Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
Present Day
Eli
Ash is riled up during our warm ups. We ended up being on the ice at the same time, running drills and working on improving certain areas. I’ve been working on my RVH since it’s something I rarely use. As a big player, reverse vertical horizontal lets me use my body efficiently when the play is behind the net, but it’s not something I defer to unless necessary.
Ash has been working on his passes, puck control, and balance. Generally when I’m in the zone, I don’t get easily distracted, but every time I take a break, my eyes stray towards him. And every time, he’s caught me looking. When he gives me a wink, my stupid heart flutters in response. While he’s being nice and flirty with me, I could sense some tension with him and some of the other players, especially Jackson.
I caught the tail end of their interaction in the locker room when Ash slammed Jackson in the locker, but I have no idea why. I don’t know where we stand after everything. It feels like there’s an ocean of space between us and I want so badly to know how he is. But I’m not even sure Ash would tell me if I asked.
After a couple of hours of training, we’re done for the day. Juuse and I catch up in the locker room. He’s putting his gear on as I take mine off and put on the too small shirt and shorts I got from Ash. He’s looking at me in a way I can’t, and truthfully, don’t want to decipher right now. It’s not Juuse’s gaze I want on me, after all. Before I can get embarrassed or explain why I don’t have normal clothes, he asks, “Do you still want to grab that coffee tomorrow?”
“Yeah, of course. Let me know where.”
“There’s a place called Water Bearer, they have breakfast food and good coffee.”
“Sure, I’ll be there at eight?”
“Perfect!” he smiles and squeezes my shoulder before heading out onto the ice.
As he leaves, I catch Ash looking between us with a furrow in his brows. When he notices me staring at him, he gives me a small smile, but I can tell it’s forced. Things are feeling a bit awkward, and I don’t know what to do about it, except get him to talk to me. With our track record, it’s unlikely either of us will actually speak what’s on our mind.
I stand up and walk over to him. “Hey.”
“Hey,” he says, his smile growing more genuine.
“Any chance you could drive me to a clothing store?” I laugh.
Ash sighs and, low enough for just me to hear, he says, “Bummer, I really like you in those shorts. You should lose your luggage more often.”
I sigh and shake my head, but we walk together to his car and he drives me to our favorite store, Meijer.
Ash
I try to swap out the pants Eli added to the shopping cart with a size down, but he catches me and gives me the murder glare. His face is so expressive and I can’t help but smile at him. His eyes are narrowed and his jaw is set, hands on his hips. I sigh dramatically and swap the pants back. I guess now I have to live with the fact that I’ll never see his perfect ass in those too tight shorts again.
It’s tragic.
On the bright side, no one else will see it either. I’m not sure what I picked up on in the locker room, but the way Juuse was looking at Eli made me want to punch the other goaltender in his stupid pretty face.
And to be fair, I wanted to punch lots of people in the face today, but did he have to check Eli out that blatantly? And what was all of that about the two of them going to breakfast together?
Is Eli open to dating now? Or is he too oblivious to realize Juuse is into him?
Knowing him, it's probably the latter.
My thoughts spiral as we walk around the store, grabbing some groceries, along with a bag of charcoal and some other supplies to grill.
“Since when do you cook?” Eli asks all of a sudden, sounding kind of surprised. I guess he has a right to be, considering he’s only ever seen me eat takeout and steal Robbie’s food every time I go over.
“I started recently. Olive has been sending me some recipes that she and Robbie have tried out.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “ Olive? ”
“Yeah, what about her?”
“Since when do you call her that?”
“What is this, an interrogation?” I huff, going to the self-checkout and scanning the asparagus and chicken first.
“I’m not trying to interrogate you, I just want to make sure you’re not actually hitting on Olivia, who is in a relationship with our best friend.”
I look over my shoulder, unceremoniously dropping the lettuce I just scanned into the grocery bag. “I thought Jordan was your best friend.”
He’s got the frustrated murderous look on his face again, but he says, “Jordan hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts in a couple months.”
I stop, looking at him. Eli’s arms are folded across his chest and he looks sad. “What do you mean he hasn’t answered? Is he okay?”
“He’s fine, I guess. To his credit, he does answer sometimes, but it’s all just small talk. He doesn’t respond to any actual questions about hockey, or how he’s doing, or if he’s coming to visit. I think the trade really fucked with him.”
“Shit. I should really reach out to him more. I’ve kinda been distracted by my own shit. Therapy really sucks the life out of you sometimes.” I laugh, tapping my card to the reader to pay for the groceries.
Eli doesn’t say anything as he scans and pays for his clothes, and it’s not until we get back to the car, everything put away in the trunk, that he says, “You’re in therapy?”
I take a deep breath. “I started going when I got back from Finland,” I say, swallowing hard and slanting a glance his way. Eli is looking at me intently, but his face doesn’t show any sign of being upset or annoyed that I brought up Finland. He maintains eye contact for a moment, before nodding along in understanding.
Does he really understand though?
How fucked up I was a few months ago, and how bad I feel for everything I did and said?
We’re both quiet as we drive the twenty minutes to the cabin, 90s hits playing softly on the radio. Once I park the rental car in the driveaway, I take a deep breath and squeeze the wheel to steady my nerves before saying, “I’m sorry, by the way. I had no right to blow up your life and drag you through the mud.”
When he doesn’t say anything, I look over and see his confused expression. “Drag me through mud?” he repeats.
Right , sometimes I need to explain all the weird sayings we have that he doesn’t get.
I chuckle and say, “Generally, it means I ruined your reputation, but in this case I meant that I brought you down to my level and fucked everything up.”
“Would you fucking stop it?” he snaps, and I rear back, my smile dropping. The only other time I’ve seen him this upset, this out of sorts, was that night in Helsinki. I’m frozen now too, not knowing if I should exit the car and flee, or stay and let him yell at me, punch me, whatever he needs to do to just forgive me.
Eli’s fists are tight, resting on his thighs, and his jaw is so clenched I’d be surprised if he doesn’t need dental work after this. Fuck, he’s really mad.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, biting the inside of my cheek to keep my face from crumpling.
“Stop talking about yourself like you’re beneath me; you always fucking do that, Ash, and it’s infuriating. You didn’t bring me down anywhere. But you know what?” he says, finally facing me and pinning me with a look of such hurt, I want to curl up and die. “You did fuck up, but so did I, and I need you to stop acting like I’m goddamn perfect, because I’m not.”
He gets out of the car, and opens up the trunk. I slowly get out too but don’t know what to say. Eli’s reason for being mad is not what I expected. He grabs his bag of clothes and walks towards the cabin, and I’m left staring at the groceries in the trunk, my eyes stuck on the lettuce poking out of the bag.
“One more thing,” he says, looking over his shoulder at me, one leg on the front step. “I’m sorry too. I let you down when you needed me most.”
“No, you didn’t,” I say quietly, but he’s already walking away.