8. Braydon
“Seriously, Adalynn? You couldn”t have at least tried to give me a warning that she was going to be there tonight?”
My voice comes off a little harsher than I intend, but I can”t stop. I also can”t seem to calm down my racing heart. Up until a few hours ago, it had been six years since I had seen Madison. I thought by now that it wouldn”t hurt as much, but boy was I wrong.
“Braydon, calm down. She said she was going to have to work so I didn”t think she was going to make it. It surprised me that she was there too, and I didn”t get a chance to tell you before the show.”
This time I take a few deep breaths before I respond to Adalynn.
“Okay, well, you could”ve told me that you invited her. At the very least.”
My voice is down to a whisper yell this time. Mainly because I remembered that I already put Iris to bed upstairs.
“You”re right, and I am sorry. I guess this is the best time to tell you that I also invited her to your next show.”
“Adalynn.”
“Braydon, I really think that y”all should catch up. Talk things through. It was six years ago. You are both different people now.” I can practically hear Adalynn roll her eyes at me.
She says the last part so casually that I almost flinch.
“Listen, that may have been six years ago, but that wound is still a little too sore to be picking at it.”
I tried to wait for Madison, but it didn”t work out in my favor, so I gave up. I lost hope that she would come back to me, and I tried to move on.
“Just think about it, Braydon.”
“I got to go. I love you, Adalynn.”
“Love you too.”
The phone clicks as the line goes dead. I am left alone with my thoughts in my quiet house. I thought I had moved on, but maybe I have just been lying to myself this whole time. Maybe this wound isn”t as healed as I thought it was. After Madison left, I went on with my life. Or at least I tried. Well, at first, I went off the deep end, but now I have a kid. I am doing what I love and trying to provide the best life for Iris. I don”t have much time to sit with my thoughts, before I hear tiny footsteps on the stairs.
“Daddy?’ Iris’s sleep filled voice squeaks.
I meet her at the bottom of the stairs and scoop her into my arms.
“Yes, baby?”
She rests her head on my shoulder, her eyes still heavy with sleep.
“I sleep with you.”
I chuckle, as I walk us both upstairs to my bedroom. Setting her in the middle of my bed, I grab the first pair of sweatpants I find and throw them on. Iris lays back on my pillows, as I climb into bed next to her. She cuddles into my chest, and I wrap my arms around her little body. She is swallowed up in my arms, but as long as she is right here, she is safe. That is basically what I have spent the last three and a half years doing - keeping this little girl safe. There is no doubt that Iris has me wrapped around her finger, and the worst part is that she knows it. But honestly, I wouldn”t have it any other way.
Iris is asleep within minutes, and I am once again left alone with my thoughts. Madison is really back in town. The woman who once held my heart in her pretty hands is back. Maybe there is a small part of me that still hasn”t forgiven her, but then again, I haven”t forgiven myself either. Six years ago, I put the ball in Madison”s court, and she chose to walk away. She made the choice to leave me behind, but that doesn”t mean that I had to stop fighting for her. Right? I mean I did offer to move to New York with her, but she turned it down and crushed my heart in the process. Maybe I should have tried a little harder though.
After she left, I spent a year running from any and all responsibilities. I moved to a ranch in Nashville and worked as a ranch hand during the day. At night and on the weekend, I worked on my music and played small shows in overly crowded bars. After a year of running, I finally decided to move back to Beltsey. I had a job secured at the same ranch I work at now, Ambrose brothers ranch. I like the distraction that comes with working with your hands, plus I did construction with all three Ambrose brothers all throughout high school. I continued to work on my music, but it is more personal to me now. It came an outlet. sort of a way to cope and work through all my confusing feelings that Madison left in her wake. After a couple months I reconnected with a girl I had met in Nashville. Stephine made me think I was finally getting over Mads, but I was really just lying to myself. I didn”t really love her, and I think deep down she and I both knew that. I had convinced myself that someday I would really love her, obviously that day never came. After she accidentally got pregnant with Iris, it drove a wedge between us. She didn”t want kids, and I was still too young and immature to know what I wanted. We both put up fronts and got pretty good at acting during those nine months. After Iris was born, though, she shut down and completely shut me out. I focused all my energy on Iris, and she focused on herself. When Iris was three months old, Stephanie left without a word. Gone without a trace. At first, I tried to look for her, but after a while I gave up. I decided it was better this way. Ever since that day it has just been the two of us -Iris and I- with lots of help from Adalynn and dad along the way.
