21. Finn
FINN
F inn would have already ripped her clothes off if she hadn’t hesitated. He knew it the second her thoughts took her somewhere else and she got distracted, and even though he wanted to take it personally—since she was sitting on him and he was obviously ready for some fun—he loved that quirk. Fucking adored it. Because it gave him a chance to tickle her to get her attention back, and she blushed and squirmed, and then keeping himself under control became a problem again.
Her nose wrinkled after he told her to use him, to take what she wanted, and it took a long silence for him to realize that maybe no one had ever given her that control. He hated giving up control of anything, and would have much preferred to take over if it helped her relax. But his instincts told him to wait. If she surrendered, it wasn’t because she was feeling it. It was because that’s what she was used to.
The bear wanted to search out every asshole who’d crossed her path, so he could fucking murder them all, but Finn kept his focus on Lauren. He could go to the back room and handle his own business later, if it came to it, because he damn well wasn’t going to make Lauren uncomfortable or rush her into anything. She was too precious. She was his and he’d damn well take care of her.
Except Shy Lauren made an appearance when she didn’t have her distractions, and she stared at him like a bunny surrounded by wolves. Finn figured she needed to move, to get a little distraction from her own thoughts and doubts, and eased into a slow thrust that would probably kill him but she seemed to enjoy.
Then she told him to take off his shirt and he almost crowed with victory.
He’d never taken anything off so fast in his life. He wanted to pull hers off, too, and get his hands on more of her but he couldn’t rush it. Didn’t want to freak her out. Goosebumps broke out all over him as she murmured and dragged her nails down his bare chest as she rode another slow thrust. She might kill him.
Finn kept the bear at bay and relied on the chill in the air to reinforce his control. The fire burned low and he should have fed more wood to the flames, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Lauren. Her lips parted as her head tilted back, her hair falling loose from the ponytail she’d had, and she rocked her hips down against him in a deep grind that almost set him off. He held her waist, helping her along when she lost the rhythm, and adjusted how she settled against him so her core lined up to grind directly against his hard-on. She made a soft, breathy sound and froze up, clutching at his chest.
“Come for me,” Finn said. He gripped her thighs as Lauren moved in short jerks, and encouraged her to keep riding him until a flush rose up her throat and suffused her face and she seized up with a silent cry. He growled deep in his chest, leaning up so he could kiss her as she moaned and held on and struggled desperately against him.
Lauren collapsed forward on his chest, panting, and nuzzled her face against his neck. Finn closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around her as she shivered and wiggled and sighed. Yep, he was definitely going to have to visit the back room or go outside to sit in the snow.
Her breath whispered against his cheek as she murmured, “You can do what you want, I’m good.”
His eyes narrowed as he stared up at the ceiling. What the fuck did that mean? He stroked her back, pissed off on her behalf. “What are you talking about?”
Lauren stretched out like a starfish, then relaxed again, and rolled to the side to sprawl on her back. She waved at the rest of her body and undid the button on her jeans. “That was nice. You can do…”
“Don’t say that,” he said, shaking his head. Finn turned toward her, frowning. “I don’t like that. I’m not going to do anything to you.”
She blinked and looked up at him. “It’s okay, I got off. It’s your turn.”
He swallowed a groan as his forehead dropped to rest on her shoulder. They had a lot of work to do. It was too bad he’d have to keep his pants on all night to make sure she knew how being with him would be.
Lauren moved uneasily, her fingers working into his hair. “Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad,” he said. Finn kissed her shoulder, then her throat, then up to her jaw and behind her ear. She smelled wild and natural with none of those awful perfumed soaps and shit. “I could never be mad at you.”
She laughed. “Famous last words. Everyone gets mad at me. Silly, ditzy, flaky Lauren. Careless, clumsy Lauren. Stupid Lauren.”
“Stop,” he said. Finn kissed her to prevent her from saying anything else awful about herself. For fuck’s sake, who’d been beating her down for so long that that was what she thought of herself? How could she laugh while repeating those words? Her lips parted to allow him in and Finn took his time, exploring every part of her mouth until she sighed and lifted her arms around his neck and started to move against him.
He braced his hand on her side and retreated, though he leaned back down for a gentle brush of lips before he spoke. “Don’t say that shit. It’s not true. You’re not those things. You’re energetic.”
She snorted and muttered against his lips. “Now you’re just lying, it’s no…”
“And you’re kind and helpful,” he went on. “You’re brave. You feel things deeply and you’re not afraid to share that.”
She pressed her lips together and her eyes grew shiny. “Don’t say things like that.”
“Why?”
