amazing. Are you enjoying it? Is it what you thought it was?”

“It’s even better. I’ll have to admit though, I do tend to find myself in the paediatric department more often than not.”

“Really?” I prod.

“I was thin—”

“Mummy!” Dylan interrupts us. “Why are you two talking with each other instead of me?” He frowns. “You said he came to get to know me, but he doesn’t ask me as many questions as he does to you.”

I blush, and Liam cackles at his antics.

“We were just catching up, buddy,” Liam answers him. “Tell me, which one is your favourite?”

“The dolphins,” he exclaims. “Mummy told me they love their mummies, that they are clever and fast, just like me,” he gloats, and we both laugh.

“He loves all animals. He wanted to get a zebra when we went to the zoo last time. And he went crazy when we saw the lions,” I comment.

“They are cute. I still want one,” Dylan mumbles.

“If it were up to you, I’d have the entire zoo at home, Dylan. I’ll let you have a dog when you are old enough to take care of them,” I tell him.

“I am old enough to take care of them.” I roll my eyes at his whining.

“Why don’t you have a dog? That house has a good space for one,” Liam chimes in, and I glare at him in return.

He smiles sheepishly but stays put while Dylan gets excited.

“See? See? He agrees with me!”

“Sure, will you clean his poop? Take him at ungodly hours of the night for a walk? Remember to feed him and not give him our food?” With every word, his face falls with the realisation that having a puppy is not only playing around.

“I definitely don’t have the time to do that with work, school, and taking care of you. Just wait a few more years, baby.” He nods, and I ruffle his head.

“Look, the shark is coming closer.” Liam’s voice brings Dylan’s attention back to him, and he enthusiastically sits back down on his lap.

I notice how shiny his eyes get when Dylan doesn’t hesitate to get close to him, even if he’s doing it absentmindedly. I know the proximity affects him, and it tugs at his heart as much as mine.

I get that confirmation when he looks at me with an expectant expression. Then he smiles widely before directing his attention back to him.

The soft blue hues of the aquarium’s water cast upon their shadowed faces, highlighting their smiles. My heart beats louder under my ribcage at the sight before me. This is the family I used to dream about, and it’s bittersweet to think that there is a fifty-fifty chance of it being like this—my teenage dream or the worst-case scenario.

Dylan’s shrieks bring me back to the present, only to squeeze my heart even further. Liam is carrying Dylan around, closer to the glass wall and back, threatening to feed him to the sharks, probably because of something cheeky he told him.

They’re bonding.