Ballad of Love (Utah Lovin’ Book 1)

9. Madison

Braydon wants to marry me.

This is the thought that has been continuously running through my head for the past three days. I haven”t seen Braydon since we had dinner at the diner. Braydon and I have hardly talked. Things at school have gotten hectic since it’s the last week, and Bradyon”s work schedule has been all switched around. He works for a construction company, Ambrose Brothers Construction, and since its starting to warm up business has picked up a little. Anytime he does have a free minute to talk or hang out, I make an excuse to get out of it. I do have work to somewhat distract me, so I guess it hasn”t been all that bad. I work at a little bookstore in our downtown, Read Between The Lines Bookstore. Our small town of Beltsey, Utah has one stoplight. That is not a joke either. So our main street is basically the entire town, but for now its home.

The bell above the door of the bookstore rings, just as I am re-shelving some books in the romance section. Before I have time to descend the ladder, two strong familiar arms wrap around my waist and lift me off the ladder.

“Hello, my love.” Braydon”s smile instantly warms me from the inside out, and that makes me feel even more guilty for ignoring him the last couple of days.

“Hello handsome. Did you just get off work?”

I eye his dirty boots and work pants that are definitely tracking in dirt that I will have to sweep up later. But I don”t mind.

“Yeah. It”s been a crazy week. And the guys say that it is only going to pick up.”

I drape my arms over Braydon’s shoulders, as he pulls me closer to him.

“Has it been slow today?”

We both glance around the otherwise empty bookstore.

“I am pretty sure you are the third person to walk in all day.”

“Well, maybe you can close a little early and we can grab some dinner.”

“I would love to. I am supposed to get off around six.”

“Perfect, that gives me time to take a shower and change out of these sweaty clothes.”

I place a quick kiss on his chin, and pat his chest.

“Pick you up at seven?”

“I will see you then.”

“I love you, Mads.”

“I love you too, Bray.”

The bell above the door rings again, as Braydon leaves. Once again, I am alone with my thoughts. I feel so bad for ignoring Braydon. He doesn”t deserve it. He just got me all nervous when he brought up marriage. I would love to have a future with Braydon, but that doesn”t mean that I am going to give up my dreams and my career. Six o”clock finally rolls around. I lock the front door behind me on my way home.

I take a quick shower, and throw on a pink gingham baby doll dress. Slipping on my white vans, I head back into my bathroom to do something with my now soaking wet hair. My hair is long, but it isn”t very thick, so it doesn”t take me too long to dry and straighten it. Quickly, and carefully I swipe on some mascara and chapstick. I grab my tote bag off my bed, and put my current romance book, my phone, and wallet inside. There is a soft knock on my door just as my moms voice sounds from the other side.

“Sweetie?’

“What”s up mom?” I ask, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

There is worry etched in my moms face, as I watch her pace in front of my bedroom door.

“Have you talked to Braydon about you leaving?”

“He knows that I am leaving.”

That”s not the question she asked, but i know where she is going with this conversation.

“Madison, have you talked to him about what you want?” Mom levels me with a firm look.

My mom and I have always been really close, so she knows everything about Braydon and I’s relationship. But this is a conversation I have been avoiding with both my mom and Braydon.

“Are you asking me if I told him I want to break up?” my voice comes off a little more irritated than I want, but I really don”t want to think about this right before my date.

“Well, yes. That is what I am asking.”

I push up off my bed, and walk over to my bedroom window. It gives me a perfect view of the driveway, so I know when Braydon gets here.

“He told me he would move to New York.”

“What did you tell him.”

“I told him I didn”t want to think about the future right now.”

Which is the truth, I don”t want to think about the future. The future is approaching fast though, and there is nothing we can do to stop it.

“Honey, you really should tell him sooner rather than later that you are wanting to do this on your own. Braydon is a good kid, and his heart is in the right place. But Madison, he can”t give you the space you want if you don”t tell him.”

That”s the thing though. I don”t want space from Braydon, but I want to have my own experiences at college. I cant have both though, and Braydon has to understand that. Right? My mom means well, and I know that. But she always seems to pick the worst times for these conversations.

“I will, mom.”

I watch Braydon pull into my driveway, but he isn”t driving his familiar green and white pick up truck. Which is strange, but I am sure it is nothing.

“I gotta go, mom.”

She gently grabs my wrist as I reach for my tote bag still sitting on my bed.

“Be gentle with him, Madison. He really does love you.”

I give my mom a weak smile, before she pulls me into a crushing hug.

“I love you, sweetie.”

“I love you too, mom.”

