Chapter 24

It was rather obvious that most people were home for the holidays. A good amount of our customers were students. Now that they weren’t on campus or near college, the café was mostly empty. Some retirees came for a hot cup of coffee and some social interaction. Other than that, it was too calm. That was how Chloe and I had ended up in a booth, where she was helping me study toxicology. I had a hard time focusing, so when she asked me to explain the courses to her, it gave me enough motivation to do it right. She asked me in-depth questions, and when I answered right, she gave me a freshly baked oat cookie. Every now and then, Kristen appeared in the doorway to the kitchen to see if we were still there. At one point, she even put a fresh pot of hot lemon tea on our table and some cucumber sandwiches.

“How is the studying going?” she asked.

“Evy will do just fine, like always,” Chloe told her as she poured three cups of tea.

I packed mine with a whole lot of sugar, which wasn’t great. Especially if I was going to preach to patients later that too much sugar was bad. But hey, I was only human. I let out a satisfied hum as I took a sip.

“You know you can ask for a few days off if you need to study at home,” Kristen told me.

She had always been such a chill and understanding boss. I would miss working for her, and this café. Chloe and Kristen had been a great supportive system during the two and a half years I had been here. The bell chimed, and Danté walked inside. Shit . I had forgotten we were Tuesday, and Danté never skipped coming by on Tuesday. My shoulders slumped. I hadn’t seen him or heard from him again since I had abandoned them at the Ferris wheel. After having let myself cry and wallow in self-pity for a day because of how much I hated myself these last few days, I had picked myself up and focused on my upcoming exams. It had been enough to keep my mind off all the rest. Until now. Chloe shot me a questioning look, and I sighed before walking over to the counter. I put on my charming customer smile.

“Hello. What can I get you?”

Danté stayed silent for a while. He watched my every move when my fingers started tapping nervously against the wood of the counter, his expression carefully blank. My stomach churned under the intensity of his attention. Chloe and Kristen were both watching us, ready to jump in if necessary. He finally moved, only to drop a key on the counter. My breath hitched in my throat. He wasn’t here just for coffee then.

“You gave me back my key,” he stated.

“I did.”

“Didn’t I ask you to keep it?”

Great. Now I felt like an asshole. I let go of the smile.

“You did.”

“Then may I ask why you gave it back anyway?”

Unable to keep eye contact any longer, I looked away. That numbness that I had felt at the market came back. Only this time, it didn’t drown out the sadness. I just felt cold and alone.

“It felt too heavy to keep.”

His head dropped to the side, as he was unable to understand where I was going. Danté opened his mouth to answer, so I cut him off.

“I don’t want to have it. So please stop talking about it.”

I couldn’t have that key. It felt like too much for the little that we’d had together. Being reminded constantly that I would never be anything else but the prickly squirrel girl in a world where the kind ones like Manal existed only made it harder.

“Squirrel, what happened that night?”

My heart felt like a hand grenade that had been thrown after the pin had been removed. I exploded in tears and anger. “You really ought to stop calling me that!”

Heads shot up at my outburst, and I fled to the kitchen. Danté followed me. He took a step towards me, and I took one back. His eyes turned worried.

“Evelyn, what is going on? Did I do something wrong?”

Had he done something, or was it just me? I pulled at my hair as more tears fell down. Danté took me in his arms, even when I struggled. He held me close, and let me sniffle against his sweatshirt.

“Talk to me.”

Except that being this close only hurt more. His hands rubbed invisible circles on my back.

“I need you to stop being so nice to me.”

“Are you hating yourself so much that you don’t want me to be nice to you?”

Maybe I did. But it wasn’t just that. I didn’t want him to be just nice if that was all he could be to me. It had been too clear that Danté was just nice. I didn’t want it if that was all he had to offer me. I let myself bask in his clean smell a second longer before I pushed him back, rubbing my eyes with my sleeve.

“I don’t want your kindness if that’s all it is. And I don’t need your pity.”

“What? Evelyn, I don’t pity you.”

“Look, I am grateful that you were there for me last week. You didn’t have to, but you were there. But I am not a kid you need to watch over or someone you have to take care of. So please, just keep that key.”

A muscle in his jaw twitched. I had hoped Danté would drop it now, but he stepped closer, so close until I was pressed against the fridge.

“Is that how you see me? Like I watch over you like a kid because I have to?”

“How could I not? She called me Squirrel Girl!”

“Evy, there was nothing insulting in what she said.”

I knew that. Of course I did. That didn’t change the fact that it still hurt.

“Danté, don’t you see it? Can you really be so dense?”

He didn’t answer. I inhaled loudly through my nose. My vision blurred again, so I just closed my eyes.

“I am smart. More than that, I am at the top of my class. I work hard for everything I need or want, and yet the only thing that someone remembers from what you told her is that I am that ridiculous girl wearing a squirrel onesie. Can’t you see I am more than that?”

There was silence. All I could hear was the blood rushing through my head. When I opened my eyes again, Danté stood closer than before. The right corner of his lips was uptilted. He brushed some of my unruly curls from my face, his fingers grazing my forehead ever so slightly.

“I see you, Evelyn Somers. Not just as a funny girl, or as a brilliant woman. I see all of you. I am sorry I made you feel like I didn’t take you seriously.”

I could feel my lip wobble. “You do?”

“I do.”

He cupped the back of my neck and held me closer. This time, I didn’t fight him. This time, I just let myself enjoy the embrace.

“Next time, instead of bottling up your feelings, please just tell me. You know I’d never hurt you on purpose.”

“Sorry. It’s been a rough week.”

“I know,” he murmured without letting me go. “I know.”

Danté patted my arms before letting me go. He handed me a tissue that I took to blow my nose.

“Do you always have a stash of tissues in your pockets?” I asked, cleaning my glasses that were all smeared with half-dried tears.

“I figured you need them quite often.”

This should probably have irked me. At this point, he had seen me puking and all snotty, and there was nothing I could do about it anymore. It didn’t matter. One thing was certain. There was nothing left for me to impress him with. That knowledge was liberating somehow, because I could be the worst version of myself, and Danté would still stand by me.

“Better?”

I nodded. “I guess I just needed to explode.”

His eyes crinkled as he smiled. My insides grew warm at the sight. My peace was short-lived. When we went back to the front of the café, Manal was chatting with Chloe at the counter. I stopped in my tracks at the sight of her. Why did she have to be everywhere? Her eyes lit up as she saw us.

“Hello, Evelyn.”

She emphasized my name before giggling sweetly like it was a private joke between the both of us. It wasn’t. I couldn’t hate her for it, no matter how much I wanted to. If Danté had golden retriever energy, Manal had the demeanour of an overexcited puppy. Danté went to her, and she hugged him like she had done that night. Chloe shot me a confused glance. Instead of letting him go afterward, her arm stayed around his middle. I had thought Danté was single all this time. Had I been so mistaken? She said something I didn’t hear. Chloe stepped forward, apparently to take their orders. I forced myself back into motion and looked at the order so I could help prepare it. When I put their take-out coffees in front of them, they were chatting and laughing, still wrapped in each other like lovers in their honeymoon phase would.

“Enjoy your coffee.”

Danté grabbed the key that was still on the counter and their drinks. He gave me a questioning look, so I faked a smile. I was good at those these days. I wouldn’t destroy his happiness just because my heart couldn’t stop feeling. They both waved, not a cloud in their sky, unlike in mine. When he walked away, arm in arm with her, my heart cracked even further.

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