34
BLOOM
B efore I could even lift my hand to knock, the front door swung open. Jamie appeared in the doorway, tousle-haired and a welcoming grin forming. “Bloom, you’re just the—” He snapped his mouth shut. I could only imagine what he saw. After riding around for an hour, I was still seething from my session with Dr. Simms.
“Have you got a minute to talk?” I asked.
I didn’t initially set out to drop by the Reapers’ clubhouse, but there was no way I could return to the Blood Hounds. Logan would take one look at me and know something was wrong.
Jamie’s smile faltered, replaced by a flicker of concern. “Sure. What happened? Are you okay?”
I didn’t answer, shifting on my feet. What could I say? My psychiatrist, his coworker, hit on me, and I was so confused I didn’t know what to do. Logan was the only man I had any interest in. It felt weird for another man to look at me that way. All those images Dr. Simms had planted in my head about my childhood kept rearing its head until I felt as if ants were crawling under my skin.
Jamie’s gaze softened, and he stepped aside, holding the door wide. “Come in. No one else is here. Grimm’s over at the clubhouse, handling club business. We won’t be interrupted.”
I followed him into the house, my boots thudding against the hardwood floors. The familiar scent of pine cleaner mixed with something spicy—chili maybe—lingered. Jamie pointed to me. “Kitchen. Sit. I’ll grab you something.”
The scrape of a chair echoed in the quiet as I sank into it, my shoulders slumping. My hands found the edge of the table, gripping it tight like it was the only thing keeping me grounded.
Jamie opened the fridge. “Lemonade?”
“Yeah.” Though I would have preferred something stronger.
Jamie closed the fridge and set a glass of pink lemonade before me. “Here.” He leaned against the counter, crossing his arms. “Take your time. You don’t have to say anything. It’s okay. We’ll talk when you’re ready.”
I gulped down the liquid, the cold washing over my tongue, and sucked one of the ice cubes into my mouth. Jamie seemed so collected, yet he wasn’t that much older than me. My stomach churned with bitter envy. Maybe if I had a normal childhood like him, I wouldn’t be such a mess because another man told me they wanted to be with me—my psychiatrist, no less. Someone I’d told all my secrets. Someone who knew just how fucked up I was in the head.
“Fuck.” I wanted to throw the glass across the room, but I put it down with deliberate slowness. My hands shook from my unnatural restraint. “I’m so fucking mad,” I whispered. “I won’t make the mistake of trusting anyone again.”
Jamie straightened, his expression unreadable as he uncrossed his arms. “What happened? What did Logan do?”
I let out a harsh laugh, shaking my head. “Nothing. It’s not him. It’s me. I’m the one who fucked up. I shouldn’t have gone to see him without Logan.”
Jamie pulled out the chair across from me and sat. “What are you talking about? Who did you see?”
I stared at the condensation dripping down the side of the glass. “I went behind Logan’s back. Went to see Dr. Simms.”
Jamie didn’t say anything, his gaze steady on me, waiting. “Well, that hardly seems like a bad thing. I don’t believe Logan will be upset about that.”
“He doesn’t like Dr. Simms. I should’ve agreed when he suggested I see another psychiatrist. None of this would have happened.”
“What exactly happened? Why don’t you tell me? Then we can see how to work it out.”
At night, I stay awake because I can’t stop thinking about you and how much I want to take care of you, be with you.
My chest burned, anger simmering just beneath the surface. How dare he make our sessions into something more than they were?
“I needed to speak to someone about a decision Logan and I made, but he handled it badly. Logan’s the only man I want, yet he said those things.”
“What things? Bloom, was Dr. Simms being inappropriate with you?”
“What he said was sick. He said he wanted to be with me. That he can give me more than Logan can. I should have killed him for talking to me that way, but I-I was shocked at the things he said.” I grabbed Jamie’s arm. “Was it my fault? Did I do something to lead him on? Will Logan blame me for meeting him in secret?”
“Of course not.” Jamie took my hand in his and squeezed it. “Listen to me. You’re a very attractive guy. Lots of men would want you. It’s natural, but Dr. Simms is your psychiatrist. The second he realized his feelings for you were compromised, he should have recommended you to someone else. I can’t believe he actually said those things to you.”
“It’s so weird. He’s never acted like he wanted me. I would never have been back to see him if I thought he felt that way.”
“Of course not. Everyone knows how you feel about Logan.”
“He said…he said I can’t tell Logan because then Logan wouldn’t believe that it wasn’t my fault. We’re getting married soon, Jamie. I don’t want to have a fight with Logan or for him to change his mind about me.”
