10. Stephen
10
STEPHEN
One hour.
Only one hour until Jansen arrived, and I found myself flitting around my house like a nervous butterfly. Each room I stopped in, I moved one thing and left. When I reached the bedrooms upstairs, I’d known I had lost my mind. Jansen was only coming over to watch a documentary.
That. Was. It.
At least that was what I kept reminding myself. It seemed the fantasy part of my brain had taken over since I’d left my office for the night. It kept fluctuating from excited to questioning my judgment.
I stirred the sauce in the pan. Hopefully, Jansen liked the dinner I was making. I loved cooking, but it wasn’t often I had someone to cook for. At least not in a while. Since Peter left, cooking for one wasn’t the same. I set the spoon down and found my eyes straying to the clock for the millionth time.
What had I been thinking when I let Shannon talk me into texting him? He was going to think this was stupid. Peter always complained any time I wanted to stay home and watch a documentary. He would ask me to wait until he had to work. It took me a while after he left to figure out Peter pushed my interests aside with ease. Something I never did to him.
Maybe, deep down, this was my way of testing the waters with a friendship outside of my academic friends. Would Jansen share my interests? Even if he didn’t, would he be willing to indulge in the things I loved because he was my friend?
When I caught myself redusting the coffee table in the living room, I finally forced myself to sit down. There was no reason for me to continue to act like a nervous fool about to go on a first date. This was not a date. Just two friends having dinner and watching a show.
I found something to keep my attention on the TV. I moved back and forth between the show and making sure the sauce didn’t burn.
With about twenty minutes left until Jansen arrived, my phone buzzed. My hands shook as I reached for it, wondering if Jansen decided a night in with a documentary and dinner was too boring for him. I rolled my eyes at myself when I saw it wasn’t him, but Shannon.
Shannon: Get out of your head.
Me: How did you know?
Shannon: Because I know you.
Me: Fine, I’m stuck in my head. A night in with a documentary isn’t for everyone.
Shannon: It should be. If they want to be in your life, they need to do things you like too.
Friendships were a two-way street. It couldn’t just be about one person and their desires.
Me: You’re right.
Shannon: You deserve people who want to be in your life because of you. Not what they can get from you.
It was the one thing she’d tried to drill in my head since Peter left. The only time he was interested in things I liked was when it came to my interest in sports. Specifically, that my daughter was dating a member of the Jetties. It hadn’t been lost on me Peter left after Serilda left Jansen behind. It had been a hard pill to swallow.
I’d been so caught up in the conversation and my thoughts, I jumped when the doorbell rang.
Me: Have to go. Jansen’s here.
I tossed my phone onto the couch cushion as I stood to answer the door. Shannon wouldn’t text back. There was no doubt she’d call my office first thing in the morning.
Jansen stood on the other side of the door in a simple gray T-shirt and black shorts. He glanced down at himself and gestured to his clothes.
“I hope this is okay?”
I opened the door wider so he could come in. Even though I wore a polo and khaki shorts, I wanted Jansen to be comfortable. It was only fair, considering I asked him to do something different. Khaki shorts and a polo were comfortable to me. That didn’t mean they were for everyone. It wouldn’t be fair for me to ask him to dress a certain way. “It’s absolutely fine. I hope you’re hungry. I made dinner.”
“It smells great. I wasn’t sure what we were doing, but I’d have been fine ordering a pizza.”
“No need.” I started toward the kitchen. “Come on. We’ll grab a drink and I’ll get everything on the table.”
We entered the kitchen. To the right I had the small breakfast nook already set with two plates and wine glasses.
“A nice red will match with dinner, but I also have water, beer, and tea too.”
“Wine works.” He grinned.
I pulled the bottle from the rack. Jansen held out a hand to me. “I can open it while you get dinner ready.”
“Thank you.”
I handed him the bottle and corkscrew, watching as he expertly popped the cork and poured two glasses, swirling the liquid around before tasting it. I couldn’t help but notice as his Adam’s apple bobbed with each swallow and mentally smacked myself. This was Jansen. Not some guy I was hooking up with. It went a long way to show I needed to get myself back out there. How could I build a friendship with this man with my brain focused on sex and kissing?
I turned off the burner and paid extra special attention to the pot as I stirred. Anything to clear my head for the rest of the evening. It had been two months since Peter left and it had become apparent it was way past time I put myself back out there.
There had to be someone in this city who would accept me for who I was and not want to change things because it didn’t suit them. Then maybe I could stop projecting my needs and desires on my friend. A friend who was almost half my age.
