20. Lauren
LAUREN
S he wanted to believe him, that he’d protect her. She’d heard it all before, though. She’d heard it from practically every man from as far back as she could remember. Every boyfriend or trick or drug dealer that her mother brought home insisted they were there to help, to keep her mom safe, to put food on the table, whatever. But none of them meant it. Something always went wrong or they stole all the money out of the hiding spot in the wall or they wrecked the car or got them evicted or tried to creep into her room at night when Mom was passed out on the floor.
Lauren swallowed hard. Of course, Finn said he’d protect her after he’d actually done it. He took on men, armed with all kinds of guns, on his own and managed to keep her from getting shot or even hurt. He carried her to safety even after he’d been hurt, and he went back to clean things up. He could have taken the easy road and let those assholes kill her instead of risking his life, or dropped her at the cabin and gone on his way. He’d stayed. For whatever reason, he’d stayed.
But that didn’t mean they’d be safe forever. The snow fell outside and would keep on falling, it seemed like, but eventually it would stop. Eventually the bad guys would start looking for them, since Finn messed with their guys, and eventually they’d find the cabin. There weren’t a lot of places for people to hide, at least that she’d found, so eventually trouble would land on them. It was just a matter of time.
And when that happened, there was no telling how the cards would fall. It would probably be better for her to run when she could, to take that exit the second it opened up, no matter what Finn promised. He’d come to his senses eventually about not wasting time on her. He was just being kind because they were trapped together and she’d helped him with his leg and the medical stuff.
Lauren couldn’t breathe. She started to say something, to reassure him that he didn’t have to stay or do anything to help her, but when she paused, Finn’s whole demeanor changed. He tensed and the air crackled between them. He was close but somehow not close enough and too close at the same time. Every cell in her body focused on where he touched her leg.
She thought of that morning, when he held her close. Thought of the way he looked at her, the way his eyes dilated and his breathing deepened. Thought of all the things she’d been missing the last month or so on the run, the security of sleeping next to someone she trusted, someone who could at least wake her up if the cops broke down the door. She wanted to feel safe. She wanted to feel protected and cared for. And she wanted to feel, above everything else, loved.
And for some reason, Finn looked at her like he loved her. Like she was a gift he’d received unexpectedly and couldn’t wait to open.
It wasn’t like she had anything to lose, after all. What if she just went with it, for once? He was already so close…
Lauren leaned forward, ready for a kiss, and Finn’s eyes widened. He froze in place. “Wait…”
Her heart sank at the rejection. She just wanted to feel good before people hunted them down in the morning or she had to run away. She wanted to know what it was like for a guy like Finn to kiss her, to touch her. She wanted to know if he was as generous in bed as he seemed to be out in public.
Finn gulped comically, but he didn’t run away. “That…isn’t a good idea.”
“Are you sure?” she whispered.
“No.” Finn pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, I’m not sure at all.”
Her heart sped up again. So definitely not a rejection. He wanted her. He did. But he probably had the same questions about her that she had about him. Granted, she had some impulse control issues but spending the night together made sense from a strictly survival standpoint, too. It was still cold in the cabin, and they didn’t have much in the way of blankets and sleeping bags, so…
Lauren met his gaze and didn’t dare look away in case she lost her nerve completely and they’d have to spent an awkward as hell night avoiding each other. “Then maybe we should figure it out.”
Finn groaned and caught her face, dragging her mouth to his in a sudden rush. It took her by surprise and for a second she almost panicked, almost resisted and fled. But his hold gentled and the kiss seared her lips until the rest of the world disappeared. She definitely couldn’t breathe or think, lost in the warm strength of his hands. Lauren held on to his wrists as he held her cheeks, and kissed him back as fiercely as he’d reached for her.
He retreated, breathing hard. “I want you, Lauren. I want all of you, right now. Tonight, tomorrow, as long as I can have you. I want to taste every inch of you. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop. I need to know what you want—if it’s only making out or something more or…everything. I don’t want to push you. I won’t. But you should know what…what I’m thinking.”
Heat flashed through her. She’d hoped he wouldn’t just steamroll right into taking off her pants and making himself at home, but to hear him hit the brakes on what he wanted to check in on what she felt… Her throat burned as emotion surged, and for a long second, she struggled to keep from throwing her arms around his neck and declaring that she loved him. No one ever asked her that. No man had ever really cared, they would have taken the kiss and her not smacking them as permission to go all the way to third base.
Lauren swallowed the knot in her throat and nodded. She couldn’t breathe. “Yes.”
“Yes what?” Finn’s thumb brushed her cheek in a gentle caress, at odds with the intense fire in his gaze.
“Yes I want you too,” she said. What the hell. “But I need…”
She trailed off, uncertain. But he didn’t interrupt her, didn’t jump in with a comment or a threat or anything. Finn waited patiently, gazing at her and touching her cheek, like he’d wait there as long as she needed.
