Be My Forever

Chapter 15

When we arrived at the College, a bar close to our apartment, I was surprised to find Danté and Alex there. It was always the two of them, just like Jasmine and I were always together. Yet something seemed off. Both men were drinking in silence when I was so used to them being so lively. Jasmine, who was oblivious to the dark cloud hanging over them, pushed me towards the bar. I stumbled to a seat, right next to my neighbour. They both looked at me and the graceless entrance I just made.

“Hello.”

Danté greeted me, but he was the only one who did so. I knew that Alex and I weren’t friends. It still surprised me to find him so silent. His face was taut, the bags under his green eyes deeper than ever. Damn you, Jasmine . I was about to go back to my friend when Alex got up from his bar stool and went outside. He looked straight up terrible.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming here tonight,” I said, trying to fill the silence.

“Was I supposed to?”

I bit back a scowl. Was I supposed to? What kind of question was that?

“Only if you wanted us to hang out together.”

“I didn’t think that far. All I wanted to do was get Alex outside.”

The person in question lit up a cigarette, smoke drifting in the air. I had never seen the guy do more than drink a beer. Let alone smoke. Judging by the way his hands moved, he had been doing this for a while.

“He falls back into his old habits too easily,” Danté said quietly. “I hope that cigarette is the only thing he will take.”

My eyebrows shot up at that. Mister Perfect once had a substance problem? I had always seen Alex as confident and maybe a tad bit boring. But then again, we all had skeletons hidden somewhere, didn’t we?

“He looks miserable,” I admitted.

“He has been feeling miserable for a while now. Alex isn’t the kind of person to easily admit that, but I know he’s unhappy and scared out of his wits.”

Danté didn’t have Alex’s spidey senses to pick thoughts out of one’s head. What he had though was a lot of empathy that also made him rather intuitive. Worry made his forehead crease.

“What happened?”

“You know his girlfriend is in Russia, right?”

I nodded. The mysterious Elena. “I heard something like that, yeah. How did he even date a Russian?”

Danté shook his head. His blonde locks moved to and fro. “She’s from Brussels, just like you. Elena lives there now because she’s a ballet dancer.”

Damn. That must be an interesting lady. I was very intrigued by the girl who had been able to tame Alex, and who had been able to make him look like a kicked puppy.

“So he misses her.”

“He does. It’s hard to see him like that, especially because I thought they were soulmates. Now their relationship is getting strained, and I don’t know if they are going to make it.”

His gaze drifted back towards the window, where Alex softly kicked a stone on the pavement with his Converse, lost in his head. Danté was right, the poor man looked miserable. I couldn’t even imagine how distraught he must feel inside. The idea of Danté leaving made me skittish and sad, and we weren’t even an item.

“Are you sure they are meant to be together?”

He absentmindedly swirled his drink. “I was. Which makes me wonder if it’s really worth it.”

“What?”

“Love.”

A cold shiver went down my spine. I couldn’t muster the courage to ask Danté if there was a chance he liked me too, our last exchange having trampled on the little bit of hope I'd managed to muster. Even if this wasn’t about us, I couldn’t help but fear what would come out of this.

“Danté…”

“Look at him. If that is what true love does to you, is it worth it? Maybe life will always get in the way.”

“I think it’s worth it. Maybe I am too optimistic but…”

One of his brows went up in mockery. “You, optimistic?”

I hit him in the stomach. A gesture Danté gave me back without hesitating. We both chuckled.

“Oh shush! I may be a grump, but deep down, I am a softie.”

A softie who believed in love. In the many forms it came in. Because if love didn’t win, what was even the point?

His gaze turned gentle, less guarded. “I know.”

Heat crept up my face and turned it into a furnace. Hopefully he couldn’t see my fluster under the dimmed lights of the bar.

I cleared my throat. “Anyway. I like to believe that even though the trials are hard, love will conquer.”

Danté took a sip of his beer, his mind lost somewhere inside his head. He let out a long sigh. “I hope you are right. But I don’t want all that pain and doubt that he is going through.”

I cracked a smile at him as I knocked my elbow against his arm. “Are you saying you’ll stay single your whole life?”

“Of course not,” he huffed out. “It simply made me realize that I am not able to do long-distance relationships.”

In other words, there was no room for me in his life. At least not if he was going abroad for a while. All my hopes I had clung to these few weeks seemed ridiculous now because there had never been a chance. Having my heart broken in a bar before I could even give it away was not how I had envisioned my evening. Not that I could hate Danté for it. Just like I couldn’t force him to choose me if he had other dreams. I should’ve accepted what he meant when he said I was a friend instead of thinking I could convince him we could be more.

I put a hand on his shoulder. “Alex is lucky to have a friend like you.”

