29. Jansen
29
JANSEN
Holy fuck. Stephen was standing on the other side of the door, and he looked so good. I wanted to grab him, wrap myself around him, and never let go. But I held back because I didn’t know where we stood.
It had been days since I’d seen him. Devon suggested giving him space to figure things out with Serilda, and I did just that. Today was the breaking point for me. I woke up this morning with an ache in my chest, the worst it had been in days. There was no more waiting around for me. I went through the motions every day and did what I needed to on the ice to get ready for the upcoming season, but today was mine. I was going to head over to Stephen’s to beg for him to take me back.
He showed up here instead. At least I looked good. I wanted to put my best self forward. My clothes were relaxed, though not wrinkled. I’d smoothed my hair down and shaved my face. If I was going to win him back, I needed to be presentable.
“Stephen?”
“Is there a way to save us?”
I blinked at him and blinked some more.
“I love you, Jansen.”
Was this really happening or was I still asleep, dreaming this amazing moment? Because Stephen was here, at my condo, saying words I longed to hear.
“Jansen?”
“Sorry.” I shook my head then pinched my nipple. The skin on my arm would have worked too but the nipple was more sensitive. I needed the pain that went with it to ground me and solidify this was really happening. “I wanted to make sure I was awake.”
His lips tilted up. “So, you pinched your nipple?”
“If I’m going to do it, I might as well get a bit of pleasure out of it. You’re really here.”
“I am. Can I come in?”
“Shit, yes, of course.” I moved out of the way so he could step inside then shut the door behind him. I didn’t have nosy neighbors, but I also didn’t want the dick next door to hear what Stephen and I said to each other. In here, we were in our own little cocoon.
He looked around, and noticed the mess my place had become. There were take-out containers on the counter in the kitchen and on the dining table. I kept eating through my misery. I had to so I could keep up my strength. The season was about to start. There was no way I was slacking off. But I wasn’t fucking cooking. Instead, I ordered the healthiest shit I could find and a lot of it.
“Uh…” I quickly grabbed a garbage bag from under the sink in the kitchen. After I shook it out, I went to work, swiping all the garbage into it. “I don’t usually live like this,” I told him as I kept picking stuff up. “You know that though.” What the fuck was I even saying? Stephen didn’t need me to explain to him what I was doing. He came here to tell me he loved me, and I was acting like an idiot, running around the condo instead of finding my way back into his arms.
Turning, I walked into the kitchen, sat the bag down, washed my hands, and went to him again. I didn’t get close enough where I could reach him, but I needed to be near him. There was this invisible pull when he was in the same room as me. I had to have him in my orbit, close enough where I could see every move of his lips, the way his eyes held mine, the depth of the green in them.
He hadn’t moved from where he stopped when he came inside. His eyes held so much concern. Did he think I didn’t love him because I didn’t say it back? Shit, I was fucking this up all over again.
“I’m sorry,” I told him. “I shouldn’t have said what I did or left. I thought I was doing the right thing, then Devon came over and made me realize what I did wrong and should have done differently. But by then a day had passed and the damage was done. He suggested I give you time to work things out with your daughter. Did I give you too much time?” I was rambling but couldn’t seem to stop. “Today I knew I needed to see you, but you beat me to it and showed up here. I love you too, by the way. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. I was such an asshole. You were dealing with shit with Serilda and I made things worse. The thought of you not having her in your life didn’t sit well with me. I doubted she would want me anywhere near you, so I took myself out of the equation. She’s your daughter, Stephen. I didn’t want to be the reason you didn’t get to spend time with her. But then I was walking down the sidewalk upset, trying to order a car. The drive home sucked. Being alone here sucked. Devon telling me I made a mistake was the icing on the horrible cake. And then it was days of torture without you with me. So yeah. I’m terrible. I love you. And I never want to go through anything like this again.” My lips finally pressed closed. If they didn’t, I would have kept talking like I didn’t have an off switch.
“Is that all?” He tried not to smile but I saw it trying to break through.
“I mean, I could keep going. I have a never-ending commentary in my head of all the ways I want to apologize.”
“It hurt when you left. I didn’t want you to go.”
“God, Stephen, I’m so—”
“I know. It was a bad situation made worse, but I’m hoping it will get better now.”
