Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
Three Months Ago
Eli
Two days later, Ash and I are about to board a plane to Helsinki. After leaving our apartment keys with our friends, Alice, Robbie, and Olivia drive us to the airport. If they think it’s weird that Ash is coming with me, they don’t comment on it.
At check-in, we request that our seats be assigned next to one another and the lady is nice enough to grant our request. Once we drop off all our luggage, we say goodbye to our friends. When I’m done hugging everybody, Ash pulls both Robbie and Olivia into a group hug, saying, “I’m gonna miss you guys. Please don’t have too much fun without me.”
“We wouldn’t dream of it,” Olivia says with a small smile and Robbie rolls his eyes at Ash’s antics.
Alice pulls me aside near the security area and pulls out a book from her tote. “I got you something, it’s a hockey romance.” I take it and curiously flip it around. She’s been lending me some of her favorite books and giving me recommendations. She knows I like to read when I travel.
The paperback has a dust jacket on it that’s a solid red cover and no title. I pull the jacket off and look at the blue cover underneath with the bright red title Time to Shine by Rachel Reid . My cheeks flush when I realize it’s a romance between two guys—two hockey players, to be exact. I cover it back up and shove it in my backpack.
When I look back at Alice, she’s got a knowing smile on her face and gives me a wink. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,” she whispers and gives me a quick hug and peck on my cheek before walking over to Robbie and Olivia. I’m left a little dumbfounded.
How does she know I’m into guys?
Does she know about me and Ash?
I can feel a glimmer of panic starting to set in, but then I realize that if anyone is going to accept me for who I am, it’s Robbie’s family. They’ve been nothing but kind and supportive of me. But still, I don’t think I’m ready for people to know.
With another wave back to our friends, Ash and I head to security.
“Are you sure you wanna be away from them for two months?” I ask, worrying that maybe Ash’s decision to come with me was a little rash. He seems to be running away from something and that might not be the healthiest choice. Can I really be what he needs when I don’t even know how to handle my own shit?
“I can survive without Robbie keeping me in check, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he says, eyebrows knotting.
“No, I didn’t mean that. Just—you don’t exactly get along with your family and Robbie is the closest thing you seem to have to one here. I want to make sure I didn’t push too far by asking you to come with me.”
“First off, I more or less invited myself, so don’t pretend like I didn’t jump at the opportunity to see your hometown. And second off,” he trails off as he takes off his baseball hat and runs his right hand through his hair. The vine tattoo is on full display on his forearm and like usual, my eyes are glued to it. “Second off, you’re my family too. Not just Robbie.”
It’s the way he says it that has me all twisted up in knots. He says it soft and quiet, shrugging like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
You’re my family too.
I swallow hard and watch him go through the metal detectors, putting his shoes back on. I stare after him for so long that the TSA officer has to wave at me to get my attention and have me move along.
Once I catch up to him, I want to say something back, I want to assure him that I feel the same way. Because I do. In the past few months, he’s been a constant in my life, and I can’t even imagine what it would be like to not have him around.
There’s a strange feeling taking root in my chest, making my heart beat faster the closer I get to Ash. And I want to give into it, I want to wrap my arms around him and never leave.
Instead, I squeeze his shoulder and say, “There’s so much I want to show you when we get to Helsinki. We still have to train, of course, and I bet my brother is going to be super excited to share the ice with us.”
“I can’t wait to meet him.”
“My family is going to love you.”
“I hope so,” he says, putting his hat on backwards and giving me a wink.
“Is there anything you’re looking forward to?”
“Are there museums?” he asks as we take a seat at our gate.
“Plenty. Although I’m surprised that’s the first thing you’re asking about.”
“What, you think all I want to do is party?” he jokes, but I detect an edge of vulnerability in his tone.
“No, hani. I thought you’d ask about the tram or the ferris wheel. That’s what all the tourists want to do, anyway.”
“There’s a tram??”
“There is. And there are lots of artists coming to Helsinki over the summer. We can also go to a concert if you want.”
“Hell yeah, that would be sweet!” he says, nodding and bouncing his leg in excitement. He’s kind of like a dog sometimes. Cute and enthusiastic.
I smile at him and want so badly to reach out and touch him, to kiss him. But I made the damn rules, and I need to stick to them. So I settle for looking at him, basking in his brightness and making plans for the summer.
After a short flight to New York and an even shorter layover, we board the second flight. Ash passes out for the entirety of it, and I read the book Alice gave me, crying over how much I relate to the main character, Landon, and his story. I know my life is nothing like a book, but maybe I need to get over this fear I have and just tell my family that I’m into guys.
Would they react badly? Or would they accept me?