Bar Down (Grand Marquee Manticores #2)

Chapter 15

FIFTEEN

Three Months Ago

Ash

My father’s words come back to me, again and again as I pour myself another glass of whiskey. It’s not even the afternoon, and I’m already trying to drink myself into oblivion.

What a disappointment.

You were sloppy and waited until the last second to score the winning goal.

If you were really serious about your career you’d be putting in more effort into your training.

The audacity of that asshole to call me the day after my championship and tell me how shitty of a player I am. How I could never live up to his legacy. Maybe if he pulled his head out of his ass for once, he’d realize I gave up on following in his footsteps when I got traded to Grand Marquee.

I haven’t been home or seen my family in two years since I moved here from Vermont and I don’t plan to see them anytime soon. I realized a long time ago that I could never measure up to my dad. No matter how many awards or medals I got, he’d never be happy with my accomplishments. And my mom, well, she never took my side in anything. She’d try to make peace between us but eventually she’d get yelled at by my dad and then she’d drop it.

So I always found a way to piss him off, whether it was underage drinking, accepting a position on a team in Vermont instead of Massachusetts, or dating not just girls, but guys too. The truth is, my father would never approve of me, no matter what I did. And yet, I can’t shake off the feeling that I’m not good enough.

Never good enough.

Because if my own family doesn’t love me, then who ever will?

I down the rest of my whiskey, but before I can pour myself another, there’s a knock at my door. I close my eyes and silently beg them to go away.

They don’t. The knock comes again.

“Ash, can we talk?” Eli’s muffled voice comes through the door and I groan. No, actually, the last thing I want to do is talk. But I stand up and make my way to the door anyway, flipping the lock and opening it wide.

Eli takes one look at me and purses his pretty lips. “You’ve been drinking.”

I scoff, “And?”

He sighs but doesn’t say anything else. The hand that’s tucked in his front pocket comes out and holds something out to me, a key. I stare at it, confused. Is he giving me a key to his apartment? I didn’t think he’d want any kind of commitment between us.

When I don’t take it, he fidgets with it, turning it every which way. After a moment of silence he says, “Can you look after it for the summer? You don’t have to clean it or anything, I already did that, and I’m almost done packing. I just need someone to water the plants and take the mail in.”

Wait. What?

My mind snags on one word, drowning out the rest. Packing?

I frown and say, “Where are you going?”

“Home. For the summer.”

“This is home,” I say moronically.

“I mean back home. To Finland. I need to spend some time with my family, I haven’t seen them in two and a half years,” he says, carefully watching me for a reaction. My chest constricts because of course he wants to see his loving family who misses the hell out of him. I thought the best part of this summer would be that I got to spend it with him, but clearly I was mistaken.

“Right,” I say, swallowing the lump in my throat. I reach out and take the key from his hand, but before I can pull it back, he grabs my fingers and intertwines our hands over the key.

“I’m sorry. For leaving on such short notice. I didn’t think I wanted to go until I called them earlier and?—”

“You don’t owe me an explanation, Eli. It’s fine,” I say, looking over his shoulder at his apartment door. The place I think of as home because he’s there.

“Just listen,” he says, squeezing my hand and running his thumb over the back of it. “I really like you, Ash. I want us to be okay, because you mean so much to me. And me leaving has nothing to do with you. I very much want to spend the summer with you, but I’m homesick. I need this trip.”

My eyes finally search his face and I can see the truth there. He does care, even though he probably shouldn’t.

“I understand,” I say, my voice wavering. “I’ll just miss you, that’s all, and it’s gonna be really lonely around here without you.”

He swallows and leans in, kissing me softly. It feels like a goodbye kiss and I want to cry, I want to punch a wall.

What if he forgets about me?

What if he moves on while he’s away?

What if he doesn't want me when he comes back?

“Wish I could come with you,” I say before realizing. The last thing I want is to be clingy and annoying. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Eli tilts my chin up so he can look me in the eye and says, “What if—” He stops and looks away in thought. “What if you do come with me?”

My eyebrows shoot up. “Really?” I ask, unable to keep the hope and longing out of my voice.

Eli nods, convincing himself. “Yeah, yeah—it would be good. My parents always ask me about my friends, they’d love to meet you. You can stay with us, we have a spare bedroom?—”

I smile and cut him off with another kiss, my free hand tangling in his hair, which has been getting longer. “If you’re sure, I’ll come with you, pretty boy. ”

“I’m sure,” he breathes against my mouth before diving in for another kiss, this one more intense and pressing. “There’s just one thing.”

He puts some distance between us and leads me to the couch. Eli holds my hand in his lap as he says, “I don’t want you to think I’m trying to end things between us, because I’m not. But, we need to be careful around my family. They can’t know about me yet, and I’m not ready to drop that bomb on them, honestly.”

“I know, I won’t say anything to them, I promise.”

Eli watches me for a moment, contemplating. Then he nods, “Okay, hani. Let’s get you a plane ticket.”