Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
Three Months Ago
Ash
After a season of ups and downs, trades and injuries, we finally did it. We made it to the Calder Cup Finals.
The coach’s speech is a jumble of words as I bounce my leg up and down, nerves getting the best of me. We’re going into the third period tied 3-3 and my skin is buzzing with anticipation. Even though I have a goal and an assist, I still feel like there’s so much more I could be doing.
Eli’s hand stills my leg and even through the knee pads, his firm hold calms my nerves. I give him an appreciative smile and then we’re all throwing our gear back on, ready to bring this cup home.
Sweat drips down my face as I push myself to the limit. Looking up from the bench, I see there’s only a minute left in regulation and we’re still tied.
“Fuck,” I yell, kicking the board. “Come on, boys, let’s bring this home!”
Trip gets slammed into the boards and he hobbles over to the bench, pain showing on his face. I wince just from looking at him and jump over the ledge for the shift change.
Thirty seconds remaining.
Okay, you can do this.
I stay alert during the face-off and get a hold of the puck. The rest happens in a blur as I manage to dodge the defensemen standing in my way and make it to the offensive zone. We play it safe, passing the puck a few times, but when one of my teammates fakes the shot, the goalie is caught off guard. I catch the puck and slapshot it into the net. The next thing I know, I’m being tackled by my teammates.
The final buzzer goes off and the arena erupts into cheers. The game is sold out since it’s a playoff final at home, and all 11,000 seats are occupied. Well, not anymore, since everyone is standing, cheering, and hugging each other. Because we did it. We actually won the fucking cup.
I look up at the private box where the Elliots are celebrating and for a moment I feel so sad that Robbie didn’t get to experience this with us. He’s the reason we made it here in the first place after an amazing regular season. I lift up my stick and point it at him, nodding my thanks.
We did it for you, man .
Robbie points back at me before sweeping Olivia up in a hug and spinning her around in celebration. He then high fives Alex, his business partner, and Malia, Alex’s wife.
Jordan should be here too. With how busy I’ve been recently, I haven’t reached out to him as much as I should have. For a second, I think I see him in the stands, but that’s just my mind playing tricks because he’s now in Texas.
The rest of Robbie’s family is there too, his parents, his brother with his wife and kids, and Alice. She’s taking videos and pictures and waves at me. I wave back and drop my stick, gloves and helmet on the ice. I don’t bother even trying to look for my own family, because they aren’t here. Instead, I turn around and skate up to the one person that’s been there by my side for the past two years. But especially these last few months.
Once my teammates let go of me, I sprint up to Eli and jump in his arms, nearly tackling him. He catches me easily, even with all the pads between us. His mask is still on and even though all I want is to fucking kiss him, I know he wouldn’t want that. So instead, I kiss his mask before taking it off of him.
He sets me down and we hug each other tight. “You were fucking amazing out there, Eli.”
“You scored the winning goal”—he shakes his head against me—“that was amazing.”
We smile like idiots and our hug becomes a group one when all our teammates surround us to celebrate.
The rest of the night passes in a blur of happiness. We take pictures on the ice, we get congratulated by our friends and strangers on the street. We party with the team and crew, and everyone who made this season possible, then we go home and Eli and I celebrate in our own way.
The last two months have been stressful and exhausting, but having him by my side has made everything better. We both understood the pressure and knew how to build each other up, whether it was a pep talk, a trip to the gym, or just silently being there for one another.
The constant sex has helped too.
And I knew I would be falling more and more for him each time I would crawl into his bed, but I still did it. He tried to push me away a few times, but I managed to convince him that our friends with benefits arrangement could still work.
The problem is, I can’t tell if he was trying to push me away because he was falling too, or because he genuinely doesn’t think this could work. We haven’t exactly discussed the offseason, but I figured we could train together or take a vacation or something.
I look over at Eli next to me in bed and trail my hand down his naked chest, my fingers stopping on a bruise. It looks a light shade of purple and I frown. When did he get hurt? And why didn’t he say anything? I scoot down lower on the mattress and kiss it gently, then move my mouth up his torso to his collarbone and neck.
Eli lets out a content hum and I continue on, leaving featherlight kisses on his jaw and cheeks, his nose and forehead. My hand trails the band of his boxers and when I palm him, he’s already growing hard for me. I smile against the corner of his lips and whisper, “Are you dreaming about hockey or just happy to wake up next to me?”
Pale lashes flutter open and he stretches out, the motion bringing his bulge further in my hand. I wrap my fingers around him and squeeze lightly. “I was dreaming about that goal you scored, and how you jumped into my arms afterwards. Except in my dream, we were naked, and I bent you over the net and took you right then and there,” he says sleepily.
I laugh and his eyes widen a bit, like he can’t believe he just told me his ridiculous dream. “Okay, I have so many follow up questions,” I say. “First off, you took me right then and there? What is this, the regency era?”
Eli covers his face with both his hands and mumbles something in Finnish. I laugh again and pull his hands away, dropping more kisses on his reddened cheeks.
“Second off, was the arena packed full of people or was it empty?”
“Shut up,” he says, trying to swat me away, but I’m not letting up. I get on top of him, pinning him down with my hips. Eli grunts when he feels my hardness, but his hands snake up around my waist as he pulls me closer.
“I’m serious, I need to know more about this dream. What were the logistics of bending me over the net?”
