Chapter 37
THIRTY-SEVEN
ASH
I look down at my phone and contemplate what to do. I heard Eli telling Juuse earlier that he needed some space. He’s clearly got a lot on his mind and the last thing I want to do is crowd him. His apartment is already tiny, he doesn’t need me there hovering and worrying about him.
I send a few texts to our friends, giving them a heads up about the situation, in case they see the article too.
A part of me wants to be a little jealous of the fact that Juuse and Eli were so cozy together, but deep down I know there’s nothing for me to worry about. As much as I hate to admit it, Juuse and I are alike. We both enjoy physical touch and flirting, and I don’t think what he did was anything more than just being friendly to Eli.
My heart breaks for Eli and I want to hug him and tell him it’s all going to be okay, but that doesn’t seem to be what he needs right now.
I’m searching for a hotel nearby when Juuse walks out of the arena and comes over to me.
“Meyers.”
“Couri.”
He cracks a smile and pulls me into his chest. I’m so shocked that I just stand there, letting him hug me for a moment. Eventually, he steps back and says, “Thank you, for what you said in there.”
I frown at him. “I didn’t do it for you.”
“I know, you did it for Eli. But—it takes guts to stand up to others like that. I didn’t even have the courage to do it, although I’d like to think that I would have said something if you weren’t there.”
“I’ll always stand up for Eli,” I say, vehemently.
He nods and tucks his hands in his coat pocket. “Good. It might not seem like it, but he needs you.”
I take a breath and look away. He might need me, but not right now. Last time this happened, he sent me away. Eli needs to process things and think them through before he makes any decisions. So I’m giving him the space to do so.
“Where is he?” Juuse asks, looking around. Like a 6’3” hockey player might be hiding somewhere behind me.
“He left early. Went to his apartment,” I say, trying to keep the misery out of my voice but failing by the way Juuse looks at me with pity.
“And what? He left you behind?”
“I heard what he said, that he needs space. I’m gonna find a hotel or something nearby.”
There’s a beat of silence as Juuse considers me. Then he says, “You can stay at my place.”
“Why? You don’t even like me.”
He scoffs. “I like you just fine. Besides, my condo is close by, walking distance to Eli’s.” Another slight pang of jealousy rolls through me. How often do they hang out together?
“I guess,” I relent and type in the address Juuse gives me. I end up following him around in my car and true enough, the condo is only a couple blocks away from Eli’s building.
“Make yourself at home,” he tells me once we enter his place.
“This is—really nice.” I look around, noticing a bunch of abstract art on the walls and a nicely decorated living room and open floor kitchen. The stairs to the right of the entryway lead upstairs to what I assume are the bedrooms. Hopefully more than one.
“Thanks, I paid someone to decorate it.”
I laugh and Juuse smiles at me, and for once it’s a genuine smile.
“I appreciate you letting me crash here,” I say, dropping my backpack on the floor and sinking into the couch, leaning my head back and pressing the heel of my hand into my eyes. What the hell am I going to do? I need to know how badly Eli is freaking out.
I pull out my phone and text him.
can we talk?
Eli
I stare at my phone, not really comprehending what is going on. Can we talk? Of course we can fucking talk. Where the hell is he? I figured he would walk over here when he was done in the locker room, especially if he needed to hang back and talk to the coach about the next few days.
I press the call button and wait for him to answer but he doesn’t. I will never understand how someone who is on their phone 24/7 doesn’t answer a damn call.
Pacing the length of my apartment doesn’t seem productive so I end up grabbing a coat and walking around the building a few times, trying to clear my head. An hour later I return to my apartment, feeling lighter and hoping to talk to Ash about everything. But he’s not here.
I call him again and this time, he answers. “Hey.”
That’s it?
Hey?
I can’t help but be annoyed when I say, “Hey? Ash, where the hell are you?”
“What?”
I roll my eyes and pace some more. “Where are you?”
He’s silent for a moment but then he says, “I’m staying at Juuse’s tonight.”
Now I’m even more confused than before? Why in the hell would he do that? And why Juuse of all people, when earlier today he was ready to punch him in the dick?
“Ash, what are you talking about? Why didn’t you come to my apartment?”
“I—what do you mean? I thought you said you wanted space,” he says, quietly.
I close my eyes and sigh. “You’re an idiot,” I say and hang up on him.
Grabbing my coat off the rack, I put it on for the second time tonight and head out of my apartment. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I ignore it, choosing to stew in my confusion a little longer while I walk over to Juuse’s condo.
