Chapter 23
Chapter
Twenty-Three
JADE
I anxiously stalk up the hollow staircase of the apartment complex Ace told me Roman’s been hiding out in. After he gave me the address two nights ago, I stared at the piece of cardstock for hours debating whether or not I should come, and if I should do it alone or ask Scarlett, Sebastian, or even Stella to come with me. We all know how that went. Here I am alone, on the outskirts of Hillcrest, in a pretty decent looking building, walking toward the apartment the guy downstairs, who reeked of cigarettes, told me he was staying in. I thought maybe he’d used a fake name or an alias but when I described him to the guy at the front desk, he called him by his name. Roman Wolfe. Just hearing it out loud after years gave me goosebumps and a tight feeling in my gut. Then to make matters worse, the guy went on raving about how Roman was one of his favorite tenants, always bringing him something to eat from the diner when he came back or helping him out with all the maintenance. I have to say that sounds nothing like the guy I once knew. Nothing like the man I saw, for the first time in years, just a few weeks ago. I brace myself for the worst as I arrive at room 222.
My stomach twists in knots as my fist reaches the top of the oak wood door, resting beside the golden numbers mounted on the top. My hand trembles as I raise it to knock softly before freezing midway. “I can’t do this,” I whisper softly to myself, shaking my head and stepping back slowly. But before I can turn around and head back down, a deep, monotone voice makes me freeze in place.
“Jade” he utters, almost in disbelief, as if he's unsure if it really is me who is standing here and not just the illusion of his little sister. My body refuses to turn around, my mind urging it to somehow find a way to vanish into thin air or teleport to another planet, anything to get away from here, away from him, What was I thinking showing up here? I have no plan. I have no escape route. My brother is a criminal, a murderer. He killed my father and who knows what other unthinkable things he’s done, and now here I am before him, alone, unarmed, and so goddamn vulnerable.
“Jade, what are you doing here?” he asks, his tone of voice now composed and seemingly gritty.
I quickly turn and rush past him, “This was a mistake,” I mumble, but don’t get far before his hand reaches for me, grabbing my wrist and jolting me to face him.
“Wait Jade, don’t leave,” he mutters, nervously running his free hand through his tousled hair.
I look up at him and see a glimpse of familiarity in the distinctive shade of light green of his eyes that resembles mine, as he watches me intently awaiting my reaction. Panic courses through my veins, but not because of what I fear he’s capable of, instead because of what I am afraid will happen to me if I stay here any longer. Just two seconds with him and my emotions are flooding me, threatening to drown me in a pool of despair. Where the fuck do all these feelings keep coming from? It’s like they’re appearing out of thin air, suffocating me, and threatening to consume every part of me. My sanity is crumbling, my anxiety is crippling me, and the chaos my life has become in just mere weeks is inconceivable. To make matters worse, now I’m here before my brother facing yet another one of my petrifying fears.
Finding out the reason he left me behind.
For years, since the moment Roman walked out of my life, I’ve fallen asleep to the same three haunting questions.
Why did he leave me behind?
What did I do to make him hate me?
Would he ever come back for me?
All these years, those questions have gone unanswered, haunting my dreams and nightmares, tormenting me in the most horrifying ways every waking moment. I’d fall asleep to visions of him standing before my frail body covered in bruises and laughing at me for being the pathetic little girl that I was. I’d wake up screaming his name, calling out for him to come and save me, to take me out of the hell I was living, forced to live with a woman who felt joy out of my suffering, but he never came. The only thing that gave me any hope, that shed light on the fact that he was alive, were the envelopes of money that would appear in our mailbox monthly. They came with no note, no return address, and no explanation. Just a wad of cash, which if I’m being honest I never once believed was from an honest job he had found at only sixteen years old. I knew it was blood money or drug money, but I didn’t care. It was a stepping stone, a branch that got me one step closer to escaping the hell Scarlett and I were facing living with her mother Lilith and my father. Until she took it and with it any and all of my false hope.
