31. The Protector
Chapter thirty-one
The Protector
Sammy
I was seething, finally releasing all of my pent-up rage at the right person, and allowing her to see how her betrayal had impacted me. No, that’s not even the correct word. That word is too soft to signify what losing her felt like. Annihilate is a more accurate word. That’s how I feel right now, like there is nothing left of the man I once was. When her blue-gray eyes met mine, filled with tumultuous storms, disbelief, and horror in their depths, I felt a chasm further opening up within me. When her gaze slid along the surface of my damaged skin, I witnessed the disgust, plain to see across her features. I haven’t been able to take a look in a mirror since my solo captivity, but I don’t need a mirror to tell me that I am irrevocably scarred and disfigured, ugly now in Dinah’s eyes.
The blood coursing through my veins was so loud in my ears, that I didn’t even hear what she said before she started swaying, fell to the floor, and grasped at her throat, unable to catch her breath. Even watching her be overcome with emotions that she made no attempt to hide, I still tried to push my way towards her. For what purpose, I am not sure I even understand. Would I have hurt her again, or tried to kill her? What was my plan once I got to her, as I watched her become deathly pale and terrified? Did a part of me want to comfort her? Forgive her for hurting and betraying me? Was it just instinctual? She has always been my Nightstar, and I, her protector, her knight in tarnished armor, her Sammy .
One moment, I was standing, and the next, Abe had me pinned to the floor with a roar, punching me repeatedly to subdue me, and threatening me with death if I rose up once again, and tried to move towards Dinah. By then, the cataclysm of emotions that had a tsunami effect on me had dissipated, a tide pulling back after wrecking everything in its path, and all I could feel was fear. Overwhelming fear at whatever was happening to her, and that she wasn’t breathing. “What the fuck is happening to her? ABE! What the fuck is the matter with her? Why isn’t she breathing?!” I yelled, but the fucker just ignored me as he fell to his knees, filled with panic, lifted her in his arms, and ran out of the room without a backward glance. The fucker didn’t even bother to relock the door, so I charged out of the room after him, intent on getting to Dinah.
Abe yelled the walls down, begging for help, with Dinah cradled in his large arms. People rushed in every direction, and Zeke reappeared seemingly out of nowhere. Someone with medical training had Dinah brought to a bedroom, and we were all forcibly removed from the space so that they could check her. As I stood there in shock, with trepidation threatening to take my legs out from under me, Zeke’s fist connected with the side of my jaw, so hard that I felt one of my molars crack, as I shook my head to try to clear some of the pain and dizziness away. I stumbled into someone else and took them down with me, while Abe and two other guards restrained him, and another pulled a gun warily on me, and told me to stay put. “I warned you, fucker! I warned you, if you hurt her, I would kill you! You’re dead, Sammy! Dead!”
His words and anger meant nothing to me. All I could feel was the boulder of dread in the pit of my stomach that Dinah wasn’t alright. I haven’t been so scared since the day I saw Zeke stab her, and thought that was her final moment on this earth. Nothing Noah and his maggots put me through even compared to that type of terror. “Is it... is it the baby?” I questioned, the words tasting like straight acid on my lips. For the rest of my life, however short that might be, I’ll never forget the look of utter shock on both Abe and Zeke’s faces. They both seemed to age twenty years at that moment. “ What fucking baby? What the hell are you talking about?“ Zeke demanded, and at first, I thought he was just playing coy with me, trying to protect Dinah, but then I looked at Abe and saw the haunting look in his eyes. “You said that before, but I thought you were just fucking with her. You honestly believed she was pregnant? What the fuck is the matter with you, Sammy?”
If I thought my heart and mind had been broken before, I was wrong. Everything within me ceased to exist. My heart stopped beating, my lungs refused to take in air, and my mind blared with a high-pitched siren. I hoped, with everything that I had left, that they were both lying to me, that they were playing me for a pathetic fool, but as I stared into their faces, I realized that, in fact, it was me who was pathetic and a complete fool. I allowed Noah Rothesay to convince me of something that I should have known was improbable. That demon managed to convert me to his side in hating Dinah. He wrapped his poison around me so thoroughly and tightly, that I stopped questioning what the truth was, and allowed my anger to lead me to hate the one person who had been everything to me. I tried to kill the only woman I have ever loved, my only family, and the individual who has meant the most to me.