The light drizzle from earlier is turning into full on rain now and I pick up the pace. By the time I get to the condo, my coat and hair is drenched and I’m fucking cold.
I ring the doorbell and when I don’t see any movement, I start pounding my fist on the door. Over and over again.
The door finally opens and Juuse looks at me bewildered.
“Where is he?” My hands tighten into fists at my side and I almost chew him out for even suggesting to Ash that I needed any space tonight.
“He left not long ago, said he’d walk to your place.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I lean my head back and scream to the sky.
My feet take control and I start running through the rain, leaving Juuse behind.
I slow down when I turn the corner of my building and see Ash standing in the middle of the sidewalk, drenched in the rain and looking down at his phone. Mine buzzes in my pocket again and I pull it out and answer.
“Eli? Jesus, can you let me in the building, it’s freezing out here.”
I try to catch my breath but I sound ragged anyway. “Why didn’t you come home?” I see Ash letting his head drop and shaking his head.
“I—I don’t know. I’m sorry, Eli. I thought—“ his voice catches and then he anxiously runs a hand through his wet hair. “I thought you wanted me gone. That you needed space, just like last time.”
My anger dims when he says it and I feel bad for not making it clearer. “This isn’t like last time, Ash. I’m not abandoning you, I’m not pushing you away, we’re a fucking team now.”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to disappear on you.”
“I know, it’s okay, hani, ” I say and make my way to him.
“No, it’s not. I should have just left early and come with you, I’m such an idiot. ”
I put my phone back in my pocket and reach him in a few strides, cupping his face and pressing my body into his. “No, you’re not. I’m sorry I said that earlier.”
“Eli,” he breathes out in relief. The way he says my name, all breathy and sweet pulls me in and I kiss him. His lips are cold from the rain and I make it my mission to keep him warm and safe.
“You are the best thing in my life, and the only one I want by my side, always,” I say, chasing his lips again, tilting his head and kissing him deeper.
After what feels like an eternity kissing in the rain, I grab Ash’s hand, scan my building pass and pull him inside the building. We leave a trail of water behind us from the lobby to the elevator and as soon as I press the button for the 8th floor, I turn around and back him into the wall. His gasp is caught by my lips as I devour him, one press of my lips at a time. He tastes minty and fresh as I pull on his bottom lip with my teeth before diving back in with my tongue.
“That article—I’m so mad at them for doing that to you, but I’m also dying to set the record straight. You’re mine , Eli.” Ash’s hands grab my ass and squeeze, pulling me flush with his own erection right as the elevator dings.
I don’t even try to pull away and we hear the doors open and close. We make out in the elevator until Ash shivers against me. Only then do I take his hand again and we walk over to my apartment. “ Ilo , I’m so sorry and I need you to know that there’s nothing going on between me and Juuse.”
“Of course I know that. You wouldn’t hurt me like that,” he says, squeezing my hand.
I shake my head vehemently and open the door to my apartment. “Never.”
As soon as we’re inside and the door locks behind us, I peel off Ash’s wet coat and his sweater, then do the same to my own. “You were so brave tonight. I don’t expect you to fight my battles for me, but it means so much to me that you spoke up when I couldn’t,” I say.
“I’m not brave. I’m just well-adjusted now, thanks to my good old friend therapy,” Ash says, trying to laugh it off, but I won’t let him.
“ Kultsi, you were incredible. And while you’ve worked a lot on yourself the last few months, this bravery was always there. I’m so proud to call you mine.” Ash’s eyes shine but I don’t give him the chance to ruin this with another joke. Instead, my lips find his in a bruising kiss.
The rest of our clothes come off and I lead him backwards into the bathroom, kissing any part of him I can reach, while maneuvering around to turn the water on. Our passionate kissing and lovemaking turns more tender as the water warms us back up.
Ash falls asleep in my arms and we snuggle on the too small bed, but my mind is running through a million scenarios and I stay up thinking all night long. This article can bring me a lot of backlash, but is that really what I care about most? What other people think of me? What strangers think of me?
Ash stirs in my arms and I look down at him. His eyebrows are scrunched up and his nose twitches and all I want is to keep him close. I run my thumb along the bridge of his nose and smooth out the wrinkle in his brows and he lets out a sigh. When I take my hand back I see his lips pulled up in a small smile and my heart is so full. This— Ash —he’s what I care about most.
When Ash heads out to grab us coffee and bagels, I call the team’s PR liaison and ask her to set up a media availability session for me to address the article. She sets it up quicker than I expect and asks me to head out to the arena immediately.
I turn the TV on and pull up our team’s channel. Then, I write a note for Ash.