Roman’s tightening grip shocks me out of my memory, bringing me back to the pressing moment at hand. The fear in my eyes, like a plea begging him to let me go, forces him to do just that as he releases me. His eyes roam over me, taking in my daunting appearance. I’ve lost weight, that much I'm sure of. How could I not if everything I eat regurgitates out of me. My jeans don’t fit as snug as they used to, my collarbones and hip bones are even more protruding than they already were, and the muscle of my toned abdomen is slowly fading away. At least my ass is still perky. But standing here swimming in my school uniform, with dark circles around my eyes, I must look like I’ve been through hell and dragged back out of it kicking and screaming.
Not such a far-fetched lie.
“I’m sorry Jade,” he mutters, after a moment of staring blankly at one another, but I’m unsure what he’s apologizing for. The next words spew out of my mouth like word vomit, carrying with them every one of my unspoken and unanswered thoughts.
“Sorry for leaving me five years ago, sorry for murdering my father, sorry for hiding the fact that you're back if you ever were really gone, or sorry for conspiring behind my back with my sister and my friends.” My heart is racing, pumping fiercely in my chest, felt in temples and throat, as I step forward meeting his now furious glare. His white sleeveless T-shirt shows off every one of his tattoos that cover the entirety of his arms, neck, and torso, while his dark tattered jeans make his whole aesthetic reek of a wannabe bad boy. Like a duller, carbon copy of the Horsemen, less privileged, with nonexistent power, and a convoluted purpose.
“For all of it Jade,” he mumbles, under his breath. “For walking away from you when you needed me the most. For abandoning you to a fate much worse than anything I could have ever imagined.” The depth of his voice and the genuineness of his apology make my mind reel with inconceivable thoughts. He moves closer to me reaching out for me once more, his eyes showing a softness like nothing I’ve ever seen in him before. “Let’s go inside, I have so much I need to clear up, that I need to come clean about,”
“Stop,” I shout, backing up and smacking away his hand. “I don’t need you to clear anything up. I don’t want to hear what you’ve done or how you got here,” I shake my head, a sharp chuckle escaping me and I know I must sound like I’m losing it. “ I’ve seen enough.” I push past him heading down the hall toward the staircase with him closely following behind me.
“Jade, come on please, let's just go inside. I’ve missed you Gia,” he says, calling me by the nickname he gave me after not being able to say my name when I was born. The nickname I haven’t heard in years stops me in my tracks.
“You don’t get to call me that, you lost that right when you left me. When you left me to fend for myself, with an alcoholic and neglectful father and his sociopathic and abusive girlfriend. You don’t get to act like you’ve spent these years caring what became of me, you lost every right...”
“I know I did Jade; you think I don’t hate what I did to you. You think I don’t wake up every morning cursing the day I turned my back on you hoping I could do anything to take it all back.” His eyes show a pain that I have never seen in him before either. Even as a troubled adolescent he never once showed a semblance of emotion. I honestly thought at one point we were broken, that my bloodline was cursed. Cursed with the inability to feel, the absence of emotion, and worst of all a hollowed heart. Afterall my father was a husk of a man who only ever felt rage, my brother was as indifferent as they came, and me, well I turned off any and all feelings with the flip of a switch. It was the only way I managed to survive. The only one I never was able to escape was anger. I was angry at everyone and everything for so long, using sarcasm and dark humor to deflect the pain coursing through me. I hid behind my cloak of recklessness and impulsivity becoming just another cliche bad girl with an abysmal attitude problem and a promiscuity complex. An imposter of the worst kind.
“Everything I did was because I hated myself for leaving you behind. But I couldn’t take you with me Jade, I couldn’t…” his voice fades out as he anxiously tugs his hair in between his fingers. “Fuck!” he shouts out, startling me.
“I just came by to see if it was really you.” I chuckle to myself and the absurdity of my thoughts. “For a moment I thought maybe I’d imagined the whole thing. My mind is always playing tricks on me. I thought this might be just another one of them, but I see it wasn’t an illusion and the worst part is I feel no better knowing the truth.” I turn and walk away from him not able to stand here and take another one of his false claims and pathetic excuses. But this time he doesn’t bother following me.
