Be My Forever

Chapter 27

Grandma was shuffling around the kitchen preparing her specialty: grilled tomato and basil soup. Like always, she tutted me away when I offered to help, so I watched her while sipping some tea. I had needed a break from my own head to be able to concentrate on my exams. It was also the perfect excuse to visit her. It was nice to be back here without my parents or my sister, where it was just the two of us.

“How is your friend doing?”

“Jasmine’s doing great. Her exams are going well.”

Grandma hummed but didn’t respond. When I looked up from my agenda, she was watching me, her eyes full of laughter. My insides clenched.

“You meant Danté.”

“I did. But I’m glad Jasmine’s well.”

I didn’t know what to tell her. So many things had gone south these days, and I was well aware that I was being an ostrich about it. Telling her about it was too much.

Grandma cleared her throat. “So?”

“We’re not really on speaking terms at the moment.”

“What did you do?”

I scowled at her over my cup of tea. Grandma had seen me scowl and scream and do so much more for years. Me scowling now wasn’t bothering her.

“Why are you assuming I did something wrong?”

She stirred her soup before resting her hip against the counter, hands clasped together. “I’m not assuming you did something wrong. But I know you and your terrible tendencies to pretend to be fine and then explode. So, did you?”

“I might have said some things,” I grumbled.

“Darling…”

“I know, Grandma. I hate myself for it.”

She handed me a bowl of steaming soup, smiling brightly. “You’ll do better next time.”

“How can you be so sure?” I asked, swallowing back my tears.

If anything, I had proved time and time again that I made the same mistakes without getting better.

Grandma’s palm was soft against my cheek. “Because I believe in you. You should too.”

***

Unlike me, Jasmine had finished all her exams. Which meant she could start going out and meeting her friends again. Lucky bastard. Not that I was in the mood to go out or anything. I had spent the last days wallowing in self-hatred. Though I couldn’t really pinpoint what exactly made me hate myself the most anymore. Did I loathe my mere existence because of what I had said to Danté, or because I truly had felt like there could be a future for us where he liked me too? Not only did I hate myself, I had also accepted the fact that I probably was the biggest fool on this planet. I had been delusional and had seen what I wanted to see instead of taking the hint like most people would have. But no, stupid Evy was in love with Danté, the guy who would never give her the love she hoped to receive from him. If only it were so easy to stop loving him.

After the disaster that had been the bowling night, I had locked myself in my room and put in earplugs. It was the only way to ignore my friends on the other side of the room while I bawled my eyes and heart out until I fell asleep. I had felt guilty for exploding in Danté’s face the way I did. But no matter how much I looked back at that terrible moment, I couldn’t help but feel misled. Because never had Danté been with me the way he was with Manal, just like he had never given a real sign that he cared for me when she was around. And that hurt.

Jasmine closed my textbook, and I jumped at the sudden gesture. I looked back up at her and glowered. Just because she was done with her exams didn’t mean she could to meddle with my schedule. She was not impressed.

“You’ve been staring at the same page for over twenty minutes. I think you should accept the fact that you need a break.”

“Alright, o wise one, what do you suggest?”

Jasmine clicked her tongue and whacked me on the head. When I tried to hit her back, she took a step back.

“Don’t go sassy on me, you bitch. Let’s go to the College.”

“I’m not sure that’s reasonable. I still need to study.”

“Evelyn, you need a break. If you don’t want to drink or drink much, then don’t. Staying here and staring at a page and not being able to read because you cannot focus is not going to work.”

I hated it when she was right. I also had to admit that studying was more of a formality, because I wanted to have the best scores on the exams. I already knew what was in those books enough to nail the tests as it was. I ended up agreeing.

“Fine, let’s go out for an hour.”

Since this night out wasn’t supposed to end up any other way than me getting back home early enough to get a good night of sleep, I didn’t bother with a fancy outfit or a lot of makeup. Mascara was more than enough. I quickly put on a black knitted jumper and a wide pair of jeans and called it a day.

Theo met us outside of our building, and we walked to the bar. My friends were talking, but I let them. I didn’t have the energy to really participate in the conversation. I just felt drained. The first thing I saw when we arrived at the College was Danté sitting at the bar. It was time to accept that I was a magnet for doomed evenings. I stopped in my tracks and hesitated if I should go back home. Jasmine, who was completely oblivious to my internal turmoil, pushed me inside. Luckily, the space was rather crowded. The chances that Danté saw me were reduced by at least thirty percent.

We hadn’t seen each other since the bowling night. Me snapping at him and regretting it later was an ongoing theme. I hated myself for always exploding like that. I just couldn’t help the bitterness and the sadness that always followed me when Danté and Manal were nearby. I darted to one of the booths near the back. If Jasmine or Theo suspected what was going on, neither of them said anything. Theo went to the bar to get us drinks. Jasmine leaned over the table.

“Why are you panicking like this?”

As if on cue, my leg started bouncing. “Danté is here.”

Had I known that he would be here too, I wouldn’t have come. Call me a coward. I already knew that.

