30. The Sinner
Chapter thirty
The Sinner
Dinah
H e’s broken. Not just in a small way, but in a way that I fear I may never get him back. All the pieces of my Sammy seem to be too shattered to ever be put back together. He stares at me with devastation, his face lined with various emotions that I am not certain I can digest, as I answer Abe’s question in his place. I express the words out loud that I have held onto all this time. The ones I buried deep inside my heart, where they were safe, and could not be stolen from me. The ones that have helped me remain sane during everything that has happened to us, yet I fear that, for the first time, I will have to discard them, that they are no longer genuine.
Before my brother’s death, I had hoped to make them come to fruition, to be Sammy’s wife, regardless of the consequences from the Order. I wanted to run away with him, and be free to love each other openly. My greatest dream was to be reunited with my brother and mother, and for all of us to escape the Brotherhood. I believed my brother Gabriel would have supported my choice, that he would have loved Sammy, and seen for himself how much Sammy cared about me. Then that phone call came that turned my whole world upside down again, and tore everything I wanted out from under me. Mercilessly. Viciously. World shatteringly. That one instance put in motion a series of tragic events that could not be stopped. It has led us here to this moment, the one where I might have to give up the man I have peacefully loved for years, who kept me safe, and risked himself for me, knowing he could have, at any time, died in the process.
I force myself to my feet, regardless of my weary body protesting my actions, and scrub at my wet face with the back of my hands. The tears mix in with the dried blood on their surface, and appear grotesque, much like my heart, it would seem. It, too, is bleeding out inside of me from a million sharp cuts, dark and scarred. “You lied too, Dinah. How could you do that to me?!” Sammy shoves away from the wall, his body radiating violence once more. I flinch at the venom in his tone, his words battering me further without hesitation. “You say you didn’t leave me to die, but I have no proof of that, Dinah. None. Your men tell tales of your sacrificial efforts to save me, but all I saw was evidence to the contrary.“ He takes a step closer to me, and Abe moves to place himself in his way, his eyes darting back and forth between us. I see the indecision in their depths; he doesn’t know whether to allow this to continue. With a nod of my head, I ask him to permit this to happen, to let Sammy get it all out, once and for all, so that we can determine if there is any chance of saving him.
“I fucking saw you! I. FUCKING. SAW. YOU. DINAH! I saw photos and videos of you laughing with them, fucking them like a cheap whore, all while I was having acid poured on my skin. While I was being cut up like a butchered piece of meat, and my limbs were being broken.” He rips his loose, long-sleeved gray shirt over his head, and a gasp escapes my lips, as a ragged choking racket sounds from Abe. The beautiful golden perfection of his skin is severely damaged and disfigured; huge sections of skin are red or blackened, and other parts are covered in healing blisters, but the very worst of it is across his chest, where once my name was scrawled in black ink. That section is covered in horrific scar tissue, the skin attempting to mend itself and leaving the surface rough, monstrous, and distorted. Oh my God, just seeing what they have done to him makes me want to set the world on fire. How much pain he must have endured. How he’s even still alive after being put through that, I can’t even imagine.
“Look carefully, whore. This is what they did to me because of you! I suffered while you were free with them . Over and over again, I was punished because they could not get to you.“ His face turns a dangerous shade of red, his nostrils flaring, and an unhinged look of pure malice is directed at me. Long gone is the man who couldn’t utter any words to me just moments ago, only to be replaced with this creature that wishes to hurt me. The one who is trapped in the nightmares he suffered in my name. “I heard about your joy at being Ezekiel’s wife, and the spawn you carry inside of you, and the message you sent telling them to discard me, that I was worthless now to you. They showed it to me, in between ripping me apart and filling my veins with poison.“ He grabs hold of a small, round wooden side table, and launches it at the wall behind me, smashing it off the surface and shattering it into pieces. Abe is physically restraining him now, with an arm across his chest, and using all his weight to push him back and away from me. He’s grunting with the strain, his muscles rippling, and every few seconds, I glance at the terror painted across his features. Even in Sammy’s battered condition, he seems to find an inner strength provoked by his rage, and whatever lies Noah has fed him, and he manages to move Abe’s large, brawny body forward, closer and closer to where I am. He approaches me while I stand, stunned and dumbfounded before him, unable to process the words he just shouted at me. No, this can’t be possible. This isn’t happening. I can’t be trapped in this nightmare where I lose him, based on all these lies.
“What the fuck did you just say?” My voice sounds loud, shrill, and utterly hysterical to my own ears. There’s a clangorous buzzing happening all around me, and the world is beginning to spin before me. I reach out with my hands as I sway, catching nothing but air in my grip, as my legs buckle with weakness, forcing me to crash down to the ground. The impact has my knees bouncing off the wooden floor, but I don’t feel any pain. Nothing registers, only the numbness that is taking hold of me. “Jesus fuck! Atasi! Atasi, baby, are you okay? Talk to me!” Distantly, I hear the struggle of limbs hitting limbs, but I can’t focus. Everything has become muted, the sounds seeming to come from far away. I clutch at my chest, the pain radiating from there, taking over all my limbs and making it hard to breathe. My left arm tingles, up and down before a shooting pain hits the middle of my chest.
“Can’t... brea... the... can’t.” My head spins faster, and the room before me begins to dim, as I struggle to get any air inside of my lungs. A wave of coldness assaults me, making my teeth rattle as I scratch at my neck frantically, trying desperately to breathe. “Stay fucking down, or I’ll kill you, Sammy!” Abe’s roar tries to break through the darkness that is settling on me, but all my limbs feel weighed down, as my chest squeezes so tightly with the loss of air. I can’t hold on much longer. I can’t breathe; something is stopping the air from reaching my lungs. My head smacks against the hardwood floor, my eyes so heavy I can’t keep them open for another second. The world goes dark, and I’m lost in the void where no one can hurt me.
He believed their lies. He’s turned his back on me. I’ve lost him.