I love the little life that I have built for us. I still work at the Ambrose ranch, and I own a little house on the back corner of the property. Iris loves to come to work with me somedays, and play with the horses, cows, and barn cats. I have a “manager,” Sarah, and she gets me shows to play frequently. When I have time, I work on new music. I wouldn”t trade what I have built for the world, but now it feels like a hurricane just swept through and turned everything upside down. How am I supposed to feel about Madison being back in town? I don”t think that I should be feeling some weird sense of relief finding out that she isn”t married. I don”t have time to worry about Madison though, because now I have responsibilities and priorities.
My phone vibrates on the nightstand, and it pulls me out of my thoughts. I carefully reach for it without disturbing Iris.
Unknown: Hey,
I hope it”s okay that Adalynn gave me your number. I just wanted to let you know that I am extremely sorry about tonight. I didn”t mean to accidentally ambush you like that.
I save Madison”s number, before I respond. This is a move I might regret later, but that is a future problem. I briefly contemplate not responding until the morning, but I have already read it, so my brain won”t let me forget about it.
Me: It”s okay. We can just blame it on Adalynn this time.
Settling back into my pillows I let my mind drift back to the last night Madison and I spent together. The memory overtakes me, and suddenly I am transported back in time. Back to six years ago when I thought that nothing could come in between me and the girl of my dreams. My bedroom slips away as I let myself fall deeper into the memory. I am slow dancing around Po’s twenty-four-hour diner with the love of my life. There are so many things about the following days that Madison doesn”t even know about. She probably will never know. My phone vibrates in my hand, and I am crashing back to the most bittersweet reality. Iris stirs in her sleep, turning over so she is facing away from me now. I am grateful though because my arm fell asleep a while ago, but I couldn”t bring myself to move her. Stretching out my arm I look at the new text from Madison.
Mads: I agree. It is definitely her fault this time. But she did make some interesting points when she called to apologize.
Me: really? And what might those be? Because she might have given me the same interesting points.
Mads: oh, just that we should probably talk. Catch up. Maybe even become friends again.
My breath catches in my chest. Does Madison actually want to catch up? Oh, look here comes the hurricane again. It”s not that I don”t want Madison back in my life. I just don”t know if I could go through the hurt of her leaving again.
Me: that”s basically the same thing she told me
Mads: there is this coffee shop downtown, Saw’s. Maybe we could grab a cup of coffee and talk.
Me: Can I get back to you on that? My schedule has been pretty packed lately.
Mads: Yeah, no worries. I totally get busy schedules. Just let me know what you decided.
Me: thanks, Mads.
I can”t seem to stop myself from letting the familiar nickname slip. It just feels so natural, and oddly enough, I hate the way it didn”t hurt to use it. I turn my phone off and set it back on my nightstand. There is no way I am going to get any sleep now, so I slip out from underneath the comforter and head back downstairs. I think about working out in my home gym in the garage, but I settle for picking up the house instead. The house never really gets too messy, just lived in. Iris has dolls and stuffed animals scattered on the living room floor. In the kitchen there are coloring books, markers, and crayons thrown on the counter. There are a few dishes in the sink, so I wash them and put them away. There is laundry piled in by the washer, so I also start a load of clothes. After picking up the entire first level of my house I glance at the clock on my stove. It flashes four A.M. there is no point in trying to go to sleep now because Iris will probably be up at six anyways. I turn on my coffee maker and get all the ingredients out to make waffles. Iris loves waffles. Well, she specifically likes the waffles Sawyer, the owner of the coffee shop in town, makes. I had to bribe him to teach me how to make them so my own daughter would eat my waffles. They really aren”t too hard to make once you do it a few times. I always add chocolate chips though. After the first couple practice waffles are done, and the bacon I put in the oven is cooling on the counter, I hear the stairs creak.