“So?”

“Remember what happened last time I saw him?”

“You can’t keep avoiding him. You guys should talk it out.”

I wanted to. Gods, I had to make it up. But how? When I lifted my head in his direction, Danté’s eyes locked with mine. The golden retriever energy that I was so used to with him was nowhere to be found. He was mad. I could practically taste his anger from across the room.

Theo came back, and I downed three shots before they could say anything. This night was going to be a disaster. There was no way things would go smoothly. I might as well get as much liquid courage in my system, even though I tended to be a rather sad drunk whenever Danté was involved. I could still feel his attention weighing on me, so I downed two more shots of tequila. When I finally gathered the courage to look back up, he wasn’t alone anymore. I recognized the blonde girl. How could I not? It was the very same one I had seen the first night at our apartment, and many more nights afterwards. And she was about to kiss him. My heart clenched, and I shot up, unable to stay in the same room as Danté and Blondie. Both Jasmine and Theo stopped mid-conversation.

“Evy, are you alright?”

“Yes,” I lied. “I just need to get some air. I’ll be right back.”

I practically ran outside. The air was chilly, just what I needed. I leaned back against the wall and listened to the music when the song changed. “The Death of Peace of Mind”. Of fucking course. The song set the theme. A second later, the door opened. I didn’t need to open my eyes to know who stood there.

“How long are you going to do this?”

I blinked at him. Danté was clenching his jaw. It was the first time that his demeanour seemed so dangerous. I swallowed.

“Doing what?”

Although I had an idea of where he was going.

“You don’t get to comment on my actions the way you do.”

He walked over to me. Every step he took resonated in my bones. Danté leaned down until our noses almost touched. I tried to pull my head back, which only worked so well with the wall in my way. My pulse sped up to the point I could feel my heartbeat in my throat.

“I’ll ask you only once more. What is your problem?”

“My problem?” I squeaked.

The corners of his mouth twitched, but he kept his dark gaze locked on mine. So this was what a mouse must feel like when a cat was about to devour it.

“With the women I take home. Why does it bother you so much?”

He was going to take her home? My breath got caught in my throat, and the edges of my sight blurred. This was getting way out of hand. Panic fluttered in my veins as my breath quickened.

“They’re not me,” I whispered.

I clamped a hand over my mouth. That was not what I had wanted to say. Danté’s eyes went wide at the confession. His shock quickly gave way to a satisfied smirk.

“Oh Evelyn, you should’ve just said so.”

He came even closer. So close that I could smell the alcohol on his breath and the soap on his skin. I found myself leaning my head towards him. Danté pressed me against the wall and his hands found their way to my waist. A shiver ran down my spine when he brushed his nose against the column of my neck. His teeth grazed against the sensitive skin. I let a gasp out when he bit me. Danté let out a breathy laugh at my reaction.

“Tell me what you want, Evelyn.”

Him. Wasn’t that obvious? I wanted all of him. Not just the sex, not just the banter. Everything.

“Do you want me to kiss you?”

I opened my mouth to say yes. Danté waited, his mouth so close to mine I could feel his breath on my lips. His pupils were wide, his hair slightly tousled.

“Not if a kiss is all you can give me.”

Danté opened his mouth, but before any sound came out, the door opened again.

“Danté, what are you doing…”

The voice stopped mid-sentence. We both turned our heads to Blondie. My cheeks burned red. Her eyes narrowed. I tried to free myself, but Danté didn’t move. Nothing had happened, and it still felt like we were caught. Not being able to stomach both of them any longer, I pushed him away.

“Evy, wait.”

I ignored him and fled back inside. We all knew what would happen if I let him kiss me. Except that there would be no coming back from that.

***

My morning shift at the café had lasted longer than it should. The sudden rush of customers thirty minutes before I was finished for the day had been a bad surprise. I couldn’t leave Chloe alone in such a situation. But that left me with twenty minutes to take a shower and get to the campus to arrive in time for the exam. As I was running to my door, Danté walked out of his. Oh, fuck me . I skidded to a stop, out of breath, fishing my keys out of my backpack.

“I think we ought to have a talk,” he said instead of greeting me.

There was no light in his eyes. If anything, Danté looked rather grim. The last time I had seen him, he had me pressed against a wall, and his sex friend had been glaring at us. If I had been able to avoid him for two whole days, my luck had finally run out. He was right. It was time to talk it out. We should’ve done that months ago, rather than going in circles the way we did. I looked at my watch. I was running late.

“Not now. I need to go to school.”

“Evelyn, when will you stop running away? We need to talk.”

“I am not trying to run away. I really need to go.”

I bit my lip; this day was not going according to plan. It didn’t seem like I had a choice but to go with the flow somehow. To hell with the shower.

“What is it?” I asked without looking at him.

From my peripheral vision I could see him leaning against the wall, arms crossed. His fingers were tapping nervously against his elbow.

“You know what it is.”

“I don’t have time for this,” I pressed. “Just say what you have to say.”