I don’t know what happened next. It was as if a switch was flipped inside of me, and I could only get a glimpse, as if I was floating outside of my body and watching helplessly, unable to stop myself. I know I banged my head against the wall, over and over, until my blood coated its surface red. The hallway sounded as if a trapped, injured animal was within it, and I was almost certain the noises were coming from me. Somewhere within the space, someone begged over and over hoarsely to die, to be shot, and for their misery to be ended. One minute, I was cognitive of what was happening. The next, darkness took over, and I awoke back in this room, with my head thundering and wrapped in thick bandages, and feeling like my skull was smashed to pieces. I don’t know how long I was out, and what has happened in the time period when I was unconscious. No amount of banging on the once again locked door has brought anyone here. I am trapped, alone with my thoughts, except now I know that I am a monster. One who tried to kill Dinah based on falsehoods, and who was easily manipulated by a fiend who wanted nothing more than to tear her apart, and punish her for thwarting his plans. I played right into Noah Rothesay’s hands, and I will never forgive myself.
The door opens, and I lift my head, shielding my eyes with my battered hand, from the light that causes further intense shooting pain to ricochet around my skull. “Hello, Sammy. I am Sarah, Abe’s mother. We’ve met before, at Dinah’s wedding, and more recently under unfortunate circumstances. I need to ask you a few questions.”
What the hell does Abe’s mother want with me? I know that she’s somehow involved with the rebels. She was there when Dinah killed the Holy Father, with rebel forces fighting against the Brotherhood. It seems that many of the so-called sacred wives may have been leading double lives, and acting as spies for the insurgents. I’d be amused at the thought of the Order realizing the women they thought to demoralize, abuse, and control have risen up against them, but honestly, I don’t give a fuck about any woman except Dinah. “Dinah? Where is she?”
“Are you asking from a place of concern, or because you want to know if you succeeded in hurting her once again?” She comes closer, and I can see the many weapons strapped to her body. Her mostly dark hair, with strands of silver intermixed, and lined face, give her a respectable, motherly look, but those amber eyes she passed on to her psychotic son tell of a will forged by fire. Tread lightly; she’s not to be trusted, my mind whispers, as my body tenses, watching her pull a chair away from the wall and sit down daintily.
“Both,” I release an aggravated sigh, not wanting to play these games of intrigue that everyone in the Brotherhood seems to excel at. “Just tell me, or leave me the fuck alone.” She releases a chuckle, her lips quirking upwards, and instantly making her appear younger. “A straight shooter, I admire that.” She leans forward, her elbows meeting the surface of her dark fatigues, and the smile gets wiped off her face as if it had never appeared. My eyes trail to the guns she has strapped to her chest in black leather holders, and the blades in sheaths at her legs. She reminds me a little of my Nightstar, beautiful but deadly. “She had a panic attack, one induced by all the stress of the situation. I’m sure her various injuries, and lack of sleep, also contributed to it. You contributed to it, with your need to hurt her for something she had no control over.”
I want to dispute her charge, but one sharp look from her makes me keep my lips sealed. “Let me be very clear, Samuel Wendover, so there are no misunderstandings. I don’t think there is a point in trying to save you. You’re far too broken to be of use, and only a casualty of this war, and, frankly, a risk to her safety. I would be doing you a kindness by ending your life. I don’t trust you, not because I think you work for Noah Rothesay, but because your hate has spread through you, and you can no longer seem to determine reality from all the lies you were fed.” The silence fills the room, and I don’t know if she’s expecting me to plead for my life. I won’t. I have no desire to continue to live in a world where I hurt Dinah repeatedly. I also can’t dispute her charges. Even now, I can’t, with a hundred percent certainty, tell if this is real or only happening in my mind. “Was she ever pregnant?” My voice sounds foreign to my ears, timid, awaiting the death sentence her response will ensure.
“No, she never was, and in fact, the truth that not even my son knows, is that Ezekiel’s knife wound to her abdomen will cause her immense difficulty in ever carrying a child to term. All of that was a lie to push you over the edge, I am sure, along with many others, including that she wasn’t actively looking for you.” Death it is, then. Everything I have done requires that punishment. Sarah is right; I don’t deserve to continue to live. I am unworthy to be allowed to breathe the same air as my Nightstar. “I’ll answer your questions, but I need something from you in return.” A dismissive look crosses her face, and she goes to stand up. “I have information on Noah, where he might be hiding, and what his plans are.” This may be my only chance left to do some good in this world, and I won’t dare risk not assisting in ridding the earth of Noah Rothesay. As long as he’s still breathing, he’s a risk to Dinah. “Go on, make your request, and if it doesn’t harm Dinah, or my son, I will endeavor to grant it.” Thank fucking God. I’m one step closer now, just a little longer.
“I want you to ensure I don’t survive, so I can’t ever hurt her again. Make it look like an accident, or play it as if I tried to escape. I don’t care which way it goes down, but I die here at your hands.” Her eerie eyes penetrate mine, as if they are attempting to see the truths of my wishes in the depths of my damaged soul. Whatever she sees there, must reassure her of my need to die. “You have my word, Samuel Wendover, you will not make it out of this mansion. Now tell me what I need to know.”