I jog down the stairs, and swing open the front door with a little too much force. Braydon is standing there with his hand poised to knock on the door. He looks breathtaking in his black wrangler snap shirt, nice jeans, and his cowboy boots.

“I told you that you never have to knock.”

He smiles at me, the dimple on the side of his face poking through. Heat spreads throughout my limbs, and I let it thaw me.

“These are for you.” he hands me a bouquet of Irises that I didn”t notice in his other hand.

“Hello, Braydon.” my mom appears in the doorway behind me.

She stretches her arms out to wrap Braydon in a quick hug.

“Hello Mrs. Hale, so good to see you. I feel like it has been forever.”

“We should probably get going.” I interject, before we get stuck here talking.

“Don”t be a stranger, Braydon.”

“I won”t.”

“You kids have fun!”

I hand my mom the bouquet of flowers. She shuts the door behind us, leaving Braydon and I on the porch.

“You look stunning.”

“Thank you.” I spin in a little circle so my dress twirls out around me.

“You don”t look too bad yourself, cowboy.”

I scan the little white car in my driveway instead of Braydon’s truck.

“Where is your truck?”

Braydon tenses at the question, but he recovers quickly.

“It”s in the shop.” Braydon responds easily, intertwining our fingers and leading me towards the car. He opens the door, and I smile up at him as I slide into the warm car.

“What”s that look for?”

“Your mom”s car is actually on my level.”

“I can”t help it that you are so short.”

I shrug, as Braydon softly closes the door. I am actually not short. I”m 5 ”5, but because Braydon is almost a foot taller than me, he likes to make fun of how short I am. The car rocks a little as Braydon settles into the driver”s seat.

“What”s the plan, Handsome?”

“How does the little Mexican restaurant on main street sound?”

My stomach grumbles at the mention of food. I haven”t eaten a real meal all day.

“Sounds incredible.”

For a while we drove in silence, Bradyon”s hand casually resting on my thigh. I focus on the heat radiating from the spot where his hand is, instead of the anxious thoughts filling my head. The conversation I had with my mom has been on repeat in my head, and I just can”t seem to shake it. Braydon can feel that something is off, but he hasn”t said anything.

“Everything ok?” Braydon finally asks.

Turing in my seat to face him, I can see the concern filling his eyes. I hate that I am the one that put it there. Braydon has always been able to read me like an open book, so I knew that I wouldn”t be able to keep this in for long. Braydon turns his eyes back on the road, and i am so thankful because i wouldn”t be able to do this with him looking directly at me.

“Braydon, I want to go to New York by myself.”

Hurt flashes across his face, but just as quick as it was there it is gone.

“Ok, that”s fine we can totally make long distance work.”

A little piece of my heart shatters at the hope that has replaced the hurt on his face.

“No, Bray. That”s not what I am saying.”

“Then what are you saying Madison?” I hear the hurt and anger lacing his voice. There goes another piece of my heart.

“I”m saying that I want to go to law school without this, without us.”

I gesture to the air between us to emphasize my statement. He pulls his hand off my thigh, and places it on the wheel. My leg is instantly cold, but I don”t deserve his heat anyway. He is silent for a few moments, but I don”t want to push him to say anything. I watch as his hands clench and unclench on the steering wheel. Every second he stays quiet is torture. It feels like an eternity before he finally responds.

“Why?” his voice is rough and sounds strained from holding back too much emotion.

“I think it would be easier for both of us to follow our dreams separately. I mean we both have very different dreams for our careers, and there is no guarantee that they would work together.”

“But Madison, we work together! Plus, I want a future with you more than any career.”

“Braydon I couldn”t live with myself if I got to chase my dreams and all you got was to chase me.”

“Is this really what you want?”

I hesitate. This is a trick question, and Braydon knows that.

“Braydon you know that”s a loaded question.”

“No Madison it is not. If you have really thought this through, then it should be a simple yes or no.”

Braydon knows that it”s not that easy, he is just trying to get me to admit that. But I am too damn stubborn to back down now.

“Braydon, you know that I love you more than anything.”

“Except for a career..”

He doesn”t phrase it as a question, and that stings.

“That”s not fair.”

“No Madison. It”s a fact.”

Traitorous tears line my eyes, threatening to spill over. Braydon isn”t going to let up though, and honestly I deserve it. In a way, I have been leading him on. Talking about a future with him that deep down I had no intentions of fulfilling.

We pull into the parking lot of the restaurant, and Braydon parks in a spot away from other cars.

“Which is it going to be, Madison?”

“Bray?” I plead.

“No.” He puts his hand up to cut me off.

“It”s not often I ask a question I already know the answer to, but this time I am desperately hoping that I am wrong.”