He sighs. “If I tell you, will you stop bothering me about it?”
I smile wide and say, “Never.”
Eli is quiet for a moment before saying, “The arena was empty, obviously, I’m not a perv. And you weren’t fully bent over, more like you were facing the net, gripping the top bar, and I was, you know…taking you from behind.”
“Hm, well we don’t have a net here, but you could take me from behind by that dresser.” I laugh and wiggle my eyebrows.
Eli’s pupils expand and I think he really likes the sound of that, but then he says, “The dresser is too low, but we can try the kitchen counter.”
“Who are you?” I stutter a laugh. I never would have thought he'd suggest something like this, since he’s usually very careful about his space, always keeping it nice and tidy.
“Duke Elias, about to take you from behind,” he jokes and I fucking love this silly version of him.
“You need to stop talking to Alice so much, she’s a bad influence with those damn romance books.”
“Don’t complain, you’re the one reaping the rewards.”
Eli
Ash’s phone rings while we’re at breakfast and I peek Dad on the screen before he silences it. It lights up again and again while we drink our coffee and eat the pancakes I made us.
“Are you going to answer that?” I say, taking him in. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of light blue boxers and a silver necklace. I linger on his collarbones and his freckles, but my eyes always come back to that flower tattoo, right above his heart. The one he still hasn’t told me about, and I haven’t pressed. He notices my stare and rubs at it gently, shaking his head no.
I try not to push on the topic of his father, since I know they have a tumultuous relationship. So instead I ask, “What’s the meaning of the tattoo?”
Ash stops rubbing at it and looks at me with a serious expression on his face. It cracks when he gives me a smirk and says, “When are you going to tell me what all the Finnish words you call me are?”
I smirk right back and say, “Hm, good point.”
We continue eating our pancakes in comfortable silence, but his phone won’t stop ringing. With a sigh, Ash picks it up and stands up, facing the bedroom. “I’ll go take this, be right back.”
The clock on the stove tells me it’s 11 a.m., which means this is the perfect time to call my family. With the seven hour time difference, I’ll be catching them right around dinner time. I grab my laptop from the coffee table and log into Zoom. From the bedroom, I can hear Ash’s voice rising, talking to his dad. I don’t know what his family dynamics are and he wouldn’t tell me even if I asked, but from the sound of it and the fact that they didn’t even show up to the final game, I don’t think things are going well between them.
After about three seconds, my mom’s face lights up the laptop screen. She beams at me and starts asking me a billion questions in Finnish. I laugh and respond to each one, cherishing each chat with her. She’s amazing and has always supported me and my dream, and so has my dad, who pokes his head in front of the camera.
“Eli, congratulations! The game was incredible. You were incredible. Mark my words, they’re going to call you up to the NHL in no time.”
I smile and thank him, but I think he’s getting ahead of himself. Sure, this season was great, and we won, but Detroit already has two amazing goalies and there’s no way they would bring me up so soon.
“Wish we could have been there,” my mom says.
“Yeah me too, sorry I couldn’t get you tickets this time.”
“Oh hani, don’t apologize. We just didn’t have the money for this trip, but we’ll start saving up for the next one.”
I looked up tickets for all three of them to come visit this past week and the price was insane. Even with my savings, I couldn’t afford the tickets, and it killed me that they couldn’t see me in person.
“How is Edvin’s training going?” I ask. My brother is ten years younger than me and he’s a goalie too. Just like he trained me when I was in a Finnish league, my dad is training Edvin as well.
“He’s doing fantastic, shows lots of potential, just like you did. Maybe you can give him some pointers this summer.”
My smile slowly fades at the mention of this summer. I haven’t decided if I should go home for the offseason or stay in Grand Marquee. I really miss my family and want to spend some time with them, help with my brother’s training, but at the same time, I’m finally feeling like I can be myself here, with Ash. I know this is not a relationship, but whatever it is, it makes me happy, and kind of free. Even if we are stuck in our own little bubble, in either his apartment or mine, I’m happy. I don’t know if I want to go back to Finland and feel like I need to hide who I am again.
“I’ll let you know soon, isi. ”
He sighs, “Okay, we miss you, Eli.”
“I miss you all too,” I say, a knot forming in my throat.
As soon as the call ends, Ash pulls open the bedroom door. He’s wearing one of my T-shirts and his own sweatpants and he stomps over to the front door, phone and keys in hand.
“Everything okay?” I ask before he can reach the door. He doesn’t fully face me, but stops, jaw clenched, hands clenched into fists at his sides.
“Nothing to worry about, I just need to blow off some steam,” he huffs out.
“And you can’t do that here? Why are you leaving? Where are you going?” I ask, surprised that he’s all of a sudden taking off.
“None of your goddamn business, Eli,” he snaps before leaving the apartment, slamming the door behind him. I sit there, confused, and maybe a little hurt as well.
Here I was thinking this summer would be focused on us , spending time together, training together, but the truth is I don’t know what Ash’s plan is, if he even has one.
Maybe he feels trapped by this arrangement and needs to take back some control. Maybe he wants to go back to partying and hooking up with new people. I can’t blame him, he’s young and fun after all.
As I sit at the dining table, pondering everything, I think that maybe I need to think about myself more than I do of others. So I pull up flights to Finland and book myself a round-trip ticket for the summer.