I ladled the sauce on top of the chicken and carried the platter to the table. Jansen had taken a seat on the bench along the wall, leaving me the chair on the other side. He took a deep inhale the moment I set the platter down between us.
He moaned. “I can’t wait to dive into that.”
I glanced around the table, knowing something was missing. “Damn, I almost forgot the salad.”
“Is it in the fridge? I can grab it.” Jansen moved to stand, but I stopped him.
“It is, but I’m already up. Why don’t you start filling the plates instead?” If there was one thing I remembered about Jansen the other times he ate in my home, he always liked to be helpful. Unlike my daughter, he didn’t prefer to be waited on hand and foot. Something she only got when she was with her mother.
With the salad on the table, I sat down across from Jansen and served the salad into the bowls I’d set out next to the plates.
“Training today?” I asked.
“This morning, then I played a game with the guys.”
“The guys?” I asked, cutting into the chicken on my plate.
“D, King, Hayes, and Nordin were there.” He took another bite. “Damn, I missed your cooking.”
I smiled. “I’m glad you like it. I’ve missed cooking.”
“You don’t cook for yourself?”
I shook my head. “Not usually. Cooking for one isn’t the same.”
Jansen lifted his glass. “I can agree on that. I hate cooking for just me.”
We continued chatting through our meal. Jansen was quick to jump up when we were done to help clear the table and load the dishwasher. With everything from dinner taken care of, we made our way to the den where the larger TV was set up.
“What are we watching?” Jansen asked, taking a seat on the couch.
I picked up the remote from the table and turned on the TV. “It’s a documentary about Pearl Harbor and the USS Oklahoma.”
“Okay,” he said, nodding his head.
I chuckled. “Have you heard of it before?”
He smirked. “I know what Pearl Harbor is, but I don’t know any of the ship names.”
I scrolled through the app until I found the program, then turned to Jansen before I hit start. “The USS Oklahoma was one of the ships that was sunk during the attack on Pearl Harbor, but because it didn’t explode like the Arizona, it doesn’t always get the recognition it deserves.”
“Some background is probably good.”
“I haven’t seen this one yet, but I’m sure they’ll have a little bit in the beginning as well.”
He pointed toward the remote with a smile. “Then what are we waiting for?”
I hit play and settled back into the couch, ready to see what new facts I could learn about that day in Pearl Harbor.
The screen faded to black when it was over before returning to the main menu of the app. I looked over at Jansen, nervous I might find him with his head lolled back on the couch, sound asleep. I’d been so engrossed with the show, I hadn’t stopped to make sure Jansen was enjoying himself and not completely bored to tears.
What I found instead was Jansen still staring at the screen. Had he zoned out completely?
“Jansen?”
He turned his gaze to me and smiled. “That was interesting as hell. Are all documentaries like that one? The ones I watched in school as a kid sucked.”
I laughed. “I wish I could say they’re this well done. Not much money was put into the ones schools usually choose to show and the technology didn’t exist.” I rested my hand on his arm. “I’m also pretty sure you’ve matured a lot since then.”
Something in his eyes flashed for a moment. “I’m not so sure about that.”
Heat burst under my collar, but I shoved it back down. There was no way I saw desire slipping into Jansen’s gaze. It was a product of my sex-starved imagination. I didn’t actually see him leaning forward, or his eyes dropping to my lips moments before he covered my mouth with his.
What. Was. Happening?
Shock held me immobile. It wasn’t until Jansen’s tongue slid across the crease of my lips that I snapped out of it. I brought my hands to his chest and pushed him back. Our eyes locked instantly.
“What was that?” I asked.
Jansen ran a hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He stood from the couch and bolted for the door before I could stop him.
I heard the front door close before I got my head on straight enough to go after him. By the time I opened the door, he was already gone.
I shut it and leaned against it, closing my eyes.
Did that really just happen?
My mind had moved between reality and fantasy so often when I sat alone in my home, I wasn’t sure what to think.
Only a few hours ago, I’d thought about what Jansen’s lips would taste like and on my first chance to find out, I froze and pushed him away.
What else was I supposed to think? The man was straight. He’d dated my daughter, for crying out loud. Yet tonight I saw desire in his eyes. Desire, I thought I’d made up in my head.
I pushed off the door, turning the lights out as I made my way to the stairs. A shower and some sleep might help clear my head enough to determine dreams from reality. Not that I thought I had much of a chance of sleep tonight.
There would be only one question on my mind.
Why had Jansen kissed me?