I reach the end of the hall about to step down onto the staircase when a door behind me opens. I turn around startled by the noise and see a familiar face, one I never imagined seeing here.
“Drake?” I ask in surprise, not really expecting an answer as it’s obvious it’s him, except he’s shirtless, freshly showered, and slightly out of breath.
“Jade,” he mutters nervously, looking behind him before closing the door. He looks to my right, his left, and sees Roman still standing at the edge of the railing watching us.
“Is that your brother?” he asks, acting as if he doesn’t already know.
“Was,” I mutter, turning and meeting Roman’s serious gaze as he looks between Drake and me. “Now he’s just another stranger, I’ll have to add him to my long list of people I no longer need or want in my life.”
“I bet it’s getting longer every day,” he says with a regretful smirk.
“Better than a long list of regrets,” I mumble quietly, but I’m sure he hears it. “Any who what the fuck are you doing here?” I ask, raising a brow teasingly. If I didn’t know any better I’d say he just came from a rendezvous with whatever prissy rich girl he left in the apartment. Because I’d be blind to not notice he’s totally giving off just fucked vibes. Drake may be a poor kid from the slums but to these pretentious princesses he’s a ticket straight to bad boy heaven. Tattooed, sexy as fuck, mixed in with a shit ton of danger, he’s their dream come true and daddy’s train straight to the looney bin .
“I’ve been staying here sometimes, planning on moving out here pretty soon,” he says, as if it’s the most normal thing.
I raise my brow again tauntingly, “Let me guess, you also bought this with that mystery high paying job you’re surely under qualified for.”
“Trust me I’m perfectly qualified,” he says, meeting me with a teasing smirk of his own. Well fuck me.
“Alright, no judgment here, you do you Dragon,” I turn about to head down the stairs but he stops me before I can take a step forward.
“Wait,” he says, and fuck if it isn’t getting irritating to keep having to stop. Why can’t I just get the fuck out of here?
“What now Dragon, I’m kind of in a rush?”
“Can you not tell anyone I’m staying here; I haven’t told the guys yet and I kind of want to make it a surprise, planning on bringing them here this weekend.” I nod my head in acceptance. Although all of this feels rather sketchy, I have way too much shit going on in my life to start worrying about others.
“I’m a vault Dragon,” I say, gesturing to zip my mouth and throw away the key.
“Thanks Wolfe, you need a ride back?” he asks, turning to look back in Roman’s direction when we hear a door slam shut.
“Are you sure your boss will let you sneak off for a moment?” I ask, teasing him once again.
His dark green eyes flicker with a gleam of amusement and my boldness. “I’m my own boss, Wolfe, always.”
“If you say so Dragon, if you say so”.
We make it down the staircase and to the parking lot of the apartment building that resembles more of an outdoor motel, but instead of homeless and drug addicts roaming the grounds, there are decent looking folks with department store clothes and American made sedans. Though, just as we’re walking over to Drake’s coupe parked a few spots away, a black luxury SUV with tinted ass windows swerves into the lot abruptly breaking before it rams into us. In a matter of seconds the driver exits jumping out of the driver seat and rounds the car moving to stand before us.
A loud chuckle escapes Drake to my right as Sebastian glares angrily at the two of us standing here in the parking lot. I roll my eyes at Drake’s you’re totally screwed laugh all the while managing not to break eye contact with Sebastian who looks like he’s about to murder someone. I’m also smart enough not to bother questioning how he figured out I was here, knowing well enough there’s nothing around here that he isn’t aware of. I don’t even argue with him knowing exactly why he's here. I just simply turn to Drake, who watches me with curious eyes, wondering what is about to happen next. “Looks like I've found myself a ride, at least now you can get back to that job of yours.”
He grins widely, laughing at my mocking remark, as he places a hand on my shoulder, “See you around school Wolfe.”