“Thank you.”

“See you later.”

Danté opened his mouth to answer, but I slipped away before he could. There was no point in lingering. The message had been clear, and I wasn’t sure my heart or sanity would be strong enough to endure even more. When I slid in the booth in front of Jasmine and Theo, I threw a peanut at my best friend.

“How could you push me like that?”

Jasmine shrugged before nibbling on one. “I figured you could use a little help and talk to Danté. You two have unfinished business, if I recall correctly.”

“Alex is going through some shit. You chose the worst moment to help me.”

Jasmine shot me a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry, I should’ve read the room before acting.”

I nodded and gulped down one of the tequila shots, then a second one, and a third one. The alcohol burned my throat, but I would need more to wash away the disappointment. It was silly to cling to a man like that. My sister would say there are plenty of fish in the sea. Except that none of them was Danté. Theo brought us more drinks. Before I could gulp even more down, Jasmine put a gentle hand on my wrist.

“You still talked a while with him. Are you sure that it didn’t help you?”

Maybe Danté’s point of view could still shift. Yet I couldn’t muster any more hope, too afraid it would be crushed again.

“I think seeing Alex like that has shaken him up too much.”

I would prefer having my toenails pulled out than explaining to her what we had talked about. It wasn’t that I hid things from Jasmine. She probably knew me better than I knew myself. Saying out loud that he didn’t want to even try long-distance relationships would make it too real, too final. When I looked back at the bar, Alex and Danté were gone. My heart clenched. Maybe life will always get in the way.

A movement caught my attention, and my vision focused on Chad and a few of his friends. He smiled shyly, so I nodded. He always seemed so hopeful when I looked at him. Maybe that was what I looked like when Danté was around. A sunflower always hoping for sunshine. Life would have been so much easier if Chad had been the one I had ended up caring about. I downed a few more shots before getting up.

***

My body jerked awake as my alarm blasted its annoying sound. Device of the devil . I stretched until something made me freeze. Something warm touched the skin of my stomach. Not something, someone . There was someone in my bed. It was weird that I let someone stay over for the night after sex. No matter how good it was. And all I could remember was how great it had been. Maybe I could give that person my number. As I turned, my heart dropped. Fuck. I really had a talent for making dumb decisions. Chad’s eyes fluttered open, and a sleepy smile bloomed on his mouth. Oh, fuck me. This was going to be awkward.

“Hello,” he slurred in a raspy voice.

Maybe it was the innocence, or maybe it was the effect of the sleepy voice, but I smiled back. “Hello.”

Images from last night came back. Danté at the College, me kissing Chad, Chad holding me close before I fell asleep. I mentally punched myself in the throat and let the smile fall. From all the people I could’ve taken home, I had to choose the one who I wasn’t supposed to touch. I cleared my throat and jumped out of bed when I saw him come too close to kiss me.

“I’m going to the gym. Feel free to take a shower if you want one.”

Chad sat up, but I ran towards my bathroom before he could tell me something that would only make the situation even more awkward. I quickly changed into my gym apparel and barely waved to Jasmine who was already studying before escaping the apartment. The cold air made me wince. I hadn’t even thought about taking a jacket in my haste. My phone rang. Jasmine .

“I’ve seen you do many walks of shame over the last two years, but this one takes the cake.”

I rolled my eyes. She had a point, of course. Jasmine had seen the good, the bad, and especially the ugly.

“I know I should take responsibility, but not now.”

She huffed out a laugh before gaining a polite cool. “Oh hey, Chad, how are you?”

Oh gods, if only I could hit myself numb by running into a wall. I heard him say something before our front door clicked shut once more.

“Evelyn Somers,” she started.

“I know… I did something bad. I shouldn’t have led him on by having sex with him.”

“If you know that, then why did you?”

Because my heart had been in shambles yesterday. Having someone care for me in the way that Danté wouldn’t seemed a good idea at that time. Selfish too, yes.

Jasmine let out a loud breath. “What did Danté tell you yesterday?”

Was I that obvious? There weren’t many people who could make me feel as much as he did, so I guess the options were rather limited. I stopped and looked at my reflection in a puddle. The young woman who once had so many hopes and dreams was now a very sad-looking lass. She was pathetic, especially since she had thought she’d be able to outrun a broken heart.

“That he doesn’t want to try long-distance relationships.”

There. I said it. The reality of it made my head spin.

“Oh, Evy, I’m so sorry. I wish it could’ve gone differently.”

Yesterday I had been so sure that love would always conquer; I could see the cracks in that belief now. But I guess that Taylor had been right all along. This wasn’t a fairy-tale, and it was time for me to accept that maybe Danté wasn’t the one to sweep me off my feet like I had dreamed he would.

“Me too.”