She was in way over her head with him. She knew it. She’d never known a man like Finn. Ever.
“Tell me what you need,” Finn murmured. He leaned in for a soft kiss, making a grumbly pleased noise that ignited a deep fire in her core, and bumped his nose against hers. “Anything you want, baby. Everything you want. Just say the word.”
It was too much. Too much pressure, too much goodness and sweetness. Why wasn’t he a regular asshole who just starting groping and demanding? She didn’t know how to deal with a considerate guy.
Plus he turned into a bear. She couldn’t forget that part, either. The thought slammed the brakes on the urge to push him down on the mattress and ride him like a Harley.
Finn must have sensed her distraction, because he eased back. Disappointment crossed his face but he didn’t pout about it. “You’re not feeling it, I get it. It’s completely your call, it’s been a long day, and I thought…”
“Wait,” she said. Lauren caught his shoulders and then couldn’t let him go. Finn sat and she didn’t let herself think. She didn’t hesitate. She swung up to straddle his thighs, facing him, and braced her hands on his chest. His wide eyes would have made her laugh her ass off if she hadn’t wanted to immediately grind against the enormous, very hard proof in his lap of how much he wanted her. “I just wasn’t… I mean, I wondered whether you would turn into a bear if we…did anything, and obviously I’m not going to sign up for…relations with a freaking bear.”
A smile flashed through his beard and his arms circled around her, pinned Lauren to his chest. Finn chuckled and nuzzled behind her ear, his breath tickling the sensitive spot on her throat that made her shiver all over. “We don’t do that. I promise. I might want to eat you like honey, but it’ll just be the man, not the bear.”
Her face flushed. Lauren tilted her head back as his mouth left a heated trail down her throat to her shoulder. He sucked and nibbled and teased, one hand cupping her butt and the other worked into her hair, until Lauren almost lost her mind. She closed her eyes and just enjoyed it, just lived with the feeling of someone doing something for her, someone making her feel good.
His weight shifted and she braced for disappointment but also the anticipation his naked skin finally next to hers. She wanted to sleep with him, wanted to know what he felt like, but she also wondered whether he was the kind of guy who held off on his own enjoyment until after she got hers.
Finn leaned back, shoulders propped on a wadded up sleeping bag. His hands trailed down her sides and then back up, inside her shirt, as the firelight made his eyes flash. He tugged on the end of the sweater, lifting his hips in a slow bump and thrust that made her breath catch, and murmured, “Take what you want, baby. I’m here for you. Use me.”
Lauren went light-headed as she looked down at him. Somehow he looked completely relaxed, despite the massive hard-on in his pants, while she was ready to fly apart at the seams. “What…what do you mean?”
He grumbled again and squeezed her waist. “You tell me what you want, when you want it. Clothes on or off, mine or yours. Maybe I can only use my mouth or my hands or just breathe. Maybe I don’t get to touch you at all and you take your time.”
“You want me to tell you what to do?” She hadn’t expected that. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d want to be tied up and yelled at. Was that what he expected? Maybe because she was a criminal, he thought…
“Come back,” he murmured, fingertips ghosting along the waist of her jeans until she shivered and twitched. Finn still smiled, though the intensity in his gaze had her heart racing. “Darlin’, I will absolutely take charge if that’s what you want. But you look real nervous and I’m not going to make you more nervous by asking for something you’re not ready to give. So we’ll start here, okay?”
The warmth building between her thighs from the slight friction every time his body moved grew, building toward a boil. If that was him not even doing anything, she’d never survive the full extent of his attention. She gnawed on her lip. Could she really tell him what to do? The thought alone—the mental image of her telling him to take his pants off and fuck her—almost sent her into hiding. She cleared her throat and touched his chest, warring with herself. “I don’t know how to…”
Another groan, quickly hidden, distracted her. Finn squeezed her waist and held her there as his hips rotated in a lazy motion that had Lauren fisting his shirt. She gasped and moved to meet him, desperately glad he’d started first, and closed her eyes. Thank God they still had their clothes on, otherwise she could have lifted up and let him take over and things would have been over pretty quickly. Maybe Finn would take his time. He hadn’t rushed anything yet.
His hand slid to the small of her back and then down into her pants, squeezing her butt, to help rock her down against him. She groaned softly and held on tighter. He might kill her. He might actually kill her if he kept it up. At least his breathing went deep and heavy in the near-silent cabin, so she wasn’t the only one panting.
“Take off your shirt,” she blurted out.
She wasn’t brave enough to open her eyes to check his reaction, but she squeaked when he moved and she almost pitched to the side, then Finn put her palms on his bare chest with a murmured, “There we go.”
Oh Lord. She was in trouble. So much trouble.