“Iris, baby, are you awake?”
I walk through the kitchen and lean against the archway into the living room. Iris is carefully making her way down the stairs.
Once she gets to the bottom step, I push off the wall, and she leaps into my arms.
“Did you sleep well last night, sweetheart?”
“Yeah. you were gone when I woke up.”
“I made you waffles”
Iris looks up at me with excited eyes, as I walk us both into the kitchen. We eat our waffles, and Iris tells me about all the things she wants to do today. Every once in a while, my mind drifts back to Madison, but I try not to focus on that. Today is a Saturday so it just so happens to be Iris and i’s weekly bookstore date. Every Saturday I take Iris to the bookstore to buy one -or five- new books. We finish up breakfast, and I clean up while Iris goes upstairs to pick out an outfit. After all the dishes are put in the sink for me to wash later, I head upstairs to help Iris.
“Do you want to wear a dress or leggings?” I ask Iris, holding a pair of black leggings and a pink sparkly tulle dress.
“Leggings.”
“Good choice.”
I hang the dress back up in her closet and pull out a light blue striped sweater to go with her leggings.
“Bun or a braid?” I ask, after I have changed her out of pajamas and into her outfit.
She thinks for a second.
“Bun.”
I nod, and grab a hair tie out of the basket on top of her dresser. Iris has curly blonde hair like her mom. At first it was really hard for me to take care of. I watched so many videos and did so much research on products. Adalynn helped me a lot, and eventually I got it down to a science. I try my best to tame Iris’s wild curls in a messy bun, before I go change into a pair of jeans. By the time I make it downstairs Iris already has her cowgirl boots on.
“Let”s go sweetheart.”
I usher Iris out the door, grabbing my truck keys from the counter. We don”t even make it off our front porch when I see Brooks, the youngest of the Ambrose brothers, walking towards my house,
“Uncle Brooks!” Iris yells, jumping off the last porch step, and running into his arms.
“Hey sweet bean. Where are y”all headed?”
“To the bookstore. Want to come?”
“I am sure uncle Brooks is busy, sweetheart.” I say stepping in before Brooks really does join us.
“I wish I could, sweet bean. But I just came over to talk to your dad real fast.”
Iris nods, as Brooks sets her back down.
“Why don”t you go over and check on the cows.”
Iris runs over to the cow pasture that is behind our house, and I turn my attention back to Brooks. He rocks back on his heels under my glare. He knows that I am not big on small talk, or awkward silences, so he is doing this on purpose.
“Look, I have places to be so if you aren”t going to spit it out then i am leaving.”
I turn to walk away, just as he clears his throat.
“Ok, I heard that Madison is back in town.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
I know exactly where he is going with this, but I don”t have the patience to deal with it right now.
“Braydon, I was there when she left. You shut down man. You ran from all responsibilities. I just want to make sure you have your head on straight, and you aren”t going to do anything stupid.”
Brooks was there, and he is the one who moved with me to Nashville. He has a point, but I have a kid now and a career that I enjoy. I am not going to throw that away.
“I got it under control, Brooks. I appreciate you worrying about me though.”
Brooks nods reluctantly, before he turns and walks away.
“Iris, sweetheart, let”s go.”
Iris hops off the fence she was climbing on and runs over to her side of the truck. I try not to think about what Brooks said, maybe because a part of me is scared that he is right. Madison and I can”t work now, maybe in another life we would be together. But it looks like in this life we already had our time.