“Logan knows you. He won’t blame you for this. You should tell him, and in the meantime, I will report Dr. Simms for his behavior. It’s gross and unprofessional to hit on a patient.”
“Logan’s gonna want to know why I’ll no longer see Dr. Simms.”
“Exactly the reason you should tell him. Bloom, I know navigating relationships is new to you, but Logan has faith in you. That means he trusts you.”
I let out a groan. “He ruined everything.”
“Not everything. Just his career. I can help you find a suitable psychiatrist if you want.”
“What’s the sense? Logan and I won’t be here anyway.”
I slapped my hand over my mouth as if that could stop the words that had already slipped out. No one was supposed to know.
“It’s okay, Bloom. Everything you say here will be confidential. I promise.”
I dropped my hand. “Why don’t you seem surprised?”
“Because the papers Grimm has been working on for Logan have a new identity for him as well. No reason for someone to need those unless they were preparing to disappear.”
“You can’t tell anyone!”
“Relax. I won’t. Was that what you wanted to talk to Dr. Simms about?”
“Yeah.”
“If you want, you can talk to me about it. I’m not a psychiatrist, but I can give you a listening ear.”
“I don’t really want to go.” I cringed at my confession. “We moved here from Riverton, which was a big step for me, but I had my brothers. This won’t be the same. We’d be in a new country and with no contact with the people in our lives now.”
“That does sound tough. Then tell Logan you don’t want to go.”
I shook my head. “I can’t because he’s right. He needs to escape his family, and I need him to stay alive. If this is the only way, I’ll do it.”
“But it won’t help if you hate it. You might grow to resent him for taking you away from your family.”
“That won’t happen. I love Logan too much. I’ll adjust. I have to.”
“Even if you do decide to go, it’ll make you feel a whole lot better if you explain how you feel to Logan. He needs to understand, so he can help you through it. To get through this, you’ll need each other.”
“It hurts here”—I touched my chest—“every time I think about leaving everyone behind—Crowe, Saint, Bay, Winter—I won’t get to see Winter again before I leave, and Sarge isn’t here.”
“I’m so sorry, Bloom. I feel for you, but think of it this way. You want Logan to be safe, and you also want the bikers to be safe.”
“Crowe will never forgive me.”
“I’m sure he will. He’ll understand that you did what you had to in order to keep your family safe. Maybe leave a letter explaining so he has closure.”
A letter sounded good. I didn’t like writing, but Logan could help me. Then Crowe would know I only left because I had to. Not because I wanted to leave them all behind.
“How did you get so smart?” I asked. “Is there some magic water in Smoky Vale or something no one has told me about yet? I always feel so stupid.”
“Now none of that. We all have our strengths. Yours is different, that’s all.”
Not sure I believed him, but talking to Jamie had calmed me down. If only I’d gone to see him instead of Dr. Simms. I clenched my stomach muscles. At least one good thing would come out of leaving Smoky Vale. I would never have to see that shrink again.
Jamie walked me to the door, his hand resting briefly on my shoulder before he opened it. The cool air swept in, carrying the faint scent of pine. “Feeling better now?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I dropped my gaze. “Look, I know in the past, I haven’t exactly been friendly, but…”
“Hey, don’t think about it. None of that matters now. All of us are different, but we have one important thing in common—our love for our men. By the way, I’ll keep an eye on them for you.”
I nodded, pleased with the offer, even if I didn’t say it outright. Words had always felt clunky when it came to expressing thanks. Instead, I muttered, “Appreciate it, Jamie.”
“You’ve got this.” He fixed his gaze steady on mine, like he was trying to anchor me to the spot. Then he motioned for us to start walking, falling into step beside me as we headed toward the clubhouse where I’d parked my bike. Jamie didn’t fill the silence with empty words, and I was grateful for that. It gave me time to think about the things he’d said. By the time we reached my bike, I felt marginally better, though the knot in my stomach hadn’t completely untangled.
“And leave Dr. Simms to me,” he said. “I will handle it.”
“Thanks.” I rubbed the back of my neck, glancing sideways at him.
Jamie’s mouth twitched in a faint smile. “Anytime.” He lingered, his gaze sharp as it swept over the front of the clubhouse. “Be safe out there, Bloom. It’s almost your big day.”
My heart skipped a beat. Marrying Logan. Becoming his husband. Being Bloom Collier. I didn’t even care it wasn’t his original name.
The door swung open, and Grimm and Logan walked out, their boots thudding against the wooden porch. Grimm’s sharp eyes darted between Jamie and me while Logan’s face twisted into a look of surprise. He wasn’t the only one surprised. I’d had no idea he was at the clubhouse.