I don’t respond or look back at Drake as I take off heading straight for Bass’s SUV, not bothering to speak to him or make any eye contact. I casually walk up to the passenger door, tug it open and hop inside before slamming the door behind me. It takes him a moment, if I’m being honest I think he might be slightly confused at my willingness to cooperate, before he rounds the car once again hoping into the driver seat beside me. I fasten my seatbelt and turn to stare out the window, directing my attention toward the closed door of my brother’s apartment which is still in my view. I’m not sure what this little reunion means for us, or if I will ever see him again, but the fact that he’s here in Hillcrest, near my friends, I’m sure he’ll be around. The only question is, will I let him?
Sebastian takes my silence and compliant attitude in stride, surely realizing the drama that must have gone down between Roman and I. For once I applaud his ability to read the situation and not make matters worse. I’m not sure how I’d respond were he to start badgering me asking for a play by play. He just simply turns on the ignition, shifts the gear into reverse, very sexily I might add with one arm reaching behind my headrest even though he has one of those back up cameras in his fancy car, and speeds down the street heading to, well who knows where.
After about ten minutes, in which he very intelligently brought me back to campus instead of to his beach house, probably thinking he wouldn’t get the chance to fuck me again were he to take me to his house. He’s probably right, I don’t think I have the strength to fuck him again. Not without telling him about my situation , and I don’t see that happening anytime soon. Being with Sebastian is not only exhilarating and equally exhausting, but it’s also physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. Every part of my body, mind, and soul, goes into being with him. I give up control, hand myself over to him, and lose sense of everything I believe. You would think that would be liberating, not having to make decisions or think about what to do, about the consequences, just simply letting him take over and make me feel good, but he somehow manages to bring out every emotion in me, dragging it to the surface, spilling it out for all to see. The good, the bad, the unknown hidden deep within. Given everything that’s transgressed between us, I should steer clear of him. I understand I’m setting myself up for heartache, but I can’t find the strength to walk away.
He parks the car on the street in front of the Dahlia House, which of course is a strict no parking zone, like he cares, turning off the engine, waiting for me to exit first. But I don’t. I don’t speak, I don’t move. I don’t turn to face him and it’s the acknowledgment or lack thereof that pushes his final ticking button.
“You’re not going to ask me how I knew where you’d be?” he asks, breaking the deafening silence. His gaze turns to me as mine remains focused on the dashboard. I chuckle lightly, the fact that he thinks I don’t know why he was there is frankly hilarious. Of course he knew. Not only did he see me get in the uber after school, but he must have known that was where Roman was living. I still don’t know the extent of his involvement with my brother, but it couldn’t have been just a coincidence of him showing up that night Chaz was murdered. They must have met on plenty of occasions if he’s involved in their little group.
I hear him groan beside me, his whole body shifting toward me, “Why are you laughing?” he snarls angrily. The tension around us thickens, the car suddenly feels as if all the air has been sucked out of it, as the windows begin fogging with our heavy breathing.
“The fact that you still think I am not aware of your influence around here,” I pause, finally turning to face him, “About the absolute power you seem to hold. It’s honestly…” I don’t finish my statement, choosing instead to turn the inquisition on him. “Just tell me one thing,” I pause and notice a glimpse of something, if I thought it could be possible, resembling fear flash through his eyes. “How long have you known him?”
He closes his eyes, bringing his right hand to his forehead, rubbing his temples with his thumb and middle finger in a remorseful way. “I told you I’ve known he was your brother since around Thanksgiving,”
“I’m asking how long he’s been here, a part of your little gang.”
“He’s not part of us Jade, he was Wesley’s lackey for about five years. Wesley used to say he found him practically dead in front of some underground fight club and saved his life. If anything he just used it as an excuse to guarantee his loyalty, but even Roman knew Wesley was a pathetic son of a bitch, so he double crossed him and began working for Marchesi, well you know him as Macallan. Little did Roman know, he might have been fucking with the devil, but then jumped into bed and got fucked in the ass with his eviler counterpart.”
I sit in disbelief. My brother has been here in Hillcrest, working for Wesley, since the day he left me back in Providence. Five fucking years, which means that money he used to send, was Wesley’s dirty, blood money. My stomach churns, vomit threatening to expel if I don’t get out of here.