“I’ll do anything. Just tell me and it’s yours.”
He closed the distance between us until he could put his hand gently on my cheek. “Never walk away from me again.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Tears built in my eyes. “Does this mean you forgive me?”
“There wasn’t a question of whether I would or not. I need you. I want you in my life today and always.”
“Thank god.” I wrapped my arms around him, holding on for dear life as tears slipped down my cheeks. “I don’t want to fight with you ever again.”
“I can’t promise that, but what I can say is I won’t walk away. We’ll talk it out every time.”
“Me too. Never again. I can’t lose you. This week has been awful, and it’s all my fault. I created this hell.”
He leaned back and peered into my eyes. “No, Serilda created it. You reacted to the situation. Not in the way I would have liked, but you did what you thought you should have for me and her.”
I nodded. There was a lump of emotion in my throat I tried to swallow but it wouldn’t move.
“I talked to her today. She won’t come between us again. She knows where you stand in my life and that she has to treat me with respect, like she should have done all along.”
“Where do I stand?”
“Next to me, in front of me, never far away.”
My lips met his. I had to kiss him, to touch him more. My hands skated over his back, over his shirt, to press him as close as he could be with our clothes on. “Underneath you?” I asked.
“Anywhere you want to be as long as I have you again.”
“You do.”
I shook against him from emotion, from need, I couldn’t be certain. Every part of me was calling out for him, even though I had him in front of me. It was like nothing would be enough. No matter how close I got, I still craved more.
“I love you, Stephen. You’re stuck with me now. There’s no getting rid of me.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Good. Can we get naked now because if I don’t get my hands on your body soon, I’m going to combust. I have to make sure this is real, and I got my second chance. That I didn’t fuck everything up.”
Stephen's hands cupped my cheeks as he pressed his forehead to mine. “If this isn’t really happening, I never want to wake up.”
Then he kissed me. It wasn’t rushed. He settled in and parted his lips so his tongue could sneak out to taste mine. He gave me the kind of kiss movies couldn’t portray on screen because you had to be in the moment to experience it.
I readily opened for him, letting our tongues touch and my body sink into everything this man had to give me. His love was enough, always would be. But his touches, his kisses, the way he accepted me so completely, that was what made him special. We weren’t in it for sex, although that was a hell of a perk and something I needed now. What we had would hopefully stand the test of time. Stephen was my future. I couldn’t and didn’t want to imagine being with anyone else.
Stephen didn’t hurry to rid me of my clothes. He backed me to my bedroom where he carefully eased us onto the bed, so he was over me just like I wanted. He kissed from my lips to my jaw, slowly down my neck to the collar of my shirt, where he lifted it over my head so he could continue his trail south, taking his time, loving me with his lips and tongue. When he got to the waistband of my shorts, he undid them and worked them over my hips and ass, pressing more kisses, showering me with attention I didn’t feel I deserved, but accepted, nonetheless.
My shorts and boxer briefs slid down my legs, Stephen following them until he was kneeling on the floor. I propped myself up on my elbows to watch him. This was one of the hottest encounters of my life, and we hadn’t even done much yet. Every time I was with him was amazing, but there was something special to this. We had all the time in the world and Stephen was taking advantage of it.
When my clothes were completely off, he peered up at me with eyes full of yearning and so much love I wanted to drown in them. He stood to slip his clothes off, going at a leisurely pace. I was hooked in his snare, my eyes tracking every movement. When his shirt was gone, I etched every inch of his chest, arms, and stomach into my memory. With his body bare to me from the waist down, I licked my lips at the sight of his dick and the drop of precum that formed at the tip. He was the perfect package.
“If you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to come before we get started,” he said.
I sat up and reached for his hips to pull him close. “We wouldn’t want that, now would we?” My lips met his stomach, kissing along his flesh, tasting him, thanking every fucking deity that I got to have this again with him.
I’d never take him for granted. I wouldn’t put anyone above us again. He’d made it clear to his daughter I was his and there was no coming between us. Now I’d do the same. No one would be able to split us apart. I knew the error I made. There was no way I’d do it again.
Stephen was mine, now and forever. And I was going to show him what it truly meant to be loved by me and cherish him every day we had together.