“Tell me what you want!”

I looked around the hall. Luckily there was no one around. I also hoped that the other neighbours didn’t hear us. Making a scene with witnesses wasn’t particularly high on my bucket list.

“You can’t keep nagging at me about my life, my friends, or my choices and refuse to be upfront about what you’re expecting.”

“I don’t expect anything from you.”

Not anymore, at least. Danté pulled at his hair in frustration. The anger that had seeped from him when we were at the bar was now gone. Instead of anger, there was nothing but apprehensiveness.

“Then tell me why you are acting like that. You dated that lame guy for a year, and take others home, which I’ve never held against you. So why do you care so much when I do it?”

Had he watched me that closely all this time? Unable to stand still any longer, Danté started pacing.

“Alright,” I said, finally facing him. “It does bother me when you take all those girls home. But you already knew that.”

His brows shot up in surprise. “So why is it acceptable if you do it, and yet not when I see people?”

I took the blow. I deserved that one. I let my head fall back and took a deep breath. There we go.

“I only do it because you do it,” I admitted quietly.

I was tired of running away, just like I was tired of fighting with him. Danté and I had been in a vicious circle since the day we met; and granted, it had been my fault. I dated Robert because he had been ready to give me what Danté hadn’t even considered. All the fight that he had inside him seemed to leave his body. Danté looked like I had slapped him in the face.

“What do you mean?”

I glanced at my watch. I had to move now. “You never asked me out.”

Then I slipped inside my apartment. My heart was beating so loudly it felt like I would throw up, yet I couldn’t finish that conversation now. Not that there was much left to add.

***

It was the first time in my life that I had gone to an exam being all sweaty and breathless. Even Professor Leloux had looked at me with wide eyes as I barged into her classroom to take the exam. Fucking Danté and his bad timing. I glanced at my watch. I had barely made it. The teacher made a sign to take a seat in front of her. Let’s go.

***

From the kitchen, Theo and I could hear Jasmine sing along to Ariana Grande while she was showering. When I had gotten home, the first thing Jasmine had said was “Now that your exams are finally done, let’s get drunk.” Later she’d asked if I had nailed it. Obviously, I had.

Every now and then, Theo glanced at me, then pretended to look back at his phone every time I caught him staring. I sighed at the third time.

“What is it?”

“What are your plans tonight?”

For once, my planning was rather simple: shower, get drunk, have a hangover, and spend the whole next day sleeping. A few months ago, getting laid would also have been on that list. I didn’t see that in the cards for me right now or in the near future. There was still a dark cloud hanging above my head, and I didn’t feel like having a stranger putting his hands all over me as long as Danté and I hadn’t talked it out. Really talked it out, that is. So I just shrugged.

“Get drunk and sleep. Why?”

“Oh, nothing.”

Nothing, my ass. I wasn’t blind, so of course I saw his shoulders sag from hidden disappointment. Theo had been my friend for years. We weren’t as close anymore since he and Jasmine had begun dating. Being a third wheel did that to a friendship, even if they did their best to include me in their plans. I was still able to read him like an open book, just like I had been able to do for the past ten years. There was no denying that Theo wanted Jasmine for himself every now and then. It seemed that my evening plans were not what he had hoped for.

I toyed with my piercing as I asked him, “So, why do you want me out of the house?”

Theo’s spine straightened. “I don’t want you out of the house. This is your place.”

It was. Regardless, there was something he wasn’t telling me.

“So do you want to go out without me?”

It wouldn’t be the first time. Theo shook his head, also remembering how that went last time. I could stay at home if he needed tonight to be a date.

“No, I want you to come.”

And his smile was sincere, so what was he not telling me? I crossed my arms.

“Out with it.”

He let out a sigh, his long, slim body turning into an overcooked noodle. Theo slid in his chair until only his head was still visible.

“Jasmine and I haven’t done it in weeks because of the exams. I had hoped that we could tonight.”

A sudden laugh escaped my lips, and Theo gave me the middle finger. Well, at least some of us would have a glorious night.

“Sorry, buddy. There is no other bed available for me tonight. Getting dicked down is not where I am headed.”

He let out a strangled noise, which only made me cackle louder. I patted his head.

“Don’t worry, I can put my earplugs in if that’s what’s bothering you.”

“If you also don’t mind staying in your room.”

“Whatever. As long as you don’t fuck on my kitchen counter.”

Pink dusted his sharp cheeks. What?!

“You guys fucked on my kitchen counter?!”

“It might have happened once or twice.”

I couldn’t help but gag at that. Now it was Theo’s turn to cackle like a witch. Tomorrow, this whole kitchen would be sanitized. Twice! Jasmine walked back inside the kitchen, her hair wrapped in a blue towel. Her cheeks were a lovely shade of red thanks to the hot water.

“Your turn,” she said.

I shot them both a glare as I got up.

“Fine, but don’t fuck on my counter while I’m showering.”

Jasmine silently questioned Theo, who only snickered in response as I went for the bathroom. What a bunch of perves.