“Bloom?” Logan bounded down the steps toward me. “Didn’t think I’d run into you here.”
My mind blanked, scrambling for a response that wouldn’t raise suspicion.
“Needed to check in about some health stuff,” Jamie said casually. “Figured I’d walk him back while I was at it.”
Logan’s gaze flicked between us. “Health stuff? Are you okay? What’s wrong? Why didn’t you come to me?”
“He’s all right. Nothing to worry about.” Jamie tucked his arm through Grimm’s. “Have you taken your insulin shot yet?”
Grimm grimaced and rolled his eyes. “I took it after lunch just as the doctor prescribed. Stop being a nagging wife.”
Jamie scoffed. “Who’s the wife?”
Grimm’s blush shone through his beard, and Logan chuckled. Ben came out of the clubhouse, nodding at Jamie and Grimm. “We should get going, Logan. Is Bloom coming back with us?”
“I rode,” I said.
Logan frowned. “All by yourself?”
“Yeah.”
“Didn’t we say not to travel alone?”
“But it’s you they’re after, so I figured I’d be safe.”
“Sweetheart, if they want me, all they’d need to do is take you. Don’t do that again. Stick close to the car where I can see you the whole way.”
“All right.”
“By the way, did you hear any news from Joel?” Logan directed his question to Grimm. “My brother’s here, so it seems a bit odd he’s still in New York.”
Grimm’s forehead creased. “He did call me to inform me that your brother wasn’t around, so he had to make an appointment to see your father personally. I haven’t heard back from him since. If not, we’ll have to travel to New York.”
“I hope it doesn’t come to that,” Logan said. “That would be a bloodbath.”
“It would be.” Grimm stroked his beard. “I don’t care how many men your family has behind them. If anything happens to my son, your father will pay.”
“You won’t get any objections from me. We’ll keep in touch.”
Logan kissed me hard, then got into Ben’s car while I straddled my hog and revved it to life. Logan rolled down his window, the wind blowing his hair back as he called out to me.
“Don’t do anything reckless.”
I grinned. “Race you back to the clubhouse!”
“Bloom!”
Laughing, I snapped my helmet onto my head and raced away, the tires spitting dirt and grass. Behind me, the engine of Ben’s car roared. A wide grin split my face as adrenaline surged through my veins. It had been too long since I’d done something reckless, something that made me feel alive in a way that only risking your life could do.
I wouldn’t even mind if Logan put me across his knees and spanked me.
The wind ripped through me, my bike’s engine purring smoothly beneath me. As I glanced back, I saw Logan’s car gaining on me. I pushed the speed limit, weaving around the light traffic. I could have gone faster, but I didn’t want them to lose me.
Soon the secluded road leading to the clubhouse came into view. By the time Ben parked, I relaxed against the back of my bike, my helmet off. Logan got out of the car, took one look at me, opened his mouth as though to argue, then shut it. Shaking his head, he ignored me and headed for the steps.
“Logan, wait!” I sprang up too quickly from the bike and lost my balance, hitting the ground hard. Damn.
“Are you okay?” Logan ran toward me.
“I think I hurt my leg.” Nothing hurt. My pride maybe, but I liked the way I had his full attention. Liked the concern in his voice and how quickly he’d rushed over to help me.
He kneeled beside me, his hands gentle as he probed my leg. “Does it hurt here?” His fingers brushed my calf.
“No.”
“How about here?” He asked the same question as he touched various parts of my legs. Before I could wipe my grin from my face, he glared at me. “Where exactly did you say it hurt?”
I pointed at my dick.
“You think you’re funny, don’t you?” He chucked my chin, getting to his feet. “You genuinely had me worried.”
I scrambled to my feet. “Are you mad?”
He sighed. “No. It was harmless.” He took my hands and pulled me into him. “Bloom, I was thinking.”
“What about?”
“You know how we plan to leave and never return?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you sure you want to leave with me?”
“Honestly?”
“Yes, I always want you to be honest with me.”
“I don’t like that we have to leave, but because it’s you, I’ll do it.”
“This is your last chance to turn me down, Bloom.”
“I’ve never turned you down for anything. What makes you think I can do that now? I’ll miss everyone, but I would miss you more if I didn’t go with you.”
“Thank you.” Logan gently pressed his lips to mine. “I’m thinking.”
“You really oughta stop saying that, Logan. I can’t tell if it’s about something good or bad.”
“Something good this time. Why don’t we host a dinner and invite everyone? That way we’ll get to make a few memories before we leave for good. What do you say?”
“That sounds good.” Usually, parties weren’t my thing, but I couldn’t turn down the chance to be together with my brothers for one of our final moments.
Would they miss me when I was gone?