“Because guys who say shit like that never mean it and I don’t want to find you that you’re like every other…”
Finn groaned and closed his eyes, resting his forehead against hers as she murmured soft, broken words about the many disappointments in her past. He’d meant to reassure her, to promise her he was different, but the torrent of words started and she didn’t pause for breath. She unburdened herself with all those awful lies and smiling insults, and even though it nearly launched the bear into a murderous rage, Finn listened. He heard and absorbed all that grief and anger. He kissed her occasionally, to distract her when she got too caught up, and nuzzled behind her ear.
He would wait until she fell asleep, then crank one out in the back room, then deal with the fire and curl up with her again to get some rest. He didn’t know what the fuck they were going to do once the blizzard passed. Shotgun might still be barreling toward them without giving a shit about safety, or the drug runners searching for their missing compatriots might stumble across the cabin. It wasn’t exactly hidden, and there weren’t a lot of places the culprits could have gone if they found where he’d killed the two assholes.
Half his mind turned over that problem, debating how best to protect her, while the rest of his attention stayed on Lauren. He’d never been good with emotions or caring about what other people felt and thought, at least until he ended up at the house and little Francine landed in the middle of his life like a frag grenade. She’d taught him about patience and calm, and the difference between hearing something and listening .
Lauren gave a watery laugh and slid her arm around his neck to bury her face in his shoulder. “I’m sorry, this isn’t what…”
“Don’t apologize,” he said. His fingers worked through her hair to give her a scalp massage, and she went limp and sighing next to him. “I want to hear every word you’ve got in that beautiful head of yours.”
“You say that now.” She laughed again without humor, and stroked the back of his neck. “You’ll get tired of it. Of me. You’ll tell me to shut up because you want to watch something, or that I’m wrong and shouldn’t be talking about shit I don’t understand, or…”
“Darlin’,” he said. Finn wished he could shake some sense into her. Jesus tap-dancing Christ. He was absolutely going to hire a PI to track down every shitbag she mentioned, even in passing, and then he’d come up with some fake fucking charges so Shotgun would go out and kill them. Neat, easy, and his hands were clean. Vengeance done right. “I mean it. I could listen to you read the phonebook.”
She snorted and worked her fingers through his hair, playing and teasing absently as she forgot to be nervous. Finn tilted his head into her caress, wanting her to hit that one spot right near his ear that made him grumble in anticipation. Lauren’s thoughts had drifted, though, as she rambled. “You’d be the only one. Even in school the teachers would get mad because I couldn’t ever read out loud when they told me but there were other times I just couldn’t stop talking, and no one listened and it didn’t matter how many times I had the right answer, no one ever paid attention and they said I didn’t really know how to do fractions and…”
Finn dropped his head to kiss the side of her neck. “Fractions, hm?”
“Yeah.” She tilted her head to give him better access, or maybe just to stare into the fire, and kept playing with his hair. “You know, three halves times a third. Or something like that.”
“I never liked math,” he said. Finn inhaled her scent and made his way down her throat to her shoulder, down and over to the other side to explore her jaw and earlobe.
“I was good at it,” she said, hauling his head back so he would meet her gaze. Her earnest expression melted his heart. She wanted him to know that she’d been able to do the math problems, no matter what anyone else said or thought. “Really. And the times when I did good on the tests they said I cheated off Jeremy Evers, who sat next to me and tried to touch my butt when I sat down.”
“Jeremy Evers?” A growl snuck into his voice. “I’ll take care of that.”
Lauren’s eyes widened. “What…”
“Don’t worry about it.” He’d deal with that little shit. “What kind of math did you like? Just fractions?”
He touched her waist under her sweater and her ribs expanded against his palm as she breathed. Lauren laughed and squirmed as her back arched. “You really want to talk about math?”
“I want to talk about whatever you want to tell me about,” he murmured. Although Finn thought he’d hated math before, if that was what they ended up talking about instead of getting naked, he’d spend a year burning every fucking textbook he could find. “Fractions. Long division. Tangents. Isosceles triangles.”
Lauren giggled and relaxed more, and actually kissed his cheek on her own. Her breath grew short, a little shallow, and her whole face flushed. “What about limits?”
“Limits?” Finn sucked on her neck to give her a hell of a hickey.
“What if,” she whispered, her hands still. “You take me to my limit?”
His ears rang. Finn lifted his head so he could see her expression. “Are we still talking about math?”
Lauren shook her head. The bear started a very cautious celebration in the back of his head, but Finn wasn’t ready to rip his pants off yet. She’d gotten energized before and then shy again. He needed to pace himself. He kissed her again until they were both breathless, and she clung to him like a barnacle. Right. He’d get to find out his own limits, too.